


Creating A Future

by chakochick



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Adventure, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Friendship, Light Angst, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2020-10-26 02:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 130,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20734766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chakochick/pseuds/chakochick
Summary: Imagine if Kathryn Janeway took Chakotay's advice in 'Elogium' when he suggested that the crew start having children. Will it work? Who will she want to father her child? Of course there will be bumps in the road (or rifts in space if you will) but have faith that our favorite Voyager couple will figure it out as they go along. Set between Elogium and Resolutions.





	1. Chapter 1

Alright friends, this is my first Voyager fic, so please bear with me if some of the terminology isn’t quite right. I am definitely not new to Star Trek, but have recently started watching Voyager and I AM OBSESSED! Janeway and Chakotay are so great together (the way they were on the show and the way they are in MANY of the fics I have read as of late) ;-) and I wanted to pay homage to one of my new favorite ships.  
Please hang with me, as I am mapping this out and it seems like it will be a long one, but I’ll try to keep it going and keep it good for you. Please let me know what you think if you have a moment, or if there’s anything you’d like to see added, or if I completely muck something up, please let me know so I can fix it.  
This story starts off somewhere after Elogium but a tad before Resolutions. I know Resolutions fics have been done to death, but this is just my take on it. Most of it will take place on New Earth (as so many lovely fics do) This story will be rated M only for situations and some fairly graphic medical talk. Probably could get away with a T rating.  
I don’t own anything in the Star Trek or Voyager Universe, though I wish I did. :-) No profits, don’t sue…yada yada yada.  
And now…  
=/\=  
Kathryn walked towards sick bay with less than confident steps. Her stomach was in knots and even though the doctor was only a hologram, she worried what he might say or what he might think when she explained her proposition to him. She barely believed it herself, but having thought about it nearly every day for over a month, she knew her decision was the right one…she thought.  
As the exited the turbo lift she thought back to her conversation with Chakotay those many weeks ago.  
It had been during Kes’ ordeal with the Elogium. During a shared lunch with Chakotay, he was the one that had brought up the idea of the crew needing to start procreating to create a ‘replacement crew’ as he had put it. Kathryn had been horrified and saddened at the idea of it…the finality of it. As if admitting that adding to the ship’s population was a necessity was giving up on any hope of making it home before any population increase was actually needed. Kathryn had fought with the idea for weeks, toyed with the notion of asking the crew to consider having children. The idea seemed to always leave a bad taste in her mouth, not only because it was none of her business what her crew did in their personal lives, but also because in a way, it was EVERYONE’S business. Their survival may very well depend on it, and Voyager might not get home without a next generation. Several of the current crew members were near retirement age; this mission was supposed to be their last. Now it was an almost certainty that some of her crew would die of old age before they were anywhere near home. That thought always made her sick to her stomach.  
Steeling her resolve, she rounded the corner and entered sickbay. Thankfully, Kes was either on a break or it wasn’t her shift, because sickbay was blissfully empty.  
“Computer, active the Emergency Medical Hologram.” The words came out in a less that dignified tone, and Kathryn could feel her pulse pick up as the familiar face of the Doctor materialized before her.  
“Please state the nature of – oh, good afternoon, Captain. Is everything alright?” The doctor’s brow slightly furrowed. He could easily count on one hand the number of times that the Captain came to sickbay of her own volition, and alone.   
“Yes, Doctor, I’m fine, though I do have something I want to talk over with you.” Kathryn motioned over to his office, hoping they could sit down, and be slightly tucked away in case someone else came into sick bay. The last thing she needed was to be overheard during this particular conversation.  
The Doctor nodded, motioning for her to enter ahead of him. She sat down across from his desk chair, and he sat down as well, tentatively. Kathryn folded her hands in her lap nervously, then unfolded them to smooth the non-existent creases in her uniform pants, then pressed her palms into her thighs. None of this was missed by the EMH.  
“Captain, without even pulling out a tricorder I can tell that your heart rate is elevated, you seem agitated and nervous. I believe your former statement of nothing being wrong was incorrect. Can you please tell me what is bothering you?” The Doctor folded his fingers together and lay them on his desk.  
Kathryn took a deep breath, reminded herself that this was still only a hypothetical scenario and steeled her resolve once again. “Yes, Doctor, I’m sorry. I am completely healthy, though a bit nervous. I have a hypothetical situation to discuss with you and would like, and actually need your input.” The Doctor nodded again.  
“As you very well know, Doctor, we are over 70,000 light years away from home, and without wormholes, subspace anomalies or alien technology, we may be in for a long journey home. It has been brought to my attention that the entirety of this crew may not make the roughly seventy-year journey. And those that do survive the journey will be quite old when we do get home. A crew of senior citizens will not be able to get Voyager back to Earth, and I wouldn’t expect them to.” She pauses, gauging the Doctor’s reaction. He gave her nothing. Her heart in her throat, she continued.   
“I have been toying with the idea of suggesting that the crew start thinking about starting families.” The Doctor furrowed his brow, cocking his head to the side. “Having children, Doctor. We may need a replacement crew in roughly half the time it would take us to get home.”  
The Doctor nodded his understanding, and Kathryn was thankful that his programming kept him from having an opinion on the sociology of the situation. “That is a logical decision, Captain. I know from hearing the talk in sick bay and on the holodecks that many of the crew have formed romantic attachments with one another. It should be an easy next step to suggest procreation, barring any inter-species genetic complications.”  
“Doctor, it’s not nearly that simple. Having a child is one of the biggest decisions in a person’s life, and that’s under ideal circumstances. Creating life may be easy mechanically and biologically for most of the crew, but deciding to create a life on Voyager is a very difficult and personal decision that everyone would have to make for themselves.” Her voice was strained from nerves and from sincerity. The very idea of raising children on Voyager brought her equal amounts of satisfaction and sorrow.  
“I can see where that would be the case. I would be happy to council the crew on any genetic or biological barriers facing them if that was your reason for seeking my input.” Kathryn put up her hand to stop him. She had to finish her thought before she lost her resolve.  
“I appreciate that Doctor, but I have to admit that wasn’t my primary reason for coming to speak to you today.” She paused, taking a deep breath, her wide blue eyes meeting the familiar brown of the EMH. Though she knew he was just a computer program, she had grown fond of their Chief Medical Officer, and the concern he wore on his face now, probably only from his adaptive programming, gave her the courage to finish.  
“The reason I came here was to ask you, hypothetically, if I wanted to have a child, what would be the procedure?” If she hadn’t known better, she would have thought the EMH blushed.  
“Well, Captain, the biological mechanics of procreation are quite simple for human beings. I’m sorry to admit that I’m surprised you aren’t aware of-“ Kathryn immediately realized her misstep, her cheeks flushed instantly as she held a hand up again, desperate for the Doctor to stop talking.  
“No, Doctor. I am well aware of the conventional means of human procreation, thank you. What I failed to clarify was that I was wondering about less conventional methods. I am speaking of using a, uh, donor father to fertilize my eggs for implantation...hypothetically.” The rest of the air came out of her lungs in a force as her heart hammered in her chest even harder. Thankfully, the Doctor showed no sign of judgement or concern.  
“Well, Captain, hypothetically, if you wanted to have a child, the first thing we would do is stop your monthly hyposprays of ovulation and menstruation suppression. Then you would be administered daily doses of a hormone that matures many of your ova at once.” Kathryn listened in rapt attention, now that they were getting to the meat and potatoes of what she had been curious about, she was glad that the Doctor had taken over the conversation, and all she had to do was listen. “That can take anywhere from several weeks to a month. The majority would be hyposprays, but several needle injections of gonadotropins would be necessary. We would do twice weekly ultrasounds to be sure the ova were maturing how we want.” He paused, realizing that she might need a moment to take in his words. The Doctor knew he tended to recite pages and pages of medical data, and people tended to need it broken down more simply to understand it all. Kathryn seemed to lean forward slightly, eager to hear more.  
“Go on Doctor.”  
“After a final injection, I would give you light sedation and retrieve the viable ova using needle aspiration. We place them in stasis until insemination.” Kathryn’s stomach flipflopped at the word, but she did well to school her features. “Your…hypothetical sperm donor would provide his sample which I would examine to be sure of motility and health, and of course genetic compatibility.  
“If everything looked good, your ova would be inseminated and incubated for roughly 16 to 18 hours. If fertilization is a success, we incubate them for five more days before insertion back into your body. Then we would let nature take it’s course and I could confirm successful implantation in your uterus roughly two to three weeks later.”   
Kathryn realized he was done speaking and didn’t want to admit to him that she hadn’t heard anything he said after sperm donor sample. Her stomach was doing somersaults and her heart was ready to break out of her ribs. She didn’t tell the Doctor that, however, she just nodded her head, satisfying him that she understood everything he’d said, which in essence, she did.  
“What are the risks?” She was glad that she had reined in her nerves enough.  
“Well, the actual risks are very minimal. Needle aspiration can, in less than 3% of patients, lead to post operative infection, but that is easy cured with a dose of antibiotics. I believe what you are wondering though would be any hypothetical complications.” He didn’t wait for her to agree, but continued with his answer. “There are any number of parts of the process that could go wrong, so to speak. Your ova may not be viable. Female human ova degrade considerably between ages twenty five to thirty five, and you being thirty six-“   
“Yes, Doctor,” Kathryn snipped at him, “I know how old I am.” It came out harsher than she meant it, but the Doctor didn’t realize he’d accidentally offended her.  
“The percentage of potentially abnormal ova is roughly 45%.” Kathryn opened her mouth to retort, though she didn’t even know what she would say. It was a medical statistic, and she was the age that she was…nothing could dispute either fact.  
“But, Captain,” he continued before she could speak, “You are active and healthy, so there’s no reason think…hypothetically…that you wouldn’t have plenty of viable, healthy ova for fertilization.  
“And as long as the donor you choose has healthy sperm, the chance of fertilization is relatively high. Once implantation occurs and impregnation is successful, I would monitor your progress weekly until the fetus or fetuses come to term.  
“I would warn though, that in cases of invitro fertilization multiple embryos often implant. You could become pregnant with two or even three embryos, and unfortunately your body is smaller than average, and that might make it harder for you to carry the babies to term. The viability of one or more could be compromised.”  
Kathryn nodded, not realizing that before. That would be something to think about. She had a million thoughts racing through her head, but unfortunately the Doctor wasn’t the one who could help with most of them now.  
“When could we, hypothetically, begin this process?”  
“Well, if memory serves, which it of course does,” the Doctor tried out his humor, “you are due for your next anti ovulation hypospray in three days. Hypothetically, we could start tomorrow. It would take me several hours to synthesize the gonadotropin injections otherwise we could start immediately. May I ask, do you have a donor in mind? Hypothetically, of course.”  
Kathryn felt her throat tighten at the question but nodded. “Yes, I do. I haven’t approached him yet, but he is also human, so compatibility shouldn’t be an issue.”  
The Doctor gave a curt nod of approval, swiveling in his chair to pull up a data file on his computer, pressing several buttons to download the information he was searching onto a PADD. Once complete he turned back to Kathryn and handed it to her. “This is a detailed explanation of the gonadotropin injections and the process of ovum maturation. I suggest we get started with the process before you approach your potential donor. That way if there aren’t enough viable eggs for fertilization there will be less disappointment.”  
“I have to give him some warning, Doctor. I mean hypothetically I can’t ask this of him and expect an answer the day we are ready for his sample.” She felt her face burn again at the thought.  
“Captain, can I suggest that we eliminate the hypothetical talk…hypothetically? You are seriously considering this, yes?” Kathryn gave a nervous chuckle at the Doctor’s words.  
“Yes, Doctor, I’m sorry for the vagueness of this conversation. I suppose I was nervous to face it as a reality until I had more of the facts.” She pressed her palm into her forehead, feeling a headache start to develop there.  
“I understand the sensation of trepidation you feel, though I cannot relate exactly. Why don’t you think on it for the remainder of the day. I will begin preparing the serum, and if you decide against it, or to postpone I can always put it in stasis. If you are going to suggest to the crew eventually that procreation for the sake of the ship might be a necessity, I will no doubt have use for it if other females want to go that route.”   
Just then the doors to sickbay opened with a hiss and Kathryn flinched in her seat. She quickly flipped the PADD over on the desk, spinning around to see who had come in. Her stomach rolled when those too familiar brown eyes glanced around and landed on her and the Doctor.  
“Captain, I’m sorry. I hope I’m not interrupting.” His soft voice smoothed over her too sensitive nerves like a balm, but there was an edge to it that made her start. Finally looking away from his eyes she realized that he was cradling his right arm in his left and had an angry red welt rising up on his jaw.  
“Ch-Commander,” she almost slipped, “What in the world happened to you?” She moved to gently touch his chin to turn his face, allowing her better access to see his jaw. The welt was red and angry and laced with purple edges. Without the Doctor’s intervention it would form a nasty bruise on the side of his face. The Doctor was already retrieving a hypospray and what looked like some sort of topical ointment.  
“Boxing program on the holodeck. I tried it set to a harder level than normal.” He grinned sheepishly, allowing his dimples to just start to form on his face. Kathryn felt her finally calmed down heartbeat pick up a notch. “Apparently I wasn’t prepared for it. My opponent landed a solid hit to my jaw and knocked me out of the ring. I landed wrong on my wrist. I think it’s sprained.” Kathryn’s brow furrowed in concern and she was about to speak when the Doctor moved in front of her to lead Chakotay to a biobed. She realized then that Chakotay was wearing only a t-shirt and some type of athletic shorts. She took a moment to appreciate the way his calf muscles moved under the tanned skin of his legs as he walked away for her. She followed quietly making sure everything was alright with Chakotay before taking her leave of sickbay.   
The Doctor confirmed that yes, his wrist was sprained, but it would be easy enough to set, and with some ultrasound treatment and subdermal regeneration he would be ‘fit as a fiddle’ in several hours. Kathryn nodded and bid them both goodbye.   
She knew that the Doctor would keep their conversation to himself and as she left, she nearly forgot to grab the PADD off his desk. As she sidestepped into his office to retrieve it, she had no way of knowing that Chakotay was watching her every move. He saw her pick up the PADD and press it firmly to her chest to keep its contents secret as she quickly made her way out the door. His own brow furrowed in concern and though he could do nothing about it now, his first stop after sick bay would be to her quarters to make sure everything was alright.


	2. Chapter Two

Author’s note: Here’s chapter two. I hope that those of you that found this story and read Chapter one are interested in more. I plan to update regularly. I have the story mapped out start to finish, so hopefully I can keep with regular posting.  
I don’t own Star Trek or any of the things that make it good. I just like to play with the characters when no one else is looking. : )  
= /\ =

As soon as Kathryn returned to her quarters the air felt stifling. She immediately divested herself of her uniform jacket, untucked the grey undershirt and kicked her boots off somewhere under a chair. Now she sat leaned forward on her sofa, rereading the PADD the Doctor had given her for at least the fifth time. Though the entire procedure seemed simple enough, each time Kathryn read the words the knot in her stomach cinched tighter. She wished that asking someone to help her in this endeavor would be just as simple.  
Once she reached the end of the data stream, she pressed the button to return to the top, as if searching the document for a sixth time would provide better answers. She was so engrossed in the words that she barely heard her door chime, and once it did register in her brain that someone wanted access, she quickly granted it without looking up or putting the PADD down.  
The hiss of the door opening seemed to jolt Kathryn back to herself, because she jumped at the sound, dropping the PADD clumsily to the floor. Her eyes shot up to see Chakotay’s concerned face looking at her across the room. She quickly stood up, snatching the PADD from where it lay, thankfully face down on the floor. The concern on Chakotay’s face only deepened at her actions.  
“Commander, you should be in your quarters resting. How are you feeling?” The strained quality of her voice was not lost on him.  
He stood in her doorway in the same outfit he had worn in sick bay. The angry mark on his face was almost entirely gone and his wrist was in a soft splint.  
“I’m fine, Captain. The Doctor said that I should be able to remove the brace after forty-eight hours.” He held up the offending wrist. He stood tentatively just inside the door, far enough away that it had closed, but not far enough in the room to really make it feel like he had entered properly. He didn’t want to move closer without an invitation. Kathryn seemed to come back to herself enough to realize her error. She set the PADD down, face down again on the small coffee table in front of her and moved towards her dining table, motioning for him to join her.  
“I’m sorry, Commander, please sit down.” They sat across from each other and the air was charged in the silence. “What can I do for you?”  
Chakotay watched her features for the briefest moment trying to gauge what was bothering her. To anyone else, nothing would be amiss on her face, but over time Chakotay had begun to decipher her moods, her feelings and her thoughts from the subtle markers on her face; the lift of an eyebrow, the way her mouth turned up in a half smile, the tiny crease that formed between her brows. Right now, he could read deep concern in the faraway look in her blue eyes.  
But he also knew that he must tread lightly. Though he was desperate for her to tell him exactly what was on her mind, he knew that pushing and prodding would only bury her feelings deeper. She would share whatever she needed to, but it was always on her own time. He had come to learn to just be there for her, and when she was ready to confide or vent, he would be an ear or a shoulder for her.  
“I just wanted to see how you were doing. It’s not often that you are found in sick bay for no apparent reason. I just wanted to make sure that everything was alright.” His brown eyes met her gaze and her own eyes widened.  
Kathryn felt her heart rate pick up yet again and didn’t at all want to have this conversation with him yet.  
“Oh, everything it fine, Commander. I was merely picking up a report from the Doctor of a…personal nature regarding a member of the crew. I just wanted to make sure it stayed private.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth either. Kathryn knew that crew and staff issues were Chakotay’s business just as much as they were hers, but she hoped that he wouldn’t take offense at being kept in the dark.  
He tentatively nodded. “Understood, Captain.” His tone was kind and she knew that he wouldn’t pursue the matter farther without her prompting. She loved that about him. He seemed to always know when to push her, and when to back off and let her lead.  
Realizing that she was stressing over nothing, at least for the moment, she leaned back in her chair, the left side of her mouth turning up into that half smile that always brought Chakotay’s dimples out. It didn’t fail this time. “Would you like something to drink, Commander?”  
“No, thank you for the offer. I am feeling quite tired and my arm is pretty sore. I think I’ll retire for the evening. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He stood up, moving away from the table and towards the door. Kathryn watched his shoulder blades move under the soft cotton of his t-shirt. Just before he pressed the pad to open the door, he turned to face her. “How about breakfast tomorrow? 7am before our shift starts? We could go over the duty rosters for this week and make sure some of the greener crew members are getting experience with some of the more senior staff.”  
Kathryn grinned softly, nodding ascent to his invitation. “That sounds lovely, Commander. Seven AM in the mess hall.” Chakotay nodded, grinning one more time at her before keying the door open and leaving.  
= /\ =  
Chakotay felt a spring in his step as he followed the curved corridor that led from his quarters towards Kathryn’s. He had decided to meet her early and walk her down to the mess hall, for no other reason than to spend an extra few minutes with her.  
He seemed to, lately anyways, be looking for excuses to spend more time with her. He just enjoyed her presence and being on the bridge with her didn’t seem to be enough as of late. Duty shifts on the bridge comprised of shop talk and the very rare joke or funny comment. Though he treasured those moments with her and the entire bridge crew, he looked forward to off duty hours when they could share a meal, personal talk of home and history and camaraderie that was different than anything he’d ever experienced.  
He tapped happily on her door chime and waited. After a moment he tapped the chime again. Again there was no answer. “Computer, what is the time?”  
“The time is 0640 hours.” He thought that maybe Kathryn had already left to go to the mess hall to meet him, but found it unlikely. The walk was only five minutes and he knew that despite being early to her shifts on the bridge, she enjoyed her morning alone time in her quarters preparing for the day, and he was therefore surprised that she wasn’t answering the door.  
“Computer, locate Captain Janeway.” He couldn’t imagine that she was still sleeping, or already on the bridge, but perhaps she had been called to urgent business somewhere else on the ship.  
“Captain Janeway is in sickbay.” The computer voice spoke it so plainly, but Chakotay felt his heart skip a beat.  
This could certainly just be a follow up to her discussion with the Doctor yesterday, but something told Chakotay that that wasn’t it. An uneasy feeling settled in the back of Chakotay’s mind, but he knew that Kathryn would talk when she was ready. Until then he would have to wait for her to be ready.  
He just hoped it would be sooner rather than later.  
= /\ =  
Kathryn reported to sickbay just after 0600. She wanted to start her injections right away and preferred to do so without Kes or anyone else in sickbay. She didn’t want anyone else seeing her frequenting sickbay and start the rumor mill running haywire. She knew Kes didn’t report for duty until at least 0900 so that would be no problem. She was surprised when she opened the door that the Doctor was already activated. Worried that someone else was being treated, she stood by his office door until he turned to greet her.  
“Ah, good morning Captain. Am I to determine by your presence here this morning that you’ve decided to go forward with the IVF treatment?”  
Kathryn hissed anxiously. “Please keep your voice down, Doctor.”  
“There is no one else here Captain, I assure you. After I treated Commander Chakotay’s wrist last night, I asked him to leave me activated so that I could start working on your serum.” Kathryn’s face turned to one of utter horror. “Of course, I didn’t tell him that. I merely told him I had work to do. Rest assured, Captain, I am the face of discretion. “  
Kathryn let out a sigh and the nodded to the Doctor. “Yes, I know that. I’m sorry. I’m afraid I’m just a bit on edge with all of this. But yes, you assume correctly. I am ready to go forward with the procedure.”  
The Doctor nodded motioning her to a biobed tucked behind his office. She was grateful for the modicum of privacy he was affording her. “Have a seat, Captain, and lie back.” She did as he requested, feeling butterflies fluttering violently in her stomach. Reminding herself that this wasn’t yet the point of no return, she took a slow and deep breath and waited for the Doctor to begin.  
The EMH moved from her biobed to a small stand of instruments and syringes next to it. He pulled out a tray covered in protective wrapping and lay out two capped syringes and two hyposprays. “Alright Captain, I will need you to remove your jacket and raise your shirt. I need access to your lower abdomen.” Kathryn nodded, unzipping her jacket and pulling her grey turtleneck out of the waist of her pants. She pulled the hem of the shirt up to just under the edge of her bra.  
“I am going to do a cursory scan to make sure that your reproductive organs are all healthy and functioning normally, then I will administer the first hypospray. Then the first needle injection of gonadotropin ten minutes later. If that is well tolerated, we do the same thing again. If that is still well tolerated after another ten to fifteen minutes, then you are free to go.”  
“I didn’t realize it would take that long. I have to meet the Commander for breakfast at 0700.” Her anxiety kicked up a notch. Chakotay was already under the impression that something was wrong, and though he wouldn’t bring it up again, she knew, she wasn’t ready to give him more reason to worry by not showing up for breakfast on time or breaking their plans.  
“It will be close, but as long as you don’t show any immediate adverse reactions to the injections, you should be able to meet him on time.”  
“What kind of adverse reactions are we talking about, Doctor?”  
“Severe abdominal pain primarily. You may feel some cramping and nausea during this process and over the next several weeks, but it’s quite common and can be handled with anti-nausea hyposprays and warm compresses. We are creating a situation in your reproductive system that is foreign to your body and your immune system. It isn’t at all uncommon to have some type of reaction. Most of the time though, adverse reactions are nominal.”  
Kathryn nodded, and, taking a deep breath, gave the okay for the Doctor to continue.  
= /\ =  
After their surprisingly normal breakfast together, Kathryn fell easily into the duties of the rest of their day. Chakotay didn’t mention that he knew she was in sickbay that morning. In fact, he didn’t bring up the previous day’s events at all. He still wore the wrist splint, but under his uniform jacket it wasn’t very noticeable. The only difference in him was that he wasn’t allowed the use of his right hand for the next forty-eight hours. Kathryn had insisted on carrying his food tray and orange juice for him, despite the fact that he said he could easily do it with one hand. It was her small way of apologizing for her distance and behavior the day before. Though she knew she really didn’t do anything wrong, she didn’t like seeing him worry over her, whatever the reason may be.  
The day finished smoothly and before she knew it, she was back in sick bay the next morning for her next hypospray. “I wonder, Doctor, if I could administer the hyposprays myself in my quarters. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me, but I hate to think that people will see me frequenting sickbay and start asking questions or spreading rumors.”  
“I understand, Captain. Yes I believe the hyposprays will be safe enough for you to administer yourself. However, the thrice weekly injections will have to be done here, I’m afraid.” Kathryn nodded, standing up from the biobed after the allotted ten minute wait after administration of the hypospray. “I will allow it on the condition that you administer them first thing in the morning, stay in bed for ten minutes minimum to be sure of no adverse effects. And that you will inform me immediately of any negative or adverse reactions.”  
“I can do that Doctor, thank you.” He handed over the hypospray and with a quick grin and pat on his shoulder she exited sickbay for a quick trip to her quarters to drop off the medication.  
= /\ =  
Chakotay watched Kathryn as she squirmed in her chair on the Bridge. She had been acting oddly for the last four days, and it was driving him mad with worry. Today was by far the worst.  
She crossed her legs, then uncrossed them, then crossed them again the opposite way. Her movements were slow, and only Tuvok or Harry would even notice, since they were the only two behind her. Harry was busy at his console running diagnostics for B’Elanna, and Tuvok was busy reading over yesterday’s security and efficiency report. Only Chakotay noticed the subtle way she pressed her fist into her stomach as she hunched forward slightly. He felt so torn. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, or at least make her aware that he knew something was wrong and that he was willing to talk or listen or take over if she needed to leave. But he knew better than to bring attention to a potential weakness of the Captain on the bridge. Instead he gritted his teeth and waited.  
After the torture of watching her squirm for nearly an hour, she finally stood up, though still hunched just slightly and made for the door. “Commander, you have the Bridge.” He let out a soft sigh, glad at least that she was, hopefully, going to sickbay to get help. His grip on the armrest of his chair lessened just a bit.  
Kathryn made her way as quickly as she could to sickbay without drawing attention to herself. Thankfully most everyone was on duty, and she only passed several crewmen in the corridor and they merely nodded and kept walking.  
When she entered sickbay, she was drawn up short when she saw B’Elanna sitting on the biobed holding her own stomach, the Doctor pressing a hypospray to her neck. They both looked up at the sound of the door opening. Kathryn’s own stomach cramps were temporarily forgotten as concern for her Chief Engineer and friend rose to the surface. She walked over to look at the pale woman. “B’Elanna, are you alright?”  
“Oh, I’m fine. Just a stomachache brought on by Neelix’s breakfast this morning I’m afraid.” She patted her stomach. “Apparently my system cannot digest Bolean Oatmeal Pie.” She cringed at the thought of it.  
Kathryn thanked her lucky stars and nodded, chuckling lightly. “Ugh, same here. My stomach has been roiling for the last hour.” She felt bad blaming the Talaxian for something that wasn’t his fault, but hopefully he wouldn’t be too hurt. “Perhaps we’ll have to have him take it off the menu permanently.”  
Kes came out from the Doctor’s office. “Hello Captain, I can help you over here,” she motioned to the next biobed, a hypospray in her hand. Kathryn panicked slightly, looking quickly at the Doctor for help. He seemed to realize that it wasn’t the oatmeal pie that brought the Captain to sickbay this afternoon.  
“Actually, Kes, why don’t you go over discharge instructions with Lieutenant Torres. I’ll treat the Captain, as I also have several reports I need to go over with her in my office.” Kes nodded, not concerned in the slightest, and moved to speak to B’Elanna. Kathryn, grateful for the Doctor’s quick thinking, patted his arm as he walked past her, leading her into his office.  
“Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate that very much.” Kathryn sat down across from him, pressing her hand to her lower abdomen as another cramp pulled at her stomach muscles.  
“You seem to be experiencing some cramping, Captain. I can assume that it is from your treatments and not Neelix’s cooking, but I’d like to perform an ultrasound just to make sure that everything is in fact alright.” Kathryn glanced nervously over at B’Elanna through the window.  
“Don’t worry, we’ll wait until the Lieutenant leaves. May I suggest though, that we let Kes in on what is going on. She will keep this confidential and would be able to administer any medication that you might need if I am busy with another patient.”  
Kathryn thought about that for a moment before deciding against it. “I’m sorry Doctor. I have the utmost confidence in Kes’ discretion, but I am not ready for anyone else to know yet. I would prefer to keep this secret a bit longer, at least until I have consent from the donor. Once everything appears to be going forward, then we can tell her. Is that alright?”  
“Of course, Captain. All of these decisions are yours to make.” He glanced up and saw that B’Elanna was gone and Kes was cleaning up another biobed that seemed to have been recently vacated. Kathryn didn’t know how much longer she could go without some relief from the cramping.  
Kes took that moment to pop her head into the office. “Well, I’m off Doctor, unless you need anything else.”  
“No, thank you Kes, I have some reports to go over, but it’s nothing that I can’t handle. Enjoy the rest of your day.”  
“Thank you, Doctor. Captain.” She grinned before flitting out of sickbay, no doubt on her way to the mess hall to visit Neelix. Finally, Kathryn and the Doctor stood up and made their way to the biobed tucked most in the corner. Kathryn knew the drill. She was already unzipping her jacket and pulling her shirt from her pants. The Doctor did a quick scan with the tricorder, then used a small probe on Kathryn’s stomach just above the waist of her pants. Kathryn grimaced as another cramp overtook her.  
“Yes, you are having normal side effects from the injections and hyposprays. I suggest that you continue the hyposprays in the mornings, but that we switch the injections to the afternoon. Perhaps spacing out the doses will give your body a bit more time to adjust to the medications. I’m afraid that abdominal cramping is par for the course with this procedure.” He turned to pick up another hypospray and pressed it into her neck. Almost immediately the cramping lessened. “You may take this with you. It will help your muscles relax. It may cause slight fatigue, but nothing to be worried about. Don’t use it more than twice per day.” She nodded her understanding. “I also suggest replicating a heating pad of some kind. That can be used at your discretion and as often as you like. Until this part of the process is completed though, I’m afraid I can’t do much else for you.”  
Kathryn smiled at the Doctor as she sat up, tucking her shirt back into her pants and zipping up her jacket. “Thank you, Doctor, I appreciate the help, and I know that certain things will be a struggle.”  
“Captain, may I ask when you plan on approaching your donor. I don’t need to know who it is yet, but in running the scan just now it seems that things are progressing faster than I would have first thought. I would think we would be ready to harvest your ova within the next few days. I think you will both need time to talk about it before then.”  
Kathryn swallowed hard. Suddenly having a timetable in front of her made it feel that much more real, and doubt began to creep in. What if he said no? What if he tried to talk her out of it? What if he laughed at her? What would she do then?  
“Alright Doctor, I’ll try to bring it up tomorrow, though I’m not at all sure how to ask him.” The Doctor nodded, though he didn’t understand the emotions she was feeling, he could see how something like that would be hard.  
“Well, if that’s all then Captain, you are released back to normal duties. Your next injection is tomorrow, but instead of 0600, let’s shoot for 1400 hours to offset it from your morning hypospray.” Kathryn nodded.  
“See you tomorrow Doctor.”  
= /\ =  
Kathryn had decided to split her shift the next day, spending 0800 to 1400 hours on the Bridge, then taking a break until 1600 hours when she would return to the Bridge until 1800. She had made the excuse of having to check a few maintenance systems in the cargo bays, and no one seemed to have anything to say about it. Even Chakotay simply nodded his head when she got up to leave just before 1400 hours. “I think I’ll grab lunch in my quarters and then head down to Cargo Bay Two. Commander, you have the Bridge.”  
Chakotay nodded, his eyes returning to the PADD in his hands. Not five minutes later Ensign Kim spoke up.  
“Commander, long range sensors are picking up a star system ahead, roughly five days away at present speed. It seems that at least one M class planet it among them.”  
“Thank you, Ensign Kim. Keep running scans. Let me know when you know more about the composition of the star system and in fact how many planets there are. Download the information you have. I’ll let the Captain know.” Chakotay stood up and took the PADD that Harry held out to him. “Thank you, Harry. Mr. Tuvok, you have the Bridge.”

Kathryn entered sickbay and was thankful, yet again that it was deserted, save for the Doctor sitting behind his desk reading a PADD. He looked up at the sound of her entry. “Ah, good afternoon, Captain. How are you feeling today?”  
“Better, thank you. Are you ready?”  
The Doctor stood, nodding, “Yes, make yourself comfortable on the biobed, I’ll get the injection prepared.”  
Kathryn made her way to the customary biobed in the corner and just sat down when her Comm Badge chirped.  
“Commander Chakotay to Captain Janeway.” Kathryn flinched. Even though he was nowhere near her, hearing his voice in sickbay with her made her suddenly nervous.  
“Janeway here. Go ahead, Commander.”  
“Captain, Long range sensors are picking up a star system ahead with at least one M Class planet. I have the information and I thought I could join you for lunch to go over Ensign Kim’s findings.”  
Kathryn froze. She couldn’t leave sick bay now, but she was pleasantly surprised at the upcoming planetary system to explore. The monotony of the calm in space had given her nothing to think about but her current situation.  
“Yes, alright Commander. Give me about twenty minutes to finish up here and I’ll meet you at my quarters. Janeway out.” She broke the comm before he had a chance to answer. “Alright Doctor, I’m on a time crunch now.” The Doctor nodded, preparing the syringe while Kathryn slid her jacket off and rolled up her short sleeve shirt, exposing her arm for the needle.  
Chakotay frowned in confusion as he exited the turbo lift on deck three. Meet her at her quarters. That was where she was supposed to be now.  
“Computer, locate Captain Janeway.”  
“Captain Janeway is in sickbay.”  
Chakotay felt his stomach fall. This was it. Something was going on, and he was done waiting for Kathryn to bring it up to him. Good or bad, he would find out what it was…today.


	3. Chapter Three

Kathryn came around the corner quickly, eager to get to her quarters before Chakotay so she could deposit her hypospray before he saw it. She was brought up short when she came in view of her quarters and saw Chakotay leaning on a bulkhead, waiting for her. The look of sadness and concern on his face clenched something in her chest, and she felt her cheeks redden as his eyes went from her face to the hypospray in her hand and back to her face. The worry on his face kicked up a notch and Kathryn felt horrible for causing him discomfort.  
“Captain,” was all he said, softly, nodding at her as she touched the door lock to open her door. She didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything. She moved in front of him to her bedroom to deposit the hypospray with the other one on her nightstand. Taking a deep breath, she returned to her main living area. Chakotay stood, PADD in hand, waiting for her. Just as she opened her mouth to say…something, Chakotay beat her to it.  
“Captain, why were you in sickbay just now?” He stood just inside the closed door, the pained look still on his face.  
Kathryn’s mind raced with looking for some excuse. Her mind landed on B’Elanna and her reason for being in sickbay and decided to go with the lie she’d told earlier. “Oh, I’m sorry to worry you, Commander. Apparently Neelix’s Bolean Oatmeal Pie didn’t agree with me. B’Elanna was actually there for the same reason.” A soft grin of triumph graced her face as she delivered her, from what she thought, believable story.  
“Captain, I know for a fact that you didn’t eat breakfast this morning.” His brown eyes bore into hers. “Try again.”  
Kathryn felt her shoulders fall as she let out a long wavering sigh, knowing that the moment of truth had come. “Alright, Commander, please sit down.” She motioned for the sofa near the window and he moved to sit down, slightly surprised when she sat right next to him, turned slightly towards him so their knees almost touched. He turned towards her as well, mirroring her position. His stomach was quivering with nerves suddenly and he felt his palms begin to sweat. This couldn’t be good. Fear gripped him at the thought that something was wrong with her…something seriously wrong.  
“Commander, do you remember the conversation we had in my ready room during Kes’ Elogium?” Her blue eyes shone with an emotion that Chakotay had never seen there before. It nearly terrified him.  
“Of course.”  
“Well, I’ve been giving your idea of suggesting to the crew that they think about having children some thought. A lot of thought actually. Though I have no intention of this ship taking seventy years to get home, we must keep that thought in the back of our minds. It would be foolish not to.” Chakotay hesitantly nodded in agreement. “Well I have decided that I will come up with a way to suggest the idea of…procreation to the crew. I want them to know that it is only a suggestion, not an order, and not a duty.” She stood up suddenly, so quickly that it made Chakotay flinch. She began to pace back and forth in front of him, wringing her hands in front of her.  
“Oh, I’ve tried to prepare the perfects words to tell you this, but nothing seemed right, so I guess I just need to say it.” She fell silent for a moment in front of him, looking at the floor, desperate for the courage to continue. She was jolted when she felt Chakotay’s hand close over hers.  
“Captain, relax. It’s just me.” Her eyes flew to his and the warmth in their brown depths calmed her as much as they made her anxious to continue. Hearing him speak in that soft tone gave her a bit more nerve. Taking a deep breath, she sat down next to him again, her heart in her throat. Here goes nothing.  
“I know, but that doesn’t make this any easier.” She took another breath and continued. “I have decided, after much thought and debate…that I intend to lead by example.” Chakotay’s brow furrowed, then his eyes grew wide at her admission. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? “I’ve decided to have a child. I didn’t say anything before because I wanted to speak to the Doctor about it first, about the procedure and if it was even possible for me. That’s why I’ve been in sickbay so often over the last week. I’m sorry that I had to deceive you over and over again. I didn’t mean to cause you any anxiety over my wellbeing, and I can assure you that I am healthy.” Chakotay let the air out of his lungs, unaware until then that he had been holding it in.  
Chakotay’s mind raced with thoughts. A child. The Captain was going to have a child. The thought was thrilling, exciting and surprising. But then his heart sank suddenly.  
“So, you’re…you’re already…pregnant?” The word stuck in his throat and he had to force it out. It left a sour taste in his mouth that had no business being there in the first place.  
Kathryn let out a nervous chuckle, “Oh, goodness no. Not yet, I mean. I’ve only just started the procedure for…egg retrieval. The Doctor explained the process and knowing that it would take several weeks for everything to be ready, I had some time before approaching a potential donor.”  
Chakotay felt sudden relief at knowing that Kathryn wasn’t pregnant, but then his heart sank again. Her potential donor. He didn’t know who it would be but thinking about it make him feel inexplicably sick.  
He was shocked when she reached out slowly and took his hands in hers. His heart hammering in his chest, his eyes were captivated by his hands held tightly in her smaller ones. His gaze traveled up her right arm and finally to her face, where he saw a mix of trepidation and hope in the depths of her grey blue eyes. He held his breath.  
“Commander…Chakotay,” her voice softened, “I would be honored and humbled if you would be willing to take this journey with me.” Her voice held a quality that he’d never heard in their time together, and time seemed to stand still as he took in her words. His eyes grew wide as they searched hers, but the emotion on her face was nearly too much to bear and he had to look away, though he gave her hands a light squeeze without even realizing it.  
His mind was on fire with thoughts. Take this journey with her. Did she mean as a friend or more? Did she really want him to be her donor? What would that entail? Or did she mean as a friend? A support system? Too many thoughts and questions swam through his mind all at once that he couldn’t concentrate on any one thought for long.   
“Captain, what exactly are you asking of me? I need you to say it out right so there is no confusion.” His tone was calm, but Kathryn sensed trepidation under the surface. She took a deep breath, meeting his gaze and he was taken at the power of the moment.  
“Chakotay, would you be willing to be the father of my child?”  
Chakotay’s mouth slowly dropped open and had the situation not been so serious, Kathryn would have laughed at his expression. He looked to have stopped breathing and was frozen on the sofa next to her. Reality hit him like a ton of bricks as even more thoughts began to swim through his mind. He pressed his palm to his forehead.  
“Before I answer, I have some questions of my own, if that’s okay?” Chakotay asked gently, reeling at the thought of fathering Kathryn’s child. It wasn’t at all an unpleasant prospect, but one he hadn’t given any thought to until about ten seconds ago.  
“Absolutely. I wouldn’t accept an answer immediately anyways. I have had over a month to think about it, and I’ve just sprung it on you. I want you to take your time.” She was surprised that now that it was out in the open how much lighter she felt. She had no idea what his answer would be, but just knowing that she didn’t have to keep the secret from him anymore felt wonderful.  
Chakotay nodded silently, this time taking his turn to stand up and pace slowly, though Kathryn knew he was merely gathering his thoughts before speaking. Finally, he stopped and turned to face her.  
“I have to ask, Captain, are you doing this merely out of a supposed duty to your crew and your ship? Because if the answer is yes, then I will unfortunately have to say no. This arrangement wouldn’t be fair to either of us if that were the case, and certainly wouldn’t be fair to the child.” He certainly hoped that this wasn’t her primary motivation, and though he doubted that it was, part of him wouldn’t be surprised. He could see her hypothetically having dozens of children to crew Voyager for the next generation and the thought, though fictional, was almost comical. He could see her take on any burden to make the lives of her crew easier.  
“Chakotay, please sit back down, and if we are going forward with this, or not for that matter, why don’t you try calling me Kathryn.” She grinned lightly at him as he took his place by her side again. Hearing his name without his rank was an odd thing, but not at all unpleasant.  
“I’m not, it’s no surprise, good at expressing my emotions, but doing this out of a duty to the ship or crew is actually my last reason. If this is going to be the rest of my life, then I want to start having children now and I would like you to be a part of this. You are my closest friend and the man I trust most in this Universe.” She rested her hand on his forearm for a moment as she let those words sink in. Chakotay wondered specifically at her last statement. He would have to ask her about Mark before he agreed, but decided to think on that later.  
“And what if it works and you do become pregnant? What is my role then?” Chakotay worried at her answer to this question almost as much as the first.  
Kathryn squeezed his arm again. “Whatever you want it to be. I hold you to no obligation to me or the child.” She hoped he would want some involvement, but didn’t dare to hope or ask. She was already asking so much of him, and wanted as much of it to be on his terms as possible.  
Chakotay paused to think on that for a moment. The thought of Kathryn raising a child alone saddened him. But it also saddened him to think of her raising a child with someone else. “What if you become pregnant, and three months later we find a way to get home? What then?”  
“I still hold you to no obligation.” She held her breath, hoping she knew what his next question would be.  
“What if I want to be part of the child’s life?” Chakotay held his breath.  
Kathryn let out a sigh with a slight chuckle, relieved that if he was going to do this, that he was really going to do this. She didn’t want to seem too eager though, as she didn’t want to sway his decision with her own emotions, so she quickly schooled her features. “I would never keep your child from you. You can be as involved as you’d like to be.”  
It was Chakotay’s turn to let out his held breath, though he did it silently. “You realize we would be connected for life if we go forward with this?”  
“I do.”  
Those two words hung heavily in the air and they both felt it, though neither commented on it. Kathryn watched his face, mesmerized, as thought after thought crossed his mind, showing in constantly changing emotions across his features. Through the entire conversation, his eyes had held nothing but concern and caring for her, and she couldn’t believe how lucky she was, just to count him as a friend.  
Chakotay took another deep breath. “I have so many thoughts going through my mind right now, I’m afraid I can’t really collect them all together at the moment.” She nodded, knowing how he was feeling. It was how she was feeling over a month ago when the idea first started taking root in her brain, and again once she moved forward, working with the Doctor. “I need to pray about this, contact my spirit guide.”  
“Of course. As I said, I wouldn’t accept an answer today. I want you to take all the time that you need.” He nodded, remaining silent for a moment as he thought, then looked back up to her face. They were both holding their breath again, and when they realized it, they both let out nervous chuckles. Chakotay’s dimples made an appearance and Kathryn felt immensely better.   
He hadn’t stormed out. He hadn’t tried to talk her out of it, and he hadn’t made fun of her. She couldn’t ask for anything more at the moment.   
She was about to ask him if he wanted to go over the information on the PADD he had brought, now forgotten on the end of the sofa when a sharp stab of pain shot across her stomach. She pressed her fist to her abdomen, hunching over again.  
“Kathryn, are you alright?” He leaned forward, tipping his head to the side to gauge her face.  
“Yes, I’m fine. It’s the injections that Doctor has been administering. One of the side effects is abdominal cramping. I seem to be fortunate enough to suffer from that particular side effect. Though there are many others that I have avoided, so I suppose I should be thankful for small favors.” She was elated in just being able to talk about it. She hated hiding anything from Chakotay, whether of a professional or now personal nature. She knew his concern for her wellbeing was genuine and having him for a Commanding Officer and friend was more than she’d ever hoped for. “The Doctor suggested I replicate a heating pad to use in between hyposprays, since I can’t use that again until tonight.” She rubbed her stomach lightly as the pain lessened to a dull ache.  
Chakotay grinned at her. “I have an idea. Here’s the information on the star system coming up,” he handed her the PADD. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He stood without another word and left her quarters.  
She was shocked at his quick exit, but so glad that they were able to separate this monumental decision from their working lives that she laughed out loud, glad for the solitude of the moment to let off her nervous energy. Feeling her face flush from all the pent up emotion of the last twenty minutes or so, she unzipped her uniform jacket and discarded it over the back of the sofa. Next she pulled her turtleneck hem out of the waist of her pants. Feeling much more comfortable, she picked up the PADD and read over the information on the system that Harry had spotted on the sensors. Just as she finished reading her door chimed again. She grinned that he even bothered to chime before entering. She knew he was coming right back. “Come in.”  
Chakotay entered with a bundle of fabric rolled up. She quirked an eyebrow at him as he came back to sit down next to her. He unrolled it and handed it over. “My sister Sekaya made this for me years ago. I used to have back pain, and this always helped it feel better.”  
Kathryn took hold of the item and turned it over in her hands. It was slightly smaller than a heating pad, but was two pieces of fabric layered over something grainy. She worked in between her fingers, unable to tell what it was. Her confusion must have shown on her face because Chakotay took it back from her and opened it completely.  
“It’s the same principle as a heating pad, but it’s two layers of fleece sewn together with rice in the middle. You can heat it in the replicator to whatever temperature you’re comfortable with, and the straps sewn on the edge allow you to tie it around yourself, so you can wear it under your uniform. No one will ever know.”  
Kathryn felt tears prick the corners of her eyes at the thoughtful gesture. It had nothing to do with her request of him, and everything to do with the fact that he was a compassionate man and wanted to help her feel better. Taking it back from him, she ran her fingers over the soft fleece once again. It was a dark burgundy fabric, and nothing fancy, but knowing that Chakotay’s sister had made it for him, and he was now trusting her with it was heartwarming. She moved the rice around under the fabric with her fingers once again. Chakotay chuckled softly.  
“I think it works better if you heat it and put it on.” Kathryn gave him a lopsided grin as she went to the replicator and placed the bundle inside.  
“Computer, heat to fifty four degrees Celsius.” Steam heat built up around the heat pack and after several seconds the replicator turned off. Kathryn removed it and wrapped it around her middle, tying the straps behind her back. Adjusting it a bit lower, she sighed in contentment. Pressing lightly into her stomach she came back to sit next to Chakotay. “Thank you. That’s much better.” He grinned lightly at her.  
“Of course. Did you get a chance to read over the information I brought,” nodding at the   
PADD next to her?  
“Yes, an interesting prospect after empty space for so long. I’ll be curious what resources we might be able to find. I’m sure the crew would be happy with some shore leave should the planet or planets be habitable and hospitable.”  
“My thoughts exactly. We should be able to get more detailed readings of the system tomorrow.” Kathryn nodded. The silence was comfortable as she looked over key points in the report from Harry when suddenly her stomach let out a loud rumble. She had completely forgotten that she was going to get something for lunch, and that Chakotay was going to join her.  
“Oh my. I completely forgot about lunch. Are you hungry Commander?” She stood up to move back over to the replicator. He grinned and nodded.  
“I could go for something light.” She replicated two salads and set them down at her table.  
= /\ =  
Kathryn put her uniform jacket back on and zipped it up, making sure the heat pad wasn’t visible underneath. She was getting ready to return to the Bridge just when B’Elanna used the comm system to ask Chakotay to come to engineering. Just before they both left her quarters, he placed a hand gently on her arm.  
“Captain…Kathryn, I want you to know that I will give your proposition very serious thought. I don’t know what my answer will be, but I want you to know that I am honored that you thought to ask me. It’s not a request I take lightly, and I just want you to know how much it means that you hold me in such high regard.”  
Kathryn wasn’t prepared for the emotion that flooded her in that moment. She figured that the subject was temporarily closed for the time being, and his words caused a catch in her throat. She placed her hand over his on her arm. “I do Chakotay. You are the most honorable and admirable man I know. It would be an honor for me if you decide to help me. But I don’t want your decision to be made for anyone but yourself.” He nodded, a soft smile played on his lips as he let himself out of her quarters.  
As he headed down to engineering, images of babies with his dark hair and Kathryn’s blue eyes lingered in his thoughts, and he would be lying if said it wasn’t a nice prospect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kudos and notes. I'm overwhelmed with the response. I hope you continue to enjoy this story. I'm having fun writing it!


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for hanging in there with me for this story. I appreciate it more than you know. Drop me a line or review if you have a moment. Do you love it? Do you hate it?   
There will be some dialogue that you will recognize (I stole some of my favorite dialogue from S3E26), and that is thanks to the writers of Voyager, not me. No infringement intended.   
Thank you so much to those of you who have reviewed. I get so giddy when I get a notification ;-)   
Enjoy!

Chakotay sat on the shore of the Gulf of Mexico on Mustang Island. The sun was setting behind him and the water was on fire with golden rivulets of sunlight that glided across the soft waves breaking on shore. The air was warm, and the breeze cool on his skin. It was a perfect moment and the most peace he’d felt in years. He took a deep breath through his mouth, tasting as much as smelling the salt in the air and the coral honeysuckle that grew wild in the grasses behind him. Letting out the breath in a contented sigh he stood up, slowly walking along the water’s edge.  
The ebb and flow of the ocean lulled him as he watched the golden sand before him. His arms hung comfortably at his sides as he walked along, and though he had no idea where he was going, it didn’t matter.  
The beach stretched on and on and the sun burned orange and pink in the sky off to his left. It warmed his skin just as the cool breeze off the gulf cooled it. The warmth surrounding him seemed to condense in his chest, then travel down his arm to his hand. It was an unusual sensation. It then moved from his hand to just his pointer finger. A warmth that felt so right it nearly took his breath away. Wondering at the oddity of it he looked down at his hand.   
In that moment of perfection his heart nearly stopped beating.  
Wrapped around his pointer finger were five tiny fingers. The skin of that tiny hand was the same tan as his, and attached to the arm of a small girl, no more than three or four years old. Her black hair cascaded down her back in a braid that had once been neat, but wind and play had pulled it loose and several strands danced around her face in the breeze. She wore a yellow sundress and her feet were bare. Just as Chakotay registered all this the little girl looked up at him in adoration and smiled, adorable dimples set deep in her cheeks and piercing blue eyes met his.  
“I love you, Papa.”  
Chakotay jerked awake, alone in his quarters, heart pounding and lungs heaving. He looked down at his left hand, but it was empty. Heaving out a deep breath he tried to calm his racing heart. It was just a dream. It was just a dream, but it felt so real…and so right. It was a perfect moment, just he and his daughter.  
His daughter.   
Those two little words made his heart swell with an emotion he’d never known before, and though it was just a dream, he couldn’t shake the feeling of how right it felt. He scrambled out of bed and onto his knees on the floor. Pulling his medicine bundle from beneath his bed, he opened it and lay it out before him.  
“A-koo-chee-moya. We are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers. We are far from the bones of my people. I call on the spirits of my forefathers to help me in this decision that has been placed before me. I have been asked to father a child. The woman who asked me to help her is brave and beautiful and strong, and she has chosen me to accompany her on this journey. I need guidance to make the right decision for myself, and the right decision for her. Help guide my thoughts and my feelings and make me the man worthy of the task should I choose to accept.”  
He sat silently for a few minutes, listening for any response to his prayer as he thought about Kathryn’s proposal yet again. His thoughts then drifted to the little girl in his dream. He didn’t know her name, but he knew her face. She had Kathryn’s eyes, and his dimples and skin tone. He could imagine her having played in the sand all day, running and jumping until her hair was a shambles and her cheeks were red from exertion. Her small voice, calling him Papa, and the look of adoration in those eyes made his heart nearly burst with longing.  
His daughter.  
He climbed back up into bed and lay back, thinking of that tiny round face and those small fingers wrapped around his.  
He drifted back to sleep with that face at the forefront of his thoughts, and a smile ghosting his lips.  
= /\ =  
Chakotay was absent the Bridge for most of that day and the next, and Kathryn made excuses for him. She knew he was meditating on his decision and she wanted him to take all the time he needed to be sure of his answer before he gave it, no matter what it ended up being.  
The day progressed slowly and smoothly. As the planetary system got closer and closer, more information came with it. There were actually seven planets, but only one was M class and seemed capable of supporting plant and animal life similar to Earth. The small star system had a sun nearly identical to Earth’s sun, and the planet had a moon similar to Earth’s though this moon was closer to the planet. Kathryn secretly thrilled at the idea of spending a day or two on a planet like Earth. They didn’t detect any humanoid or alien life or technology yet, but they were still too far away for such thorough sensor sweeps.   
Kathryn was just about to go off duty when the doors to the Bridge hissed open and Chakotay appeared from the turbo lift. Kathryn schooled her features, but just the nearness of his presence calmed her, especially as his lips turned up the barest of smiles as he crossed in front of her to take his seat by her side.  
“Commander, were you able to help Lieutenant Torres with her warp core diagnostics?”  
“Yes, Captain. We should have the warp core back online and fully functioning by the time we reach the planet. After a bit of exploration, we should be headed for home with full warp capabilities.”  
“Good.” She didn’t meet his eyes but kept hers focused on the view screen. Shop talk kept her mind off the procedure and Chakotay’s decision looming ahead of her. It felt good to be pre-occupied with ‘work’ and she picked up a PADD she had been reading before Chakotay entered and began looking over the atmospheric report that had come in about the planet up ahead.  
After another thirty minutes, and past time that her shift on the Bridge ended, Kathryn stood up and stretched her arms lightly. Her abdominal muscles had been aching all day, but between her morning hypospray and the heat pack she currently wore under her uniform, it was tolerable. It was the best she’d felt in several days and she had Chakotay to thank for it. “Good work today, everyone. Mr. Tuvok, you have the Bridge. Commander, you’re with me.” Chakotay looked up slightly surprised but followed silently behind her into the turbo lift.  
“Join me for dinner tonight, Commander?” Kathryn’s voice came out softer than she meant it to, but Chakotay didn’t seem to notice.  
“Sure, any particular reason?” A smile played at his lips, and he knew they were now both thinking about her proposal from the day before. But neither of them mentioned it for the time being.  
“I’d like to go over the current reports on the planet coming up, Harry said that hopefully by 1900 hours we’ll have even more detailed information. I’m hoping the planet will accommodate a type of shore leave for the crew, even if there aren’t any humanoid life signs, it would do this crew good to get off the ship and relax for a few days. The holodecks can only do so much.”  
“Agreed. Alright…Kathryn. 1900 hours. My quarters.” Kathryn cocked an eyebrow at him, and he smirked. “I’ve found a new recipe for vegetable lasagna, and if you’re game, I thought we could try it.”  
“Sounds wonderful. 1900 hours then.” Just then the turbo lift opened and they both exited on deck three, turning separate directions to head to their respective quarters. Chakotay wanted to give her an answer by this evening but had a few more questions that he needed answered first, and some of his own that he had to meditate on.  
= /\ =  
“That was delicious!” Kathryn leaned back in her chair placing her hand on her very full stomach. She hadn’t eaten a meal that large in a long time, but it was so good she didn’t seem to be able to stop. A satisfied grin graced Chakotay’s face as he wiped his own mouth with a napkin.  
“I’m glad you enjoyed it. I wasn’t sure if the shredded Talaxian kale would work, but Neelix insisted, and I suppose in this case he was right.” Chakotay stood up and picked up both of their plates and put them in the recycler.  
They had gone over all the updated information on the planet before they’d eaten and now Kathryn wasn’t sure where the rest of the evening would go.  
“Coffee?” Chakotay turned to ask, pulling her out of her thoughts.  
“Yes, thank you.” She came over to the replicator and took the steaming silver mug, taking a sip of the too hot liquid, but never being able to help herself in doing so. Chakotay ordered a tea for himself and motioned for them to move to the sofa. Kathryn felt butterflies in her stomach as she sat down, taking another sip of her coffee.  
“Kathryn, I guess I’ll just come right out with this. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and before I can give you an answer, I have a few more questions for you, if that’s okay?”  
Kathryn nodded, setting her cup down. “Of course.” She turned slightly more to face him.  
“Okay,” he felt his heart pick up and nervous jitters run through his arms and legs. He took a slow deep breath to try to calm down. “What about Mark?”  
Kathryn was stopped short at that question, not expecting it. “What about him…specifically?” She was stalling for time, but wasn’t exactly sure what Chakotay was looking for.  
“What if by some miracle we arrive home in six or seven months, and you are heavily pregnant with my child? I think he might have some issues with that. He is your fiancé after all.”  
Kathryn chuckled ruefully at that. “I know, and I’ve honestly been working on my feelings about that. I’ve been spending the last few months trying to let him go.” A tear suddenly appeared at the corner of her eye and escaped down her cheek before she could stop it. She quickly wiped it away, not prepared to face these emotions on top of everything else. “It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do, but I can’t ignore the present for a future that might never happen.” She cleared her throat as emotion threatened to close it. “No matter when we get home, things between Mark and I will never be the same, and that will be a situation that I have to deal with, whenever it might be. But I do know that if it takes us seventy years to get home, I have to move on. And I honestly hope that he does as well. He’s been my best friend and rock for so long, I want nothing but happiness for him, even if I can’t be the one to give it to him. If we arrive home and I am pregnant, or if we have a child, that is something I’d have to discuss with him, and I would hope given our circumstances that he would understand. But what if we arrive home under normal circumstances and he has married someone else? We’d have to discuss that as well. I can’t live my life based on ‘what ifs’ anymore. At least not in this unique situation we all find ourselves in.” She let out a defeated sigh, but Chakotay understood. They’ve all had to re-evaluate priorities and life goals now that they may be stuck in space for the rest of their lives. Things change every day, even under normal parameters, and the crew of Voyager was definitely not facing normal parameters.  
Chakotay reached over and gave her hand a light squeeze. She returned it gladly, a soft smile brightening her features. “I can understand that.” He paused, thinking of what his next question would be.  
“What are some of your personal concerns, Chakotay? I’m sure you must have plenty.”  
He furrowed his brow, not sure if she had phrased it correctly. “Well,” he finally started, “If we do go through with this, I do want you to know that I want to take an active role as the father to the child. I would want to teach him or her about the ways of my people; the legends and the stories. The prayer rituals and vision quests. Would you have any problem with that?”  
“Of course not. I had genuinely hoped that that would be the case. I would want any child of mine to learn about their own heritage and where they come from, as well as the cultures of other peoples and species.”  
“Because if I do this, I really want to do this. I want to be a father to my child. And I need to know that you understand what that means. I want to be around, whether on Voyager or when we get home. Granted if we get home soon, there would be many logistics to talk over, but I don’t ever not want to be part of the child’s life. I want to make sure you know that if a baby comes along, you’re stuck with me in some capacity for the rest of our lives.” He hoped that that wasn’t too blunt a way to put it, but he needed to be sure that she understood that.  
Kathryn was silent for a moment as she thought on his words. His heart was hammering in his chest, worried that he hadn’t explained himself well or that she didn’t like the idea of him being around her for keeps. She didn’t meet his gaze as she studied a spot near their feet. Finally, she looked up into his face, his beautiful expectant face and gave her answer.  
“Chakotay, a year ago I didn’t even know your name. Today I can’t imagine a day without you. I’ve never cherished a friendship the way I cherish ours. Your strength of character and convictions never cease to amaze me, and I would be honored to raise a child with you, if you decide that you want to be part of this. I know it won’t be easy, no matter the circumstances, but I do know that if two people can make it work in unconventional conditions, it’s us.”  
Chakotay felt his own emotions redden his cheeks and press on his chest. He took both her hands in his and gave them another squeeze, brushing his thumbs over her knuckles without even realizing it.  
“What about you, Kathryn? You must have concerns of your own.”  
“Certainly I do. I’ve thought and thought about it. I’m not getting any younger. The Doctor told me that my chances at successful implantation are lessened because of my age. I’m concerned at getting my hopes up and having it not work. I’m concerned about being a Captain and a mother at the same time, and what that might mean for my child and the crew. I’m concerned that I physically won’t be able to handle being pregnant. I’m concerned that we are long way from home in potentially dangerous space and what that might mean. I’m concerned that the pregnancy might be difficult or have complications.” She laughed lightly. “Yes, I do have some concerns.”  
Chakotay grinned, “Well, let’s take them one at a time.” She nodded, realizing that he was now quelling her fears instead of the other way around. She was supposed to be supporting him during his decision making process. Pressing her lips together in a tight but soft smile. “Alright, first concern is your age, right?” Kathryn nodded. “Well you can’t do anything to change that, and you’re strong and healthy, so I would say the odds are in your favor there.”  
“That’s what the Doctor said, too.” Chakotay nodded.  
“Alright, now I can understand not wanting to get your hopes up. Just try to remind yourself that this is only the first try of the first try. I’m sure if this didn’t work for you that the EMH would suggest you try again or try something else.” Kathryn nodded. She knew that to be a fact but hearing him say it made her more confident.  
“Still doing okay?” Chakotay asked her light heartedly, and Kathryn sighed out a laugh, nodding. “Okay, next concern I believe was being a Captain and a mother. Kathryn, if anyone can do it, it’s you. You’re the strongest, bravest woman I’ve ever met, and don’t forget, if you have a child, you have roughly 150ish babysitters and 150ish people that will help you. You said yourself that you wanted the crew of Voyager to become more of a family. I can’t think of a better way to bring the crew together. Every single crew member on this ship would love to be part of Baby Janeway’s upbringing. I honestly think that is the least of your concerns.” Kathryn felt tears in her eyes once again but was able to keep them back. Chakotay always knew exactly what to say to give her confidence and make her feel more at ease…and knowing that he never said anything that he didn’t mean or believe made it even more meaningful.  
“Raising a child in the Delta Quadrant may very well be dangerous, and I honestly can’t help much with that concern, because we don’t know what the future holds. But I can tell you that I would do everything in my power to keep the child safe, just as I would do anything in my power to keep you safe; to keep the crew safe. And you are worried about even being able to get pregnant. Did the Doctor give you any indication that it would be a struggle for you, aside from your age?” Kathryn shook her head. “Well then try not to worry about the ‘what ifs’ as you put it.” Kathryn nodded, another tear threatening to escape.  
Chakotay sat silently for a moment, still holding her hands, brown eyes seeking blue as silence filled the seconds ticking by. Finally, he took a deep breath and it let it out with his next words. “Well, then I think we need to go talk to the Doctor about moving forward with the procedure.”  
Kathryn’s eyes grew wide and her heart skipped a beat, “So you’re saying yes? That’s a yes?”   
“Yes, Kathryn, I’m saying yes.”  
“Oh!” Several tears spilled out down her cheeks as she pulled him into a hug without even thinking. Shocked, Chakotay wrapped his arms around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. Reigning in her emotions sooner than she needed to, and sooner than Chakotay wanted her to, she pulled back and looked him in the eyes again. “Are you absolutely sure?”  
He chuckled, flashing his dimples, “Yes, Kathryn, I’m absolutely sure.”  
Deciding to go to sickbay right away to talk to the Doctor, Kathryn couldn’t keep the grin off her face. Chakotay’s mood was lifted even higher at seeing her smile and knowing that he was partly the cause of it. Any time he could bring a smile to her face he tried to seize the opportunity, and he’d never seen her radiate happiness like she was right now.  
When they entered sickbay the Doctor and Kes were both there, leaning over his computer screen. The Doctor, seeing Kathryn come in knew that she would probably want to be alone. He turned to Kes and was about to make up some excuse for her to leave but Kathryn put her hand up knowingly to stop him. “It’s alright, Doctor. Kes can stay.” The Doctor nodded and confusion painted the young Ocampan’s face.   
Kathryn went into the Doctor’s office and Chakotay followed silently behind. This was her show, he would let her lead. Kathryn took a deep breath and directed her speech towards the other young woman in the room. “Kes, I’m afraid the Doctor and I have been working together for the last week and a half and trying our best to keep it a secret, but it’s time to let you in on it, since you’re a medical professional.” Kes’ brow furrowed, but she kept quiet. “I’ve decided to try to have a baby, and Commander Chakotay has very kindly agreed to help me in this endeavor.” The Doctor perked up at that. He had thought to himself that the Captain would probably choose the Commander for her donor but didn’t want to say anything to her until she’d made her decision known to him. Kes’ face lit up; her smile almost as radiant as Kathryn’s had been. “And now that Commander Chakotay has agreed, we’d like to move forward, Doctor.”  
The doctor nodded, “Very well then, the first thing I’d like to do, Commander, is to obtain a semen sample from you.” He reached into a drawer in his desk and pulled out a glass specimen cup, holding it up to Chakotay. “I will test for sperm health and motility, as well as sperm count. Then we will know if fertilization will be possible.” Chakotay felt his cheeks redden and had he looked at Kathryn he would have seen it mirrored on her face. Even Kes’ cheeks pinked in embarrassment for the two of them.  
Chakotay took the cup, holding it gingerly as if it might burst into flames. He tugged on his ear as he cleared his throat. “Uh, alright. I’ll uh, be back shortly.” He turned on his heal and left sick bay as quickly as possible feeling the heat rise all the way up to his ears.   
The Doctor looked exasperated. “He didn’t have to leave. What does he think we have privacy screens for?” Kathryn flushed crimson and was silently waiting for Chakotay to come back in, tell her he’d made a mistake, and bow out from embarrassment. Kes broke the tension by taking Kathryn gently by the arm and leading her to the biobed in the corner where she did pull a privacy screen around, leaving plenty of room to move, but completely obscuring the biobed from the rest of sickbay.  
“Captain, I am so sorry about that.” Kes’ cheeks were still pink, but her voice was calm. “I’ve been working on his bedside manner, but I’m afraid a situation like this has never come up before. I apologize for his bluntness. I’ll be sure to apologize to the Commander as well.”  
Kathryn let out a nervous laugh. “It’s alright, Kes. It doesn’t help that I’m nervous, and I’m sure the Commander is feeling a bit jittery himself.”  
Kes shook her head. “No, I’m going to have a talk with him. Wait here.” Kes was determined as she moved around the privacy screen. Kathryn couldn’t hear what was being said because Kes closed the office door. Kathryn was mortified for Chakotay. Of course, she knew that this would be part of the process, but she thought it would have been more private. That perhaps the Doctor would have pulled Chakotay aside and asked him for a sample. Kathryn’s cheeks flushed again and her whole body felt hot at the thought of what Chakotay was doing at this very moment. Her heart began to hammer in her chest, and she willed herself to stop thinking about it, but that only made her think about it more. She pressed her fingers to her temples, feeling the heat travel all the way up to the tips of her ears. Taking a shaky breath, she willed Kes to come back. Thankfully, it was only several moments later that she did. She had a medical gown in one hand and a tricorder in the other.  
“The Doctor is very sorry for his bluntness and will be more careful going forward, and he will apologize to the Commander when he comes back. In the meantime he wanted me to do a cursory bio scan to make sure you are in optimal health, and once the Doctor confirms that everything is satisfactory with the Commander’s side of things, we can move forward this evening if you’d like.”  
Kathryn nodded. “Yes, I think now that we are moving forward, I’d like to move forward sooner rather than later.” Kes nodded with a smile, setting the gown on the end of the biobed and scanned Kathryn with the medical tricorder.  
“Well aside from slightly elevated heart rate and blood pressure, everything seems fine here. I’m assuming the heart rate is from nerves and the elevated blood pressure is thanks to our Doctor.” Kathryn let out a nervous laugh.  
“Yes, I suppose so. Mostly nerves I think, and feeling mortified for Chakotay. I’m waiting for him to come in here and tell me he’s changed his mind. That this isn’t worth it.” Kathryn shook her head.  
Kes opened her mouth but hesitated before she spoke. “Permission to speak freely, Captain?” Kathryn’s eyes met the young girls.  
“Granted, Kes, always. You know that.” She reached out and squeezed the Ocampan’s arm gently. Kes smiled.  
“The Commander would never do that to you. I’ve seen the way he is when he’s around you. He is always there for you, there to help you. He would put himself out an airlock if it would benefit you, and I don’t mean that lightly. He is an honorable man, and I saw the smile he had on his face when the two of you walked into sickbay just now. I believe, awkwardness aside, that he is looking forward to this just as much as I can tell that you are.”  
Kathryn was struck by Kes’ perception on the entire situation. She had to remind herself that Kes was only two years old. She certainly had a wisdom beyond her years. “Thank you, Kes, that means a great deal to me.”  
Kes’ smile grew wider. “Thank you, Captain. I’m just going to go and see if the Doctor needs any help with anything. I’ll be right back.”  
Just as Kes left Kathryn heard the doors to sickbay open and close. She held her breath, listening for voices but hearing none. She hoped no one would poke their head around the privacy screen and see her. Shaking her head at the notion, she knew that wouldn’t happen. Kes wouldn’t allow it, and she had to give her crew some credit. She began to fidget nervously, picking non-existent dirt from beneath her fingernails. Suddenly a voice outside the screen made her jump.  
“Knock knock,” Chakotay’s honeyed voice came from the other side. Kathryn gave a sigh of relief and laughed to herself. She had to get her nerves under better control.  
“You can come in, Commander.” She was nervous to see him, knowing again what he had just done, and for her. Before she could let those thoughts go where they wanted to, he stepped around the partition and behind the screen. His cheeks still held a bit of color and she didn’t know if it was still from embarrassment or from what he’d just come back from doing. She really didn’t want to know.  
He grinned at her sheepishly, and they both chuckled nervously. Finally, Chakotay, God bless him, broke the awkward silence. “I decided to wrap the specimen cup in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, and I’m glad I did. I met Tom coming out of the turbo lift. That is not a conversation I wanted to have with him. I told him I was on my way to the holodecks.” Kathryn covered her face with her hands.  
“Chakotay, I’m so sorry. About that, about the Doctor. I wouldn’t blame you if you changed your mind about the whole thing.” It came out muffled as she spoke from behind her hands.  
“Hey,” he pulled her hands from her face so she would look at him. “Don’t apologize for any of it. The Doctor already apologized, which I’m sure you or Kes had something to do with, and it wasn’t necessary anyways. Awkwardness aside, I told you I would do this with you, and I meant it. I knew what would be involved. And like you said, it won’t always be easy, and obviously parts of it will be embarrassing, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth it.” He gave her hand a squeeze for emphasis and she was taken aback, yet again, with what a kind and caring man Chakotay was. Just as she opened her mouth to let him know as much, the Doctor came around the partition.  
“Well, good news you two. I could go into great detail regarding Commander Chakotay’s semen sample,” Kathryn blanched and Chakotay coughed awkwardly, tugging on his ear again, “but Kes has told me that that might be inappropriate or uncomfortable, so I’ll spare the details, but to summarize, Commander, your sample is extremely healthy and Captain you stand a wonderful chance of fertilization and implantation.” Kathryn chuckled nervously but nodded in understanding. Chakotay just stood red faced and silent. Apparently Kes’ talk with the Doctor hadn’t quite had the effect they were looking for. “Captain if you would please remove all of your clothes and change into the medical gown and we can begin the egg retrieval process, unless you’d like to postpone until tomorrow.”  
Kathryn shook her head, “No I…we would prefer to go ahead this evening if that’s alright.” She wanted to start speaking of this procedure in terms of them both. Since Chakotay had decided to be part of it, she wanted his input and participation in as much of it as he was comfortable with.  
“Very well then, I’ll prepare the instruments needed while you change.” He walked around the partition and she heard him speaking to Kes. Chakotay moved to leave as well.  
“Chakotay,” he turned to look back at her. “You don’t have to stay for all of this. I’m sure you have something better to do with the rest of your evening off.” She wanted him to have an easy out if there was any part of this that he wasn’t comfortable with or didn’t want to be part of.   
He moved back to her and sat down next to her, taking her hand in his. She was touched by how gently he held it. “Kathryn, I know we aren’t going about this the conventional way, obviously,” she nodded, laughing nervously, “But I want to be as involved as you’ll let me be. Whatever you’re comfortable with, Kathryn, I’m comfortable with. I would be honored to be part of every step of the process, if you’ll let me.” Without thinking, Kathryn raised their joined hands and kissed his thumb. He grinned down at her before getting up and walking back around the partition.  
Kathryn quickly and nervously removed her uniform jacket and untied the heat pack that had cooled since she put it on this morning, but it felt comfortable having it on, so she had left it. She removed the rest of her clothes and folded them neatly in a pile under the biobed. The gown she wore had a large portion of the stomach cut out where she assumed the Doctor would have to insert the needle. She wasn’t sure how prepared she was for that. All her injections thus far had been intramuscular injections with a small needle into her arm. Just as she was trying to decide to sit and lay down, Kes approached the partition. “Can I come in?”  
“Yes.” Kes came around the screen, beaming.   
“Oh, Captain, this is so exciting!” Kes pulled in a wheeled cart with several hyposprays and several syringe looking instruments that Kathryn looked away from. “Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?”  
Kathryn gave a nervous laugh. “I’m not sure, Kes, I hadn’t given it much thought past the idea of having a child. It took me over a month to work out my own feelings about it and work up the nerve to speak to the Doctor about it, and another week to build up the courage to ask the Commander to be involved. I hadn’t really thought any farther than that.”  
“Oh, it’ll be such fun having another baby on Voyager. I’ll babysit anytime you’d like, and I can help organize a baby shower.” Kathryn smiled at the sweet girl, but felt trepidation begin to form at the back of her mind.  
“Thank you Kes, I really do appreciate the sentiment, but I am trying to not really get my hopes up too high yet. The procedure might not even work. I don’t want to get excited just to be disappointed.”  
“I understand, Captain, but this is something to celebrate. From my brief discussion with the Doctor he seems very optimistic about your chances. Try to keep a positive outlook. Bringing new life into the world is an amazing thing. It’s a miracle, no matter what.”   
“Thank you, Kes. And I really do mean thank you.” Kathryn grinned at the young girl, a genuine smile without nerves or anxiety behind it. “It is a very exciting prospect; I’ve just been so worked up over the process that I haven’t really let myself enjoy it and the hopefully inevitable outcome.”  
“Well you should start.” Kes grinned broadly. “I’ll let the Commander come back in and tell the Doctor that you are ready.” Kathryn nodded, staying seated where she was.   
Chakotay came back around the privacy screen and Kathryn saw his eyes quickly sweep over her body before schooling his features and smile down at her. “Are you nervous?”  
“A little. Venturing into the unknown is always a little nerve racking. But we are explorers after all, so venturing into the unknown should be old hat by now.”  
Chakotay chuckled, leaning against the wall behind him facing Kathryn, “Well this venture is a bit different than any we’ve encountered before. Would it make you feel better if I said that I was a little nervous too?”  
“It does, strangely.” Kathryn chuckled just as the Doctor came back around the partition with the last few instruments that he needed.  
“Alright, Captain, lie back. Commander you may stand by the head of the bed if you’d like.” Kathryn swiveled to lie down on the biobed, feeling her nerves kick in yet again. She was surprised that no one commented that they could hear her heart pounding in her chest. “I will give you a general anesthetic before egg retrieval begins. The recommended number for successful fertilization is ten to fifteen, but I suggest retrieving up to twenty just to increase your chances. After successful fertilization we can put the unused embryos in stasis if you decide you want to do this again in the future, or if for some reason our first attempt is unsuccessful. Is that acceptable?”  
“Whatever you think is best, Doctor.” Kathryn was glad that her voice came out stronger than she felt. The Doctor nodded and placed a bio-monitor on the side of her neck.  
“Alright, I’m going to administer the sedative and anesthesia now. The procedure takes roughly fifteen to twenty minutes. Once complete I will take your ova into the lab for fertilization. Once I’m finished there I will come back and wake you up. I’d like you to stay here for at least thirty minutes after the procedure to make sure there are no immediate complications. After that you will be free to go. It will take roughly sixteen to eighteen hours for fertilization to take place. So, if you stop by sickbay tomorrow around 1400 hours, we should have an answer. If fertilization is successful, after another three to five days of incubation we will be ready to put the embryos back into your uterus.”  
“Alright, Doctor,” Kathryn mustered up her courage, “Let’s do this.” Chakotay smiled down at her. His warm brown eyes were the last thing she saw before the Doctor administered the hypospray that put her to sleep.

One more author’s note: Couldn’t you just hear the Doctor saying those embarrassing things. I wrote it, and then forgot some of the dialogue and cracked up when I read over it again…he’s the best LOL


	5. Chapter 5

Author’s note: I know that this would all be happening somewhere around or just after the time of Seska dropping the baby bomb on Chakotay and the Voyager crew, (and I’ve had some inquiries about it) but I’ve decided to leave that storyline out of this one because…EW! She’s gross and our lovely Captain and Commander don’t need that kind of negativity in their lives LOL.  
None of the characters and dialogue you recognize are mine. No profits, no infringement intended.  
= /\ =  
Kathryn groaned lightly at the bright lights above her as she opened her eyes, closing them again quickly.   
“Computer, reduce light intensity to sixty percent,” Chakotay spoke softly and Kathryn sensed the lights dim behind her closed lids.  
“Thank you, Commander.” She still didn’t open her eyes but smiled up at where she heard him speak. Finally taking a deep breath she cracked an eye open. They were alone behind the privacy screen. She tried to lean up, but Chakotay put a hand on her shoulder.  
“Not yet. Not until the Doctor comes back.” She looked at him, concerned. He smiled softly. “Everything went fine, I just don’t want you to move until the Doctor gives you the okay.” He left his hand on her shoulder for another moment more before retracting it.  
Kathryn nodded, placing a hand on her stomach. She felt bloated and sore, but she didn’t say anything. She felt awkward lying there alone with Chakotay standing over her. “How long was I under?”  
“Just about a half hour. It was quite a fascinating procedure. The Doctor retrieved eighteen eggs and is fertilizing them now.” His cheeks pinked a bit, and it was endearing. “He gave me the hypospray to wake you up so he could finish up what he was doing, but he’ll be back in a moment.”   
“Thank you for staying.” Kathryn fully opened her eyes to look up at him, and he moved around beside her so she wouldn’t have to strain her neck.  
“I told you I would, Kathryn.”  
“I know, I just…thank you. We are really doing this, aren’t we?” She grinned at him.  
“Yes, we’re really doing this.” He chuckled.  
Just then the Doctor came around the partition, a look of satisfaction on his face. “Everything is looking promising Captain, Commander. Your sperm motility is quite excellent, and I would say your chances of successful fertilization are very high. You may sit up now and get dressed Captain, but take it slow, and you will have to remain for here for another twenty to thirty minutes.”  
Kathryn nodded and sat up slowly, noting a tightness in her abdomen. Groaning lightly, she pressed her hand to her stomach. “Kathryn, are you alright?” Chakotay, forgetting decorum, placed his hand over hers in concern.  
“I’m alright, just a bit sore I suppose. That’s normal, right Doctor?” The Doctor flipped open his medical tricorder and scanned her quickly.  
“Yes, quite normal. You may experience cramping for the next three to five days, but it will be similar to what you’ve already experienced. Continue with the hypospray and heat protocol and all should be well.”  
“Thank you, Doctor. Can we still plan on coming back to sickbay tomorrow afternoon to find out the results?”  
“Absolutely Captain.” The Doctor took the last of his instruments and placed them on the tray and wheeled it back out from the privacy screen. Kathryn stood up gingerly and retrieved her clothes from beneath the biobed. On top lay the heat pack from Chakotay. She handed it to him.  
“Could you please heat this for me?” Chakotay grinned, nodding silently and walking around the privacy screen, leaving Kathryn alone.  
She dressed slowly, pulling her grey short sleeved shirt on but leaving her jacket off. She was just leaning down to zip up her boots when Chakotay came back around the screen. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think to announce myself.”  
“It’s alright, Commander, no harm done.” She took the heat pack from him and fastened it around herself, instantly feeling better for the warmth it provided. “Ah, thank you. That’s much better.” She pressed the pack to her stomach for a moment, reveling in the warmth before letting go and reaching for her jacket, but Chakotay was too quick for her. He picked it up, and held it open for her. With a grin she turned and placed her arms into the sleeves. Once it rested on her shoulders, she zipped it up herself. After she felt put back together, she turned to face Chakotay. “Let’s see if we can persuade the Doctor to let us leave sooner rather than later. I’m exhausted.” She chuckled with a half-smile. Chakotay nodded, grinning back at her.  
“Hold on just a moment, Captain.” He reached up over her, grasping a strand of her hair that had escaped the confines of her bun, and tucked it gently back in to place. She wasn’t sure, but she felt that his touch lingered a fraction of a second longer than necessary, but before she could say anything, he retracted his hand. “There, good as new.” She smiled up at him, then turned to leave the confines of the privacy screen, the feel of his hand at the small of her back as they exited.  
= /\ =  
Kathryn got a surprisingly restful night’s sleep. She was, in her estimation, emotionally exhausted just as she was physically exhausted. Normally waking up before he morning alarm, she nearly slept thought it this morning. She stretched lazily in bed letting her hands drop to her stomach. As soon as her hands landed on her belly, she began rubbing it absently. Though there was no child growing there…yet, she couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like as her belly swelled with a child…Chakotay’s child. The thought sent a thrill of happiness through her, but she decided that it was too early in the morning to try and analyze those feelings. Pulling herself up and out of bed she quickly showered and got ready for her day.  
She was the last one to report to the Bridge, which was quite unlike her, but no one said anything as she took her seat. She glanced over at Chakotay as he tried to stifle a yawn behind his hand. After getting the report that they were four days away from the planet at current speed she settled in, looking over several reports from the night shift. Warp engines still weren’t online, and no one wanted to push the impulse engines beyond their comfort level. They had actually slowed down over the last day. Everyone was eager to reach the planet, but no one wanted to do harm to Voyager.  
Kathryn was reading over a PADD that Harry had given her regarding the makeup of the planet’s atmosphere and its ozone like layer when Chakotay let out another yawn, failing to stifle is this time. Kathryn grinned to herself. Apparently, he hadn’t slept as well as she had. After five more minutes she stood up. “Mr. Tuvok, you have the Bridge. Commander join me in my ready room.” Chakotay stood up and followed her silently through the doors to the next room.  
Once inside she moved to the replicator. “Coffee black. Make it two.” Two mugs of steaming coffee appeared, and she took them both out, crossing over to Chakotay and handing him one. With a thankful smile, he took it. She motioned for him to sit down and she joined him on the sofa. “Didn’t get much sleep last night?”  
He chuckled into his coffee cup. “Afraid not. I had a lot on my mind.”   
“I’m sorry about that.” She said it softly, taking a sip of her own coffee, reveling in the warmth and bitter flavor.  
“Don’t apologize, Kathryn. I had a lot on my mind, but I didn’t say they were bad thoughts.” He took another sip of his coffee. It wasn’t usually his favorite beverage, but today he could use the caffeine. “Did you sleep well?”  
“I did, actually.”  
“Well, then that’s all that matters.” He grinned at her, taking another long drink from his mug. “Did you eat breakfast?”  
“No, I’m embarrassed to say that I nearly slept past my wake-up alarm. I barely had time to shower and get ready for the day.” Chakotay smiled knowingly at her, set his mug down and moved back to the replicator. “Two servings; scrambled eggs and wheat toast.” He took the plates from the replicator and brought them over to sit back down next to Kathryn.  
“You need to eat breakfast. You need to get in the habit of eating three meals a day. If this procedure works and you become pregnant, you need to keep yourself healthy so you can keep the baby healthy.” He handed her the plate and she took it with a smile.  
“Aye aye, sir.” They both grinned and began eating.  
“If you don’t mind my asking, when do you plan on telling the crew about your intentions?”  
Kathryn swallowed the mouthful of eggs she was chewing. “Not right away. Once I know for sure the procedure has worked and I know I’m pregnant, I’ll tell the senior staff first. Gauge their reaction. Once that is settled then I’ll figure out the best way to let the rest of the crew know, and to let them know they are free to start families of their own.”  
Chakotay held up his coffee mug in a toast, “To starting families.” Kathryn beamed at him.  
“To starting families.” She tapped her mug gently against his. That was the first time the word ‘family’ had entered her mind when thinking of this entire process. She was starting a family with Chakotay. It was a very pleasing prospect.  
They finished their meal in silence and before either was ready, they made their way back to the bridge.  
= /\ =  
1400 hours couldn’t come soon enough. Kathryn felt antsy sitting on the Bridge, and she could tell that Chakotay wasn’t at all focused on the PADD in his hand. He had stopped scrolling through the report nearly an hour ago. She smiled inwardly, excited that he was so excited. She hadn’t known what his response would be to her request, and after he said yes, she hadn’t thought much past that decision. She had no idea he would be so eager to go forward, and for the procedure to be a success. The butterflies in her stomach began fluttering again.  
“Kes to Commander Chakotay.” The comm system came to life with Kes’ soft voice.  
“Chakotay here. What can I do for you, Kes?” He glanced at Kathryn.  
“Can you please come down to the hydroponics bay? I need your help with the atmospheric humidity sensors. They seem to be malfunctioning.” Chakotay sighed softly to himself. Not now!  
“Kes, I think that sounds like a job for Lieutenant Torres.” He hoped his voice didn’t sound as frustrated as he felt.  
“I already asked her, but she’s busy reconfiguring the warp plasma coils.” Kes paused before speaking again. “It shouldn’t take long, Commander.”  
“Alright, Kes, on my way.” Chakotay set down his PADD and stood up, letting out a soft growl of frustration under his breath. Kathryn was sure she was the only one that heard it, but it mirrored her own feelings. They should be heading to sickbay. Once Chakotay had left, she tried to find some excuse to leave as well. Thankfully, she didn’t have to.  
“Emergency Medical Hologram to Captain Janeway.” The Doctor’s voice chirped into being on the Bridge.  
“Janeway here. Go ahead, Doctor.” She knew irritation sounded in her reply, but the Doctor wasn’t daunted.   
“Captain, please report to sickbay. I found some anomalous readings in the atmospheric composition of the upcoming planet that I’d like to discuss with you before we let any of the crew onto the planet.” Well, she thought to herself, at least she was headed to sickbay.   
“Understood, Doctor. I’m on my way.” She stood up quickly making her way for the door. “You have the Bridge Mr. Paris.”  
“Aye, Captain.”  
= /\ =  
Kathryn entered sickbay, surprised to see Kes and Chakotay waiting for her. Chakotay was grinning. “It seems that we have a couple of sneaks on our medical staff.” Kes grinned guiltily but the Doctor just looked smug.  
“I knew it might be difficult for you both to leave the Bridge at the same time, so the Doctor and I devised a plan to get you both down here.” Kes was beaming.  
“I do have readings to go over with you, Captain. But later, of course. Firstly, the reason we called you both to sickbay.”  
Feeling emotions threaten to flood her entire being, Kathryn took Chakotay’s hand and gripped it tight. He squeezed it right back. She spoke softly, “What’s the news, Doctor.”  
The Doctor regarded them both, then his face broke out into a smile. “I am happy to report that eleven of the eighteen ova that we fertilized have begun to divide, and quickly I might add. If they continue at this rate, we should be ready for insertion back into you, Captain in only three days’ time.”  
The smile on Kathryn’s face and the awe in her eyes nearly brought Chakotay to his knees. His own elation at the prospect of being able to go forward, and sooner than planned brought his dimples out in full force. He turned Kathryn towards him and was shocked when she pulled him into an embrace.  
Completely throwing protocol out the window, he pulled her close, returning her hug gladly. He was happy for this outcome, but mostly happy for her. During their time in the Delta Quadrant there had been so little joy for all of them. He was so happy for Kathryn.   
The Doctor cleared his throat gently and Kathryn and Chakotay pulled apart quickly. Kes couldn’t hide her grin. “Congratulations, you two.” Kes patted them both on the arm.  
Kathryn grinned but schooled her features. “Thank you, Kes, but please hold the congratulations for a few more days, alright?” Kes nodded but kept smiling. “Can you give the Commander and I a moment, please?” Kes nodded pulled the Doctor out of his office. A disgruntled look on his face, he followed behind her. Once the door was shut, another smile beamed across Kathryn’s face. “It’s working.”  
“I know Kathryn. But we had no reason to believe that it wouldn’t.” His smile was as wide as hers.  
“Then why didn’t you get any sleep last night, Commander?” She quirked a brow at him and he chuckled.  
“Fair point, Captain.” He used her rank and they both chuckled.  
“This is good news, timing wise for arrival at the planet. If things progress here faster than anticipated, we can do this procedure before we explore the planet.”  
“Agreed, but only on the condition that the Doctor allows you on an away mission after the procedure.”  
“Worried about my wellbeing, Commander?” She shot him a daring look.  
“Yes, worried about yours and our potential child.” Kathryn’s heart fluttered at his words. “I won’t let you be reckless until we know it’s safe.” He leaned closer to whisper in her ear, even though they were alone. “But I would do that anyways, and you know it.”  
She smiled at him again. “I know, Commander, and I appreciate it more than I can tell you.” She ran her hand up his arm to squeeze his shoulder. “Why don’t you return to the bridge? Report that everything is well in the hydroponics bay. I’ll see what else the Doctor wanted to talk about and then I’ll be back to the bridge.”  
Chakotay nodded as he moved towards the door. Before he left, he turned back to her. “No, after you speak to the Doctor, you’ll have lunch, and then you have permission to return to the Bridge.”  
She swatted his arm, but her smile never left her face. “Aye aye, Commander.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not a Doctor, and I don’t pretend to know all the terminology. I also know that 24th century medicine would be much different than we have now, but since I’m a child of the 20th century, I write what I know. I have no idea how this would word in three hundred-ish years, so bear with me.

The next three days flew by in an absolute whirlwind of activity. As the planet drew closer, the entire crew’s excitement built, and Kathryn’s was highest among them. Every reading showed it to be a veritable paradise of a planet, though they detected no humanoid life. There were mountains, meadows, rivers and lakes. After the initial away teams did their own exploration for potential food and energy sources, the crew would be let out in groups, three days at a time. They would spend roughly two to three weeks here to allow the crew time to explore and unwind. Kathryn was willing to spend as much time here as needed. Morale wasn’t low per se, but a small shore leave would do everyone some good.  
Every day she stopped by sickbay to check the progress of the embryos, and though the Doctor reported on day two that three of them had stopped dividing, all the rest of them looked good. On day three, he told her that they could proceed that evening.   
She was absolutely beaming with nervous excitement as she made her way to Chakotay’s quarters just after 1830 hours. He was preparing dinner for them, to be eaten while they made final plans for the away team mission tomorrow, and she hoped that after they ate, they could make their way back to sickbay.  
Chakotay opened the door himself just a moment after she tapped his door chime. He grinned at her smiling and flushed face. “Good evening, Captain. You look positively…you’re glowing. What’s going on?” Her smile widened, entering his quarters before speaking. Once the door closed, she spun around excitedly to face him.  
“The embryos are ready, Chakotay.” She took a deep breath, realizing that she was out of breath. She laughed as she exhaled. “The Doctor said that the procedure can be done tonight,” she held up her hand to stop him saying what she knew he was going to say, “And I will be fine to go on the away mission tomorrow.” He grinned at her knowing.  
“Well then, let’s eat and get everything planned so we can head down to sickbay.” He motioned her to the table where dinner was already waiting for them.  
= /\ =  
They decided to go to sickbay separately. Kathryn left Chakotay’s quarters and headed to the bridge first, to give their final away team mission reports to Tuvok and Tom, then made her way to sickbay. Chakotay left his quarters ten minutes later and headed straight there. They tried to time it so most everyone would either be in the mess hall for a late dinner, or already on or off duty as the case may be. Being seen in sickbay together would raise too many eyebrows, and Chakotay knew that when the time was right, Kathryn would let the cat out of the bag in her own way. But until then, secrecy was of the utmost importance.  
When he arrived in sickbay, the privacy screen was already set up in the same spot and Kathryn was in the Doctor’s office listening to his step by step procedural instructions. Chakotay entered quietly, but the Doctor stopped talking. “Do you want me to start over?” Chakotay shook his head.  
“No, that’s alright. If the Captain is comfortable with your instructions, that is good enough for me.” Chakotay stood behind her, and she smiled at the feeling of his hand at its customary spot at the small of her back. It gave her the confidence she knew she would need for this.  
“Alright then, let’s proceed. Captain please step behind the screen and disrobe. There is a gown on the biobed for you. I’ve asked Kes to join us, and she is on her way. I will need her help with the instruments, if you are comfortable with that. I understand this is a sensitive procedure, and I wouldn’t want to violate your privacy.”  
Kathryn thought on that for a moment. “If this works, would she be assisting in the birth of the baby?”   
“If it were up to me, absolutely. She has become quite skilled in the medical profession and often anticipates my needs before I have to ask for anything.”  
“Well, then she might as well be here for this too.” The Doctor nodded, and Chakotay would have to thank him later for having Kathryn’s modesty and privacy in mind.  
As if on cue, Kes came into sickbay, a radiant smile on her own face. “Hello Captain. Commander. Are you as thrilled as I am?” Her happy mood was infectious, and though it sent nervous butterflies flitting through her stomach, Kathryn couldn’t help but be affected by her good mood.  
“We are, Kes. Thank you for helping the Doctor with everything.” Kes beamed.  
“It’s my pleasure, I assure you.” Kathryn nodded, giving Kes’ shoulders a squeeze before leaving the office and disappearing behind the privacy screen. Kes left as well to begin setting up the tools and instruments the Doctor would need. Chakotay took the opportunity to ask the Doctor some questions of his own.  
“Doctor, will the Captain be ready for the away mission to the planet tomorrow?” He clasped his hands in front of him.  
“Absolutely. After the procedure this evening, the Captain must remain in sickbay for roughly thirty minutes. Barring any complications, the likelihood of which are negligible, she will be released to full duty. There are certain things she will have to avoid for the next week or so, but other than that nothing will be different.”  
“What kinds of things?” Chakotay spoke quietly, though they were alone.  
“Showers only for at least a week. No baths. No abdominal strain or heavy lifting, and no sexual intercourse.” Chakotay thanked the spirits that Kathryn wasn’t in the office with them, because she might very well have either fainted from embarrassment or been the first Star Fleet Captain in history to punch the EMH.  
“I don’t think any of those will be a problem, Doctor. But I’ll tell her.” The Doctor nodded, satisfied. Kes knocked lightly and opened the door.   
“She’s ready, Doctor.”  
“Very well, Commander you may join her behind the screen. I’ll be there momentarily to get everything set up.” Chakotay nodded, feeling sudden butterflies in his stomach. He walked over to the privacy screen.  
“Can I come in Kathryn?” He spoke softly so as not to startle her.  
“Of course.” He moved around the partition and she sat on the biobed with a blanket across her lap. Her legs were bare from what he could see, and she wore the typical Star Fleet issue medical gown as she had several days ago, though this one didn’t have the panel missing over her stomach. Other than that it was identical, but for some reason, seeing her here tonight, she looked beautiful. Had Kes not been behind the screen as well, he would have told her so, but didn’t want to embarrass her when she was still technically acting as Captain.  
Kathryn smiled up at him and he moved to the head of the bed again to be out of the Doctor’s way. The Doctor came around the corner of the partition and he was wearing a surgical gown. Kathryn realized that this was an actual surgical procedure, and suddenly anxiety gripped her. She was glad Chakotay was there, his hand gravitating to her shoulder to lend support.  
The Doctor had a stool on wheels that he positioned at the end of the biobed, and as he sat down and prepared several instruments on the tray next to him, Kes pulled the stirrup assembly out, positioning the leg supports where the Doctor directed. Kathryn’s anxiety picked up exponentially and Chakotay cleared his throat, tugging on his ear, not quite ready to meet Kathryn’s eyes.   
Kathryn knew this was how it would happen; she’d read as much in the further reading the Doctor had given her. However, being in this position now, with Chakotay in the room made her blush. It made her uncomfortable for him. She glanced up and him just as he looked down to gauge her reaction to everything.   
“I always hated this type of doctor’s appointment,” she said ruefully, “And here I am going through it on purpose.” She chuckled lightly. Chakotay could easily understand her discomfort. The biobed with the stirrups attached looked compromising, and some of the instruments that the Doctor had set up looked like miniature torture devices. He felt his own anxiety kick up a notch but refused to let it play out on his face or in his behavior. He wanted to remain calm for Kathryn. She needed to stay calm and relaxed for the best chance for this to work.  
“Alright, Captain please turn and lay down. Slide to the edge of the bed.” The Doctor’s tone was light, and Chakotay realized that Kes must have had a very thorough talk with him about this procedure. He’d have to thank her later.  
Kathryn looked pale as she did as she was bid. Chakotay looked away briefly to give her a modicum of privacy as she slid her legs into the stirrups. Kes held the blanket over her lap in place so that everything stayed covered, and then arranged it so that it covered Kathryn from the waist to her calves, even up in the stirrups as they were now. When he heard her movement stop, Chakotay chanced a glance and saw that everything was situated.   
He could immediately tell exactly why Kathryn hated this type of appointment. Personal violation aside, being in this position of submission must be awful for her. Kathryn Janeway, he knew, was a woman who needed to be in control, and being in this position must feel extremely compromising. He reached down and took her hand, giving it a squeeze. She looked up at him, a soft smile playing at her lips.  
“You’re very brave for doing this, Kathryn. I’m honored that you’ve asked me to be part of it.” He squeezed her hand again, not caring that the Doctor or Kes were in the room. Kathryn smiled thankfully up at him, squeezing his hand in return.  
“Thank you, Chakotay.” She took a deep steadying breath and let it out slowly. Then the Doctor spoke again.  
“Captain, if you’re ready, lift your gown to expose your stomach please.” Kathryn let go of Chakotay’s hand momentarily and pulled up on the blue fabric. Kes helped her arrange it so that her entire abdomen was bare. Her pale skin instantly puckered with goosebumps. Chakotay touched her shoulder.  
“Okay?” He asked gently. She nodded, not looking at him, but watching the Doctor. The EMH placed a small device on her stomach just below her bellybutton. The blanket covering her was pushed down to her hips and exposed quite an expanse of her pale skin. Just as Chakotay noticed the exposed skin over her hip bone the Doctor touched the device and an image flashed up on the screen next to her bed. Chakotay knew it was an ultrasound image, but he had no idea what he was looking at precisely.  
“Move it down just a fraction, Kes.” The Doctor had his eyes on the screen as Kes moved the device one centimeter lower. Chakotay kept his eyes on the screen as well. “Very good. Captain, would you prefer I tell you each step before I continue, or would you rather I just go ahead with the procedure.”  
“I would prefer you explain, if you don’t mind.” She glanced up at Chakotay. “How about you?”  
He was glad that was Kathryn’s decision. Embarrassment aside, this was utterly fascinating, and he felt lucky to be able to witness it all. He thanked the spirits that Kathryn was such a good sport in letting him be in the room with her. “Yes, I’d like a play by play if that’s alright.” Kes grinned and the Doctor nodded.  
“What are we looking at on the monitor, Doctor?” Chakotay spoke up and Kathryn smiled, though she didn’t look away from the screen.  
“Of course. This is the bladder here,” he pointed to a large dark void on the screen. “It’s full right now, which is a good thing, it makes seeing everything easier.” Kathryn flushed slightly. In her excitement to get to sickbay and get everything underway, she never used the restroom after dinner. “This area here is the uterus. A very healthy-looking uterus I might add, and the vagina and cervix here.” The Doctor motioned to connecting areas on the screen.   
The Doctor pulled on surgical gloves and Kes did the same. Kathryn took a deep breath through her nose and let it out slowly. Chakotay reached down and took her hand again. She didn’t look at him but closed her eyes for a moment, a smile gracing her lips. Chakotay ran his thumb over the back of her hand, willing a feeling of calm into her body.   
“Alright, if you’re ready Captain.” She nodded; her eyes glued to the screen. “Speculum, Kes.” The Doctor held out his hand and Kes handed him the device on the tray that made Chakotay cringe. Not watching the Doctor’s movements, he instead kept his focus on the screen. Kathryn flinched, making the softest of uncomfortable noises as the Doctor inserted the speculum and opened it and Chakotay squeezed her hand. She felt a nervous tear escape down her cheek but didn’t move.  
“Very good, Captain. Now I am going to insert the catheter first in a sort of trial run, to make sure we can get it just where we want it. You may feel slight discomfort as the catheter passes through your cervix. That is quite common.” Kathryn indeed felt it, and though it wasn’t painful, it wasn’t at all comfortable. Chakotay watched as a small white line appeared on the monitor; the ultrasound image of the catheter entering her uterus. He flushed, seeing her vagina on the screen and watching the catheter move through it, but continued to hold her hand as he watched.  
“Excellent. I won’t need to remove and re-insert it. The placement is just perfect where it is.” He held the end of the catheter in his hand and watched the monitor to make sure he was seeing what he wanted to see there.  
“I have decided to transfer four embryos into your uterus as we previously discussed Captain.” Chakotay’s eye grew wide and flew to the Doctor’s face as he made a noise in the back of throat. Kathryn grinned to herself at his reaction, glancing up at him before looking back to the screen. “Though the embryos are all healthy, your age and the stresses of your job do play a factor in the successful implantation of the embryos. Are you still okay with that, Captain?”  
“Yes, Doctor,” she spoke softly, giving Chakotay’s hand a squeeze in reassurance. “Don’t worry, Commander, I don’t intend to carry four of your children to term all at once. If you haven’t noticed, I’m much smaller than you are. I fear I’d burst. Four just gives us a better chance of one implanting.” Chakotay laughed nervously, though it lightened the mood and Kathryn smiled as she watched the monitor.  
“Very well. Kes, the embryos please.” Chakotay looked away from the screen to watch Kes as she opened a small stasis chamber that Chakotay hadn’t even realized was there. Inside it was a small syringe filled with a clear fluid. It didn’t look like much, but the fact that there was the potential beginning of four lives in it was astounding. She handed it to the Doctor, and he attached it to the end of the catheter. “Watch the screen and you’ll see a flash of white.” Chakotay leaned forward, though it wasn’t at all necessary and focused on the screen. He felt Kathryn squeeze his hand. After several seconds there was indeed a small white flash on the screen at the end of the catheter. Everyone froze, watching that tiny white spot that appeared where before there had been just a void. “And there you have it. Your embryos are now right where they belong.”  
The Doctor slowly removed the catheter, still attached to the now empty syringe, and set them on the instrument tray. Next he removed the speculum and placed it on the instrument tray as well, and Kes covered the tray quickly with a towel and carried everything out from behind the screen. Chakotay couldn’t take his eyes off the screen. That small white spot held so much promise and possibility that his throat felt tight. He glanced down at Kathryn and saw tear tracks that disappeared down the side of her face and into her hair. She too was watching that spot as if willing an embryo to implant. The Doctor removed his gloves and surgical gown and took the stool out of the room, leaving the two of them alone for a moment. Finally, Chakotay broke the silence. “How do you feel, Kathryn?”  
She turned her face away from the monitor and looked at him. “I feel hopeful, and nervous, and excited.” She squeezed the hand still linked in hers. “Mostly I feel happy. And thankful. I am so thankful to you that I can’t put it into words.”  
Chakotay grinned. “You don’t have to. I’m thankful that you chose me to experience this with you.” He looked from the screen, back to her face, and then to her stomach. “Would you…” his request trailed off.  
“What is it Chakotay?” He pressed his lips together.  
“Would you mind…may I say a prayer over you? For the success of this endeavor?” Kathryn’s smile widened.  
“Of course.”  
Chakotay reached his right hand over and gently placed it on her bare stomach, feeling her abdominal muscles flutter at the touch. He let his eyes drift shut, though Kathryn’s stayed focused on his face.  
“A-koo-chee-moya. We are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers. We are far from the bones of our people. I ask the spirits of my forefathers to bless this woman and the gift of life newly inside her. Let this procedure be fruitful, and let us face this experience with the wonder and reverence that it deserves. Please guide us as we embrace this new journey together and help us to overcome any struggles along the way.” He left his hand there a moment longer before he stepped back, opening his eyes.  
Kathryn’s were full of unshed tears and she reached up to cup his cheek. He let his eyes slide shut at the touch and reveled in it before meeting her gaze once again. “That was beautiful, Chakotay.” Her voice came out in a hoarse whisper, thick with emotion. He wiped a tear from his own eye just as Kes came back around the screen.  
“The Doctor would like you to remain just as you are for another twenty minutes, and then you’ll be free to go.” Kathryn nodded, then realizing she was still in the stirrups, felt oddly embarrassed again. As always, Chakotay alleviated her tension instantly.  
He turned to face her and sat down on the very edge of the biobed, pulling her gown back down to cover her. “So, what are your plans for tomorrow? What time should the away teams leave for the planet?”  
And just like that he drew her focus from the awkward situation they found themselves in to talk of their impending adventure tomorrow. The twenty minutes went by in a flash, and before they knew it, Kathryn was putting her uniform back on and the pair was walking, much slower this time, back to their quarters. They decided to take a long way back so they could finish their discussion. They reached Chakotay’s quarters first and he entered his access code and the door opened.   
“Well, goodnight, Commander.” Kathryn turned to leave but Chakotay placed a finger in the crook of her arm to stop her. He glanced down the corridor quickly in both directions before leaning in and placing the softest of kisses on her forehead.  
“Sleep well, Kathryn.” His tone was a balm that washed over her, warming her from head to toe.  
“Yes, you too.” And she turned to finish the walk to her quarters alone, a smile on her face and warmth in her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was doing research on IVF and watching youtube videos on the procedure, I was shocked at the amount of heartache I found in so many of the channels. Rounds and rounds of IVF treatments that don’t work. This story is in no way meant to make light of those situations. Everything has gone smoothly for the Captain so far, and I know that that is in no way the normal outcome for many couples trying to get pregnant. Blessings to anyone out there trying to get pregnant and having a hard time with it. That is a real emotion, and I just want to make sure that you know I am NOT making light of it or taking this process for granted in my story.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, angst time. Don't hate me please. We are in for a rough ride for a little while, but I PROMISE everything will work out!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since we don’t really know how Janeway and Chakotay ended up on New Earth all alone, this is just my take on how it might have happened. Obviously, I have nothing to base my ideas on, just the episode itself (which I have re-watched several times for reference…and for warm fuzzies lol). Anyways, I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think.  
No copyright infringement intended, no profits, don’t sue…you know the drill.

The morning dawned with an excited energy on the ship. Kathryn was the first one to the Bridge as the night crew ended their shifts. Chakotay and Tuvok arrived soon after, and Tom and Harry several minutes after that.   
They had come into orbit around the planet the day before and were studying last minute atmospheric readings to be sure that everything looked good for the away teams beam down to the surface. Everything seemed perfect. Kathryn couldn’t believe how perfect the planet seemed. “It even looks like Earth,” she whispered to Chakotay as they watched the planet on the viewscreen on the Bridge.  
Taking a deep breath, she tapped her comm badge. “Janeway to Torres, Neelix and Kes. Please meet the rest of the away team in transporter room two.”  
“Aye, Captain,” came the answers of all three, excitement lacing their voices on the comm line.  
“Alright. Commander, Mr. Tuvok, Mr. Paris and Mr. Kim, you’re with me. Let’s go do some exploring.” Her own grin brought a rush of excitement to everyone on the Bridge save for Tuvok, who merely nodded. They all entered the turbo lift together to head to the transporter room.  
= /\ =  
They beamed down to the planet’s surface and Kathryn instantly felt the warmth of the sun on her face. The sky was blue and clear, and the temperature was perfect. She closed her eyes for the briefest of moments and just enjoyed the heat and the birds singing in the trees around them.  
“Alright, Mr. Tuvok and Mr. Kim, head towards the base of that mountain range. I want extensive scans for energy resources that we couldn’t pick up from space. See if there’s any ore in those hills that we can refine and use.” The two men nodded, heading off towards the hills some two kilometers away. “Neelix and Kes, I want you two checking the meadows and near the river for any food sources. Note any edible plant life and seeds that we can bring on board.”  
“Right away, Captain,” Neelix was thrilled to be useful on an away mission, and Kes hurried along after him as they made their way to the riverbank.  
“Tom. B’Elanna, I want you two taking atmospheric readings, and check for mineral and ore deposits in the caves to the south that we scanned from orbit yesterday. There’s something in this planet’s crust that prohibited scans, and I want to know what it is.” They nodded, heading off to the south where the cave entrances were.  
Once everyone was out of earshot, Chakotay looked over at Kathryn. She had her eyes shut again, feeling the sun warm her body through her dark uniform. “Kathryn are you alright?”  
“Never better, Commander. This is just the first time in a long time I’ve felt the sun on my face. Doesn’t it feel wonderful?”  
He grinned at her complete satisfaction and nodded. “Yes, it certainly does.” He gave her another moment. “How are you feeling today? I haven’t had you alone all morning to ask.”  
“I feel fine. A little nervous, but content. Optomistic.” She smiled up at him.  
“Good. So what are your orders, Captain?”  
“I thought we might explore the forest. I am hesitant to admit that I brought extra away teams on the first trip so that you and I might just…explore.”  
Chakotay smiled at her, raising his eyebrows questioningly.  
“Well, we can still take tricorder readings and look for anything useful, I just thought it would be a nice morning with good company.”  
“I can accept that. Alright, Captain, let’s go exploring.”  
= /\ =  
Tuvok and Harry and communicated that they wished permission to beam higher into the mountains for further readings. Kathryn gave her permission and asked them to report in every half hour. Kathryn quickly fell into her job as explorer, her nose buried in her tricorder as she and Chakotay moved deeper into the woods.   
“Chakotay, look at the steam coming off of this bog.” He moved to stand next to her. There were rivulets of steam rising off the murky water, and in the low light of the deep woods it had a purplish-blue sheen. It really was beautiful, despite emanating from a small body of water that smelled lightly of dead fish. Kathryn scanned the surrounding area, moving away from Chakotay. Chakotay did some scans of his own, but his thoughts were distracted by her. He watched her as she turned, scanning an interesting looking tree, and he imagined her in another five or six months, her belly swollen with his child. He felt pride and admiration for her the likes of which he’d never felt before. He felt protective over her like he’d never felt protective over anyone. They didn’t know yet if the procedure would be successful, but Chakotay couldn’t help thinking of her being pregnant at this very moment. Her thin frame gave nothing away, but Chakotay couldn’t help but think about it. He was about to take a chance and mention it when a gasp from her brought him out of his thoughts.  
Kathryn groaned, clutching her neck. Chakotay made his way to her quickly. “Kathryn, what is it?” He reached up, pulling her hand away. He panicked seeing blood cover her fingers and run down her neck beneath her uniform jacket. “What happened?” He pressed his own hand to her neck to staunch the light flow of blood.  
“Something bit me. I can feel it burrowing into my skin.” Her voice was strained and Chakotay felt movement under his fingers. As the insect moved deeper, he felt a fresh well up blood spring up and run over his fingers. He was so focused on helping her that he didn’t feel another small insect land on his other hand until it was too late.  
“Ah!” He jerked away from her, looking down at the back of his left hand. Blood flowed freely to drip off his fingertips as he felt an insect burrowing under his skin. Aside from the surprise of the initial bite, there wasn’t much pain. Kathryn held her own neck, but moved to examine Chakotay’s hand. “I’m fine, Kathryn.”  
Kathryn tapped her comm badge. “Janeway to all away teams. Have any of you been bitten by any insects?” She was panicking, still feeling blood run over her fingers, her blue eyes wide waiting for answers from her team. The answer was a resounding ‘no’ from every member of the team. Kathryn sighed in relief. Chakotay tapped his own comm badge.  
“Chakotay to Voyager. Emergency beam out of all away teams. Beam the Captain and I directly to sickbay.”   
Chakotay felt the floor of sickbay under him and watched Kathryn materialize before him, blood still covering her hand and neck. His heart clenched at the look of fear in her eyes. The Doctor came over immediately, medical tricorder in hand. “What happened?!” Kathryn began to explain about the insect still embedded in her neck, but Chakotay watched as her skin paled. Her face looked sallow, and as he moved to ask her if she was alright a wave of dizziness washed over him, and he had to catch his balance against the bulkhead next to him.  
He barely registered Kes running through the doors of sickbay before he collapsed to his knees. He reached for Kathryn, who had collapsed on the floor, seizures wracking her small frame. His lips formed her name, but no sound came out as a seizure overtook him and he slipped into unconsciousness.  
The Doctor grabbed two hyposprays, tossing one to Kes. They administer medication to the Captain and First Officer…and nothing happened. Both continued convulsing, unconscious on the floor of sickbay.  
“EMH to transporter room. Beam two stasis chambers to sickbay, NOW!”  
= /\ =  
Seventeen days later  
Chakotay worked silently putting their shelter together. Kathryn had set up her makeshift workstation on a nearby flat boulder and was staring at the Doctor’s research on the virus that infected them both. Chakotay had tried to talk to her several times after she had given command of Voyager to Tuvok, but she had quickly changed the subject. Knowing something was wrong, aside from them being stranded on this planet, but she wouldn’t say what it was. They had spent a few hours apart while he pulled the floor of their shelter together and she set up her equipment, and something hand changed in that time. He moved closer to her to try, once again, to work out what was wrong. “Kathryn?”  
She glanced up quickly, but then back to her computer. He could tell by the look on her face that she was in no mood to talk, so he left it alone for now. “I’m going to go get some water. Neelix’s report shows the river water is safe to drink, so I think we should use that as much as possible to save the replicator.” Kathryn just nodded distantly, not looking up. Chakotay picked up a large water vessel and with one last glance towards Kathryn, headed in the direction of the river.  
Once he was out of earshot of Kathryn, he tapped his comm badge. “Chakotay to the Doctor.”  
“I’m here, how are you doing Commander?”  
“I’m fine, Doctor, but can you please switch to an encrypted channel?” Chakotay could imagine the look of confusion on the Doctor’s face but heard the telltale chirp of the channel being switched.  
“Done Commander. What can I do for you?” Chakotay kept walking towards the water, approximately 150 meters away from their base camp.  
“I was wondering if the Captain is facing any lingering side effects from stasis or the virus?”  
“None that I have detected. But you have your own medical tricorder, you could scan her yourself to see if anything has changed.” Chakotay threw down the water vessel as he reached the water’s edge.  
“No, I can’t Doctor, because she won’t say two words to me. I don’t know what is going on with her. I know she’s frustrated at the prospect of being stuck here, but so am I. It’s something else that’s bothering her.”  
Kes had just entered sickbay and heard the end of the conversation. She stepped into the Doctor’s office and closed the door, tapping her own comm badge. “Commander, this is Kes. I take it you were asking about the Captain?” Her voice held a sad quality that made Chakotay’s stomach flip.  
“Yes, what can you tell me?” Chakotay held his breath.  
“I probably shouldn’t, but at this point I think it’s more important that you know what is going on than with me breaking the rules. Commander, the Doctor ran many simulations regarding the embryo transfer procedure, and the effects that the virus might have had on it.” She paused and Chakotay knew where this was going. He felt his heart fall.  
“Go on,” his voice was suddenly thick with sudden emotion.  
“There is virtually no way that any of the embryos could have implanted. You both suffered seizure activity for nearly fifteen minutes while we got you in stasis and back onto the planet. Between the seizure activity and the strain on her immune system from the virus, her body wouldn’t have allowed for implantation. The Doctor would imagine that if the embryos had implanted before the away team mission, the Captain will most certainly miscarry in the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours.”  
Chakotay dropped to his knees, not able to form thoughts beyond the devastation that Kathryn must be feeling.  
“I’m so very sorry, Commander.” Kes’ voice was filled with the emotion that Chakotay felt.  
“Thank you, Kes. And thank you Doctor. I’m assuming that you’ve told the Captain this news as well?”  
“Yes, Commander.” The Doctor spoke up. “I wish I had a better update for you both.”  
“I know you both did everything you could to try to find a cure. Captain Janeway is determined to continue your research here in the hopes of a finding a cure for us. Who knows, maybe we’ll catch up to Voyager sooner or later.” The words held promise, but his tone did not.   
He picked up the water vessel and moved to the river to fill it up. “Thank you both for everything, Chakotay out.”  
After the vessel was filled, he sat at the water’s edge, trying to figure out what he would say to her. He knew she would be mad that he found out what he was sure the Doctor told her in confidence, but he knew that it was information that he needed to have.  
His thoughts over the last week had been filled with visions of Kathryn in various stages of pregnancy; happy and content as her belly grew. He hadn’t dreamed of that little girl again, but now none of it would come to fruition. He was surprised at the despair that rent through his heart, and in that moment, he knew he had to confront Kathryn. Not accusingly, but he knew that she was going to keep this bottled inside, and he also knew that she needed to talk about it; feel what she was feeling. They might be on this planet for a very long time, and they would have to get used to sharing things with each other, since each other was all they had. Picking up the now full water vessel he made his way back to their camp.  
Kathryn had temporarily abandoned her computer work and was setting up what looked like insect traps. There were a few that he could see, but he figured there were probably more farther out in the woods towards the bog where they had been bitten. The Doctor had determined that the insects must be specific to the bog area since none of the other away teams had been attacked. She was busy setting one up near the tree line when he approached. He knew she heard him approaching but she didn’t acknowledge him. He waited another moment to see if she would. She did not.  
“Kathryn.” She flinched at his voice but didn’t look up from her work. “Kathryn.” He said it softer that time. It was her name in that honeyed tone that did it. He could see her shoulders slump in defeat and she finally spoke.  
“I suppose the Doctor told you.” They both knew what she was talking about, but he needed her to say it.  
“What did the Doctor tell me, Kathryn?” She looked up angrily at him for a moment, angry for making her ay the words aloud, but then her features softened.  
“You already know that the virus and the seizures that I went through made the entire fertilization procedure a failure and I won’t be having a child any time soon.” She wouldn’t meet his gaze, and he was sure that if she did, she wouldn’t be able to hold her emotions in. She leaned against the boulder that had served as her computer station, and Chakotay came to stand in front of her.  
He gently placed a finger under her chin and raised her face to meet his. As her eyes raised to his he felt her chin quiver as tears formed and spilled from her eyes. His heart broke as she bowed her head back down, covering her face with her hands. “I feel like such a failure.” Her voice was weak and held a defeated tone that he had never heard before and it made his heart ache.  
“Kathryn, you are not a failure, and I can give you plenty of reasons why not.” He reached out gently and squeezed her shoulders, running his hands up and down her arms.  
She looked up at him then, face tear streaked and sad. “Please, Chakotay. I wasn’t able to get pregnant. I jumped headfirst into an away mission that nearly got the both of us killed, and now we are stuck on this planet with no means of a cure and no means of ever leaving. We’ll never see Earth again and I’ve let my crew down.”  
“Kathryn, stop. None of those things are your fault.” He wished to come up with the perfect words, but he knew that only time would heal these deep wounds. “The implantation procedure was successful. Just because you’re not pregnant now doesn’t mean you can never have a child. You’re a brilliant woman. If anyone can find a cure for this virus, I know that you can. When you’re driven to do something, you don’t stop until it’s done.” His hands slid down to take hold of hers. “We don’t know that we will never see Earth again. No one knows what the future holds. And you have not let your crew down. You’ve given them hope of home and a future. We just won’t be with them to see it, but you know that Tuvok is a fine leader, and the crew is the best I’ve ever had the privilege of working with. They’ll find a way home, and they’ll have you to thank for it.”  
“I just didn’t realize how much I wanted a child until the opportunity was within my grasp, and now that it’s gone…I just didn’t realize it would hurt so much.” She looked up at him again, desperate for comfort. He reached up gently and brushed a tear away with his thumb. She closed her eyes at his tender touch.  
“Then you need to grieve, Kathryn. Grieve for your loss, but don’t let it consume you. You still have your whole life ahead of you.” He cupped her face gently with the same hand, running his thumb over her cheekbone. She smiled for the first time all day, but then turned somber again.  
“What about your loss, Chakotay? I know you were excited at the prospect of a child.” His heart clenched and he knew he had to say this just right.  
“I was, but it just wasn’t meant to be right now. The spirits have other plans for the both of us, Kathryn. My primary concern is that we are both alive and both healthy. As long as we stay on this planet, we are healthy, and I know that if a way can be found for us to leave and get back to Voyager, you’ll find it. The loss of this opportunity, or any opportunity is one that should be mourned, but life is too precious to hold onto that grief for too long.” Kathryn’s blue eyes shone with just a sliver of hope. As he grasped for any other words that might comfort her, an old adage of his people flashed across his mind. “My people have a saying. ‘What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of the buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset’.” Her grin grew slightly wider at his words.  
“What does that mean?” Chakotay’s dimples puckered his cheeks.  
“It means that life is short. It means that this shelter isn’t going to build itself and your traps aren’t going to bait themselves.” She let out a soft laugh at that and Chakotay’s smile grew. He leaned down to make sure she was looking at him before he spoke again. “I don’t mean to make light of your feelings, Kathryn. You should mourn your loss. But don’t let it devour you. And I want you to talk to me whenever you’re feeling something. Don’t keep your emotions in.”  
“Chakotay, you’ve done so much for me. I never would have made it through this without you. Your companionship has meant the world to me these last ten months.”  
“The same goes for me, Kathryn. There is no one I would rather be stuck on this planet with than you.” He tapped his finger under her chin at the word ‘you’ and she chuckled.  
“I think that virus may be affecting your brain, Commander.” He grinned at his title. “But you’re right. That shelter won’t build itself. See if you can finish it before dark, huh. I’m not a fan of sleeping out of doors.” She wiped her eyes of the remnants of tears and smiled at him.  
Chakotay watched her finally turn and go back to her traps. He knew the pain wasn’t gone, but at least he got a smile out of her. She was a strong woman, and he knew that with time, she would be okay.


	8. Chapter 8

Author’s note: There will be lots of dialogue you recognize in this chapter, and I mean no copyright infringement. It’s just beautiful dialogue in my opinion and I’ve tried to fit it in here. Hopefully I’ve succeeded. Thank you all so much for your follows and comments and reviews…I love each and every one and it is so motivating to continue the story. I hope you enjoy this next installment.  
= /\ =  
Chakotay did finish the shelter before the day was over, but only just barely, and with no furnishings other than their beds behind the privacy walls and a table in the main living area. Kathryn was grateful when she came in from baiting all her traps that she had a place to lay down. She still had her Starfleet uniform on, and once she entered the house, she began pulling her Captain’s pips off her collar, setting them gently on the table. Chakotay was busy bringing cases in from outside to unpack tomorrow and didn’t notice until she had all four of them off, lying next to each other on the table. She looked at them for a moment, gently pushing the last one with her finger until they were perfectly aligned. She gave a small sigh before turning towards Chakotay. He gave her a solemn smile before returning to his work.  
“Do you want help with those, Chakotay?”  
“No, I don’t have much more to do. Go ahead and get ready for bed. I’m sure you’re exhausted.” She nodded lightly, turning back to the table. “I put your suitcase of clothes on your bed.” Kathryn grinned at him, disappearing behind the frosted glass. Deciding to give her some privacy, he went back outside to finish moving things before it was too dark to see clearly.  
When he came back inside Kathryn looked much more comfortable. Her uniform was folded neatly on the table next to her Captain’s pips and her comm badge. She wore a long pale pink pajama top that almost reached her knees, and matching pants, and her feet were bare. She had pulled the pins out of her hair and it hung down over both shoulders. She was brushing it gently when he entered. “Thank you for putting all of this together so quickly. I really would have been fine sleeping outside tonight.”  
Chakotay smiled, “Nonsense. It wasn’t any trouble. Quite easy in fact.” He picked up a glass and filled it with water from the vessel he’d filled earlier. Taking a long drink, he heaved a lengthy, slow sigh. He didn’t realize until that moment how tired he was. “I think I’m going to turn in. Do you have everything you need?”  
“Yes, Chakotay, thank you so much for everything today. I’ll see you in the morning.” He nodded, giving her a soft smile before turning towards his own sleeping area on the other side of the room. Disappearing behind it, Kathryn watched his movements for a moment behind the frosted glass before she turned her back. She set her hairbrush down on top of her uniform and sectioned off her hair into a braid. She rummaged in her bag for a small elastic and tied it off.   
She pulled the covers back on her bed and lay down, thankful for a mattress and not dirt beneath her back. Turning to face away from the main room, she closed her eyes and willed sleep to take her.  
= /\ =  
Chakotay woke in the middle of the night to an unfamiliar sound. It was quiet, but in the stillness of the shelter he could hear it.  
Sniffling.  
Regaining his bearings, remembering where he was and what was happening, he realized that Kathryn was crying, softly in her own bed across the room. He sat up in bed and listened for a moment, not sure what he should do.  
After several moments the sound did not subside, he got up slowly and made his way towards her side of the domicile. The light from the planet’s moon illuminated the shelter enough that he didn’t need to turn on any lights, and he was glad for that. Finally reaching the edge of her privacy wall, he stopped, not knowing what to say.  
He wasn’t used to seeing Kathryn in this position of weakness. If she was convinced that his animal guide was a bear, hers must surely be a lion. She was a fierce woman; strong and brave and proud. Seeing her like she was today, and now softly crying in desperation and despair wrenched his heart. But it wasn’t her weakness that drew him around the screen and to her bed. Far from it. It wasn’t weakness that he saw in her. It was a strong woman carrying too many burdens by herself for too long.  
He moved slowly but scuffed his feet on the floor softly as he moved to announce his invasion into her space. She sniffed in a breath at the sound and tried to quiet herself but didn’t say anything. Chakotay could see from the light through her window that she lay on her side facing him. He approached slowly and sat down on the edge of her mattress just above where her knees rested under the blanket.  
He didn’t say a word, just reached out gently and placed a hand on her shoulder, running his thumb back and forth over the fabric of her nightgown. When that touch was tolerated, he slid his hand down to her shoulder blades, running his fingers lightly between them, then finally up and down her back.  
Kathryn never said a word but shifted slightly to lay on her stomach, giving him better access. The softest smile played on his lips as he rubbed her back. She didn’t speak to him, but he was glad that she was letting him in. Heeding his advice to not keep things bottled up.  
He didn’t know how long he sat there running his hand over her back, but after some time her breathing evened out and though he didn’t think she was asleep, she had at least stopped crying. Deciding he may now be overstepping a boundary he retracted his hand. Just before he could stand up, he heard her speak softly.  
“Don’t leave.” He wasn’t sure what she meant or what she wanted him to do, but before he had time to puzzle it out she shifted in her bed and sat up reaching for him. She pulled him into an embrace as best she could with them both sitting at odd angles on her bed. She flinched lightly at the heat of his warm skin, realizing he wasn’t wearing a shirt, but then melted into him.  
Chakotay wrapped his arms around her, his hands running up and down her back like they had a moment ago. She nuzzled her cheek into his chest and pulled him tighter. The intimacy of this embrace was not lost on him and he knew they would have to talk about it in the morning, but in that moment, with her tears wetting his chest and her hair tickling his nose, no words were needed.  
= /\ =  
Chakotay woke with a start. An odd sounding bird was calling outside and when he cracked his eyes open he saw that dawn was just starting to break over the horizon. A soft pinkish light was flooding his sleep area, and he lay silently for a moment to see if he could hear Kathryn moving. When all was still, he got up and stretched his body, working out the kinks from all of the heavy lifting he had done the day before. He still felt tired but rested enough to start his day.  
He didn’t know how long he had sat with Kathryn. He had held her in the darkness and silence until her grip on him slowly loosened and he was sure she was falling asleep. He gently moved his hands up to her shoulders, laying her back down on her mattress. She didn’t wake but turned and snuggled into her pillow. Once he was sure she wasn’t going to wake back up he should have gone back to his bed, but he didn’t. He sat there for some time watching her sleep; now that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, he could see her face. Several strands of hair stuck to her tear stained face, and he gently moved them. He watched her breathing silently for much longer than was appropriate, but he couldn’t move away. He had never seen her so vulnerable, and it scared him in a way he never knew he could feel. It was unnerving and sitting next to her in the dark calmed him down as well, helped him realize she was alright. Finally deciding to go back to bed, he hoped that she would be able to sleep the rest of the night.  
As he dressed for the day, he kept listening for sounds coming from her side of the shelter, but she slept soundly.  
= /\ =  
Kathryn woke up bleary eyed and with a slight headache, but no worse for the wear. She felt much lighter than she did yesterday, and knew she had Chakotay to thank for it. She was still sad at the prospect of not having a child, but a new determination had settled over her sometime in the night, and she woke with a purpose. She would find a specimen of the insect that infected them, she would work to find a cure and they would leave this planet. She sat up and listened for Chakotay but heard nothing inside the shelter. Casting her senses out farther, she heard sounds coming from outside. He was already at work finishing unpacking their gear from Voyager. A soft smile played on her lips as she got up and rummaged through her bag for something to wear. Deciding on a soft blue dress she quickly pulled her nightgown off and lay it on the bed, getting dressed. They would have to figure out some way to do laundry. Perhaps Chakotay could fix up some type of clothesline. She unwound her hair from the braid it was in and went out into the main room for her hairbrush. The sight that met her brought fresh tears to her eyes.  
On the table next to her uniform where she’d left it was a basin filled with steaming water, a rag and a bar of soap. And in the center of the table was a small vase that she recognized from her own quarters on Voyager, and in it was a single yellow flower. At that moment Chakotay came back in the dwelling, a cup of coffee in his hands.  
“Good morning, Kathryn.” He handed her the mug and she took it gratefully, taking a long, slow sip. “I got the replicator up and running, and I knew the first thing you’d want is coffee.” His dimples smiled at her.  
“Chakotay, I – thank you.” She set the mug down and faced him awkwardly. “I’m sorry about last night. I crossed a line, and I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.” She twisted her fingers together in front of her nervously. Chakotay took a step towards her, but still kept his distance.  
“Kathryn, you don’t have to apologize. You needed comfort, and I was here. We are all we’ve got now, and sometimes things will be emotional. I would hope that if I ever need a shoulder, you would be there for me.”  
“Of course I would.”  
“Well, this was no different. Our lives have been turned upside down in the last twenty four hours. It will take us a while to get used to everything here. But it’s no reason to turn away from each other and it’s no reason to apologize, alright?” She nodded, smiling.  
“Thank you for the soap and water.”  
“Yes, I’m sorry the sonic shower isn’t set up yet. That’s next on my list for you. I brought most of the cases in last night of items that will go inside the house, and I’ll finish putting things together outside after I have the shower working.” She nodded, taking another sip of her coffee. She wanted to thank him again, but he grinned knowingly at her and left to give her some privacy. If she thanked him for everything he deserved thanking for, she’d be saying it all day long. She quickly twisted her hair up out of the way and used the water to wash her face, neck and arms. Knowing that she’d have a sonic shower by the end of the day made her feel better, and perhaps she’d visit the river later. If the water wasn’t too cold, perhaps she could have a ‘bath’ sometime as well.  
After finishing her morning ablutions, she braided her hair a little better this time, put on her comm badge and took the remainder of her coffee outside. The sun was up a ways in the sky, and though she didn’t bother to check the time, it seemed to be around 0900 hours. It fascinated her that this planet was on the same daily rotation as Earth, with a twenty-four-hour day.  
It was comfortably warm with just a touch of a cool breeze; the perfect temperature. She closed her eyes again, feeling the sun on her face as she had when they first beamed down to the planet. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled the negative feelings she had about being marooned on the planet. She had to let that negativity go in order to focus on finding a cure. She smiled to herself, knowing that she could do it. It was the first time she’d felt confidence in herself since they had been attacked by the insects.  
Chakotay chose that moment to come around the shelter and saw her, standing in the sun, her eyes shut and a smile on her face. His chest tightened, and he wanted suddenly with every fiber of his being to embrace her, but instead he stayed where he was until she opened her eyes. As if knowing he was watching her, she turned to face him, moving towards where he stood with his own mug of coffee in hand. She opened her mouth to speak when her comm badge chirped.  
“Tuvok to Captain Janeway.” Her eyes stayed on Chakotay’s as she spoke.  
“Janeway here.”  
“Captain, we are about to break our orbit with the planet.” His emotionless voice was comforting while his words stung.  
“Understood, Tuvok. Thank you.”  
“You are welcome. Remember, we will be in communications range for roughly thirty hours.”  
“Yes. I understand. Janeway out.”  
Chakotay searched her face for any lingering emotion but saw a calm settle over her features. He said a quick and silent prayer of thanks.  
“I’m going to check the traps I set yesterday for any of the infected insects. Some of the traps are here around the camp, but many of them are in the woods beyond the tree line.” Chakotay nodded.  
“Alright, but don’t go too near the bog. We don’t need to be bitten again.” She nodded. “And comm me if you need anything. I’ll be working on setting up things here.”  
“Alright, see you in a while.” He nodded and she set off with her instruments…and her coffee.  
= /\ =  
Kathryn’s efforts setting traps yesterday had been for naught. She had caught several different species, but none of them were the ones that had infected them with the virus. Slightly frustrated, but excited to try to figure out a better bait, she worked her way back towards their shelter. As she got closer, she slowed down her walk, trying for a moment to enjoy the beauty of the scenery and the warmth of the day. Coming out of the trees she noticed the absence of Chakotay. She walked all around the shelter, peering inside, and around the rest of the gear outside, but he was nowhere to be found. Setting her empty coffee mug and case down on the table she tapped her comm badge. “Chakotay, where are you?” If felt odd not to use official Starfleet speech, but with it being just the two of them, there really was no point.  
“I’m in the woods.” Came his reply. Kathryn chuckled to herself.  
“Can I help you with anything?” She walked towards one of the cases that held food rations, pulling out a granola type protein bar.  
“No, I’ll be back in a little while. Any luck with your traps?”  
“Not yet. I did catch some insects, but not the right ones. I’ll have to think of a new bait to put in them this evening.”  
“Alright, well I’ll be back soon. The sonic shower is up and running if you want to use it.” She glanced over to see it installed at the far wall of the shelter. She didn’t want to use it now. Maybe this evening.  
“Thank you, Chakotay.” She didn’t bother to say ‘out’ since it certainly wasn’t a formal conversation.   
He had spent a great deal of the day before in the woods as well, but she knew she was partly to blame for that. She had been in a foul mood and had taken it out on him. She was mildly curious what he was doing, but knew how much he loved being out of doors, and figured he was meditating, praying to his spirit guide or perhaps just enjoying being in nature for the first time in a long time. She wouldn’t begrudge him anything that made him happy. After all, he’d met her this morning with a flower and a cup of coffee. He knew what she needed, and if he needed time alone in the forest, then she would give him that.  
Deciding to surprise him, she began unpacking some of the smaller cases he’d brought inside with their personal effects and items in them. She set up the dishes and cutlery in a small set of drawers in the corner next to the replicator, which was now inside. She realized he had set it up outside so as not to wake her up, but knowing she’d want a cup of coffee first thing, and then moved the whole thing inside where it now sat against the wall. She smiled, running her hand across the machine. She glanced over at the flower on the table as well. So many subtle things Chakotay did to make her happier.  
After she finished unpacking the rest of her science equipment, she pulled the table towards the replicator end of the shelter and set up two desks side by side nearer her sleeping area. One desk for her to work on her research, and one for him, for whatever he wanted to use it for. As she pulled her desk a bit closer to the wall she felt a sudden throbbing ache in her stomach below her belly button. Pressing her hand to it, she willed the ache to go away. Then, remembering she still had Chakotay’s heat pack, she took it out of her small wardrobe that she had filled with all her clothes and personal items and went to the replicator to heat it up before putting it on.  
= /\ =  
It was early evening when Chakotay came back. He had been gone longer than he planned on and hoped Kathryn wouldn’t ask him what he’d been up to. He wanted it to be a surprise. He came inside, covered in sweat and hungry. He’d taken a protein bar with him and a jug of water, but he was hungry for a real meal, even if it was only replicated. When he entered the shelter, he saw Kathryn sitting at her desk, his heat pack tied around her middle as she worked at her computer. Forgetting his own needs, he went to her, crouching down next to her chair.  
“Kathryn, are you alright?” She took a deep breath and turned to look at him. Her face was sad, but not like yesterday.  
“Well, I don’t know how much of this you want to know, but you told me not to hold anything in, so here goes,” she turned slightly to face him. “I was setting things up in here as a surprise for you, and I felt a throbbing pain in my stomach, so I put on the heat pack. And…I started bleeding an hour or so after that. I think,” her voice was full of emotion, but he was amazed at how even it was, “I think I miscarried.” She spoke softly, but Chakotay saw no sign of tears.  
“Kathryn, I’m so sorry.” His eyes searched hers, trying to gauge what she needed.   
“It’s alright. I’m…at peace with it. I had a lot of time to think about it yesterday and today, and I am desperately sad for the lost opportunity, but I think you were right when you said it just wasn’t meant to be right now. I don’t know what it would be like having a child on a strange planet, and the thought of delivering a child without the EHM or any type of medical care and equipment is frightening.” Chakotay nodded.   
“I don’t know what to say, Kathryn. I’m proud of you for having that outlook.” He paused. “Hm, I’m not sure if I said that right. I’m…glad you’re at peace with it.” He glanced at her stomach then back to her face. “Is everything…okay…with everything?” He made a circling motion with his hand that encompassed her stomach and her other lady parts. His embarrassment was endearing.  
“Yes,” she chuckled softly, “The bleeding already stopped.” Finally, her face turned serious. “How are you feeling about this?”  
He honestly was more concerned about Kathryn than his own feelings and hadn’t given her statement much thought other than how it was affecting her. Thinking about it now, he frowned.  
“I’m saddened by it, but I know now that it wasn’t meant to be. I prayed a lot about it yesterday, and I know that this isn’t the path we were meant to take right now. Who knows, if you find a cure and we can get back to Voyager, maybe we can try again. There are still embryos left in stasis. I know how determined you are to find a cure. Who knows what the future holds?” He knew the chances of getting back to Voyager were slim to none, since the chances of finding a cure were slim to none, but he would not take that hope away from her. If she needed his encouragement every day until the day he died, he would give it to her. He glanced at her computer screen. “What are you working on now?”  
“I was just re-reading part of the Doctor’s report on the RNA of the virus cells, but I think I’ll take a break and try out that sonic shower. Unless you’d like to use it first.” It finally dawned on her that he was sweating, and his hands and arms were dirty.  
“No, you go ahead. I think I’ll replicate something for us to eat, and then you can go out and re-bait your traps. Unless you want me to do it.” He didn’t know if what she had gone through today had weakened her at all. He didn’t want her to overdo anything.  
“I’m fine. Maybe after we eat and you shower, we could re-bait the traps together. I’d like your input if you think they are in a good spot. I have a few extra traps and would appreciate any suggestions you have.”   
Chakotay grinned, standing up. “That sounds like a plan.”  
= /\ =  
They both slept soundly through the night, both of them physically and emotionally exhausted. Kathryn woke up before Chakotay, and though her cramps were still there, they were much less than the day before. She pulled on a slate green/grey dress, pinned on her comm badge, and after quietly replicating a cup of coffee, she headed out into the early morning air to check her traps.  
She took longer than she had planned on, but thought to herself that it wasn’t like she had somewhere to go or anything else to do, so she enjoyed her morning, taking her time walking through the trees until she rounded back around towards the shelter around 1300 hours. She was just pressing one of the traps shut when Chakotay came out of the woods behind her.  
“Catch anything?” He came up next to her to look in the next trap she had opened.  
“Just the same ones as yesterday, and they don’t seem to carry the pathogen that’s infected us.” She glanced at him, realizing it was the first time she’d seen him that morning. “Where have you been?”  
“Oh, in the woods.” It was such a non-comital answer, Kathryn knew he wasn’t just meditating or exploring. That was also evident by the tools he carried in each hand and on the impromptu tool belt he wore around his waist. Her curiosity was piqued.  
“For the past two days you’ve been spending a lot of time in the woods. Is something going on I should know about?” They walked towards her next trap. She opened it, finding nothing, but not seeming to care. She was more interested in what Chakotay was up to.  
“Uh, not yet.” His tone was soft and secretive, and it drove her curiosity through the roof.  
“Not yet? What’s that supposed to mean?” Had she known where in the woods he had been spending so much time, she might very well try to sneak out there and have a look.  
“It means,” he looked at her with just the faintest press of his dimples into his cheeks, “that when it’s time for you to know, I’ll tell you.”  
Seeing his dimples and the twinkle in his eyes made her feel playful. “Don’t I even get hints?”   
“I’m building something,” he held out the tools in each hand to show her as if she hadn’t seen them already. Once he knew her interest was piqued to the max, he moved off away from her back towards the shelter.  
She let go of the trap in front of her, now completely uninterested in it for the moment. “Building?” Wonder filled her voice. “What could you be building?” Then incredulousness. “And why can’t you tell me?” She called off after him, moving quickly to catch up to him.  
He turned, full grin on his face. “You can’t stand it can you? You’re like a little kid, wheedling.” A smile broke out on her own face as she just started to laugh and come up with a retort when her comm badge chirped.  
“Tuvok to Janeway.” The comm line was popping and crackling, and Kathryn and Chakotay knew they only had minutes before Voyager was too far from the planet for communication.  
Janeway’s laugh died in her throat, and Chakotay felt a somber energy settle instantly around them.  
“Janeway here.” She realized now how close she stood to Chakotay but looking up into his deep brown eyes as the Vulcan and new acting Captain spoke, she couldn’t move from her spot.  
“We are about to move out of communications range. How are you faring?”   
Kathryn’s eyes were locked with Chakotay’s as the events of the last forty-eight hours flashed through her mind. The last month and a half even. There was still sorrow there, but the warmth in Chakotay’s eyes held such promise and encouragement that she couldn’t help but feel optimistic, though somber in the moment of Voyager’s final departure.  
“We’re doing quite well.” She looked down, twisting her own tool in her hand, realizing that the time had finally come. “I’d like to speak to the crew now.”  
“Your com link has been put through to the entire ship.” She met Chakotay’s gaze again, holding it as she collected her thoughts. She hadn’t thought of what she planned to say until this moment. Chakotay nodded his head gently in reassurance. Finding the strength she needed in his gaze, she took a step away from him and spoke to her crew one last time.   
“This is Kathryn Janeway. I’ve never liked saying goodbye, so I’ll make this brief. But I want you all to know that serving as your Captain has been the most extraordinary experience of my life.” Her voice grew softer, emotion threatening to take control. “No Captain could ask more than this crew has given – bravery, compassion, and strength of character. But I think what I’ll miss most is the fun. The times we joked together, the games on the holodeck. I’ll remember the laughter more than anything. Although Commander Chakotay and I won’t be with you for the rest of your journey, we know that you’ll be the same steadfast crew for Mr. Tuvok as you have been for us. We wish you a safe and speedy journey home. Our thoughts will be with you. Janeway out.”  
And just like that, after one last farewell from Tuvok, Voyager was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read a fic yesterday that completely wrecked me and killed my writing mojo until LATE last night, and I don't think my little JC heart will ever be the same. However today the muse is back and happy, and I'm currently starting Chapter 15, so never fear, good times are ahead. Thanks for following along this journey with me. Please let me know what you think. Thanks! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll recognize more dialogue here. No copyright infringement intended. I don't own Star Trek (I wish) and I don't make any profits from this or any story...just warm fuzzies at writing it and reading reviews. Thank you all for following the journey with me!

The next few days were uneventful and passed in relative calm. Chakotay generally woke before Kathryn, replicating something for himself for breakfast, and disappearing into the woods for several hours in the morning. Kathryn would wake up soon after, replicate herself a cup of coffee and then use the sonic shower. After dressing for the day and taking a quick look around outside for Chakotay, she’d head off on her own to check her traps and do a bit of exploring.

In the first three days after Voyager had left them, she had found the river, a huge meadow full of wildflowers where she suspected Chakotay had found the flowers that now adorned their table in the shelter. He replaced them every few days, and each time they were placed there fresh it brought a smile to her face. She also found a large patch of some type of red berry the resembled the look and taste of raspberries. After scanning them with the tricorder and finding nothing toxic, she ate a handful, making a mental note to tell Chakotay about them. He had mentioned that once everything was set up with their camp that he wanted to start exploring for alternative food sources, as the replicator wouldn’t hold out forever, and he wanted to make sure Kathryn had all the coffee her heart desired. She smiled to herself now, thinking of it. He was doing his best to make her comfortable so she could focus all her energy on finding a cure for their viral infection.

It was the early afternoon on their fifth day on the planet, that they had dubbed New Earth due to all its similarities to the old one, that Chakotay came back to the shelter sooner than he usually did with a soft grin playing at his lips. Kathryn had her nose buried in her computer, scanning over the Doctor’s notes and comparing them to the ones she’d accumulated on her own PADD, and didn’t look up right away when Chakotay entered. Finally, not able to keep himself quiet, he cleared his throat. Kathryn looked up at him expectantly.

“Chakotay, you’re back from your sneaking sooner than normal.” Her lips turned up in a half smile.

“Well, that’s because I’m done sneaking. I have a surprise for you.” Delight played in his eyes and Kathryn felt her heart pick up. She normally didn’t care for surprises, but something told her she’d like this one.

“What is it?” She stood up from the table.

“Well if I told you, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise now would it?” She gave him an exasperated but expectant look and he chuckled. “I have to finish putting it together closer to the shelter. You need to stay in here and promise you won’t come outside until I come get you, alright?”

She huffed in annoyance, but then nodded, feeling antsy and wanting to ‘wheedle’ again as he had put it the other day. Crossing her arms in front of her, she nodded again, “Alright.” Chakotay’s smile grew and he turned for the door. Just before he exited, he turned to look at her again, as if making sure she hadn’t moved. She rolled her eyes but smiled at him before he disappeared outside.

She stood frozen where she was for several minutes, not really knowing how long it would take for him to come back in and get her. When it became apparent that it wouldn’t be immediately, she sat back down at her desk and looked back at her computer, but her mind was no longer on her research. Her mind wandered from what Chakotay was doing outside to how their first nearly week on New Earth had been.

She was so torn every time she thought about it. It was such a beautiful planet and reminded her so much of home that it physically hurt. It would be easy to succumb and just put down roots and make a home here, but she was at the same time driven to find a cure for their infection and get off this planet as soon as possible. She already missed seeing the stars out every window, the hum of the impulse engines and the cacophony of the voices in the mess hall on Voyager. She was also eager to get back to Voyager and potentially get back on track with starting a family. She knew it was a far-off dream, but the idea had taken root in her mind, and now, however far off the possibility was, she wanted it. That drove her even harder to find something the Doctor had missed and find a cure for them both.

She knew Chakotay missed Earth…the real one. Though he wasn’t born there, she knew that he had roots there; learning of the history of his people, and spending time there with his father and grandfather. She knew how much it would mean to him to get back there someday. That was another one of her driving factors to find a cure.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but her thoughts finally drifted from Chakotay’s surprise to New Earth, then to the real Earth, and her fervor to do her research and she was finally able to begin to focus again on the PADD in front of her.

Roughly forty minutes later Chakotay came back inside, shocked that Kathryn wasn’t ready to shove him out of the way and see what he was up to. He grinned seeing her reading the PADD again. “Well I guess you don’t find the prospect of a surprise quite as fun as I thought you would.” His voice pulled her out of her work, and her cheeks pinked in embarrassment. 

“That’s not true, it just took you so long to come back I thought you’d forgotten about it.” She joked back at him and he grinned. She was glad he wasn’t really frustrated with her.

“Hardly. Come here.” She stood and walked towards the door, but just as she went to pass him, he stopped her. “Close your eyes.” She glared at him, but there was no animosity behind it, and he wouldn’t let her pass until she did as he asked. Sighing in exasperation, she closed her eyes.

“Don’t let me trip and fall, Commander.” His rank brought a smile to his face, but he said quietly, “Never.” He reached around her and put his left hand over her eyes. “Just so I know you won’t peek.” She chuckled but let him keep his hand where it was. He placed his right hand on her shoulder and guided her gently towards the door.

Once outside he walked them towards a stand of trees and shrubs that grew about ten meters from the entrance to the shelter. He steered her slowly, letting her set the pace since she couldn’t see. She chuckled softly as she lost her balance as they took a step together, but his hand on her shoulder kept her steady. “Where are we going?”

“We’re almost there. Just a few more steps.” He used his right hand to push a low hanging branch out of their way, then directed her to her right one more step. “Alright Kathryn, open your eyes.” He pulled his hand away and took a step back.

Kathryn opened her eyes and her mouth dropped open. Before her on the ground was a bathtub. It looked to be carved out of a mix of wood and some type of dark stone, but she had never seen anything like it on the planet so far. It was surrounded by smaller boulders and rocks, and though it wasn’t large or luxurious, she could practically feel her skin tingling with the idea of soaking in warm water. She realized then that it was already filled, steam rising off the surface. She moved towards it, breaking the surface tension with her fingers as she dragged them through the water. He had even made a type of cushioned head rest for her. Feeling tears prick the corners of her eyes, she turned around.

Chakotay’s expression was expectant, and she realized how much work this had been for him. It had taken him nearly a week to complete, especially since he had also been busy putting their shelter and furnishings together as well.

“Chakotay, I don’t know what to say. How did you do this?” He shrugged his shoulders.

“A little phaser work here, some hand carving there. I retrofitted a replicator module. It will only replicate water, but then at least we don’t have to carry water from the river to fill it, and you can set the temperature as well. I found some rocks in the woods that conduct heat, so once the water is heated, the rocks around the tub will keep the water warm as long as you’d like.” He clasped his hands behind his back.

“I…thank you. You didn’t have to do this. It’s too much. I could have made do with the sonic shower.” Her eyes shone with gratitude, and it warmed his heart.

“Well, why ‘make do’ when we can do better? It really was no trouble and knowing that it makes you happy makes it worth the work.” He took a step forward. “I already filled it, in case you’d like to use it now, but the water will stay warm for hours, if you’d like to wait.”

“I think it sounds perfect. I was struggling with my research earlier. I think this will be just what I need to get my thoughts together.” She stepped up to Chakotay and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. “Thank you so much for this.” He grinned, nodding.

“You’re welcome. I know you don’t like surprises, but I had hoped this would be alright.”

“I like this surprise.”

= /\ =

Kathryn soaked in the tub for nearly an hour. The warm water felt wonderful; much better than the sonic shower. Before she’d gotten in she grabbed her bathrobe, and replicated some lavender scented soap and a fuzzy blue towel. A grin on her face, she headed back outside to get in. Chakotay stayed inside the house, deciding what to work on next while she bathed in privacy. He was elated that she enjoyed her surprise. She’d suffered so much in the last few days; the last few months. Even the last year, and anything he could do to bring a smile to her face or joy to her heart, he’d gladly do it. He decided to finish putting together the cabinets in the main living area so they could store more of their personal items inside instead of in cases outside. He was just finishing up when Kathryn came inside. He had to school his features at the sight of her. She looked radiant.

Her skin was flushed from the warm water, and her face was more relaxed than it had been in days. He had to look away since her bathrobe didn’t leave much to the imagination, and her feet were bare as she padded across the floor towards her sleeping area. The scent of lavender reached his nose as she passed in front of him. “That was wonderful, Chakotay. Thank you.”

“No trouble at all, Kathryn. Are you hungry? I was just going to replicate something for lunch, and maybe go out after and look for some fruits or other plants that we can harvest.”

“That sounds wonderful. And that reminds me, I found some raspberries out on the edge of the meadow. I scanned them and they are fine to eat. We could collect those.” She spoke from behind her privacy wall as she dressed. 

“You can show me where they are after we eat.” He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he’d found that same stand of berry bushes several days ago and had been snacking on them daily. They were delicious and would be good to eat now, or to preserve for colder weather.

Chakotay replicated two bowls of soup and salads and set the table. After Kathryn had gotten dressed, she came back out and sat down with him. They are in companionable silence, Kathryn reading over her notes again, and Chakotay reading a PADD of his own.

= /\ =

Several weeks later…

Kathryn sat soaking in her tub one evening, thinking over different ways to solve the problem of their infection. It had been over two weeks and she hadn’t caught a single insect that carried the virus. She didn’t dare venture too near the bog where they had first been attacked. She didn’t figure they could be infected again, but knowing that they didn’t have the Doctor, endless hyposprays and dermal regenerators at their disposal, she wanted to do everything in her power to remain healthy. She’d spent the last ten minutes squeezing water up into her washing sponge and then squeezing it back out.

Her thoughts then traveled briefly to Chakotay. He was in the shelter, she knew, working on something. Whenever she took a bath he always stayed inside for as long as she was outside. He never intruded on her time, never bothered; never even spoke to her. The bathtub had become her sanctuary.

Knowing though that she’d been in the tub for quite a while and that it was getting late, she wondered if he’d gone to bed. She dropped the sponge and turned her head towards the shelter, “Chakotay, are you there?”

“No, I left an hour ago,” she smiled at his playful tone. 

“I was thinking, maybe looking for protein cofactors is the wrong approach. Even if I can’t find a specimen of the insect that infected us…I could try to learn something about the biomolecular evolution of this planet’s ecosystem.” She thought briefly that maybe taking the shuttlecraft that had been left for them and taking ionosphere readings might be a good idea too. If she stayed inside the planet’s atmosphere to avoid further seizures and blackouts…she might gain new information that could somehow link two ideas together.

“Can’t hurt to give it a try.” There was something in his tone that suggested he was preoccupied or merely placating her, and she was about to ask him about it when there was a loud rustling in the trees right next to the tub.

Startled, she reached for her towel to cover herself. “Chakotay!” She leapt out of the water, quickly wrapping the towel around her body, chilling instantly in the night air.

The sudden change in her tone made his heart skip a beat, “What?!”

“Someone’s in the woods!”

Chakotay darted into action, jumping up to grab a flashlight and phaser he ran out the door, completely overlooking the fact that Kathryn was outside in the tub. He didn’t even focus on her as he kept his eyes trained on the trees beyond her, phaser at the ready. As he got next to her, she pointed where she’d heard the noise. “Over there.” He switched on the light and shone it up in the trees.

A small black and white monkey like creature began chirping nervously, and Kathryn gasped in surprise, her nerves immediately calming down. Chakotay kept his light pointed at the small animal.

“It looks like some kind of primate,” Kathryn whispered so as not to scare the animal further. She barely registered Chakotay standing next to her as she studied the creature. He seemed nervous, but curious as well.

“I’ve detected primate life-signs here, but I’ve never seen one.” Chakotay kept his light trained on the animal but lowered his phaser.

Kathryn took a step forward, talking gently to the animal. It seemed to focus on the sound of her voice, crouching slightly and watching her as she reached her hand out to try to coax it down lower. Chakotay kept his light on it so it was easy for Kathryn to see. She kept speaking to it in a hushed tone, and Chakotay took a step forward to give her better light as the primate moved closer towards the tree. Then with one last shriek it climbed up and around the tree out of sight.

“Oh,” she spoke sadly, “Maybe he’ll come back.” Chakotay lowered his light and turned it off, bathing them both in the natural light of the bright moon.

“Looking for a pet?” He worked at the strap of his flashlight, turning to face Kathryn for the first time since he’d come outside. His heart immediately began hammering in his chest.

Now that the threat of an unknown assailant in the trees was gone, he took in her appearance. Her hair was pinned messily on top of her head with several pieces sticking to the wet skin of her neck. Water shone on her bare arms and he followed the line of her left arm from her milky white shoulder, down, and then back up to where her left hand clutched the towel to her chest. His eyes traveled lower to where her left thigh shown dangerously where the edges of the towel parted, and down bare legs to her feet. His gaze swept back up quickly.

“No, looking for a clue about primate physiology on this planet. They must have to contend with insect bites too.” Kathryn’s right hand came up to clutch at the closure of her towel as well, and Chakotay’s eye was drawn to it, and to the expanse of skin at her shoulders and back that reflected the pale light of the moon. Her skin was illuminated in the darkness and she almost looked ethereal. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. 

Kathryn was waiting for an answer from him, and when there was silence, she looked up at him. Her heart fluttered in her chest. Chakotay’s eye were on her neck, and the hungry look she saw there was one that Kathryn had never seen there before. It startled her as much as it captivated her. The turn of her head brought Chakotay’s eyes from her bare skin up to her face, and the look of longing she saw there took her breath away. Chakotay, realizing his error, leaned back infinitesimally, dropping his hands to his sides. “Well…excuse me.” Came his hushed reply and he quickly turned and walked back towards the house.

Kathryn clutched the towel closer to herself, her thoughts of the primate and the virus completely gone. She had never seen Chakotay look at her the way he’d just looked at her. She turned to watch his retreating form for a moment, her mouth nearly dropping open. A tingling feeling traveled up and down her arms and legs at the thought of that look on his face, directed at her. How could he look at her like that? There was desire in that expression…almost longing.

No, it had to be a trick of her imagination, a play of the moonlight on his face. He’d merely been uncomfortable in her presence and surely it was a misunderstanding. Shaking her head, she quickly discarded her towel in favor of her bathrobe that rested at the edge of the tub.

Seeing that primate had jarred something loose in her mind, and before she even had the robe totally tied shut, she ordered the tub empty and headed back inside to her computer.

Chakotay felt his face flush and he silently berated himself for his reaction to Kathryn’s closeness and the intimacy of the moment. He entered the shelter and put his flashlight and phaser back where they were and took a deep breath. He’d have to work harder to keep his feelings in check. He’d always been attracted to Kathryn as a person; her strength, bravery and downright grit were inspiring, and he’d seen her in action enough times to know that she was a force to be reckoned with in any type of situation. He was attracted to her sense of honor and her commitment to her crew. He knew the compassion she felt for each person under her command. And he was attracted to her personality; her wit and sense of humor were unmatched, and he found himself always eager to hear the next words to leave her lips.

But tonight was different. This was the first time he’d been physically attracted to her. Sure, he knew she was beautiful, but some type of hunger had stirred in him tonight the likes of which he’d never felt before…ever. The way the moonlight drenched her wet skin, and the way her hair fell messily around her face. He felt a craving for her and took a deep breath to try to clamp it down. This wouldn’t do, and it wasn’t fair at all to Kathryn. He took another deep breath, leaning against the table to get his bearings and she entered. He looked up as she spoke, but his eyes fell to her hand pulling the belt of her robe closed. She was speaking about looking for more primate life to study, but his thoughts couldn’t form beyond the sight of her before him.

Kathryn was driven as she punched up research on her computer. The look in Chakotay’s eyes, imagined or not, had made her uncomfortable, and brought her closer to the line she had drawn in the sand for them than ever before. She wasn’t comfortable with the feelings it stirred up, and the way she figured it, the faster she could find a cure, the faster they could get back to the way things used to be. Tonight felt like there might be something else there, and she wasn’t ready for that. She felt conflicted but driven as she glanced from her computer to per PADD, not realizing that Chakotay was fighting his own battle of feelings mere feet from her.

Watching her working at her computer he was frustrated. Mostly at himself for his lack of control of his emotions, but also at her blind ambition to find a cure that seemed less and less likely to be had, and he unfortunately took it out on her. She hadn’t given herself a break since she’d started looking nearly three weeks ago, and he felt that she was ignoring life around her as she focused all her efforts on a goal that was nearly unattainable. They argued briefly, or at least as close to arguing as they’d come since being stranded on this planet. He wanted her to take a break from her tireless work, and she didn’t understand his lack of support in finding a cure. He couldn’t understand why she was so driven, and she couldn’t understand why he doubted her abilities to have a breakthrough. They left it as a stalemate, both a little disgruntled by the whole interaction, but both knowing that something had changed between them that evening. Chakotay went to bed soon after that, leaving Kathryn to sit up late that night working. She went back outside with her tricorder, hoping the primate would come back so she could scan it for a DNA study and comparison to her own DNA. At nearly 0300 hours she went back into the shelter, frustrated and tired and fell into a light, fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it...kind of a filler chapter, but it's fun to try and figure out what they are thinking. Thank you so much for everyone that has commented or given kudos...I know everyone says this, but I so very much appreciate it. I'm so glad people are enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. My laptop has been getting quite a workout as of late and I"m loving it! Thanks again!!!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there friends! Here’s another chapter for you. Some of the dialogue you’ll recognize, but I have changed a little bit of it around. No infringement intended. The words you recognize are not mine, obviously. I just so very much love these two characters and bringing them out to play. I hope you enjoy this next installment.

The day dawned bright and clear and warm and Chakotay woke up feeling better than he had the night before. A good night’s sleep always seemed to fix things, and he felt more clearheaded and content than he did the day before. He chuckled to himself at the reaction he’d had to Kathryn last night and planned to apologize for his behavior. He must have been more tired than he thought.

He dressed and replicated himself a bowl of oatmeal and sat down to eat it. He decided that he’d make a headboard for Kathryn today. He knew that even after she usually went to bed that she sat up reading over her notes from the day, or bits of the Doctor’s research, and the walls of the shelter weren’t comfortable to lean on. Deciding that that would be his next project he tucked into his meal. He was nearly finished when Kathryn came out from her sleeping area.

She looked awful. She hadn’t done anything with her hair from her bath the night before and it hung in messy pieces all around her face. She wore a cream-colored pajama shirt and matching pants and her hands were clutching her stomach. “Kathryn, are you alright?”

She nodded, moving to sit across from him at the table. “I’m fine. I just stayed up too late last night working and drank too much coffee.” She’d replicated at least four cups after Chakotay went to bed, and she was paying for it now. “I’m just feeling nauseous, and I didn’t sleep well.” She left one hand on her stomach and pressed the other to her forehead where a headache started to throb behind her eyes.

Chakotay watched her as she sat, eyes shut, at the table. “Kathryn, what can I do to make you feel better?” He didn’t want to see her sick. The Doctor had sent them several emergency hyposprays. Maybe there was something for nausea there.

“Nothing. I just need time for my stomach to settle.” She rested her head in her hand, her eyes falling shut again.

“I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to seem ungrateful about all the hard work you’ve been doing. I’m fortunate that you are so brilliant, and that you are so driven to find us a cure. I just want to make sure you don’t burn yourself out.”

“I appreciate that, Chakotay. And I’m sorry that I snipped at you. I was just tired and…maybe a bit burnt out as you put it. But I just have to keep looking. I can’t give up yet.” She rested her hands on the table, a sad look on her face. He could tell she was exhausted.  
“I know, and I don’t want you to ever give up, if you want to keep researching and looking for a cure, that’s what I want you to do.” He placed his hand over hers, patting it gently. She smiled at him.

“Thank you.” She glanced at his now nearly empty bowl of oatmeal. “Hmmm, that looks good. Maybe some oatmeal will settle my stomach.” She got up and asked the replicator for her own bowl. She was about to ask for a cup of coffee but thought better of it. “Next time I try to replicate coffee after 2200 hours, please stop me.” She huffed out a laugh as she came back to the table with her breakfast.

“Aye, Captain.” He grinned at her, glad that they had made up and that there was no awkwardness from the night before. He thought about apologizing for the way he behaved outside when she was wearing nothing but a towel, but she either didn’t notice or didn’t bring it up, so he decided to leave it lie. He’d do better going forward at respecting her modesty and privacy, so it wouldn’t be an issue. “What are your plans for today, Kathryn?”

“Well, I set some traps around the perimeter of the meadow yesterday, and some nearer the river, so I think I’ll go and check those.” Just the thought of covering all that ground immediately this morning made her feel even more exhausted than she already did. “But I think first, believe it or not, I plan to take a book and a chair and sit out at the edge of the woods and see if that primate comes back. He didn’t last night, but I want to scan him with the medical tricorder to see if he’s infected with the virus as well. If I can see how his immune system works, I might be able to make a link to our own.”

Chakotay’s eyebrows raised, “I think that’s a great idea. Now would that be a ‘book’ book or an ‘I’m researching a cure’ book?” 

Kathryn gave him a lopsided grin, “A ‘book’ book actually. I have my entire library from Voyager with me and was halfway through the second book in a mystery series when we got here. I think I’ll pick that up for a while.” Chakotay nodded, satisfied that she was heeding his advice of taking it is easy for a bit, even if she pretended it was her own idea. He didn’t care.

“Well, I have some things I want to get done outside, so I’ll leave you to it.” He stood up, putting his empty bowl in the recycler. “Let me know if you need any help with anything.” Kathryn nodded, slowly finishing her oatmeal and feeling her stomach settling already. 

After breakfast and a sonic shower, she dressed in a raspberry colored short sleeved dress and matching flats. As she slipped the shoes on, she remarked to herself that her attire on New Earth was one thing she enjoyed more than on Voyager. Of course she was very proud of her Starfleet uniform and the hard work it took to earn her Captain’s pips, but she enjoyed the comfort of her dresses and leisure clothes, and she didn’t miss the high heeled uniform boots that she had to wear on Voyager. Feeling the skirt of her dress sway around her calves as she moved about the shelter made her smile, and now that her nausea was under control and her headache almost gone, she grabbed her book, a chair and her medical tricorder and headed out into the woods.

It was well into the afternoon when she came back. The primate had not made an appearance, but she had gotten a good chunk of her book finished and was feeling much more optimistic about the day. Going to check the traps didn’t feel like such a daunting task anymore. As she put her tricorder away and picked up her specimen case, she heard an odd rasping noise coming from outside. Wanting to know what Chakotay was doing, she headed back outside to check on him.

She found him under a stand of trees in the shade, working on smoothing…something. “What are you up to now?” She moved over to sit on a large rock next to his workstation.

“I’m making us headboards.” He stopped what he was doing, setting down his tools to turn and look at her.

“Headboards?”

Chakotay grinned at her, “Well I can see you sitting up most nights reading after you go to bed, and I figured that the wall wasn’t very comfortable to lean on. I figured headboards would make a better backrest.” Kathryn looked at his current project, a sad smile turning up her lips. It wasn’t lost on Chakotay.

“That’s so thoughtful of you, Chakotay. You’ve done so many things to make our lives here easier.”

Chakotay paused, watching her face. “Then why do you look sad all of a sudden?” He leaned a bit closer to her, placing a boot on the rock next to her for balance so he could more easily read her expression.

She thought for a moment before answering. “Sometimes, it just feels like you’ve given up. It feels like you’re more interested in settling down here and putting down roots than in finding a cure that will help us leave and get back to Voyager…to get back home.”

Chakotay tried to find the best way to answer, when her own words from several months ago came to the forefront of his mind, and he spoke them back to her. “A wise woman once told me that we shouldn’t ignore the present for a future that might never happen.” Kathryn’s lips turned up, remembering saying that to him just before they had decided to embark on the journey to parenthood together. A wistful feeling played through her mind. That seemed an eternity ago. “So yes, I’m trying to make a home here. Something comfortable, because we might not ever leave here. I have every confidence in you and your research, and if a cure is to be found with the resources that we have, then I know you will find it. But until then, I want a home that’s more than just a plain gray box.”

Kathryn’s eyes shone with understanding and appreciation and her lips turned up in a soft smile that warmed his heart. He knew in that moment that she understood. “Well, someday I may have to let go too,” she held up her hand for him to help her to her feet. He gladly acquiesced. “But, not today, okay?” He grinned at her as their eyes locked for a moment. “I’m going to go check my traps now. I tried a completely different bait in them. I have a feeling today might be the day I make a breakthrough.” Chakotay nodded, watching her walk away before returning to his own work.

= /\ =

Chakotay was just putting the finishing touches on her headboard. He was going to install it while she was gone as a nice surprise for her but decided to wait until she came back. He didn’t want to enter her sleeping area without her permission. It felt somehow like an intrusion. They already shared most of their living quarters, he wanted to give her as much privacy as he could in this unique situation. He brought the headboard inside and leaned it against the wall next to her privacy screen when he suddenly felt the hairs on his arms and neck stand up. Wondering at the feeling, he noticed that the light coming through the window had changed somehow. The sunlight had taken on a more grey/brown hue, and he went outside to investigate.

Clouds were roiling in the sky, a storm brewing quickly, and the wind began to whip through the trees. Just as he moved past the trees around their shelter a loud crack of what sounded like thunder boomed overhead, so hard the ground shook and a tree branch snapped and fell where he’d just been standing. Panic flooded him knowing that Kathryn was out there in the woods somewhere. He immediately began running in the direction where he knew she would be.

Kathryn stumbled along, carrying her case and trying to keep her balance as the ground shook with each crack overhead. She felt panicked, wanting to get back to the shelter and make sure Chakotay was alright. The sky turned black as night while she tried to make her way back. Every time thunder rent through the sky the ground shook violently, throwing her to the ground. Her specimen case threw off her center of gravity and she landed on her hands and knees, over and over, making little progress trying to get back.

“Kathryn!” She heard Chakotay’s voice off in the distance, and relief flooded her entire being. She was just about to call out to him when another tremor threw her to the ground again. “Kathryn, are you hurt?” She felt his arms come around her and bring her to her feet. Though he was right next to her, the wind and thunder drowned out his voice. She just shook her head as he wrapped an arm around her middle, pulling her in the direction of their shelter. The thunder pounded overhead, and the ground shook brutally, but with Chakotay’s added strength, they stayed on their feet and made better headway towards their camp. As it came into view, she saw massive branches littering the ground and part of the roof of their shelter had a hole ripped through it by another fallen limb. “Quick, get inside.”

The entered their shelter, and Chakotay looked around frantically for somewhere they could take cover. “Kathryn, get under the table, quick!” It was the most solid piece of furniture they had. Kathryn dove under it, and Chakotay followed behind her. The darkness was illuminated by the near constant flashes of plasma explosions in the sky as the storm raged on. Chakotay wrapped a protective arm around Kathryn’s waist, pulling her close until they were nearly spooning, but he tried to lean up over her, protecting her body from anything that might fall on them if the table gave way. Kathryn just lay there in horror as each boom of thunder caused the ground beneath them to quake. Their chairs tipped over, instruments and PADDs rattled to the floor in a cacophony of noise. All she could do was cover her eyes with her hand, not wanting to see any more of the destruction. Chakotay wrapped his other arm around her, rubbing her shoulder gently in comfort as their entire world came down around them.

He wasn’t sure how long the storm fulminated outside, but finally the sky began to lighten, and the booming sounded farther and farther in the distance. It disappeared nearly as quickly as it had come up. The ground still let off a few tremors and neither Kathryn nor Chakotay wanted to leave the safely of their spot until they knew it was safe. Kathryn felt safe in Chakotay’s arms and though she didn’t have the wherewithal to analyze those feelings beyond what they were at the surface; feeling safe in the dangerous storm, she quite frankly didn’t want to analyze them further. She wasn’t normally a woman that needed protecting, but the feeling of his strong arms around her, comforting her felt so right and so safe.

After another ten or fifteen minutes his arms finally loosened around her as he scooted back to climb to his feet. As she moved to follow, he reached down and took her hands, helping her to her feet. It was then that they could really take in the devastation around them.

Her computer lay in pieces on the floor, and all the traps that she’d stored on the counter behind her desk were destroyed. Pots and pans lay scattered everywhere, and huge a hole was torn through the roof of the shelter with a large tree branch hanging through it. They both looked around in silence, taking in the destruction around them. Kathryn opened the cabinet where their tricorders and phasers were kept. Everything there seemed to be in working order. She took both tricorders out and handed one to Chakotay. “Let’s check outside, Kathryn, maybe some of your traps out there survived.” She nodded silently, turning towards the door. Her chest tightened when she saw the vase of flowers that Chakotay always kept filled. The vase was in pieces and the flowers were scattered about the floor. The view made her suddenly sad and she moved quickly past it and outside. She began scanning her traps with the tricorder, while Chakotay used his to check the structural damage of their shelter.

Scan after scan told Kathryn what she already knew. Everything was destroyed. Several of her traps were mangled beyond recognition and many others were laying in pieces in the grass around their shelter. She noticed, mercifully that her bathtub remained unscathed. She scanned a few more pieces of equipment, knowing it wouldn’t be fruitful, but not knowing what else to do. She knelt by a particularly mangled insect trap. “None of this is salvageable.” Chakotay turned at the dejected tone in which she spoke. “There’s no way I can continue my research.” She stood up to face him, and the look of sorrow on his face matched hers.

“I’m sorry, Kathryn.” He didn’t know what else to say in that moment, and he knew words were moot at that point.

“Well,” she said, a sad look of defeat on her face, “I guess that’s one way of letting go.” She sighed, looking down at her damaged equipment. She knelt again and began picking up pieces of traps and other equipment. She started making a pile, and when Chakotay began to help, she placed a hand gently on his arm. “It’s alright. I’ll do it.” He knew then that she needed to do it alone. That in picking up the pieces of her failed research, she was letting go of a future that no longer existed for her. He wanted to reassure her; tell her that this wasn’t the end, but he simply nodded to her, deciding to go inside and begin cleaning up there.

They spent nearly an hour apart as she moved around in the woods, collecting some of her left-over traps that still hung from trees and the small stands that she’d set up months ago. There was no sign of her primate friend, and she hoped that he had made it to safety before the storm reached its full fury. When she collected all she could carry, chiding herself for not bringing some type of basket or bag to put all the broken pieces in, she returned to the shelter. Chakotay was on the roof of the house, assessing the damage that the tree branch had done. She watched him for a moment in silence before he turned around, noticing her standing there. He thought to ask her about any of her other traps but knew it would do no good. Even if some of them were still functional, her computer and protein analyzer were both destroyed. She could catch all the insects that she wanted to, but it would do no good without research equipment. She grinned softly in defeat up at him. “What can I do to help you, Chakotay?”

His heart ached for wanting to comfort her, but he knew he could offer nothing that would make her feel better. As it was before, time would be the only thing to heal this wound. “Well, if you want to clear all of the small brush and make a pile, we can use it later for kindling when the weather turns cold.” Scans of the planet had shown that it had four seasons very similar to Earth, another reason for their moniker. New Earth was in the middle of ‘summer’ right now, but atmospheric analysis on Voyager had shown that eventually this hemisphere would succumb to a type of winter. “I’ll use a phaser to break up some of the larger pieces so we have a healthy wood pile ready when winter arrives.” Kathryn nodded.

“I’m just going to change first. I’ll be right back.” She entered the shelter and went to her living area, looking for something better to wear for more manual labor. She realized in that moment that Chakotay had been right all along. Even if she had been able to continue her research for a cure, it might still have taken months to find it, and then synthesize it and then administer it to see if it was successful. In that time life would go on here. They might very well have made it to winter anyways while she did her research, and where would they have been without his careful planning? Probably without food, firewood or a shelter. She was so focused on the ‘now’ that she didn’t realize how important his planning was. She was going to tell him as much as she came back outside.

“Kathryn, what would you think of a different living arrangement?” She was going to speak, but his words took her aback. She picked up a large piece of brush and moved it, glancing at him in question. “Well, I’ve been thinking, there’s plenty of wood available here. I could probably add rooms to the shelter. You know, to give us a little more living space.” She tossed the brush aside and moved to pick up more, not really sure where to put it, but wanting to get it out of the way.

“How would you mill it?” She was intrigued at the idea, and knew that if anyone could do it, it would be Chakotay.

“I could do some with phasers, but I was thinking more like logs.” He was working to patch up the roof, facing away from her as he spoke. 

“As in log cabin?” She grinned as she filled her arms with branches, making quite a substantial pile.

“I built a few of them when I was growing up.” He answered, turning and crouching so he was closer to her. My father thought it was important for me to learn how.” He motioned to the damaged shelter. “I guess looking back it was a pretty good idea.” She chuckled.

“When I was growing up my parents took us on backpacking and camping trips. They wanted us to keep a connection to our pioneer roots.” She laughed, tossing more brush aside. “I hated it. No bed, no replicator,”

“No bathtub,” he finished for her. They both chuckled.

“No bathtub.” She grinned. “I guess I’ve always been a child of the twenty fourth century.” She felt her arm muscles begin to protest the heavy lifting, but it felt good at the same time, so she pushed through it.

Chakotay thought for a moment, watching her work. “Well, maybe in a way those camping trips prepared you for life here.” He picked up a piece of metal to solder onto the roof to cover a hole there. He definitely thought a log cabin would be better for them. Much better protection if another plasma storm came along.

“Oh no, life here is much better than that.” Chakotay turned at her words, focusing fully on her. She stood facing away from him, eyes closed for the briefest of moments, allowing the sun to warm her skin and give her muscle a few seconds respite.

“I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you say anything truly positive about being here.” He smiled in wonder at her, and she paused for a moment, surprised at her own statement, but knowing it to be true. She was just about to speak again when a familiar chirp of her primate friend caught her attention. Seeing that the tiny animal was unscathed from the storm she spoke in soft tones to it, holding out her hand again. It was listening to her voice, but stayed where it was, watching Kathryn, and then Chakotay as he moved closer as well.

“I doubt he can be domesticated, at least not easily or quickly.” Chakotay watched with a smile as Kathryn interacted with the small primate.

“Well, we have plenty of time.” She chuckled, “The rest of our lives.” Her eyes grew wide at her own admission and she looked back at Chakotay. There was an unknown emotion playing across his features.

“That’s a long time,” his tone was somber, but then a smile drew up his face as he crossed his fingers, “At least I hope so.” He lightened the mood and they both chuckled, sharing the moment, before getting up and going back to work.

= /\ =

They spent most of the late afternoon and evening cleaning up inside and out. Kathryn cleaned up the brush all around the shelter and helped Chakotay finish fixing the hole in the roof, then headed off with a large bucket to collect more of her broken traps. She was gone for over an hour, and by the time she finished she was exhausted. When she finally got back Chakotay was inside fixing the leg on her desk that had bent. She noticed immediately that he’d replicated a new vase and had picked some fresh flowers to adorn their table. She smiled at the lovely white and pink blossoms. “Well, I think I’ve done all I can for the evening, and I’m famished. Would you like me to replicate anything for you?” She leaned against the wall watching Chakotay. There was a gleam in his eye as he stood to face her. 

“Nope, and you don’t need to replicate anything either. I have another surprise for you.” She cocked her head, watching as he stood up and motioned for her to follow him outside. Around the back of the shelter, Chakotay had built a fire pit with a ring of rocks, and right now there was what looked like a type of bird cooking over the fire there. Her mouth dropped open as she watched him manually turn the bird on the spit that he’d set up. 

“How? When – what did you do?” She was astonished. He chuckled at her loss of words.

“I’ve seen these pheasant type birds in the meadow before. When I was there picking flowers for you today, I shot one with a phaser. I thought you’d like a meal that wasn’t completely replicated. I have plans to catch fish from the river too, but this was easy. I actually built the fire pit several days ago but didn’t have cause to use it until now.” Kathryn’s eye went wide. He’d built a firepit days ago, and she’d been so pre-occupied with her work that she hadn’t even noticed. She felt shame pink her cheeks.

“But you don’t eat meat, Chakotay.” She was amazed that he’d go to all this extra work just for her.

“I know, but you do, and I figured you’d like a real meal that wasn’t replicated. I did replicate baked potatoes and bread, but we should do some more searching for edible fruits and vegetables here. Then more of our meals can be real and not replicated food. I also made a large pot of chili. I figured we could divide it into two batches and put the left-over bird meat into yours.” He shrugged his shoulders as if it wasn’t a big deal, but she pulled him into an embrace. He smiled and gladly returned it. “It really wasn’t any work, Kathryn.”

She pressed her cheek into him and smiled. When she felt his hands begin to roam up and down her back, her eyes pressed shut and she pulled away from him, nerves taking over her actions. “Well, it smells wonderful. Is it ready to eat?” Her stomach rumbled and they both chuckled, the awkward moment breaking. 

“I think so. Go ahead inside, I’ll bring it in. Could you replicate me a cup of tea?” She nodded, smiling at him again before heading back inside. Once she was out of sight, he took a deep, steadying breath and took the bird off the spit.

They ate their fill, and after they were done and their dishes put away, Chakotay attached her heard board to her bed and then went to work on an etching that he had been working on to hang on the wall above his bed. Kathryn changed into soft periwinkle blue pajamas and sat down at her desk, determined that even though her traps were broken beyond repair, she might be able to salvage some of the parts for future use. She wasn’t sure how, but she figured it would be something easy to do that didn’t involve heavy lifting. As soon as she settled into her chair, she felt the muscle in her shoulders and neck begin to seize up, pulling uncomfortably. She reached across with her left hand to try to alleviate the tension, a soft groan sounding in the back of her throat, “Ugh, I guess I’m not used to that kind of work,” she chuckled to herself. “My knots are getting knots.” He grinned knowingly. He was sore too and knew that her muscle must ache if she actually voiced her discomfort out loud. He watched her struggle to massage the spot for the briefest of moments before standing up.

“Here, let me help.” Chakotay put down his etching and moved behind her chair. Kathryn sat up a bit but left her hand where it was on her shoulder.

Chakotay reached forward gently to move her hair out of his way, accidentally brushing the tips of his fingers across the skin of her neck as he took her tresses into his hand. He marveled at the softness of it, letting it slip gently through his fingers as he watched the soft lights play along the strands. Kathryn froze at his touch, and the feel of her hair falling gently through his fingers set her heart racing, but just as she was about to speak, he lay her hair across her left shoulder, his hands coming up to rest on either side of her neck. She sat frozen, and his fingers slipped over hers and he began to knead the muscles above her shoulder blades.

Pleasure instantly coursed through her as her eyes slipped shut and a sigh escaped her as the tension from the day melted away. Chakotay’s thumbs pressed just hard enough into her back to almost cause pain, but all she felt was pleasure, and his fingers gently kneaded the flesh around her neck. He stretched down to her collarbone, pressing the pads of each digit into her skin. It felt like heaven and she couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her with her thanks. “Oh, that feels good.”

Chakotay grinned, reveling in the fact that she was letting him do this. He was glad to help alleviate her tension but getting to be close to her felt even better. “I’ve had a lot of practice at this. My mother used to get sore necks all the time. I was the only one she trusted not to make it worse.” His voice was a balm to her nerves just as his fingers worked their magic across her back. She leaned back into his touch; all of her senses focused on the feel of his warm hands moving across her skin. She’d never let herself get close to him like this before, and the sensation wasn’t at all unpleasant. She felt safe in a way that she’d never known before. A soft sigh escaped her as he spoke. Her whole body felt warm and content.

They were both lost in the feel of each other. Chakotay closed his eyes, leaning down closer to her, feeling the heat radiate off her in front of him. He took a deep breath, taking in the scent of her lavender soap. He ached with the need to be near her, though she was right in front of him now. He would do anything in that moment to take her pain away. The pain of her muscles, the pain of being stranded here, the pain of losing her pregnancy…any of it. All of it. Taking another deep breath, he tried to commit this moment to memory. He realized then that his hands had stopped moving when he felt Kathryn tense beneath his touch. She leaned forward and the spell was broken. She stood slowly and turned to face him. The look on his face was unidentifiable, but she knew that she’d just taken something from him, though she wasn’t sure what, and she felt guilty for it. “That’s much better, thank you.” Her neck was still sore, but she was afraid what might happen if she let him continue. All she did know was that she wasn’t ready for it. He nodded gently in response. “Well, I’m going to go to bed now. I’ll see you in the morning.” She was retreating, and though she knew she should face this head on, that look of hunger played across his face again for the briefest of moments, and it held a power that she wasn’t capable of matching. So instead, she retreated.

Chakotay nodded again, “Sleep well, Kathryn.” And he smiled at her, acknowledging her retreat with a look that told her all was forgiven. It wasn’t expected, and the power was given back to her as he always had a habit of doing. Her throat felt thick and she could barely answer.

“Yes, you too.” Her smile fell from her face and was replaced with the concern she felt at the events that had just transpired between them, and she tossed the covers back, getting into bed, but she knew that sleep would not take her. The feel of his hands lingered on her skin, and she wanted more.

She chided herself; she shouldn’t want more. She couldn’t want more. A line had been drawn between them the moment he became her first officer. But hadn’t she erased that line when she’d asked him to father her child? Her brow furrowed as she thought over the events of the last year. From the first moment she saw his angry face on her viewscreen before he even set foot on Voyager, she knew there was something about him that drew her.

She was attracted instantly to his leadership abilities and his dedication to his renegade crew. She had been so pleased when he agreed to join forces with her. First he was an ally; then he had become a friend. They had been tiptoeing across the line in the sand for months, but to fully erase it was something that she wasn’t ready to do.

Closing her eyes, she willed sleep to find her. It would not.

In the main living area Chakotay sat back down at his own desk, a feeling of loss settled in his stomach. He felt as though an opportunity had presented itself, and they both had let it slip by. He’d tried to read Kathryn’s face, but emotions had just shown themselves that he’d never seen there before, and when Kathryn wanted to keep things bottled up, she was very good at it. He didn’t know what he saw there, but he knew that if it was ever to be discussed, she would have to be the one to bring it up. He let out a sigh, picking up his etching tool again, but his eyes traveled to where Kathryn had just gone to bed. The light from the main room filtered through the frosted privacy wall and he could see her form, tossing and turning. He knew she was working over in her mind what had just happened, trying to make some sense of it or reason it out. He knew that he wanted to go to her, to talk to her. He still ached to be near her, but he knew that any effort made on his own part now would just push her farther away. Finally dragging his eyes away from where she lay, he tried to bring his focus back to his etching. He was wide awake now and knew that he’d have to do something to occupy his mind until exhaustion would finally return.

It was only about ten minutes later that he heard her blankets rustle and she came back around into the main living area; a look of trepidation worried her face. She sat down silently in front of him, her eyes sad and serious. “We have to talk about this.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Lodessa, cheile, MsGuemja and janewayseyebrow for your help with my brain fog. I think I figured out the wording we talked about. I so appreciate your input. 
> 
> As always the dialogue that you recognize isn't mine, just beautiful script delivered by our favorites. No infringement intended and no profits. I don't own Star Trek or Voyager...if I did the show would have gone very differently ;-) Take that as you will :) Please let me know what you think...I adore feedback, kudos or criticism. Thanks!

“We have to talk about this…”

Chakotay set down his etching again, folding his hands in his lap. “All right.” He had no idea where she was going with this, but he’d let her take the lead, as he always did.

Kathryn looked nervous like she’d never looked nervous…and almost disappointed. He hoped that whatever she was about to say, that she wasn’t going to shut him out; not going to shut herself away from him. But he silently waited for her to continue. “I think we need to define some parameters…about us.” He couldn’t be sure, but he thought he heard regret in her voice. 

Chakotay took a slow, deep breath, knowing that this was the moment. No matter what, he would have to speak from the heart. They both deserved nothing less. “I’m not sure I can…define parameters.” She looked crestfallen, and he suddenly had an idea. “But I can tell you a story – an ancient legend among my people. It’s about an angry warrior.” Her eyes widened as she watched his face, taking in each syllable as his soft voice spoke. “The angry warrior lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe – a man who couldn’t find peace, even with the help of his spirit guide.” His eyes found hers and didn’t leave them. He wanted her to really hear the words he was speaking, knowing that he’d never have another chance quite like this one, after the moment they had just shared together. “For years, he struggled with his discontent. But the only satisfaction he ever got came when he was in battle.” 

Kathryn was focused in on his words. Amazingly this legend of the angry warrior sounded a lot like Chakotay, or at Chakotay as he existed before Voyager. 

“This made him a hero among his tribe, but the warrior still longed for peace within himself.” He took another deep breath, making sure he worded the rest just perfectly. “One day, he and his war party were captured by a neighboring tribe, led by a woman warrior.” Kathryn felt her heart skip a beat. This was feeling much too familiar, and she ached to know how his story ended. “She called on him to join her because her tribe was too small and weak to defend itself from all its enemies.” If it was at all possible, his eyes bore even deeper into hers and she held her breath. “The woman warrior was brave and beautiful, and very wise.” She felt tears form and she willed them to stay put. “The angry warrior swore to himself…that he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. From that point on, her needs would come first.” He searched for a way to finish, and Kathryn still held her breath. “And in that way…the warrior began to know…the true meaning of peace,” he finished at a whisper.

Kathryn felt the tears escape, but in that moment of pure perfection, she didn’t care in the slightest. She felt her smile start in her very soul before it traveled to her lips and then to her eyes and her breath finally escaped with her question. “Is that really an ancient legend?” Her voice cracked and the smile would not leave her face.

“No.” Chakotay admitted, looking down. His own smile lifting his face, putting his dimples on display. However, when his eyes met hers again, he sobered, wanting her to understand that nothing he said was to be taken lightly. “But that made it easier to say.”

Kathryn, in that moment of pure honesty and expression, realized that sitting in front of her was her future, and she realized that in Chakotay was everything she would ever need. She felt another tear slip down her cheek as, in a moment of complete certainty she surrendered her doubt, holding her hand up in invitation. As he slid his fingers between hers, clasping her hand to his, words were rendered moot. He ran his thumb gently along her pointer finger, and it was by far the most intimate embrace they’d ever shared. They searched each other’s eyes, their souls laid bare for the other, and after several moments of silence Kathryn’s other hand came up to clasp their joined fingers. She pulled his hand towards her, placing a kiss on his palm. Finally drawing the courage to speak, her eyes met his. “How long have you felt that way?”

Chakotay took a breath, the clarity and openness in her eyes nearly stealing the air from his lungs. “Since the day you asked me to be your First Officer.” 

She took a deep breath, knowing that she had to be honest with him as well. It had been her idea to talk about this, and she couldn’t back out now. She still felt conflicted, but the warmth she saw in those brown eyes, as she had so many times before, willed her to continue. “I just don’t know if I can give you the same sentiment back. I don’t know if I know how.” It was his turn to draw her hand back towards him, brushing a soft kiss across her knuckles.

“All I ever want from you is to be yourself; wholly and completely. If you’re feeling something you want to share with me, then share it with me. If you are having trouble working out an emotion, tell me. We can work it out together.” He rested their hands on the desk between them. “We’ve always worked through problems together, and quite successfully I think, yes?” She grinned and nodded, feeling fresh tears spill down her cheeks. “This isn’t any different.” 

She felt a nervous giggle leave her softly. “It’s really that simple?”

“It’s really that simple. Just be yourself and be open with me. I’ll do the same.” He smiled again, his dimples on full display, not disappearing this time. 

Kathryn instantly felt lighter. He’d done it again; taken on her burden and taken it away from her. She realized in that moment that he had been doing that for her, ever since she’d pinned his Commander’s bars on his uniform. How could she have been so blind to it until now? She wanted to smack herself in the head for her blindness. He’d done nothing but be there for her from the beginning. She chuckled again to herself at the beauty of the simplicity of their relationship. He made everything easy. The only time her feelings were difficult was when she lived inside her own mind. Knowing that she didn’t have to do that anymore was a surreal feeling.

She was just about to speak on it when a bright light flashed outside the window.

They both looked over where the light had appeared and vanished almost as quickly. “Stay here,” Chakotay stood, letting go of her hands to see what had happened. Kathryn’s heart hammered as he went outside, leaving her alone in the house. After just a few moments, he came back in, a smile of awe on his face. “Kathryn, come outside. You have to see this.” 

She got up out of her chair, moving quickly to the door and out into the night air. Chakotay took her hand and led her to a small clearing past her bathtub where the stars were visible through the leaves of the trees. “Watch the sky.” She looked up, craning her neck, staring up at the night. The sky was clear, and with no pollution from manmade lights, millions of stars were visible. Just then a bright meteor tore across the sky leaving a vibrant tail behind it as it disappeared from view.

“Oh!” She gasped out. Just then two more traversed the heavens, smaller than the first but no less impressive. “Beautiful.” Chakotay looked down at her face as she watched the sky. She was so stunning it was almost painful. The burden that her unnamed feelings had been causing her had been lifted, and he grinned lightly knowing that he was responsible. She watched as star after star shot across the heavens and he watched her. The stars were reflected in the tears that stained her cheeks, and her mouth was open lightly in awe as she watched the sky. Her eyes shone with wonder and a clarity that he’d never seen before.

When she finally reached up unknowingly to rub her neck, sore from her day’s work and now from tilting it to watch the sky, Chakotay had an idea.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back.” She glanced at him questioningly, but he decided to take a chance. Something had been knocked loose between them, and he hoped that what he had planned would be welcomed. He went back inside to his own sleep area, pulling the blanket off his bed, then grabbed an extra from the cabinet. Taking them back outside to where she stood, she looked over as he approached. “I thought we could lay these out. Might be a bit more comfortable to watch the meteor shower. I can see your neck still hurts.” Even in the darkness her saw her cheeks pink a bit, and it was endearing. 

Kathryn, though still unaccustomed to this new openness they were sharing decided to be brave and nodded her assent. He lay the first blanket down on the grass, then nodded for her to lay down. She did so, and he sat down next to her, giving her room before stretching his legs out and tossing the other blanket over top of them to keep the chill of the night air off her skin. He lay down next to her, still keeping distance between them and looked back up at the sky. Barely ten seconds passed before another comet streaked across the sky. It was their own private meteor shower, and after what they had just experienced together this evening, and this past year, he felt that peace again. The peace he spoke of to her. She renewed it in him, again and again, and lying next to her now in the dark, he felt complete.

Kathryn fidgeted a bit trying to get comfortable. Chakotay hadn’t brought pillows, but she didn’t really need one. Chakotay must have sensed her discomfort, because he moved towards her under the blanket, “Here.” He reached out his arm that had lain next to her, stretching it out for her to use as a pillow. She looked at him for a moment, but then taking another leap of faith she moved a bit closer to him, resting her head on his bicep. 

They lay there silently for a time, watching the shooting stars streak across the heavens. Kathryn was feeling comfortable and happy, and without thinking too hard about it, she reached up and twined her fingers with his next to her head. He smiled lightly to himself at how much she was giving of herself. Her walls were nowhere near gone, but the top layer was beginning to crumble, and he was proud of her.

He lay there next to her, feeling the warmth of her under the blanket and the smell of the lavender in her hair. He felt comfortable and drowsy and knew that it was easily after midnight. His eyelids felt heavy, and lying there under the blanket next to Kathryn, he began to dose off.

Kathryn watched the stars, one after another as they shot across the blackness of the night sky. It was mesmerizing, and brighter than any meteor showers she’d ever seen on Earth. A particularly bright flash moved across the sky, illuminating the night, and she glanced over to see Chakotay’s reaction, only to notice that he was asleep. He looked so peaceful and calm, and she turned gently to study his face as his words from earlier came back to her mind. ‘Her needs would come first…and the warrior knew the true meaning of peace.’ She felt fresh tears burn her eyes, but she was able to keep them from falling. The gratitude she felt for him in that moment swelled in her chest, and as she lay there, watching him sleep, the meteors now forgotten, she began to feel a peace of her own. As carefully as she could, hoping against hope that he wouldn’t wake up, she moved a bit closer, resting her cheek on his shoulder, laying her hand tentatively on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, strong and steady, and with that sound and the warmth of him beneath her, she drifted off to sleep as well.

= /\ =

The sky was just hinting at sunrise when Chakotay awoke. He was confused for a moment, lying on his side on the ground in the darkness. There was a warmth in his arms that he wasn’t familiar with, and he lay there silently trying to figure it out.

Kathryn.

He realized the warmth in his arms was Kathryn. He remembered falling asleep with her lying next to him. They must have turned over during the night, because now he spooned her from behind, his left arm still under her head as a pillow, and his right arm draped over her waist. It was a feeling of utter perfection, and he wished he could stay cocooned under that blanket with her forever. He didn’t want to wake her, but his arm was painfully asleep beneath her, and his bladder protested angrily. As gently as he could he reached his right hand up to cradle her head so he could extricate his arm from beneath her. Once he was free, Chakotay watched her sleep for a moment. He could just make out her face in the faint light of the morning sun, and, feeling bold, he leaned down and placed a kiss into her hair just above her ear. She seemed to realize his nearness, pulling her hands up under her chin, snuggling into the warmth of the blanket covering her. It was endearing and a side of her he’d never been allowed to see before.

He slowly scooted back away from her, careful to keep the heat trapped under the blanket and around her sleeping form. He tucked the blanket gently around her and moved away silently. He gave a contented sigh as he stretched and made his way back to the shelter. After he used the facilities and the sonic shower, he dressed and ordered Kathryn a cup of coffee, but left it in the replicator to stay warm until she woke up. He glanced over at his desk, the sacred space where feelings and souls had been bared last night and smiled again. Deciding he would begin plans for their expanded house once the sun came up, he moved for a moment over to his sleeping area, sitting down on the bare mattress. He said a silent prayer of gratitude and thanks to the spirits for allowing Kathryn to open up to him the night before, and for the opportunity for him to share his feelings with her. 

There were no declarations of love, no rose petals strewn about, no verses of poetry recited, but the emotions that had been shared last night were more powerful than anything Chakotay had ever experienced. There was a deeper connection there than ever before, and he was beyond contented with what they had exchanged. It was a small step, but a significant one. Coming back into the living area, he noticed the vase of flowers that he’d placed there the day before. Taking a pink rose out of the vase, he went back outside to where Kathryn slept, laying it down on the blanket next to her. He watched her for just a moment before he headed back into the woods to look for trees that he could begin to fell for their new home.

= /\ =

Kathryn woke feeling refreshed and contented. She’d slept better than she had in…she didn’t know how long, and she marveled at the fact that, as tame as it had been, she’d spent the night in Chakotay’s arms. Yesterday had been a turning point, and she smiled as she still felt his warmth beneath the blankets, though he had already gotten up. She lay there for a moment with her eyes shut, listening to the early morning birds singing. She felt happy. Grinning like a fool, and glad that she was alone for a moment, she rolled over and immediately spotted the flower lying next to her. It was a gentle reminder that last night was real. Kathryn picked it up, taking in its gentle fragrance. The aroma was light and sweet and familiar, and she smiled, realizing that their shelter had taken on the scent of the flowers that Chakotay brought in every day. Setting it down gently, she picked up and folded the blankets, then brought everything back into the shelter. She placed everything on the table, putting the flower back with its companions in the vase there. She noticed that Chakotay had replicated her a cup of coffee, but she also noticed that he was absent. She smiled again, knowing that he wasn’t avoiding her, but rather giving her space to sort out her own feelings and not confronting her. He was taking that burden from her…again. She felt such joy at the thought of his actions that her eyes burned again, but she was too happy to cry. Deciding to take a sonic shower and get dressed, she began to get ready for her day.

= /\ = 

Finally, ready to go outside, she picked up her cup of coffee and went out to find Chakotay. She didn’t really want to talk about what happened between them, because she didn’t really feel like it was necessary. They both knew where the other stood, and that was enough. It was just right.

She found Chakotay just outside the shelter, pounding stakes in the ground. She watched him silently for a moment, just taking him in, and being happy at being allowed to. He wore a light material grey shirt and dark grey pants and his customary boots. He looked comfortable, and as he pounded the stakes with a large mallet that he must have replicated, she took in his strong form. She felt warm all over watching him work. Though the morning was still cool, sweat covered his brow in a light sheen. She finally moved towards him, catching his attention. He smiled up at her, his dimpled coming out yet again. “Good morning, Kathryn.”

“Good morning,” her voice came out with a sultry lilt that she didn’t mean but didn’t mind either. Chakotay’s smile widened.

“Sleep well?” He meant no inuendo, merely curious, and she could tell.

“I did, actually. I stayed quite warm,” she teased at him, and he chuckled. “What are you up to?” 

“I’m marking off where I plan to start building the log cabin. Would you like to see?” She nodded enthusiastically. He backed up slightly and she followed. “Alright, so I want to use the current shelter as part of the house but add log walls out from it to expand the shelter.” She nodded. They stood a ways back from the door to the Starfleet issue shelter. Chakotay spread his arms out wide, pointing at the farthest most stakes. “That’s where the corners will be, and one long wall here, and a new front door.” He pointed to the stakes closest to where they stood. “I’ll build a fireplace here,” he pointed just off to their right, “The main living room will be on this side, near the fireplace, and I’ll build bedrooms on this side,” he pointed off to the left where several more stakes marked off rooms.

“We already have sleeping areas,” Kathryn pointed out. Chakotay nodded but continued looking at his work so far. 

“Yes, we do, but they are cramped, and I thought you might like a little more space and privacy. And these rooms will be closer to the fireplace when the weather turns cold.” She nodded in understanding, moving into the space that would eventually be the new rooms. She glanced at where the bedrooms were marked off with wooden stakes. She saw two rooms, but one was much larger than the other.

“I think I see a problem here, Chakotay. These two bedrooms aren’t the same size.” She stood in the space of the small one, motioning to the other.

“Yes, well, the larger bedroom will be for you.” She opened her mouth to argue, but he put up a hand. “The stakes are already in the ground, so the dimensions are final. That’s the rules.” She smiled at him, deciding to save that argument for later. Shaking her head in exasperation, she finally took a sip of her coffee.

“Oh,” she cringed as the warm liquid went down her throat.

“What’s the matter?” He dropped his mallet and came to her side. “Did it get cold? I shouldn’t have replicated it so early.” He frowned, looking down in the dark liquid.

“No, it’s still hot, it just doesn’t taste right.” She took another sip, grimacing once again. He reached for it and she handed him the mug. He took a sip, letting it play over his tongue before he swallowed.

“It tastes alright to me.” She looked at him, shocked. She practically snatched it back from him, taking a sip again.

“It’s too bitter.” Chakotay looked at her concerned. “Do you want the rest of it?” 

“Alright, if you’re sure you don’t want it.” She shook her head.

“Positive. I think I’ll have a look at that replicator later. That coffee just isn’t right.” He nodded but found it odd. The coffee wasn’t quite as hot as he would like, but he really didn’t notice any difference in the taste. “Do you need any help with this, Chakotay?”

“Mmm, not yet. Unless you have different ideas for the dimensions of the cabin.”

She shook her head, smiling. “I have no experience building cabins, and you do. If you think these dimensions will work, then I trust your judgement.” He nodded, looking over the plans again on the ground.

“What are you going to do today, Kathryn?” He came to stand next to her.

“I think, if you’ll help me, I’d like to start a garden. I know the seasons here are very similar to Earth, and that means that we are in the middle of summer right now. I’m hoping that it isn’t too late to get some seeds in the ground. We have Talaxian tomatoes, Vulcan Cucumbers and Earth carrots, potatoes, green beans and squash. I think that’s a good start.” Chakotay nodded.   
“Alright,” he set down his mallet, “Let’s find a place for your garden.”

= /\ =

The day had progressed amazingly normally. Kathryn and Chakotay fell into an easy companionship that didn’t really feel different than it had the day before but knowing what had transpired between them seemed to bring a new level of comfort and intimacy between them that didn’t exist before, and they both enjoyed it. As they walked away from the shelter to where Chakotay thought a garden would do well, his arm came to rest on her shoulders. She smiled to herself as they walked together. 

Once a space had been designated, Kathryn began turning ground over with a spade that Chakotay replicated. The dirt was black, and Kathryn pointed out that that meant it was very nutritive. The darker the soil, the more nutrients it held. While she was working, Chakotay decided to surprise her with a shovel. He replicated the shovel blade itself, then found a long pole that would serve as a handle. He made quick work putting it together, then brought it back over to where she was working. Overjoyed at having a tool that would get her work done faster, she didn’t hesitate to reach up and kiss his cheek in thanks. He smiled at her, watched her work for a moment before going back into the woods to start felling trees for their new addition.

Kathryn plodded along, surprised at how tired she felt after only a few hours’ worth of work. Her entire body felt exhausted, and she realized that she hadn’t had anything to eat all morning. Mentally kicking herself, she thrust the shovel blade into the ground and made her way back to their shelter for something to eat. She replicated herself another cup of coffee, and when that one tasted just as awful as the first, she sighed in frustration. She pulled her tricorder out of the cabinet and scanned the replicator. It seemed to be functioning normally, but there had to be something amiss. She wouldn’t just stop enjoying her favorite beverage…would she? Perhaps the virus was changing her physiology somehow. She’d have to think on that. She forlornly got rid of the coffee and instead filled the glass with water from the vessel that Chakotay always kept filled from the river. She replicated a chicken salad sandwich for lunch and sat down at the table and began eating. It felt good to be off her feet. She realized that her lack of caffeine and sleeping on the ground all night were probably contributing to her fatigue. She felt like she’d gotten a good night’s sleep, but her body obviously felt that it wasn’t very comfortable sleeping on the ground. She hadn’t been camping in a long time and was sure her body wasn’t used to it. She was halfway through her sandwich when Chakotay entered the shelter. Her heart skipped a beat.

He wasn’t wearing a shirt. He didn’t see her when he walked in because he was using said shirt to wipe the perspiration from his face. Her eyes fell to the tan, strong skin on his stomach and the way his abdominal muscles flexed as he walked. His skin was pulled taught over his biceps and down his forearms. Just then he lowered his hands and stopped in his tracks. “Oh, excuse me.” He pulled the shirt back on quickly, feeling his face flush gently. “I didn’t realize you were in here, I’m sorry Kathryn.” She waved off his apology, unable to form words. She knew he was a strong man but seeing it for herself was different than knowing. “I got the logs for the foundation cut and brought over. Setting the phaser on a wider bandwidth heats the logs and dries them out, making it easier to peel the bark off. We also don’t have to wait for them to cure before we start putting the walls up.”

She nodded, not really knowing what he meant or what the process entailed, but if it could get the job done faster, it sounded like a good thing. “How’s your garden coming?”

She swallowed the water she had just taken a sip of. “Slower than I anticipated. I’m afraid without my caffeine kick I’m slow moving today. I just feel tired.”

“That’s my fault. I’m sorry that we slept outside on the ground. That couldn’t have been good for your back.” He poured himself a bowl of the chili that he’d made the day before and sat down across from her at the table. “I can stop what I’m doing here and help you if you’d like.” Kathryn smiled across the table at him. She would love the company, but she also knew that the cabin was a bigger project than the garden and would take longer.

“That’s alright, I think the cabin is a bit more of a pressing task. I should be able to finish turning the dirt over in another hour or so and get some seeds in the ground. After that I can help you if you’d like.”

“I’d like that very much.” He grinned, his mind working out how he could amend his plans to include her. “There’s a stand of very tall, very straight pine trees just up the hill a ways. I’m thinking of felling those, since it will be easier to roll them downhill to where we need them. If I rig up a pulley system on the roof of this shelter, that should make lifting the logs easier. I could teach you how to notch the logs with the phaser, so they fit together snugly. Once the walls are in place, I’ll use the phaser to cut out holes for the door and some windows. Then we can figure out the exact dimensions of the inside rooms.” Kathryn nodded. She finished her sandwich before Chakotay but didn’t want to get up from the table yet. She didn’t really know what else they had to talk about for the moment, but she just found that she wanted to be near him. They made small talk about the garden; Chakotay mentioned that they might be able to dig up some shoots from the raspberry plants in the meadow and transplant them closer to the house and cultivate them there. Chakotay had picked all of the berries that were currently ripe, and they sat in the middle of the table in a bowl. Kathryn took a handful and ate a few. She was running out of excuses to stay seated when she heard a familiar chirp outside. A smile brightening both their faces, and they got up to go outside.

Near the edge of the foundation of the cabin stood her primate friend, both arms stretched up in the air. It gave another shriek when Kathryn came into view. Chakotay stood by the door, but Kathryn took several steps towards the primate. “Hello there, little fella. Where have you been hiding?” She knelt down and held out her hand, this time with a raspberry outstretched. The primate dropped its arms but didn’t come any closer. It watched her curiously as she slowly turned the fruit in her fingers to show it off. “I’m not going to hurt you. You can have this if you want it.” The primate watched but didn’t move from where it stood. Kathryn, on a whim, tossed the fruit towards the small animal. It shrieked lightly, but when the fruit landed just a few inches in front of its feet, it reached down and picked it up, immediately beginning to eat it. Kathryn’s smile widened. She wanted to cheer but didn’t want to frighten the animal when such a huge step had been made in befriending it. She placed another berry in her own mouth, then held another out to the animal. The monkey watched her for a moment; curious and cautious. Chakotay stood frozen, watching Kathryn bond with the small animal. It warmed his heart to see her having success with the primate. The monkey watched her for another second, then dashed towards her, plucking the fruit from her fingers and turned quickly, running away and out of sight into the woods. Kathryn stood up, turning to Chakotay, beaming. “Did you see that?” She clasped her hands together in front of her. 

“I did. You’re making progress.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “I’m glad. It will probably be easier now. You should always keep some type of snack with you just in case he comes back. Knowing you can provide food will go a long way in getting him to trust you.” She nodded.

“That was such fun. I hope he comes back sooner rather than later.” Chakotay grinned.

“Who knows where he lives. I’ve scanned for him every time I’m in the woods with a tricorder but haven’t come across him yet.” He watched her blue eyes as they shone with excitement, “But then again, it seems that he doesn’t like me as much as you. He hides from me so he can flirt with you.” He grinned and she chuckled. 

“Oh, stop it.” She swatted his arm playfully, “I’ve just spent more one on one time with him, that’s all.” 

“Fair enough.” He squeezed her shoulders, “Alright, I’m going to start felling trees and bringing the logs down. You tend your garden and let me know when you’re done, and we can begin building the walls, alright?”

“Alright. Be careful with those logs. Please don’t hurt yourself.”

“I’ll be careful. I’ll see you in a little while.” She nodded, but before he took a step he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head again. She was awake this time to feel it, closing her eyes at the soft contact. It was such a simple gesture, but after their talk last night it spoke volumes. Smiling up at him in thanks, she turned and headed back towards her garden.


	12. Chapter 12

Alright friends, we’re flying without a net now. No more show to follow, no more plotlines to try to keep to. There won’t be any comm badges crackling with Tuvok’s voice anytime soon. Our favorite couple are on their own on New Earth (Voyager won’t be coming right back for them with a cure like on the show) …into the unknown we go…but we are explorers after all. Hee hee.

= /\ =

Kathryn woke the next morning feeling sore again. This time it was her stomach muscles and her arms. She felt queasy and her head was throbbing. She moved silently to the replicator and ordered a mug of peppermint tea, hoping that it would settle her stomach. She had worked harder physically yesterday than she ever had before, and she knew she hadn’t drunk enough water. She felt dehydrated now, standing by the replicator.

She’d finished her garden plot, planted all the seeds that she’d wanted to, dug up several raspberry shoots and transplanted them. She then helped Chakotay maneuver some of the logs into place and notched them with the phaser after he showed her how, and the first two rows of logs were already up. It was exciting to see it taking shape, and she hadn’t wanted to stop working, though her body had screamed at her for respite. 

She sat down at the table now, noting how warm it was already. The sun wasn’t even fully up yet, but the air was humid and warm. It felt like it would be a hot day, and the thought of doing more physical work made her cringe.

Just then Chakotay came out from around his privacy screen wearing a t-shirt and athletic shorts. His hair was sticking up on one side and it was all Kathryn could do to keep from chuckling. He looked adorable and gave her a sheepish grin as he replicated himself a cup of tea as well. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, Chakotay.” He sat down across from her, taking a sip of his beverage.

“Hm, I should have ordered iced tea. It’s warm out already.” She nodded in agreement.

“I’m already looking forward to today’s work being done. Thinking of working in this heat is a bit depressing. My whole body hurts from all the work we did yesterday.” She laughed out her admission, groaning slightly at the pull between her shoulder blades. She wished it wasn’t so hot out, otherwise a soak in her tub would do wonders. But the thought of immersing herself in hot water didn’t sound good at all in this heat.

She took a sip of her tea, willing it to settle her stomach, because aside from feeling queasy, she was also hungry, but didn’t want to tempt fate until she knew her stomach could handle it.

“Oh, I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling worn down.” He thought for a moment, taking another sip of his tea. “I have an idea. How about we pack a picnic lunch and spend the day at the river?” Her ears perked up at the thought of taking a day off, though she knew they should keep working. But the idea of spending a leisurely day with Chakotay sounded better. “We could see what kinds of fish are living there, and maybe do some swimming and exploring.”

She let out a sigh, “I think that sounds lovely. I haven’t been on a picnic in years.” He grinned, glad that she was happy about the idea. “Though I don’t have a swimsuit.”

“Neither do I, but I’m sure the replicator can come up with something.” She nodded, finishing her tea. “Did you try the coffee again?” She shook her head.

“I didn’t dare. You’re crazy, thinking that it tastes the same as always. I scanned the replicator yesterday, but nothing seemed amiss. I’ll have to take it apart and check for any faulty micro-circuitry. Something’s wrong with it.” She stood up and moved to said replicator, ordering herself a plate of toast and scrambled eggs. Coming back to the table she put a handful of raspberries on her plate and began eating.

Chakotay nodded absently, his own thoughts going to spending the day with Kathryn, just relaxing. They really hadn’t just relaxed and spent time together for no other reason than to spend time together since they’d arrived on the planet nearly seven weeks ago. So many things had happened since then. He reached over, snitched a piece of toast of her plate and began eating it. She swatted at his hand, but laughed, taking a bite of her own piece. Her stomachache was quickly a thing of the past as she finished her food. Chakotay ate some of the raspberries and replicated himself a bowl of yogurt with granola and they finished their meal in silence. They didn’t often eat breakfast together, and Kathryn enjoyed the companionable quiet. When they were done, she took their dishes to the replicator to be recycled and turned back to Chakotay. “I have no idea what to wear. I don’t know if I have any picnic appropriate attire…especially in this heat.”

“Well, figure something out. I’m going to pack us some food and get ready. We have the whole day to relax.”

“Aye aye, sir.” She grinned at him before heading back to her own sleeping area to look over her clothing options.

Her choices confirmed her suspicion. She had nothing to wear other than her long dresses, and the thought of putting one on made her sweat. She went back to the replicator and requested a pale blue sundress, light and cut just at her knees. As the material formed, she saw it had thin straps and looked to be very comfortable. Now for a swimsuit.

That was a tougher choice. She didn’t want anything too racy but wanted to still be comfortable. Glad that Chakotay was outside for the moment, she replicated a white, one-piece suite; the top and bottom were solid fabric, but the entire suit was covered in a sheer white material. It was like a bikini but a bit more modest, and happy with her decision, she went back behind her privacy screen to change. 

She pulled on the swimsuit, frowning slightly. It was a bit tighter in the chest than she’d expected, but the replicator had her size specifications, so she figured there was something wrong with it. She’d take it apart this evening and find the malfunction. 

Once the straps of the suit were tied behind her neck she pulled on the sundress. She only wished she had some sunglasses but didn’t want to waste replicator energy on them. She did have a pair of flip-flops, so she put those on as well. Deciding to wear her hair in a simple ponytail, she deemed herself ready to go. Just before she headed outside, she decided to grab her tricorder. She hadn’t spent much time at the river, other than discovering where it was, so she figured maybe she could do a little scientific exploring while they were relaxing.

She found Chakotay wearing a white button up, light weight short sleeved shirt and dark green swim trunks. His feet were bare, and he appeared the epitome of relaxation. He carried their ‘picnic’ basket; a leftover storage case roughly the same size as a picnic basket, and several blankets in the other arm. She couldn’t help the smile that graced her lips when their eyes met. 

Chakotay’s breath caught in his throat. Kathryn looked stunning; years younger with her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail and wearing a sundress. His heart hammered in his chest as she approached him. “You look lovely, Kathryn. You made an excellent wardrobe choice.” His eyes swept up and down her body. The blue of her dress made her eyes shine, and he noticed the straps of a swimsuit tied around her neck. He was thrilled that she was actually wanting to spend the day relaxing with him. “So, this is what Captain Kathryn Janeway looks like on shore leave, huh?” She chuckled, looking down at herself.

“Apparently so. And this is what Commander Chakotay looks like on shore leave?” He nodded grinning.

“Ready to go?” 

“Yes, can I carry something?” He handed her the blankets, which she realized was one blanket and two towels. She took them under her arm, and he held his now free arm out to her and she gladly linked her arm with his.

They walked in silence for a little while, listening to the birds singing in the trees. She listened for her monkey friend, but he was nowhere around. She figured he was probably laying low in this heat. As they walked, she let her arm slide down until her hand brushed his wrist and she slid her fingers in between his. It was such a wonderful feeling, and Kathryn’s chest felt tight at the rightness of it, but at the same time, she wished she could offer him more. She wanted to be close to him, but this was all so new, and after everything they had both been through, she didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the amazing simplicity of the companionship that they now shared. She knew after the other night how much Chakotay cared for her. She just wasn’t sure what she could give him in return that would mean as much. Chakotay must have sensed her tension because he stopped walking. “Are you alright, Kathryn.”

She huffed out a quick breath, frustrated at being caught. He always had a knack for knowing when something was bothering her. She looked down at their fingers, still entwined, then up to his face. “I just…I don’t know.” She didn’t know how to word it. 

He looked down at their joined hands as well. “Does this make you uncomfortable?” He brushed his thumb over hers gently. She shook her head.

“No, not at all.” Her voice came out in a nervous whisper, “I just…you’ve given me so much, since the day we met. Then what I asked of you on Voyager, and now everything you’ve done here…” She took a deep breath, “I just don’t feel like I can give you enough in return. I don’t feel like I am enough. This is all so new to me, and I don’t want to ruin what we have, because I treasure the way things are now.” 

Chakotay set the basket down and took her burden from her. He faced her completely and took her other hand in his and brought them both up to his chest. Her eyes found his and saw such compassion there that her heart skipped a beat. “Kathryn, you have nothing to worry about.” She closed her eyes, self-conscious. “Kathryn, look at me so I know you hear me.” She did, taking a deep breath. “You are enough for me, just as you are right in this moment, because you’re you. I will take anything you are willing to offer me. If that’s holding my hand while we walk,” he grinned and his dimples flashed at her, “or sleeping beside each other under the stars…that’s enough for me.” She blushed and he lay her hands flat on his chest, covering them with his. “I will never ask anything of you that you aren’t willing to give, but I’ll take everything you are willing to offer. If you want to spend the day together, I will accept that. If you have a problem you need help solving, I will accept that too. I will take your happiness or your tears; your sadness and your compassion, as long as it’s honestly and freely given.” Kathryn felt tears again and wished he didn’t say such lovely things like that to her when she was already feeling emotional.

“I just don’t want to ruin anything.” She sniffed lightly. Chakotay brushed a tear off her cheek.

“Kathryn,” he chuckled out a sigh, wishing he could get his point through her stubborn head, “the only way you could ruin anything between us is by doing something you weren’t comfortable with, or saying something you didn’t mean, because you think it’s what I want to hear.” She closed her eyes as more tears escaped and he brushed those away too.

“But what about you, Chakotay? You deserve so much more than I can offer you right now. I just…”

“I get to spend every day of the rest of my life with my best friend. I can’t imagine anything better than that. You are helping me build our home. You are planting a garden for us. You had planned to dedicate the rest of your life to finding a cure for the virus we’re infected with. Men go their entire lives without knowing a woman as incredible as you, let alone getting to spend their lives with them. I count myself very lucky, each and every day.”

Kathryn’s heart swelled with a feeling of completeness at his words, and she pulled her hands away from him so she could wrap them around him, laying her cheek on his chest instead as she pulled him into a hug. He gladly wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her close. 

“I’m hugging you because I want to, not because I think you want me to.” She said jokingly. She could hear and feel it as he chuckled. He rested his chin on the top of her head and closed his eyes, reveling at their closeness. He knew they would probably have to have a talk like this again in the future, but if he had to spend the rest of his life telling Kathryn Janeway how important she was to him, and how special she was, he would gladly do it.

Finally pulling back, Chakotay looked down at Kathryn, and she beamed up at him. “Thank you, Chakotay. I am so lucky to have you.” She was going to say ‘as a friend’ but that seemed to cheapen the sentiment somehow. They were more than friends. She didn’t really know how to define their relationship, but the bond they shared went beyond the realms of friendship as she knew the definition. And he understood exactly what she meant. He pressed his palm to her cheek, just taking in her lovely face for a moment, before he leaned down and picked up the towels and blanket, handing them to her before picking up their picnic basket again.

“Come on, Kathryn, there is a river and relaxation waiting for us.” She nodded, taking his hand again gladly as they finished the short walk to the river’s edge.

It was still early, and neither was hungry yet so Chakotay placed the picnic basket under a large weeping willow tree and lay the blanket out. It was getting quite hot out as the sun climbed higher, so he was glad for the shade that the tree provided. Kathryn kicked off her shoes and began to wade in the shallow water near the river’s edge. Shielding her eyes from the sun she took in her surroundings. The river here was nearly twenty meters wide, or so she thought. The current was lazy, and though she couldn’t tell how deep it was in the middle, she was wading in the water, just up to her calves and was still fairly close to shore. The cool water felt wonderful on her warm skin, and she splashed some on her arms and face. Chakotay came to stand next to her. “It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?”

“It is. I would love to explore downstream to see what there is to see.” The river flowed about one hundred meters straight away from them before bending out of sight. Every once in a while, a fish jumped out of the water before diving back in again.

“Once the cabin is done, I can try to build a boat if you’d like. We could explore together.” Kathryn’s eyes lit up. 

“We could go on a camping trip!” Chakotay grinned.

“We can do whatever we want.” She grinned up at him, then looked back downstream, loving the feel of sinking her bare feet into the sandy river bottom.

She spent some time after that scooping up and looking at the rocks that formed small clusters at the bottom of the river. She found several interesting fossils and some stones of interesting colors. Chakotay had gone back under the willow tree to begin to set up lunch. He’d brought fried chicken for her, a grilled vegetable wrap for himself, potato salad, mixed fruit and lemonade. He also had a surprise for her and kept that hidden away in the picnic basket. After everything was set up so that Kathryn could eat whenever she was feeling hungry, he began looking around for dried wood to build a small campfire.

Kathryn watched Chakotay out of the corner of her eye, but the explorer part of her was eager to see what there was to see in this new territory. She worked her way slowly up steam, finding that as she moved, the shore became less sandy and more rocky. “Chakotay,” she called, and he made his way to where she stood at the water’s edge. “Wouldn’t these rocks be good for the fireplace?” 

He looked at all the stones around them. They were larger in size, about as big around as dinner plates, and smooth. “Yes, I think they’d be perfect. We would just have to find or replicate something to hold them together. A mortar of some kind. Good thing you brought a tricorder. We can scan the consistency of the riverbed and surrounding terrain. Maybe there’s good mud on this planet.” He grinned down at her and she felt happy that she could contribute this idea, even if Chakotay could have found them himself. “Come back with me. I have the food set up if you’re hungry.”

At the word, her stomach rumbled, and she laughed. “I didn’t even eat breakfast that long ago.”

He patted her stomach gently, “Well, you barely ate anything yesterday, so your body is making up for it today, apparently.” She swatted his arm but followed him back to the blanket under the tree.

After they had both stuffed themselves with the food that he’d brought, he leaned back against the willow tree, stretching his feet out in front of him, just enjoying watching and listening to the river and all the sounds of nature around him. The air was hot, but a breeze whispered through the boughs of the willow and he felt himself grow drowsy. A day to relax was just what he needed. Kathryn cleaned up their meal and took the tricorder back to where she’d found all of the rocks. She began scanning the rocks, the soil, the trees, everything. She followed the shoreline farther where the bank rose up into a steep cliff face about ten meters high. The ground looked much more loamy and a quick scan told her that it was indeed a type of clay. Instead of grey, it was a midnight blue color and had very fine mica like shimmering particles in it. She could almost picture it holding the rocks together in their fireplace. Excited to tell Chakotay about it, she walked along the shore back to where he sat. 

When she ducked under the branches of the tree, she saw that his eyes were shut and he dozed lightly, leaning against the willow tree. He looked so relaxed; she didn’t want to bother him. She put the tricorder down quietly and picked up a towel, deciding to lay out in the sun for a bit. She poured herself another glass of lemonade and headed back out into the sun. She found a nice spot in the sand just a few meters from where Chakotay rested and lay her towel out. Feeling slightly self-conscious, she was glad he wasn’t watching as she pulled her sundress over her head, folding it gently to use as a pillow. She lay out on her stomach on the towel, instantly loving the feel of the sun soaking into her skin. Not having sunscreen, she knew she couldn’t stay out for too long; her skin was much too fair, but it felt so good. She soon felt herself drifting between sleep and waking as she listened to the water flow past her. After a while, before she completely dozed off, she flipped over onto her back.

Chakotay came awake slowly, his back stiff from leaning against the tree. He realized immediately that he was alone, and stood up, looking around for Kathryn. Coming out from under the tree her spotted her instantly, and the vision of her took his breath away.

She lay on her back, eyes closed, in nothing but a white bathing suit that left little to the imagination. He didn’t know if she replicated it a size too small by accident, or if it was just the way she was laying, but her breasts nearly spilled out the top of her suit, and Chakotay couldn’t help but stare. When he felt heat begin to rise in his chest, he quickly looked away, not wanting his body to betray him in front of her. Her arms lay at her sides and he noticed that her shoulders, nose and forehead were beginning to turn pink from the sun. Not wanting her to burn, he intended to wake her up and bring her back to the shade of the willow tree, but he couldn’t help spending a few more moments just watching her.

As quietly and carefully as he could he sat down next to her, but a few feet away. She looked so peaceful, and the sun had darkened the smattering of freckles across her nose, chest and shoulders. Her shoulders…they looked strong; she was building muscle from all the work they had been doing. His eyes traveled down her biceps, also slightly larger than normal, and to her hands where they rested in the towel. He watched her chest rise and fall slowly as she breathed evenly, his gaze shifted down across the sheer material that didn’t really hide her skin beneath. His contemplation fell to her hipbones, then moved over the fair skin of her thighs and down to her calves and finally to her feet. She was exquisite.

“If you’re just going to sit there and stare, Commander, you could at least move out of my sunlight.” Her joking tone pulled him out of his reverie, and he jumped, grinning nervously at being caught, though her eyes were not open, she must have sensed his presence as he cast a shadow over her lower legs.

“I’m sorry, Kathryn, I thought you were asleep.” She opened her eyes then, leaning up on her elbows.

“I was. Well not really. This is just so relaxing.” She looked over at him and smiled. “This was a wonderful idea Chakotay.”

“I agree. And I really should be blocking your sunlight. You’re already starting to burn.” Kathryn turned her head to look over at the skin of her shoulder. It was indeed pinker than she intended.

“Well I think I’ll go for a swim to cool off then.” She stood up and stretched, and Chakotay had to look away again. He hadn’t really been prepared for the vision of Kathryn in a swimsuit when he’d come up with this idea, and he didn’t want to embarrass himself or her with his reaction to her. “Care to join me?” He quickly pulled off his shirt and tossed it on her towel. She held out her hand to him and he took it gladly.

Kathryn’s heart fluttered at the sight of him topless again, and this time she took a moment to study his features. He was so broad and strong and handsome. She had never seen such a strong specimen of a man before. The warmth of his hand in hers set butterflies in her stomach.

Chakotay followed her into the water until they were about knee deep. A sudden feeling of playfulness came over him, and without warning he scooped her up into his arms and she shrieked at being taken off her feet so quickly. “Chakotay, what are you doing? Put me down.” She struggled in his arms, but he held her tight, moving into deeper water.

“I don’t know, Kathryn, I quite like having you right here.” He winked at her and she jabbed his chest with her finger. 

“Put me down, Commander, that’s an order.” Her tone was serious but the twinkle in her eye told him otherwise. He dipped his head and studied her neck, confused.

“Hm, I don’t see any Captain’s pips. I don’t think you’re in any position to give orders. But if you want to get down.” He shrugged, tossing her into the deeper water before diving in fully himself.

They both came up laughing as she wiped the water out of her eyes. “That’s it, you’re going on report, Commander. Insubordination and failure to follow orders from a Superior Officer.” She tried to give him the ‘Janeway glare’ but they both started laughing before it could come to fruition.

They spent a lot of time in the cool water, swimming, splashing each other and exploring. The sun was warm and the water refreshing and Chakotay’s heart felt so light at seeing her enjoy herself and at how comfortable she was around him. She had taken so many steps towards opening up to him that he couldn’t ask for more. His heart was full.

Chakotay was kneeling in the water looking at some of the interesting stones at the river bottom when he noticed Kathryn shivering next to him. She was turning rocks of her own over and focused on the intricate designs that some of them held. “Alright, I think you’re sufficiently waterlogged.” Kathryn looked up from what she was doing and gave him a quizzical look. “You’re shivering.”

“I’m fine.” But he laughed when he heard her teeth chatter. “You’re not shivering,” she argued back.

“I’m bigger than you are. Come on, let’s get out for a while and warm up. We can always swim again later, or tomorrow, or any time you want to.” She smiled and nodded, realizing that she was in fact cold. They walked out of the water together and Kathryn immediately felt warmer as the sun touched her skin. She knew her shoulders, nose and forehead would be sunburned tomorrow, but right now she couldn’t care less about it. Chakotay picked up her towel and held it open for her. She turned and let him drape it over her shoulders, rubbing his hands up and down her arms to dry her off and warm her up. She grinned to herself at the feeling and leaned back into him gently. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her from behind, crisscrossing them over her stomach. She closed her eyes, leaning her head back against his shoulder, placing her own hands over his. He said a prayer of thanks to the spirits, for in that moment he had the person he treasured most in the world in his arms. They were both safe and happy and healthy and he couldn’t ask for more. 

Kathryn felt happy and drowsy and knew if she didn’t move, she might likely fall asleep in Chakotay’s arms. While it wasn’t a terrible prospect, she didn’t want to fall asleep on her feet, so she tentatively pulled away again and turned to face him. He smiled at her as he picked up his own towel and quickly dried off. “I have a surprise for you.” She turned her head, questioning and he brought her over to where he’d put the dry wood in a pile on the sand just a little ways away from where she had been laying. “A campfire? In this heat?”

“It’s not for staying warm. Have a seat. I’ll be right back.” Kathryn wrapped her towel around her tighter and sat down, watching Chakotay walk towards the willow tree. He came back with a phaser in one hand and the picnic basket in the other. Her curiosity piqued, she watched as he first set the wood on fire with the phaser, then opened the basket. She peeked inside.

He had replicated graham crackers, marshmallows and pieces of chocolate. “Oh, s’mores. I haven’t had s’mores in years!” The delight on her face made Chakotay happy, and he picked up two sticks that he had found and had put next to the fire. Handing one to her, she gleefully pierced one of the marshmallows with it and held it over the fire. Chakotay followed suit, and soon they were sandwiching the gooey fluff between the chocolate and graham crackers. Kathryn couldn’t keep the smile off her face as they ate the treats. Chakotay leaned over and wiped a hint of chocolate off the corner of her mouth and her heart fluttered when he put his thumb in his own mouth, licking the chocolate away. She felt heat rise up in her cheeks, but before she had a chance to think about it, he handed her another marshmallow to toast.

When they had had their fill Chakotay doused the fire and put the rest of the food away. Kathryn had dried off enough to slip her sundress back on and went to the river’s edge to clean her hands. When she leaned over her wet ponytail fell ungracefully over her shoulder. After her hands were clean, she pulled the elastic out of her hair and began to comb her fingers through the wet locks as she made her way back to their sanctuary under the tree. Chakotay was leaning against the trunk again, looking over the tricorder data she had collected earlier. He looked up when she approached, her face cringing as she worked at a knot in her hair. “Do you want help?” He set the tricorder down. She glanced at him and then smiled softly.

“Sure, if you don’t mind.” His dimples flashed at her for the countless time. 

“Of course I don’t. Sit down.” He sat up on his knees, motioning for her to sit down on the blanket in front of him. Once seated comfortably, he began running his fingers through her long tresses, working out any wet knots he came across as gently as possible. She closed her eyes at the sensation, a soft moan sounding in her throat. When all the tangles were free, he continued to run his fingers through her hair, working his fingers over her scalp. “Your hair is so beautiful, Kathryn. I’ve never been able to tell you that before.” He let it run through his hands like he had in their shelter those days ago. “I love your hair.” He leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her head, before reaching down and taking the hair elastic from her hands. Kathryn was curious, but so comfortable under his ministrations that she let him do whatever he wanted to.

He combed her hair as straight as he could with his fingers and sectioned it into three equal parts before braiding it gently and securing it at the bottom. When he was finished Kathryn reached back and felt her hair. It was a better braid than she could have done on her own. She turned to look at him and cocked an eyebrow questioningly. He chuckled. “My sister broke her arm when we were young. I was the only one she trusted to braid her hair. Even over our mother.” Kathryn smiled at that, picturing a young Chakotay helping his sister fix her hair. It warmed her heart.

“You certainly are good to the women in your life. I shouldn’t be surprised at how you take care of me too. You learned it from a young age.” Chakotay smiled back at her.

“Thank you, Kathryn,” he brushed his thumb across her cheek. “And thank you for doing all of these scans. I think this will be the perfect area to get rocks and clay for the fireplace.” She nodded satisfactorily, moving to sit beside him on the blanket. She felt warm and content and suddenly had to stifle a yawn behind her hand. “Are you tired?”

She grinned sheepishly and nodded, “I don’t know why. I haven’t done anything remotely resembling hard work today.” Chakotay sat back down against the tree, stretching his legs out.

“Here, lay down,” he patted his thigh with his free hand. She gave him the half grin that brought his dimples out and did as he requested, curling up on the blanket, using his lap for a pillow. He began stroking her hair with his free hand as he read over her scans again on the tricorder in his other hand. 

Kathryn felt content and safer than she had in her life and the feel of Chakotay’s fingers in her hair easily lulled her to sleep.

= /\ =

They walked back towards their shelter in the early evening. The sun was setting in the sky and Chakotay couldn’t get over how the golden light played across Kathryn’s skin and hair. They walked hand in hand again, though several times she pulled away to use her tricorder on this or that; an interesting plant, a tree with odd shaped pods among its leaves. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her and loved that every time she came back to walk with him, she took his hand in hers. He felt his chest swell with pride for the countless time, knowing that she was giving this to him of her own free will. It made him happy beyond compare. 

When they finally got back, he took care of their left-over food and put the blankets away. The air was still warm and though there was a breeze, the air inside the shelter was quite stagnant. Kathryn stood in the living area looking over some of her tricorder readings when Chakotay went behind his privacy screen to change out of his swimsuit and decided on a thin white t-shirt and a pair of his athletic shorts. In the warm evening air he wanted something as comfortable as possible. When he came back out, Kathryn was holding the blanket, having taken it back out of the cupboard where he’d put it.

“It’s so warm in here, I thought maybe we could lay outside for a while.” She felt a blush rise up in her cheeks and tried to cover her need to be close to him still. “Maybe there will be more shooting stars.” He came over and stood in front of her, knowing.

“Kathryn, you don’t need an excuse. If you want to sleep out under the stars with me, just tell me.” She smiled bashfully, knowing that he could read her easily enough to know when she was trying to avoid a subject. “Just tell me.”

“I want to sleep under the stars with you, Chakotay.” His smile lit up his eyes as his heart beat faster in his chest.

“Alright, I’ll get things situated outside. Go change into your pajamas and come out when you’re ready.” She smiled and nodded.

Partly deciding to be bold, and partly because of the warmth of the evening, she opted for one of her satin night gowns. She had one of a soft peach color. It was the most modest of her more revealing nightgowns, the hem reaching her knees, but the straps were thin and, she noted, it pulled tightly across her breasts. She furrowed her brow; maybe she had been building more muscle than she thought in the weeks since they’d been here. She’d certainly noticed it in her shoulders and arms. Perhaps her chest muscles were growing as well. She felt a bit self-conscious now as she glanced down at her chest. But then she’d just spent the day with Chakotay wearing nothing but a swimsuit, and he had been a gentleman. Well, she thought to herself with a grin, she had caught him ogling her when she lay in the sun, but it didn’t make her uncomfortable. It made her feel beautiful. It made her feel cherished. She knew the way Chakotay felt about her and knowing how he admired her brought her nothing but feelings of joy. Deciding to forego a robe but leaving her hair in the braid that Chakotay had done for her, she headed back outside.

Their ‘bed’ looked much more comfortable this time around. The sun had almost completely disappeared below the horizon and the moon was full and bright in the dark purple sky, and it shone down on the small sanctuary that Chakotay had created. He had lain down several blankets for them to lay on, as well as a sheet and blanket to cover them. He had also brought out two pillows. Not standard Star Fleet issue. He had replicated two large plush looking pillows that Kathryn suddenly ached to lay down on. Chakotay was facing away from her, watching the sun set behind the mountains, and Kathryn watched him as she approached. He looked so relaxed and at home here. Her heart swelled at the thought of being at home here, with Chakotay, and what that might actually mean. Then her mind started drifting towards what a future with him might look like. She felt nerves flutter up and squelch the good feelings she’d experienced today, so she decided to just live in the now. Chakotay turned when he heard her approach, and his heart quickened at the sight of her.

His eyes swept over her quickly, taking in her choice of attire and was gratified, once again, at her openness with him. She was becoming more comfortable around him and more comfortable with herself around him, and he enjoyed that even more. “I thought better pillows might be appropriate, if we end up spending all night out here.” She nodded in agreement, and he motioned for her to lay down. She took the spot on the left as she had the other night, groaning in delight as her head hit the soft pillow. Chakotay lay down on her right hand side on his back. It was too warm for blankets as far as he was concerned, but he turned on his side. “Are you comfortable? Do you want the sheet or blanket?” She turned on her side to face him. 

“I’m perfect just like this. I know just what to do to stay warm,” and with those words she moved closer to him, and he rolled back onto his back to accept her embrace. She lay her head on his left shoulder and wrapped her left arm around his torso. He pulled her closer, wrapping his left arm around her shoulder and placing his right hand over hers on his chest. “Thank you for today, Chakotay. It was perfect. Just what I needed.”

“It was just what we needed. We both needed to decompress a bit. We can do that anytime you want to. The river is close enough that we can spend an entire day, or just a few hours there, anytime you want.” His left hand was working circles on her shoulder.

He felt her body stiffen ever so slightly and knew that something was on her mind. He gave her a moment, but she remained silent. He turned just slightly so he could see her face. “Alright, out with it.” His eyes were twinkling, so she knew he wasn’t mad. She grinned sheepishly, knowing that she could never hide anything from him, so she really shouldn’t try.

“I was just thinking how right this feels. When you said that you get to spend every day of the rest of your life with your best friend…that goes the same for me too.” She leaned up and pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek. Chakotay closed his eyes at the feel of her soft lips on his face. “I’ve never felt closer to or more comfortable with anyone in my life. I’ve never really had a best friend before.” She grinned, thinking back to the first moments they spent on the bridge together. “Do you remember, when we first met, you have a phaser pointed at me? And now here we are.” She reached across him and gave him a squeeze. “Life is just strange that way. I guess you really don’t know what the future holds.”

“That’s true.” He pulled her closer as she snuggled into him, “And Kathryn…”

“Hmmm?” He could hear sleepiness in her response and knew she’d be asleep soon. “I never would have shot you with that phaser.”

She smiled, closing her eyes. “Glad to hear it.” Her foot moved until it met his, and she hooked her ankle over his lower leg. “Good night Chakotay.”

“Sweet dreams, Kathryn.”

She lay there with her eyes shut, but she wasn’t ready to drift off to sleep. She felt Chakotay settle under her and listened to his steady heartbeat and his breathing until it evened out. Once she knew he was asleep, she lifted her head to watch him. The moon cast a silver glow over them, and she could clearly see his features as he slept. His face was beautiful in its serenity and she thanked whatever deity may exist that she was here with him. Feeling bold, and using his sleeping as an excuse, she leaned up and gently pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth. His skin was warm, and she felt heat rise in her cheeks as she slowly backed away to lay back down.

Once she was settled, she fell easily to sleep, missing the smile that lifted his lips before Chakotay himself fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are so wonderful in your following and praise of this story I thought I'd do a double update this weekend. Thank you so much for following along with this story. I know it's what every author says, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart. It makes it that much more fun to write when I know there are other people out there who enjoy it. You all mean the world to me!

Kathryn woke up very early the next morning feeling both comfortable and uncomfortable. It had cooled considerably during the night and waking up in the warmth of Chakotay’s arms felt wonderful. He must have pulled the blankets over them at some point during the night. He lay on his back, still fast asleep, and she was tucked up next to him, using his chest as her pillow. She had wrapped her arm around his waist, and her leg was hitched higher over his. He had both of his arms around her. The rightness of it nearly brought tears to her eyes, but as she came fully awake, she felt a roiling in her stomach that wouldn’t be ignored as a wave of nausea rocked her. She pulled away from him as quickly and gently as she could and barely made it ten feet from him before losing the contents of her stomach behind the nearest tree. She tried to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake Chakotay as her body heaved again and again.

Chakotay came awake to a distressing sound and noticed immediately that Kathryn no longer lay beside him, though her warmth was still present under the blankets. As another soft gagging sound reached his ears, he became instantly awake. It was the sound of retching and, glancing off to the side, he saw Kathryn hunched over next to a nearby tree. “Kathryn?”

Kathryn cringed at the concern in his voice and the fact that he’d woken up. “Don’t come over here,” her voice was hoarse from exertion and stomach acid, but Chakotay ignored her, coming over to place a gentle hand on her back. She flinched at his touch. “Chakotay, please leave me alone.” She heaved again and he pulled her hair away from her face. She gagged again, but her stomach was empty and dry heaves wracked her body in several more spasms.

His brow furrowed at the feel of her convulsing beneath his touch, but he didn’t back away. When she finally felt that her stomach wouldn’t defy her again, she turned away from the mess and made to sit down against the tree. “Oh, no you don’t. Come back under the covers.” He slipped his arm under hers and helped her walk back. He helped her sit down and realized she was shivering. The air was still cool, and her satin nightgown did little to keep her warm. He pulled back the blankets and helped her under them. 

“Chakotay, I’m fine.” She pressed her hand to her forehead trying to catch her breath. “I didn’t want you to see that. I’m sorry.” Chakotay pressed his hand to her cheek. 

“Kathryn, don’t apologize, and don’t move. I’ll be right back.” He got up quickly and went back into the shelter. He went to the replicator and asked for a bowl of warm water and a rag, and a cup of peppermint tea. He went back outside and found her right where he’d left her, her face resting in her hands. “Here,” he handed over the bowl of water and rag and turned away, so she’d have some privacy to clean her face and wipe her mouth.

She felt mortified as she cleaned herself, though the warm water felt wonderful against her chilled skin. “Thank you,” she whispered out as she set the bowl and rag off to the side and finally turned to face Chakotay. He took that as his cue and sat down next to her, handing her the mug of tea.

“Peppermint tea. Hopefully it’ll settle your stomach.” She nodded, leaning against him as she took a sip. It tasted wonderful and the warmth tingled as it slid down her throat. Her stomach briefly revolted at having something invade so soon, but she kept it down. After another sip she appreciated that the taste of bile was covered up by the taste of peppermint. Chakotay’s arm came around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. “Kathryn, talk to me. Are you sick?” He reached up with his other hand and touched her forehead. There was no sign of fever.

She sat silently for a moment, taking in the way her body truly felt. Her stomach hurt, but it was just her stomach muscles aching from having convulsed so violently a few moments before. She felt cold, but that was because she wore next to nothing and the air was cool. Other than her stomach, she felt fine. “No, I’m not sick. I’m embarrassed to say that I think I ate too much yesterday. Those s’mores didn’t sit well, apparently.” She shivered again and he ran his hand up and down her arm.

“Here, come back and lay down. It’s still early and you should warm up.” She sighed and nodded, setting her tea down as well and sliding down until she was fully covered by the blankets. Chakotay lay down as well and turned on his side. She didn’t hesitate to do the same and he moved behind her to spoon her. She sighed as his warmth touched her from head to toe. He wrapped his arm around her and placed his hand gently on her stomach. “Okay?”

“Yes, just embarrassed,” she whispered, feeling equally mortified at being sick in front of him and glad that he was there with her. “I didn’t want you to have to see that.”

He chuckled gently and she felt it through his chest into her back, “Kathryn, why would you say that?” She opened her mouth to answer but realized the question was rhetorical when he continued speaking. “We are going to be here for the rest of our lives. There are bound to be things that happen that are less than wonderful. We have to be there for each other. If I were sick would you help me?”

“Of course.” She didn’t have to hesitate, but then a smile played at her lips. “Point taken, Commander.” Chakotay smiled into her hair.

“Good, now just relax,” he rubbed his fingers gently over her stomach. “Feeling better? Or at least not feeling worse?”

“I’m alright, I think it was just eating too many sweets yesterday. I’ll be fine. Thank you for…everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me. Go back to sleep, Kathryn.” She closed her eyes with another sigh and soon found sleep again.

Chakotay felt rested enough and took the opportunity to just watch her sleep. She looked so peaceful now that her bout of nausea was over. He pondered that thought for a moment, but supposed she was right. He had felt full himself to the point of uncomfortable last night but felt fine this morning. And she did have three s’mores. He smiled to himself, remembering the look of pure glee on her face as she had toasted the marshmallows an eaten them. Yesterday had been so perfect, he was sorry that it ended sourly for her this morning. He was determined to make the rest of the day better for her, but in this moment, he just enjoyed holding her.

His hands traveled gently from her stomach up to her hip, down her thigh as far as he could reach and then back up her side and ribs and to her shoulder. He then let his fingers dance lightly up and down her arm. His heart swelled again at being able to do this, and he thanked the spirits that even though he and Kathryn were no longer on Voyager, they were together. She would never have let her walls down enough on Voyager to ever get close to him like this, and for that reason, he was glad to be here on New Earth. Maybe it was selfish of him, but he wouldn’t change their circumstances for anything in this moment.

The sun slowly slid higher in the sky and Chakotay lost track of time as he lost himself in the feel of Kathryn in his arms. Finally, she began to move, and he retracted his hand, allowing her room in case she needed to be sick again. When she opened her eyes finally, she seemed confused for a moment until she turned and saw Chakotay’s face in the early morning sun. “Good morning,” she smiled up at him and her stomach chose that moment to let out a loud grown. She blushed.

He chuckled. “Good morning. Feeling better?”

She stretched her body out. “Yes, I am. I’m starving.” She sat up, pushing the blanket down since the air was now warmer with the sunshine.

Chakotay grinned widely. “I’ll fix you something light, okay?” She nodded and he got up and headed back into the house.

Kathryn stood up and stretched, feeling so much better than she had when she first woke up. She picked up her peppermint tea, now cold, but sipped on it anyways. She was quickly growing used to it and actually craved it most mornings, even if she didn’t feel sick like she did today. She collected the blankets and pillows and carried everything inside.

= /\ =

The next few weeks passed uneventfully, with each day much the same. Chakotay usually woke before Kathryn, made himself something for breakfast; usually oatmeal and some of their local fruit mixed in. They had found a stand of trees with fruit similar to peaches growing on them, and though they weren’t quite ripe yet, they were still delicious and Chakotay had picked a dozen or so to ripen in the fruit bowl on their table. He sliced up one of those, grabbed some raspberries and added them to his breakfast. He would eat silently at the table or go outside to give Kathryn some privacy and quiet.

Kathryn would rise soon after, and after a sonic shower and breakfast, she would go outside to see how her garden was fairing. While she was tending to her garden Chakotay would fell the trees they would need for the work they would do on the cabin that day. The walls were getting high enough that it was difficult to climb over them, so Chakotay had built two ladders; one leaning from the inside and one leaning from the outside. It saved time from having to use the back door of their shelter and walking around each time they needed to go in and out.

Once Chakotay had worked the logs down the hill, Kathryn would notch them with the phaser and help Chakotay rig them up into the pulley system and help maneuver them into place. The walls were almost over Chakotay’s head now, and after probably two more rows of logs, it would be ready for a roof.

He couldn’t wait to have the shelter finished. Not only would it be a monumental task that they wouldn’t have to worry about anymore, but he knew eventually the weather would turn cold and he would be glad for a warm place for he and Kathryn to spend the winter.

They were sitting outside on a blanket eating a picnic lunch one warm afternoon when Chakotay brought up the interior of the cabin. Kathryn’s heart began hammering in her chest. She had been toying with a notion over the last few days but had been nervous to bring it up to Chakotay. But now that the time had come to discuss it, she knew she had to speak up.

“I think, before the last few rows of logs are up that I should cut out the door and windows. It’ll be easier to bring in planks to build the walls for our bedrooms. And then I can start actually making windowpanes.” He looked at the log walls, the vision in his mind of what it would look like once complete. “And we have to start bringing up stones from the river to work on the fireplace and chimney.” Kathryn nodded, a faraway look in her eyes. He turned back to her and saw her staring at nothing. “You don’t like that plan?”

Kathryn’s eyes met his, and he couldn’t read the look there, other than the fact that something was on her mind. She took a deep breath. “I think it’s a wonderful plan. I just had a thought…about the bedrooms.”

“Kathryn, I want you to have a larger room. We already discussed it.” He grinned softly at her.

“No, that’s not what I mean.” She looked away from him, but realized that her courage came from him, so she met his gaze once again. “You told me you wanted me to tell you when I’m feeling something right?” 

Chakotay’s face turned serious and she took his hands. “Yes, Kathryn.”

She took a deep breath, and in his eyes, she found her strength. “I have found, over the last few weeks, since watching the meteor shower, our trip to the river, and sleeping under the stars…” she sighed, her body trembling with nerves. “I’ve found that I don’t like sleeping alone anymore. I would rather, if you’re alright with it…I’d rather just have one bedroom and one bed.” Her nerves tinted her cheeks and nose pink and she felt her ears grow hot at her admission. But he had wanted the truth from her, and in the nearly two weeks since they had slept in each other’s arm under a blanket of stars…she missed it. She missed the closeness of him.

Chakotay’s face broke into a soft smile with just a hint of his dimples. “I would like that very much. But are you sure? What if you get mad at me and want to be alone?”

She laughed, slapping his arm playfully, glad that, once again, he was taking her burden away. “I can’t imagine a situation where that would happen.” She stopped, thinking of times on Voyager that her First Officer had annoyed her, and she chuckled, “Well…at least not here.” They both laughed at that, “I would hope that if we ever had a disagreement that we would be able to settle it right away. But I could always make you sleep in your old bed if you got on my nerves.” Her eyes sparkled as she winked at him. They hadn’t shared banter like this since long before Voyager left them here. He loved it.

Chakotay grinned wickedly, “Are you flirting with me, Captain?” She laughed out loud, a genuine bark of a laugh that he hadn’t heard in a long time.

“Ha! Maybe I am,” but her face turned serious. “But I will admit, as hard as it is for me to form the words, that I miss being close to you at night.” She frowned, trying to find the right words to explain how she felt, “Nights are still hard for me. I know we’ve been here for months now, but when it’s dark and quiet, I feel alone. We are the only two people on this planet, and though I’ve resigned myself to this fate and this life…the thought of never seeing my mother and sister again, or the crew…it hurts.” Her eyes met his and held them. “It doesn’t hurt as much when you hold me.” The last sentence came out in a whisper.

Chakotay’s heart ached at her admission and her bravery for sharing this with him. He brushed his thumb against her cheek, not knowing how to respond to her. She spoke again before he had the chance.

“If I’m taking advantage of you or the situation, please let me know. That isn’t my intention at all, I just…” she didn’t know how to finish.

“The woman warrior called on the angry warrior to join her,” Chakotay repeated the words he had spoken to her weeks ago that had opened her up to him in the first place, “The angry warrior will always be by your side, doing what he can to make your burden lighter.” Kathryn felt her eyes sting.

“Those are beautiful words Chakotay, but we’re not warriors anymore.”

“I meant what I said Kathryn. Your needs come first.” He cradled her cheek in his palm, his thumb still running over her cheekbone. “It was true on Voyager and it’s true now. Making you feel happy and safe brings me a peace that I’ve never known before. It did then and it still does.” Finally, a tear escaped down her cheek and landed on Chakotay’s thumb. He brushed it away. “If sleeping by your side every night for the rest of our lives makes you happy, then I will build one bedroom and one bed.”

Kathryn’s heart swelled in that moment and she leaned forward and pressed her forehead to his. “How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?” Chakotay grinned.

“I believe you were assigned to search me out to bring me back to Starfleet for court-martial.” He chuckled and she smiled, her eyes bright and clear. “So, whether it was luck or fate, I think we were destined to find each other.”

Kathryn smiled at the thought of that. Destined to find each other. She nodded.

“Thank you for sharing your feelings with me Kathryn. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to do so.”

“You always make me feel comfortable, Chakotay.” It was her turn to brush her fingers across his cheek. He closed his eyes at the feeling. “I appreciate it more than you know.”

They finished their lunch. Chakotay asked Kathryn where she wanted the windows, and then she went off to work in her garden. Some of the tomatoes were ripe and she wanted to pick what she could. The ground was very nutritive indeed and everything was growing faster than she had expected, but that included the weeds. It was nearly a daily task pulling the weeds and clearing space for her growing vegetables.

Chakotay began using the phaser to cut out a large opening for a front door and several smaller spaces for windows. He had planned to build wooden window frames and replicate glass panes to affix in them. They would have morning sun in their bedroom and the evening sun would shine into their living area. Lastly, he cut out an opening for the fireplace. While Kathryn was busy in her garden, he rigged up two large buckets hanging from each end of a long pole. Carrying the pole across his shoulders, he figured that would be the easiest way to carry the largest amount of rocks back and forth from the river. Once the roof was on the cabin and the door and windows were in place, he’d begin on the fireplace.

But first, he wanted to build a bed. He wanted to have it done before Kathryn came back, and after glancing over to where she pulled weeds in the garden, he figured he just might have enough time.

Finding the logs to plane down into boards was easy, and having and open front door to carry them through was a tremendous help. He put the frame of the bed together easily, making it large enough to hold both of their Starfleet mattresses side by side. He worked quickly, cursing under his breath when trying to hammer a nail into a board, he found his thumb with the hammer instead. The throbbing in his digit would be worth it if he could sleep with Kathryn in his arms tonight.

He thought back to her words as the frame slowly came together. He had been surprised at his own body’s reaction to sleeping all night with Kathryn in his arms. He was nervous that his body might betray him in the night and by extension betray her trust in him. She had opened up so much to him in the months that they’d spent on New Earth, and the last thing he needed was a morning erection pressing into her. When she had come out of the shelter wearing a satin night gown, it had taken his breath away. But holding Kathryn in his arms brought him so much more than just a physical reaction. He felt protective of her in a way that clamped down most of the physical reaction he might have to her. Seeing her in that swimsuit didn’t make matters easier, and there was always a thought in the back of his mind that one day in the future they might explore the physical side of their relationship, but he realized as he held her in his arms that if they never did, it wouldn’t matter to him. He had honestly meant it when he told her that he would never push her to give that which she didn’t want to, but he would accept whatever she had to offer. If all she was comfortable with was hand holding, kisses on the cheek or forehead and falling asleep in each other’s arms, then he would thank the spirits every day for what she was willing to share with him.

His thoughts kept him occupied as he nailed the last board into place. Deciding to get everything ready for the evening, he went first to his sleeping area and stripped his mattress and brought it out to the bed frame, laying it down. He then, after debating several moments, went into her sleeping area and did the same with her mattress. He knew she wouldn’t mind, but that was her small sanctuary of privacy, and it still felt like an invasion. Once the mattresses were in place, he replicated a larger set of sheets in a pale blue and made the bed. He put down their pillows and covered the bed with several blankets. He hoped that she wouldn’t think him overly eager by building the bed so quickly, and before the rest of the cabin was finished. He finally stretched one of the canvas tarps that had come with their equipment over the open roof of their new bedroom. The cabin didn’t have a proper roof yet, but the tarp was waterproof, so if it happened to rain before they were finished, they could still sleep in their bedroom and not get wet.

Several hours had passed since lunch and he was just admiring his handiwork when Kathryn came inside, “Chakotay, I think I’m,” her words died in her throat at the sight of the bed before her. “You finished it?”

“I did.” He tugged on his ear, feeling slightly embarrassed at his eagerness again to share a bed with her. She didn’t seem to mind.

“It’s wonderful. Thank you Chakotay.”

“Of course. How’s your garden coming?” She tipped the basked she was carrying slightly so Chakotay could see the tomatoes she had collected. They were a pinkish red, and the same size as cherry tomatoes. Chakotay popped one in his mouth.

“They’re wonderful. Thank you. I’m still shocked at your green thumb.” She grinned proudly at him as she took her harvest into the old shelter that would eventually serve as their kitchen and dining area.

Kathryn came back into the cabin where Chakotay stood next to the bed. The sun was beginning to set and Kathryn looked out the door. “I think I’m going to take a bath. My back is sore from being hunched over for so long.” Kathryn went into her sleeping area and came back with a towel and her bathrobe.  
Chakotay nodded. “I’ll fix something for us for dinner. Any requests?”

Kathryn shook her head. “Whatever you’re in the mood for.”

“Alright, well take your time and enjoy your bath.” Kathryn smiled at him before going out into the evening sun.

“Computer, fill the tub. Forty-degree water.” The tub was instantly filled with steaming water, and Kathryn poured in a generous amount of lavender oil that she had replicated. She enjoyed the calming fragrance and noticed that Chakotay seemed to like it as well. He never said anything, but whenever she was fresh from the bath, he always seemed to find a reason to be close to her; to press his nose into her hair. She smiled to herself as she undressed and climbed into the water with a sigh.

She lay there for several minutes with her eyes shut when an all too familiar chirp brought a smile to her face. “Well hello there.” She looked up and saw her primate friend resting on a tree branch several feet above her. “I guess you can see that we’re going to be stuck together for a while. I still hope we can be friends.” A thought crossed her mind. “Chakotay?” she called, loud enough that she hoped he would hear her, but not too loud as to scare her small companion.

“Yes? Are you alright?”

“Yes, but my little friend is back, and I wondered if you could bring a bowl of raspberries out here.” She sat up, drawing her knees up to her chest to give herself some privacy, but she also knew that Chakotay was a gentleman. He came out of the house slowly, approaching the tub and the small animal. 

“Hello little fella. I guess we are officially neighbors now.” As he moved toward the tub, he could smell lavender heavy in the air and took a deep breath, letting the calming fragrance wash over him. “Here you go, Kathryn.” He placed the bowl on the edge of the tub and backed up.

“Thank you.” She reached up and took a raspberry and popped it in her mouth, then held a second one out for the primate. Chakotay watched as her arm came out of the water, holding up the ripe fruit to the small animal. Water slid down her skin and reflected the light from the setting sun. He watched her shoulder blades move under the pale skin of her back as she reached up.

The primate watched her for a moment before climbing down slowly and snatching the berry from Kathryn’s fingers. Chakotay couldn’t only see the back of her head but imagined the smile that had broke out on her face at her small triumph.

What happened next took them both by surprise. The animal leapt down to the edge of the tub, then jumped across it to sit next to the bowl of berries, quickly stuffing as many into his mouth as he could. Kathryn laughed, spinning around in the tub to face the little primate, but in error she realized too late that she faced Chakotay as well. Her knees had dropped allowing her to turn in place and a considerable amount of the skin of her breasts appeared above the water’s surface. It left VERY little to Chakotay’s imagination and though he didn’t draw any attention to what he had just seen, instead focusing on the small primate, Kathryn heard his sharp intake of breath as she pulled her knees back up to her chest, her cheeks flushing pink.

He hadn’t really seen anything more than what he had been able to see when she wore that white swimsuit but knowing that she was naked in the water now made his heart hammer in his chest. “Well, it looks like he’s happy. I’ll finish dinner. Excuse me,” and with that he turned and went back inside, needing a moment to reign in his feelings.

It wasn’t even the physical reaction his body threatened to have at the proximity to her; he just simply ached to be near her. A calm came over him whenever she was close, and he longed for that feeling all the time. Aside from the fact that she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, she was the most remarkable…the most special, and his entire being ached to be close to her. Smiling to himself, yet again, at the fact that he got to spend the rest of his life with her, he finished preparing the fettuccini alfredo and garlic bread for their supper.

= /\ =

After their delicious dinner, Kathryn began cutting up some of the tomatoes that she had harvested. She had plans to use the phaser on a wide low beam to dehydrate them for when the weather went cold. Their atmospheric scans from Voyager told them that this planet experienced all four seasons similar to Earth, and the temperatures were similar to Midwest America. Kathryn thrilled at the idea of having weather similar to what she’d grown up with in Indiana. She hadn’t experienced snow in years and was actually looking forward to it. She knew Chakotay was bred for warmer temperatures and wasn’t sure how he’d handle the cold. Probably with the calm and grace that he faced every situation and she smiled at the thought.

Once all the tomatoes were sliced and placed on the wire rack that she had made with some of the spare wires from their broken equipment, she decided to take everything outside. Just incase the phaser didn’t act the way she expected, she didn’t want to burn anything in the house.

She placed the rack on several sawhorses that Chakotay had made and set the phaser for wide beam and low output. She aimed and pressed the trigger with her thumb. She watched as the tomatoes instantly began to shrivel and steam. After only a few more seconds they were done. She felt glee at having made something for them to eat that wasn’t burnt or undercooked or completely wrong. She wanted to share her small victory with Chakotay but noticed that he wasn’t anywhere to be found. Furrowing her brow, she looked around outside for him, but in the dying light of the sun, he was nowhere to be seen.

She knew that he was going to start making a wood pile for winter and when she looked where he told her he planned to put it, there was indeed at least one cord of neatly stacked wood, most likely from what was left after he had cut door and window openings in the log walls. But Chakotay wasn’t outside. He must have gone back inside after she came out, but she hadn’t seen him.

She went back inside the cabin and back to the kitchen to put the now dried tomatoes in a canister for storage. Once that was done, she decided to get ready for bed. Though she hadn’t done much physically hard work today, she was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. She didn’t realize how much the idea of telling Chakotay that she wanted to share a bed with him was weighing on her over the last few days, and now that it was off her chest and a reality, she felt lighter, but so very tired. Her clothes were still in her wardrobe in her old sleeping area, so she went behind the frosted glass to change her clothes. Pulling off her dress she tossed in into her small hamper. She’d have to do laundry tomorrow, and looked forward to the task. She generally took their clothes down to the river, filled a basin with water and used the phaser to heat it, then scrubbed everything. Once everything was clean she brought it back to hang on the clothes line that Chakotay had strung up between two trees. He had offered several times to help washing the clothes; she blushed at the silliness of it, but she wasn’t ready for him to see her underthings. He didn’t seem to have any aspersions to her washing his, and she didn’t really think much about it, but the thought of him washing her bras and panties made her cheeks flush and her chest feel hot. Maybe someday it wouldn’t bother her at all, but she wasn’t there yet. She didn’t even have the guts to hang her underwear on the line to dry. She had made her own small clothesline behind her privacy screen and used that to hang her unmentionables. Chakotay never said a word about it, and she knew he never would one way or the other, but it was just another hurtle she would have to overcome on her own, silly as it was.

She pulled on a cream colored, short sleeved nightgown that was light material and just reached her knees. She quickly braided her hair to keep it out of her face and made her way towards their bedroom.

Their bedroom. Her heart thrilled at the thought. They had decided to just leave the cabin as one large room. It would be easier to heat, and since it was just the two of them, they didn’t really need their bed in a closed off space. She smiled now as she padded across the floor towards their bed. She smiled at the sight before her.

Chakotay lay on the right side of the bed, fast asleep. She found it adorable that he took the same side as he had when they’d slept on the blankets outside together. He lay on his back with his left arm resting on his chest and his right arm behind his head. He wore soft grey pajama pants, no shirt, and a serene expression. She stood next to the bed, watching him for a moment.

He looked so peaceful, and she knew he must be exhausted from all the work he did today…to make her request a reality. He’d done all of this today, because she had requested it. Her chest filled with such warmth that she was drawn onto the mattress and under the covers to be closer to him. She moved slowly and gently, hoping that she wouldn’t wake him up. She knew how tired he must be; he didn’t even say goodnight. He always said goodnight. She could picture him, lying on the bed, waiting for her to come in so they could talk. She could imagine him waiting for her, to ask her which side of the bed she preferred, if she had a preference. Was the position of the bed okay? Were the blankets enough? She smiled, knowing that all of those thoughts probably flashed across his mind as he waited for her. But exhaustion had won out and he’d fallen asleep.

She studied his face in the moonlight as she lay next to him, propping her head on her hand. As gently as possible, she reached her other hand out and ran her finger gently over his tattoo. She’d longed to do that for longer than she cared to admit to herself and reveled in the warm skin beneath the pads of her fingers. That tattoo had always fascinated her, and though she knew he’d gotten it to honor his fallen father, she longed to know more of the history of it. That would be a question for another day, though, as she felt exhausted herself.

Retracting her hand, she leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss at the corner of his mouth again, letting her lips linger a fraction of a second longer than she had the other night. Not realizing that her touch had woken his up, he turned towards her and their lips brushed lightly together as his eyes opened to look at her. She pulled back to judge his expression and saw nothing but openness there. He didn’t lean forward to capture her mouth, and she knew he wouldn’t unless she did first. She smiled down at him, warmth flowing from her heart to her extremities. Her eyes twinkled and his dimpled puckered his face gently as he looked up at her. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“Don’t be. You worked so hard today. I’m so grateful.” She lay on her side facing him, and he rolled over so they faced each other. She curled up just as he did and their knees pressed together, causing her to smile bashfully. She could still feel the feather light touch of his lips on hers and was surprised to know that it didn’t frighten her like she thought it might. She felt nothing but comfort around him, just as she always did, and just as she knew she always would. She reached out and took his hand, lacing their fingers together between them. “I feel like I’m always telling you thank you, and I also feel like it’s never enough.”

Chakotay smiled at her in the darkness, feeling his lids droop as exhaustion threatened to pull him under. But he fought it, wanting this moment with Kathryn to last longer. “I did it because I wanted to. I knew it would make you happy, and your happiness brings me happiness. If I can keep the sadness away from you, even a little bit, I’ll do it gladly.” He squeezed her hand, and she squeezed his back. His eyes drooped shut again. 

“Go to sleep, Chakotay. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sweet dreams, Kathryn.” His voice came out in a lazy whisper as he dropped into the oblivion of sleep.

She leaned down and kissed his hand.

“They will be.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Squee, I just couldn't wait anymore to upload this chapter. I hope you enjoy it!!!!!

Over the past few weeks the changes in Kathryn had been very subtle, but Chakotay noticed each and every one of them. They had been on New Earth for two months and five days, and spending so much time together, he knew something was different about her. It had been nagging at him for the last two weeks, but he didn’t dare bring it up and was curious if Kathryn noticed the changes in herself. If she did, she wasn’t speaking up about it, and he had decided to give it a little more time before he brought his concerns to light.

That morning as he sipped his tea, having replicated a cup of peppermint tea for her as well, (her new favorite beverage) he watched her as she moved around the kitchen area of their living space. She wore that same pale rose colored dress that she’d worn the day of the plasma storm, and she looked absolutely radiant. She had planned on spending the morning collecting the rest of the raspberries from the bushes near the meadow, and planting some of the garlic cloves that Neelix had sent down for them. Everything she’d planted so far was growing rapidly and was doing well, but with summer beginning to wane, she kept herself busy in the garden and helping Chakotay finish their cabin.

He watched her gathering the items that she would need for her day, before sitting down to her own cup of tea. He could tell that her mind was on her plans for the day, so he took a moment to study her again. Her face was the same face he’d looked at every day; it was a bit more tan from days spent in the sun tending to her garden, helping him stack wood for their winter supply or spending time at the river, but he’d noticed that her face seemed just a touch fuller as of late. Her lovely cheekbones weren’t quite as pronounced as they usually were. She didn’t spend much time in front of a mirror, so he doubled that she noticed. It was an infinitesimal difference, but this morning in particular, he could really see it.

He’d also noticed that her energy wasn’t at the level it normally was. At first, he equated it to all the hard work they had both been doing in making their shelter a home. Now that the chance of finding a cure had been dashed, she had finally come around to the idea of this being a permanent living situation. Though she still had her moments of sorrow, she was having a much easier time finding happiness here with him, and he was grateful daily for her acquiescence.

He had also noticed, though he tried very hard not to stare, that all her clothes were fitting differently. The first time he noticed it was when she wore that white swimsuit, but he didn’t think that that was really an accurate representation. Swimsuits tended to be tight, so he tried not to let that instance sway his judgement. She was usually apt to wear her short-sleeved, flowy skirted linen dresses for every day. They certainly looked comfortable, and she looked lovely in them, but lately, they seemed to a bit tighter around her upper arms and stomach. They were particularly snug around her breasts. The first time he’d caught himself staring was at the river when they shared their picnic lunch; when she’d taken off her sundress to lay in the sun. Her breasts were practically spilling out of the top of her swimsuit and he thanked the spirits that, though she had caught him ogling her, her eyes had still been shut and she hadn’t seen his gaze lost in her cleavage. He had never denied that she was a beautiful, desirable woman, but in the last few weeks she’d looked even more radiant and…voluptuous than normal. She looked stunning as always, and he didn’t dare draw attention to the fact that she was gaining weight, but he knew he would have to soon. She wasn’t eating anything unhealthy or different than normal, and all the work that they were doing was definitely changing both of their bodies. He felt muscles growing in his arms and shoulders that hadn’t been used in a long time. The kind of work it took to make a living here on New Earth had brought on the use of new muscles for them both, and he noticed that her arms and legs were stronger. She had always been fit, but that had come from strict and calculated workouts in the gym or from holodeck workout programs. The work here was unpredictable and sometimes very hard, and he had noticed her muscle tone changing as well. 

He also couldn’t squash the idea of her not drinking coffee anymore. After her complaining about it not tasting right, he’d taken the replicator apart and put it back together, as had she, replicating himself a cup, but it tasted no different than it had before. She took a sip from his mug and made a face; sorrow painted on her face as she repeated that it just didn’t taste right.

He knew the time had come that he had to bring up what he was thinking, but he didn’t know how to go about it, and he was hoping that pulling off this particular band-aid wouldn’t do harm to her healing psyche. Taking a deep breath, he finally broke the silence.

“Kathryn, can you sit down for a minute? I have something I want to discuss with you.”

She turned, her eyes widening. “Hm, I don’t like the sound of this. Should I be worried?” She stayed where she was, waiting for him to speak.

He tugged at his ear but shook his head. “No, worried isn’t the right word, I just have something I wanted to bring up, but it’s a tricky subject and I didn’t know if I should say anything or not.”

Kathryn’s heart was hammering in her chest suddenly. “Well you have to now, I’m about to have a heart attack. What’s wrong, Chakotay?”

“Nothing I hope, but I have a question to ask you, and it’s of a delicate nature.”

“For goodness sake, Chakotay, just ask me.” Her eyes were pleading, knowing that not knowing was worse than whatever he was about to say.

“Alright, I was just wondering how you’ve been feeling lately.” She sighed out a nervous laugh.

“That’s all? You want to know how I’m feeling? I feel fine, Chakotay.” She laughed a bit harder. “You had me worried for nothing.” He tugged at his ear again which told her that this wasn’t the end of the conversation.

“Well I’m glad for that, but I was curious of something else, and please don’t be offended,” he paused, and she nodded, encouraging him to finish his thought. “I was wondering if you’ve had a menstrual cycle since we’ve been on the planet.” The rest of the air in his lungs came out in a controlled sigh through pursed lips, his own heart picking up speed.

“I…” the color drained from her face as she silenced herself, really taking in his words and thinking about them. Her eyes darted back and forth, and he could tell that thoughts were traveling though her mind at warp speed, and he wanted to reach out and take her hand, but the look on her face told him she might recoil. “I…it never occurred to me that I’d missed them. I’ve been on ovulation suppression hormones for so long that I’ve grown used to not having a cycle.” She came over and sat down next to him, looking at her hands as she folded them in her lap. “To answer your question, no I haven’t.” Her eyes flew to his, growing wide with slight panic at her own admission. “How did you know?”

Chakotay took a deep breath, “I didn’t. Not really. I’ve just noticed changes in you and wanted to ask before my own mind went wild with notions.” She couldn’t seem to form a response, her eyes full of questions and thoughts of her own. “It has been bothering me that you don’t drink coffee anymore.” She scoffed, but he placed a finger on her hands in her lap to get her attention back to him, “Kathryn I took that replicator apart and scanned it top to bottom and checked every part of it. So did you. The coffee tasted the same. I’ve tried it several times. It tastes the same as it always has. Something has changed with the way you taste things.” She eyed him nervously.

“What else have you noticed?” It wasn’t exactly accusatory, but he could tell by her tone that she demanded to know everything he was thinking.

“Well…and please don’t get angry with any of this, it’s just my own observation, but…your body is changing. I’ve noticed that your clothes aren’t fitting the same as they used it.” He turned his face slightly from center, waiting for a slap across the cheek, but instead his face flushed as she reached up and placed her hands on the swell of her breasts, a faraway look in her eyes.

“I’ve been sore for a few weeks,” she said aloud, more to herself than to Chakotay, “But I just equated it to the heavy lifting I’ve been doing helping you build the cabin.” Her mouth dropped open, then it closed again. “Almost all of my muscles have been sore. I never thought anything of it.”

Chakotay nodded as her hands dropped back to her lap. 

Kathryn stood up and began to pace around the table, twisting her hands together in front of her as she let thought after thought race through her mind. She stopped to look at Chakotay, “But the virus…the Doctor said that the virus, plus the seizure activity…my body couldn’t accept the embryos.” Her voice dropped to a whisper.

“I know.” Was all Chakotay could say. Now that some of his suspicions were confirmed, his own mind was racing with thoughts, his heart beginning to swell with a prospect that he’d eliminated as impossible months ago.

Kathryn paced again for a moment, before stopping to face him. “But I miscarried two months ago.” Her face was pale and her voice full of nerves.

“I know.” He still couldn’t form words beyond that. Kathryn sank back into her chair, thankful that it was next to her or she feared she would have dropped straight to the floor.

“But Voyager is gone.” Her eyes met his, shock written in both of their faces.

“I know.”

“Can you please get the medical tricorder? I’m afraid I can’t stand up at the moment.” Her hands sat limply in her lap.

Though Chakotay didn’t completely trust his own legs to carry him, he willed one foot in front of the other as he moved to the cabinet where they stored their tricorders, phasers and comm badges. Not having any immediate need for any of those items, they had been put away weeks ago. He opened the cabinet door and pulled out the medical tricorder, moving back towards where Kathryn sat motionless in her seat. Chakotay pulled the handheld sensor out and she had the wherewithal to turn and face him, so he had easy access to her stomach. He activated the tricorder and punched in several commands so it would scan for what he was looking for. Kneeling in front of her, he moved the sensor from her stomach up to her neck and back down. She pressed her eyes shut, not wanting to see the look on Chakotay’s face. If he was smiling, she knew her heart would stop, but if sorrow had taken over his features, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle the disappointment again. She heard the tricorder stop but couldn’t bear to open her eyes.

“Kathryn,” she couldn’t read his tone, so she finally took a deep breath and opened her eyes. His face was full of wonder as he turned the tricorder so she could see the results as he read them aloud. “Extremely elevated levels of human chorionic gonadotropin.” She read the results over several times, her hand absently coming up to rest on her stomach. Her eyes then searched out and locked on his, not able to form words. They just stared at each other for a moment in disbelief. “Kathryn, you’re pregnant.”

“But I – I can’t be. The Doctor told us it was impossible after everything. I was cramping and bleeding just after we came out of stasis here.”

“I know, but I read that bleeding can sometimes occur during embryonic implantation. It never dawned on me until now that your bleeding could be anything other than a miscarriage.”

“But I – wait a minute. You read that? When?” 

“On Voyager. After you asked me to father your child, I did a bit of reading. A lot actually, on pregnancy, childbirth and IVF procedures.” He tugged on his ear once again.

“I didn’t know that.” Her voice came out in a whisper as she took in his words. He had done as much research about her proposition as he had done soul searching, and it dawned on her in that moment how seriously he had taken this decision, and that compounded with the fact that it might have actually worked after all this time brought tears to her eyes that she didn’t even bother trying to stop before they escaped down her cheeks. “Pregnant.”

Chakotay tentatively placed his hand over hers on her stomach, trying to read the emotions in her eyes, which had gone to a dark grey as she experienced all the thoughts that rocketed around in her brain. The warmth of his hand on hers was such a comfort that she was able to calm her racing heart and take a deep breath. “I just can’t believe it. I’ve spent the last two months trying to let the possibility go, and now I don’t know what to think.” She placed her other hand on top of his, sandwiching his hand between hers. “What does this mean?”

Chakotay smiled at her adoringly. “It means that the baby growing inside you has your strength and stubbornness. It didn’t matter that your body wouldn’t be able to accept implantation. The baby wanted to implant, so it did. It doesn’t matter that you are infected with the virus. The baby obviously doesn’t care about that either.” He glanced at the bowl of raspberries on the table and picked one up, smiling, “It also means that our baby is roughly this size.” He held up the small fruit and Kathryn stared at it in wonder. He placed it gently in her hand and she felt fresh tears track down her cheeks. 

“I just never dreamed it would happen.” Her smile fell and her face sobered, “How can I have a baby here, Chakotay? We have no medical equipment, no experience, and no Doctor.” 

“Kathryn, women have been having babies without doctors and equipment for centuries. Your body will know just what to do when the time comes, and you are strong. And I will be here to help you.” The smile didn’t leave his face, “I’ve watched several birth simulations that the Doctor had on file and read several articles about difficult deliveries.” He wished instantly that he hadn’t said the part about difficult deliveries as fear gripped her face, “But those were unique situations with unhealthy mothers. You are not. Most of the PADDs I downloaded on Voyager are here with us now. You can read over everything if you want.” He took her hands in his. “We can do this. You can do this, Kathryn.” Her eyes searched his, knowing that he was being truthful, a radiant smile of her own spread across her face, and had Chakotay not already been kneeling, it would have taken him off his feet. 

“I’m pregnant.” Her eyes shone with wonder and adoration in sharing this moment with him.

“You’re pregnant.” He grinned up at her, placing his palm against her cheek.

“We’re going to have a baby.” Chakotay felt his eyes burning with her words. They were going to have a baby. He and Kathryn were going to have a baby. Kathryn was going to have his baby. His chest swelled with a pride that he never knew he could feel. He wanted to grovel at her feet in thanks for the miracle that she was giving him. Instead he just beamed at her in wonder. She finally let out a nervous laugh, “What do I do now?”

He chuckled himself. Here was Captain Kathryn Janeway before him, one of the hardest, strongest, strong-willed women in the galaxy, and here she was stunned, completely out of her element, asking him for help. It was as comical as it was charming.

“Well, you were going to work in the garden, right?” She nodded, finally wiping tears from her cheeks. “I suggest you still do that. Just take time to think about everything that’s happened today. Give yourself time to get used to the idea. We both need to do that. We’ve spent so long trying to forget the idea of a child, that we have to get used to the idea again. It will take some time.” He looked around them. “I’m glad we’ve gotten as much done on the cabin as we did, but I don’t want you helping anymore.” She opened her mouth to retort, but he held up a hand. “No, no more heavy lifting for you. I can manage the roof by myself. There’s still plenty that needs to be done that you can help with.” She sighed but nodded, knowing he was right. He finally stood up and pulled her to her feet as well. He still held her hands, but he pressed her back gently so he could let his eyes sweep up and down her frame several times, finally landing on her eyes. “Congratulations, Kathryn.” Her smile shone up at him.

“Thank you,” she seemed to fully come back to herself, and she pulled him into a tight embrace, one that he gladly accepted and reciprocated. “Congratulations to you, Chakotay.” He grinned, resting his chin on the top of her head.

“Thank you, Kathryn.” He gave her another squeeze before pulling away to look at her again. “I couldn’t be happier.” His dimples had never pressed so deeply in his cheeks as his smile shined down at her. “Now, go tend to your garden. I’ll keep working here, and we can talk more about it later, alright?” She grinned and nodded, wiping the last of the moisture from her cheeks and, still beaming, she took her gathering basket and made her way outside.

After she left, Chakotay dropped to his knees, saying a prayer of thanks to the spirits, and anyone else who was listening, for the miracle that was currently growing in Kathryn’s womb. He felt his own tears of relief and happiness finally wash down his face.

=/\=

Kathryn took her time weeding the garden but wasn’t at all focused on her work, her thoughts continually returning to the life growing inside her at this very moment. Finally giving up on her task, she sat back on her knees, looking down at her stomach.

She had noticed that her clothes were feeling tight, but just figured her growing muscles were making her dresses and shirts fit differently. Now, as she placed her hand on her stomach again, she felt fresh tears knowing the real reason why. “Hello, little one. It’s your mama.” She had no idea if here voice could penetrate to where the baby was growing, but she needed to talk to it. “I have no idea if you can hear me in there, but I want you to know how loved you are. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you survived and thrived in there.” She absently rubbed her belly where she knew the baby resided. “I am just over the moon that you’re okay in there, and I want you to know, that I will do everything I can to keep you safe.” She smiled as she thought of the happiness and wonder she’d seen on Chakotay’s face. “And your papa loves you too, so much. You should have seen his face just now when we realized you’re actually in there.” She felt her tears streaming down her face as she whispered, thinking of Chakotay as ‘papa’…he father of their child. “I thought I’d lost you. I’m so glad I didn’t.” She didn’t know how long she sat there, just reveling in the fact that she was pregnant. Despite all of the odds against it, the miracle of life had won out and taken root. Deciding that her work could wait until tomorrow, she got up and headed back to the house. She needed to be close to Chakotay. She just wanted to experience this with him.

She found Chakotay coming out of the woods, carrying his medicine bundle towards the house. She had guessed that he had been in the woods praying to his animal guide. He looked a bit guilty at being caught not working, but Kathryn didn’t mind in the slightest. “You’re finished with the garden already?” She followed him inside where he put his medicine bundle under his side of the bed.

“No, I couldn’t really focus on my work.” She surprised him by laying down on the bed, looking at her stomach. The dress she wore was thin and she lay as flat as she could, resting her head on her bent arm as she looked down at her stomach. “I don’t see any difference.”

Chakotay smiled, toeing off his boots and laying on his side next to her, looking at her stomach as well. “I do.” He reached over gently, placing his palm just below where her bellybutton was, right where her stomach showed the faintest notion of not being flat. “Right here. That’s where our baby is.” He looked at her and she felt more tears well up and spill out of her eyes. She wondered if she’d ever be able to go a day without crying, but Chakotay didn’t seem to mind. “How do you feel, Kathryn?”

She stared at him for a moment, “I feel…so happy, and amazed and grateful. And I realized that all of my nausea was actually morning sickness and not an aversion to toasted marshmallows.” He chuckled at that. “I feel wonderful, and I…just wanted to share it all with you.”

“I’m glad.” Chakotay leaned over and pressed his lips to her cheek, whispering a kiss there, and as he leaned back, Kathryn reached up and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him back gently. His heart hammered in his chest as she leaned up slightly, expectantly, pressing her lips lightly against his as he leaned over her.

She felt warm and wonderful beneath him, and he had always expected that her kiss would complete him, and completely undo him. The softest moan sounded in her throat, and he leaned back slightly to see her face. “I’m sorry, Chakotay, I didn’t-”

“No. No apologies for anything you feel.” He leaned down and pecked her lips again gently but pulled away before things to go any farther. This wasn’t the time and Kathryn knew it as well. She did lean into him and he gladly took her into his arms, pressing his forehead against hers.

“Just think, you’re nearly through the first trimester already. Hopefully the nausea will dissipate soon.” He ran his fingers through her hair, and she closed her eyes, shifting to lay down in his arms, hearing and feeling his words as her cheek rested on his chest. “No wonder you’ve been craving peppermint tea. The baby knows you feel sick some mornings and it wants you to feel better.”

Kathryn chuckled, “You know that’s not true, but it’s a nice thought.” Chakotay smiled.

“You’ll have the baby in the spring.” He closed his eyes, picturing walking through the woods as the trees and grasses turned green with the new season, his arm around Kathryn as she carried their sleeping baby. “This is really happening.”

Kathryn smiled, squeezing him tight. “I still can’t believe it.”

“I know. It’s a miracle.” He kissed the top of her head, taking a deep breath, smelling the lavender in her hair. Kathryn nodded, then pulled away to lay on her side, he turned to face her.  
“So, you’ve been noticing that I’ve been gaining weight, and you didn’t want to tell me, huh?” She grinned wickedly at him and his cheeks pinked. “Staring at me when I’m not paying attention?” He knew she was just giving him a hard time, but he couldn’t help the blush that stained his cheeks. She found it endearing.

“I knew it might be a delicate subject for you, and I wouldn’t say I was staring, per se, but…you just look different. It’s not a bad different. It’s a beautiful different.” Kathryn’s smile went from joking to serious as her gaze held his.

“Thank you, Chakotay. I might need you to say that again in a few months when I’ve put on more weight and am moody with hormones.” She joked, but he let the backs of his fingers brush down the side of her face.

“I will tell you that you are beautiful every day, because it’s true every day. And maybe I shouldn’t say it, but I find pride in the fact that it’s my child that is creating these changes in you.” Kathryn giggled lightly at his words but knew that he said them in earnest. “I will be forever grateful to you for choosing me to be the father of your child.”

“Our child.” She reminded him and he beamed.

“Yes, our child.” He brushed her fingers against her stomach. “Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?”

“I have no idea,” she laughed lightly, rolling back onto her back and placing her own hand on her stomach. “Kes asked me which I preferred before we even completed the procedures. I really don’t have a preference either way.” She turned her head to look back at him. “What about you?”

“Hm, I would love to have a daughter, but I’d also love to have a son. There’s so much I could teach them, about the land and the sky, help them eventually discover their animal guide.” His eyes held a faraway look that Kathryn adored, knowing he was thinking about the future with their child. It made her feel complete in a way she’d never known she’d been missing. “You can teach them all about science, you can teach them to garden and introduce them to your primate friend.” Kathryn laughed.

“That little primate might not be so quick to come around when there’s a little toddler around chasing it.” They both laughed, picturing a small child, shrieking, chasing the small animal.

“You’d better get it nice and tame now, so you have a fighting chance to keep it around after the baby is born.” She sighed out another laugh at that.

They lay there in silence for a few minutes, just thinking; letting the news of the day sink in. The silence was interrupted by Kathryn’s stomach letting out a loud grown. They both laughed and Chakotay’s dimples flashed at her, his eyes sparkling. “Sounds like baby’s hungry.”

“No, baby is fine. Mama is hungry,” she joked, sitting up slowly. Chakotay rose as well.

“You stay right there and relax. What would you like for lunch?” She stood up and came to stand right in front of him, finger on his chest.

“I am not an invalid. I am capable of making my own lunch.” He grinned at her tenacity.

“I know you’re not an invalid. You’re pregnant.” He loved saying the word. “And as the overly protective father of the child, I would like to make you lunch.” Her features softened. “But if you’d like to come and keep me company while I do, I will have no complaints.” She wrinkled her nose in jest, but nodded, taking his hand and leading him out into the kitchen.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one for you. HUGE thank you to Taylor for looking over this chapter and suggesting some edits...greatly appreciated!!!!! I really hope you enjoy this one. I have one more chapter pre-written (which I'll probably post later today or tomorrow, so be ready for another double update) then I'll be writing fresh. Thanks so much to everyone for the follow, comments and kudos...I'm so grateful!!!! You are the BEST!

Kathryn woke up in the middle of the night with a full bladder and a bit of nausea. She lay on her back for a moment as she unwillingly opened her eyes, annoyed at the interruption of her peaceful night’s sleep. She felt an odd pressure on her stomach and in the darkness of the night, she tried to groggily figure out what it was. Realization dawned on her and it brought a smile to her face. Chakotay slept on his side facing her, and though one of his arms was under the pillows, his other rested on her stomach, protecting her and the baby even as he slept. She didn’t want to move or disturb him, but her bladder gave an angry twinge and as gently as she could, she slid out from under his hand and out of the bed.

It was dark in the cabin portion of their home; the sky was overcast and didn’t allow the moonlight to filter through. But the Starfleet issue shelter had several nightlights that they always left on during the night, so she easily found her way to the bathroom. Once her bladder was emptied, she went to the replicator and asked the computer for a cup of peppermint tea. She grinned to herself as the steaming mug formed and she took a grateful sip. As soon as the cooling mint flavor hit her tongue, just as the heat traveled down her throat, she felt better. She took another sip, heading back to bed. She was still exhausted and, taking one more sip of her tea, she set in on the small night stand that Chakotay had built and climbed back into bed, sliding towards Chakotay’s warmth under the covers. The movements seemed to stir him into consciousness.

“Kathryn, are you alright?” His voice was rough from sleep.

“I’m fine. It just seems that as the baby is growing, my bladder is shrinking.” He gave her a throaty chuckle as he pulled her closer to him under the blankets. She would never tire of the feeling of completeness and safety she felt in Chakotay’s arms and was so grateful that he gave that to her.

“You smell like peppermint,” he spoke into her hair, “Is your stomach bothering you?” He found her stomach with his hand again and gently ran his fingers back and forth over it.

“Only a little. Nothing to worry about, and nothing I can’t handle.” She took a deep breath and let it out in a contented sigh. “Go back to sleep.”

Chakotay pulled her closer, whispered a kiss into her hair and closed his eyes again.

=/\=

Kathryn awoke a second time to the sound of dozens of birds chattering outside. She had heard them before, but only one or two at a time. It sounded like a large flock now, calling and answering each other in the light of the rising sun. She sat up slowly, surprised that mid-morning light was already streaming through into the cabin. Chakotay was absent from the bed and she wasn’t at all surprised. He generally woke and started his day before her, but she also didn’t remember the last time she slept this late. She stretched her muscles slowly, glad that her nausea hadn’t returned after she’d gone back to sleep. The tea still sat, cold on her nightstand and she reached for the glass, taking a sip of the cool liquid. She listened for signs of Chakotay outside but heard nothing over the birds.

Finally getting up out of bed she took her empty glass to the recycler and was surprised at the cool air that filled the entire home. Heading over to her wardrobe of clothes, she found a dark grey heavy sweater and lounge pants. They had a drawstring tie and she could easily adjust around her growing waistline. Though it wasn’t much now, she realized that these pants would work for a long time to come. She knew sooner or later she would have to replicate some larger clothes, and the thought made her wistful. She knew that it would be due to the fact that their child was growing and healthy, but she didn’t like the idea of not having control over her body. Deciding not to dwell on it now, she pulled out a bra and fresh pair of underwear and began getting dressed. The bra was uncomfortably tight, and she set it to the next largest set of hooks. Frowning as it did little to alleviate the tightness, she knew she’d have to replicate new under garments too. She pulled the sweater over her head and twisted her hair into a simple knot at the base of her skull and found a pair of shoes to slip on. Just as she emerged from her old sleeping area freshly dressed, Chakotay came inside with several fish on a fishing line. “Good morning.”

Kathryn was shocked, but excited. “It is a good morning. You finally caught some!” Her happiness thrilled him. He knew she had been craving fresh fish, and though he wasn’t sure how to prepare them, he had dedicated some of his afternoons fashioning fishhooks and spears. It was eventually the spears that worked, and he’d finally caught several fish this morning.

“I did, though I have no idea how to prepare them. It might be a lost cause given your lack of culinary skills, but I’m sure we can figure something out.” She shot him a glare with no malice behind it, and Chakotay grinned, laying the fish down. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“I’m fine; just surprised I slept so long. I’m sorry I wasn’t up earlier to help with anything.”

“It’s fine Kathryn. There really isn’t anything to help with right now. I just spent the morning fishing and finally caught something, and I’m going to start hauling rocks from the river after I get something to eat.” He noted then that she was dressed for the day. “What do you plan on working on today?”

Kathryn sat down at the table, not really hungry yet, but would sit with Chakotay while he ate. “I hadn’t really thought. I neglected the garden yesterday. I should pull the rest of the weeds and harvest whatever I can. The tomatoes are mostly done, but there are several squash coming ripe and the green beans are getting close. We might be able to have some of those tonight.” She picked at the bowl of raspberries on the table as Chakotay moved to replicate a bowl of oatmeal for himself as he did most mornings. He replicated a plate of eggs and toast for her as well. She eyed him when he placed it in front of her.

“You can’t skip breakfast anymore. Now that we know you’re pregnant, you need to eat.” Kathryn nodded in defeat and began picking at the toast. As she took a few bites she began to feel a bit hungrier, and was glad, as always, that Chakotay seemed to read the situation better than she did herself.

“Is there anything I can do to help with the fireplace?” Chakotay thought for a moment.

“Hm, I don’t really want you carrying any of the rocks back. I can do that. I’ll bring some of the mud back with me too, and if I show you how to stack the rocks, I think you could mortar them in place. Sound alright?” Kathryn gave him a sad smile.

“Yes, I just wish I could help you carry them. It’ll take longer if you’re the only one doing it. I could carry a small load of them.” She furrowed her brow, wishing to take some of the burden from him.

“No, it’ll actually be faster if you work here. While you’re setting up a row of rocks, I can bring more. We will work as a sort of tag team. I don’t want you to do anything to hurt the baby.” Kathryn gave a sigh, nodding in affirmation.

“I know, I don’t either. I just wish I could do more to help you.” Chakotay came over and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“Just your being here helps me. You give me a purpose and a reason to work, and now,” he leaned down and placed a hand on the small swell of her stomach, “You’ve given me even more purpose. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that.” She covered her hand with his and smiled. 

“You had a hand in this too, you know.” She grinned wickedly up at him, and he flushed at the double meaning of her words. Their baby hadn’t been created in the conventional way, but that didn’t make it any less of a miracle, or any less special.

“Oh, trust me, I remember.” He let his own words hang in the air as it was Kathryn’s turn to blush, remembering that day all those weeks ago. 

They both chuckled nervously. Finally, Kathryn cleared her throat, “Alright, enough dawdling. Let me finish my food so I can go work. That garden isn’t going to harvest itself.” Chakotay stood up, and squeezed her shoulders before heading for the door, whistling happily to himself as he went outside.

Kathryn finished her eggs and toast, glad for the food in her stomach, and, filling a small vessel with water, she headed outside.

She was met by the loud cacophony of bird calls as she came out of the cabin. They were brash and the trees were full of the grey birds. They reminded her of Blue Jays on Earth. They were about the same size, and just as loud. She stopped in her tracks to watch and listen to them for a moment; they flitted from tree to tree, chasing and calling after one another. It was as comical as it was loud. Chakotay came over to stand next to her as she asked, “What on Earth are they doing?”

“I think they’re flocking up, preparing to fly for a warmer part of the planet as the autumn gets closer. Many migratory birds do that on Earth as well. All of the juvenile birds from the different clutches come together and fly as a large flock.” Kathryn nodded.

“I remember robins doing that. They would migrate through in late September.” She took a deep breath. The air was warmer now, but not as hot as it had been a month ago. “I do have to admit that I’m looking forward to the cooler weather. I haven’t experienced a proper autumn or winter in ages.” She placed a hand on her stomach. “I’m also glad that the weather will be cooler for the pregnancy. My mother was pregnant with my sister through the summer, and she was miserable. I won’t mind missing that.” Chakotay nodded. “What about you, Chakotay? You’re not really used to colder weather, are you?”

“We had seasons of colder weather on Dorvan V when I was growing up. I never minded it, but I definitely enjoy warm weather more. But once we have the fireplace finished and the woodpile nice and healthy, it’ll be as warm or cool as we want it to be.”

After watching and listening to the birds for another few minutes, they each moved apart and started working on their respective tasks.

=/\=

Kathryn harvested several squash, a few handfuls of green beans, the rest of the tomatoes and the rest of the raspberries. The plants were looking sickly and Kathryn knew that the cooler nights were having an effect on them. The days still warmed to a comfortable temperature, but the evenings and nights were chilly. Sooner or later frost would settle over the plants and kill off most of them until spring. She just hoped that she could get a bountiful harvest before then. Several of the gourds she’d planted were coming along and she’d picked two of them. Once dried they would make excellent bowls or vessels to carry anything they needed.

With a tired sigh she returned to the house to take care of her harvest. She left the green beans in the basket but removed and cut the squash in half. They would be easy enough to cook in their small convection oven and would pair nicely with the pheasant meat they had.

Chakotay was adamant that she continue to consume as much protein as possible, and that was before they’d discovered that she was pregnant. She knew he would be even more insistent now. He always made sure there was some type of fresh game in the house. He’d found a rabbit like creature and had made a wonderful stew from it. The pheasants he’d killed for her were delicious the way he roasted them over the firepit, and he had told her just last week that he’d found deer like creatures in the woods, and when her current supply of meat ran out, he would try and shoot one of those for her. She’d told him again and again that he didn’t have to do that just for her. She knew he probably didn’t enjoy killing anything, but he had told her again and again that he didn’t mind it, and if she enjoyed eating it then it was worth it.

She saw that he had put the fish he’d caught in stasis, and she decided to clean and prepare them for cooking as well. Fish was probably the only thing she was good at cooking, which made little sense since it was one of the more difficult types of meat to cook. Taking down a knife she made quick work of skinning and filleting them. Once the bones were out and they were cleaned, she put the meat back in stasis, not ready to cook it yet.

Kathryn was just putting the last of the raspberries in the bowl on their table when Chakotay came inside the house. “Well, that’s quite the harvest you have there.” She wrinkled her nose.

“Well, it’s not as much as I’d like, but the plants all look very healthy. If the weather doesn’t turn cold too quickly, we should be able to harvest a lot more before the frost sets in.” Chakotay nodded.

“Well, if you’re done in here, I could use your help with the fireplace. I’ve hauled up several loads of rocks and some of the mud.” She nodded, feeling tired, but knowing that she wanted to help him get the chimney done before they had need of it. She grinned and followed him outside.

“Alright, it’s simple, really. I’ve put down the first row of stones and clay to show you how large the fireplace should be. You just alternate rocks and mud, making sure everything fits snuggly and there are no holes. After a few rows are up we can cure the mud with a phaser, similar to how I did it with the logs for the house. Sound alright?”

“Yes, I can manage this.” She gave him a wistful look.

“I know, you wish you could help me carry the rocks up here. But I’d rather have you doing this part anyways. You’re a perfectionist and you’ll make it look much better than I could.” She smirked at him. “I’ll be back soon with some more, alright?”

“Yes, just be careful. Don’t hurt yourself by trying to carry too much at once.”

“I won’t.” Chakotay flashed his dimples at her before lifting a contraption over his shoulders that held a large bucket on each end. He turned and walked away, leaving Kathryn alone to work on the fireplace.

She was surprised at how much she enjoyed the task; deciding which stones to put where to make them fit nicely. It was like putting a giant puzzle together, but none of the pieces were predestined to fit anywhere, Kathryn had to use her own spatial awareness to make the best use of the stones available to her. Just as she was placing the last one, Chakotay retuned with another bucket load, as well as more clay. He eyed her handiwork and she handed him her vessel of water. He took a long drink before handing it back. “Thank you.” 

And so, they worked for the remainder of the afternoon. Kathryn finally admitted to him that his plan for their ‘tag team’ was the best way to work on the fireplace. It was already nearly three feet high, and Chakotay used his phaser to cure the clay mortar. “This will be perfect. It’ll be cured now, but when we have fires in it during winter, it will only get stronger. You’ve done a wonderful job. It looks much better than I could have done.”

Kathryn nodded in proud agreement and he laughed, before heading once again towards the river for another load.

The sun was low on the horizon before they finally gave up for the day. They’d made remarkable progress and Chakotay figured it would only take another full day of working before they got to the chimney, but he wanted to do that part himself. He didn’t want Kathryn up and down a ladder hauling stones up on the roof. He hadn’t told her as much yet, but knew he’d have to tomorrow. But he would just be glad to have the project finished before cold weather really set in. Once the fireplace was complete, he wanted to put some type of shingles on the roof of the cabin, and then fashion the door and windows and for better or worse their home would be done. There were many cosmetic things he wanted to do, inside and out, but that could all come later. They were very close now to having a completed home.

Kathryn’s groan pulled him from his thoughts as she leaned down to pick up the last stone to put in place.

“Kathryn, what’s the matter?” He came to her side as she placed a hand on her back.

“Oh, my back just aches.” She pressed her fingers into her lower back, trying to alleviate the twinge she felt there. “It’s fine.” Chakotay replaced her hand with his, pressing gently into the muscles on both sides of her spine. “Mm, that’s nice.”

Chakotay worked her muscles for a moment before an idea came to him. “How about a soak in the tub. I’m sure all of your muscles would benefit from the hot water.”

She stood and turned to face him, “What about you? You worked much harder than I did today. Your whole body must ache.” Chakotay grinned guiltily but nodded.

“If you don’t mind my using your tub, I can soak when you’re done. You look tired. You should have a bath, get something to eat and go to bed.”

Kathryn thought a moment, “Well, we could share the tub. You look just as exhausted as I feel. We both still have our swimsuits, and the tub’s big enough for both of us. At least right now. In a few more months I might not even be able to fit in it.” 

Chakotay felt his heart pick up even as he smiled at her joke. It was one thing to lie next to Kathryn in bed…quite another to have her pressed against him in the hot water with nothing between them but a flimsy bathing suit. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“I’m positive, Chakotay. Let’s go change. Now that you’ve suggested it, my muscles are screaming to get into the hot water.”

Chakotay nodded but still felt nervous, and he wasn’t exactly sure why. He had seen Kathryn in her bathing suit before, only a few weeks ago. This wouldn’t be any different. ‘Yes, it will’ his mind told him. Yes. It. will. He moved behind his privacy screen and found the pair of swim trunks he’d worn to the river before, quickly changing into them. He came back around and waited for Kathryn.

It would feel wonderful to soak in the warm water and he didn’t at all mind the idea of resting in the water with Kathryn, he just hoped he could control his body’s reaction to her. As he stood, waiting for her to emerge he closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing heart. He heard a frustrated sound come from behind her screen. “Kathryn, is everything alright?”

She sighed again, “Yes, you go ahead and get the tub filled. I’ll be out in a minute.” Her tone told him she wasn’t in the mood to debate it or answer more questions, so he picked up two towels and moved towards the door.

“I have both towels.” He spoke, but she didn’t answer. Slightly worried, but knowing not to press her, he went outside to wait for her.

Kathryn waited a moment to make sure she was alone before coming back out. She wore her bathrobe and moved to the replicator, ordering up a new swimsuit. Trying to pull on the white one was an act of pure futility. Her breasts were just too large to fit, and the suit cut into her legs uncomfortably. She had thought to replicate the same style suit only larger but figured she would just end up with the same problem in another few months’ time, and eventually her belly would grow too large to fit that as well. The logical choice would be a bikini. Something with ties that she could adjust easily as her pregnancy progressed. She ordered up her specifications and sighed as the midnight blue material formed in the replicator. She held it up and realized it left VERY little to the imagination and she felt suddenly self-conscious at the thought of putting it on, let alone wearing it in front of Chakotay. She knew he found her lovely no matter what, and though that did give her enough courage to go back behind her privacy screen and put the suit on, she still felt nervous suddenly about agreeing to share a bath with Chakotay. This was quite different than swimming together in the river in the noon day sun. This was soaking together in the tub in the moonlight. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the ties at her hips a bit tighter before donning her robe once again and moving out into the cool evening air.

Chakotay kept his ears open for Kathryn, but couldn’t help his eyes sliding shut as he lowered himself into the hot water. He felt the tension melting from his muscles instantly and realized now why Kathryn enjoyed her baths so much. He lay there letting the water work out the knots in his shoulders while listening for sounds from the house. Sometime was bothering Kathryn, and he planned to do whatever he could to put her at ease. Finally, he could hear her soft footfalls approach. He opened his eyes, turning to see her.

Her hair was twisted into a messy bun on top of her head and she wore the pale blue bathrobe he’d seen her in countless times, but her face looked uneasy. He sat up a bit and turned to face her. “Kathryn, please tell me what’s wrong.”

Kathryn gave a sigh and a soft smile, coming to stand next to the tub, her smile widening at seeing Chakotay relax. “I will. It’s stupid, really. My swimsuit doesn’t fit anymore. It’s only been a few weeks, but it’s already too small. I know it’s for a good reason, it just bothers me that my body is changing so much and so quickly, it’s just hard to get used to. I had to replicate a new suit.”

Chakotay reached up and brushed his thumb over her cheek, leaving a trail of water droplets in his wake. “You’re beautiful, Kathryn. You’re even more beautiful today than yesterday.”

She grinned and chuckled, “I think you’re biased. You are the reason I’m gaining weight.” She leaned down at gave him her best Janeway glare. “Does that make your possessive animal pride cry out in triumph?” She couldn’t help but chuckle at the end, and he laughed too.

“Yes, my possessive animal pride cries out in victory because the most beautiful woman I know is carrying my child. I may be biased, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Now stop worrying and get in here.” He slid backwards as much as he could until he was sitting up against the back of the tub, making room for her in front of him.

Taking a deep breath, she pulled the tie of her bathrobe and let it fall open. As she pulled it off her shoulders Chakotay sucked in a deep breath and held it. She looked stunning.

The dark blue fabric contrasted nicely with her creamy skin, and there was a lot of her skin visible. His eyes swept up and down her frame as she lay her robe on top of the towels at the edge of the tub. He could see the slight swell of her stomach where their child grew and felt warmth that had nothing to do with the bath water spread through his whole body. He reached out a hand and helped her into the tub in front of him. She sat down, facing away from him, letting out a sigh as the water enveloped her. “I’m sorry the water isn’t warmer,” Chakotay spoke softly, “but I read that water over thirty-eight degrees can be bad for the baby.” Kathryn’s brow furrowed as she turned to look at Chakotay over her right shoulder.

“I didn’t know that.” It was a whispered admission and she suddenly felt at a loss. “Did you read that?” He nodded. “I think I should read whatever you have with us on pregnancy. I should know these things.” The furrow in her brow deepened.

“You can read everything. Don’t worry about this. I read it, so I know it. You can read over everything too. You’re doing a fine job at being pregnant, Kathryn. You know how to do the most important thing already.” She raised her eyebrows at him questioningly. He smiled, “You know how to love the baby and you are giving it just what it needs to grow.” Her features softened and she smiled at him, nodding. “Here, lean forward.” She did as she was told, and he began working at the knots in her shoulders. She let her eyes drift shut as a moan sounded in her throat.

Chakotay took a deep breath, trying to focus on his task and not the sounds that Kathryn began making as he massaged the tired, overworked muscles in her shoulders and back. There wasn’t much room between them, and he felt his body start to betray him as his fingers graced over her skin under the warm water. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing but the feel of her and her nearness made it very difficult. Each time he pressed into her flesh she let out a soft moan and try though he might he couldn’t stop his physical reaction to the sound and feel of her. His hands froze on her shoulders as he stopped what he was doing and took a deep breath, trying desperately to calm his arousal.

Kathryn unfortunately chose that moment to let out another groan of pleasure, leaning back into him. At the same moment that she heard him hiss in his breath through his teeth and flinch, she felt something hard pressing into her lower back. Realizing instantly what it was her cheeks flushed and she jolted forward away from him. She turned to apologize, but his firm hands on her shoulders kept her from turning. “Don’t.” It came out rough, gravely and forced but then his tone softened. “I just need a minute, Kathryn.”

Kathryn felt mortified for Chakotay. She never meant to put him in this position. She had been so worried about her own self-consciousness that it didn’t dawn on her what her appearance or nearness might have been doing to Chakotay. She didn’t realize this situation would have been so uncomfortable for him. She took a deep breath, realizing how conflicted his emotions must be in this moment. Deciding to be brave, she turned around against his wishes. It was awkward in the small space, but she made every effort to touch him as little as possible. When she was situated, leaning back against the other side of the tub, her eyes met his. His were pleading for forgiveness and her heart swelled with emotion. “Kathryn, I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t hold her gaze, looking down at the water in front of him. Kathryn wanted him to understand that she wasn’t upset, and she leaned forward until he finally looked at her.

“Chakotay, I’m the one who should be apologizing. I didn’t realize that I was putting you in such an uncomfortable position.” He opened his mouth to retort, but she held her hand up, “No, let me finish. I didn’t mean to make this awkward, and I know,” she blushed, “that the feelings we have for each other make this complicated. But I also know that an angry warrior once told me to never apologize for my feelings. I’m passing on that wisdom to you.” Chakotay smiled lightly at his own words reflected back at him. 

He took a deep breath as she leaned back, he still held her gaze fully. “Thank you, Kathryn. I’m not sorry for the feelings I have for you, because caring for you as I do is the best feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. I will apologize that I couldn’t keep better control of my body’s reaction to those feelings. This was supposed to be about you, and I feel like I took advantage of the situation.” He chuckled in self depreciation. “But at least you know that when I say that I think you’re beautiful, I truly mean it.” Kathryn grinned at him and blushed, his dimples flashed at her for a moment.

“And I’m flattered.” She smiled, but then her face turned serious. “I’ve never felt so completely and utterly cherished and taken care of as I do when I’m with you. You make me feel so safe and secure and loved, and,” her mouth dropped open at her use of the word. She’d never attached the word love to his feelings for her before, or her feelings for him. She’d never dared let herself think those thoughts or let that scenario play out in her mind. It was too dangerous. She knew she cared for him deeply, and every action from him proved how much he cared for her, but to say the word out loud was completely different.

Chakotay leaned forward slightly, taking a deep breath and she saw resolve settle over his features. “Well Kathryn, I hope that’s exactly how you feel,” his eyes met and held hers in the darkness of the evening, “Because I do love you.” He found her hand under the water and took hold of it. “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love you, and since we aren’t keeping our feelings in and we aren’t apologizing for them, I just have to say it.” He reached up with his other hand and rested it against her cheek. “Kathryn Janeway, I love you.”

Her blue eyes went wide with his admission and she felt tears brim to the surface. She closed her eyes and they spilled out down her cheeks. Chakotay brushed them away with his thumbs. “Hey, I hope those are happy tears.” She opened her eyes and the look of adoration on his face made her own smile light up hers.

“They are,” she choked out, leaning forward to awkwardly fall into his arms in the water. The remnant of his previous embarrassment was nearly gone, but neither of them paid it any mind as she pressed into his chest. His arms came around her protectively and he held her close. He would never tire of holding Kathryn Janeway in his arms. “I just never dared to put that word to the feelings that we have for one another. I couldn’t on Voyager, because it was too hard and hurt too much. And then when we became stuck here, I fought for a cure to our infection so that I didn’t have to analyze the feelings I had for you, for so many reasons.” He squeezed her tighter, encouraging her to finish her thoughts. “But then once the thought of a cure was out of my grasp, my perspective shifted, and so many of the reasons to keep my distance didn’t seem valid or important anymore.” She paused, trying to figure out how to say this. “I don’t think I’m saying this right at all.”

“You’re perfect, Kathryn.” He began to run the tips of his fingers up and down her back as she drew a breath and continued. 

“I guess to put it simply; I’ve never had feelings for anyone the way I do for you, Chakotay. I’d never labeled it in my head before, but now that I have…” she leaned back so she could see his face. That lovely face that always looked at her with such admiration and love; those brown eyes that always held promise and happiness and laughter. Before she realized what she was doing, she leaned upwards, pressing her lips to his in a gentle kiss.

His hands came up to frame her face, thumbs brushing across her cheeks. It was a gentle kiss, sweet and simple, but so full of promise that it made his chest ache. When she finally pulled back, she knew that her grin matched the one on Chakotay’s face. “I guess what I’m trying and failing to say is that I love you too.”

If it was possible, Chakotay’s grin widened and he kissed her again quickly before pulling back to look at her again. “You never fail at saying it. You’ve been saying it for longer than you think.” Her brow furrowed as she watched him speak. 

“Kathryn when you asked me to be your first officer and took on my crew as yours, when you asked me to father your child, when you let me comfort you in the night, with your garden, with your smile…all of those things tell me how you feel about me. Just because you didn’t say the words out loud didn’t mean I didn’t hear them, or feel them.” He brushed some of her hair out of her face. “But now that it’s officially out there, I hope you don’t get tired of me telling you just how much I love you.” She smiled, taking his hands in hers and giving them a squeeze.

“I don’t think I will ever tire of it.” She looked away from him, suddenly bashful and he could tell that she had something else she wanted to say.

“Kathryn, whatever thought is on the tip of your tongue and you’re afraid to say, just say it.” Her eyes flew to his.

“How do you always know?” She laughed nervously.

“Because I know you, Kathryn Janeway. Now just tell me what you’re thinking.”

She sat back, leaning against the opposite side of the tub again, partly to give herself a bit of distance, and partly because being hunched forward was pressing uncomfortably on her stomach. She took a deep breath.

“It’s just that – having you tell me that you love me is such an amazing feeling, and being able to realize and tell you that I love you too…it’s just so powerful and so new…and I want you to know how much I mean it…but you…earlier…and I...” Chakotay knew where this was going.

“You love me, but you're not ready to physically show me, is that it? And you’re worried about what I might think about that?” He was sorry that his body had betrayed him and that she had to experience it. This wouldn’t even be part of the conversation if that hadn’t happened. But, if it hadn’t happened, this entire conversation might not be taking place at all. Everything happens for a reason, he thought to himself.

Her mouth dropped open as her own thoughts came from his lips. She laughed nervously, but her face turned solemn. “What do you think about that?”

“Kathryn, it would be an honor to show you physically how much I love you. But we’re not ready. It can’t be a decision that I make, or that you make. It’s a decision that we make…together. When we make love for the first time, whenever that may be, it will be because we are both ready. And we are both intelligent people. I think we’ll know exactly when that time is.” He felt his chest tighten as his love for her could freely be exclaimed and experienced, and he’d never felt happier or lighter in his life. “How about right now we just enjoy being together, enjoy being in love and enjoy this wonderful warm water?” She nodded, not able to wipe the grin off her own face as she turned back around and leaned back into him as she had tried to do several minutes before. He pulled her to him gladly, wrapping one arm around her shoulders, under her chin, resting his other hand over their growing child. “I can finally say out loud that the woman I love is the mother of my child.” He whispered it in her ear, and she felt fresh tears in her eyes. “I’m the luckiest man in the universe.”

And just like that he’d done it again; taken her burden on and made it go away. The man she loved, as she smiled again thinking of him in those terms, was taking care of her, and she knew he always would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, there you have it...another big step in their relationship...I really struggled with this chapter, but had a lot of fun with it too. PLEASE let me know what you think :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that I don't own Star Trek Voyager or anything that you recognize. The rest is just the mad ramblings floating around in my brain at any given time. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

They lay in the warm water together until Kathryn started to nod off. Chakotay could feel her relaxing further into him and her breathing evening out. Not wanting to disturb her, but knowing she needed to eat dinner and go to bed, he nudged her gently. “Don’t fall asleep yet, Kathryn. We need to get out and go inside, and you need to eat something.” She sighed out a groan as she opened her eyes, leaning forward so he could exit the tub first.

“I know,” she moaned out, “but it’s so comfortable.” He chuckled as he quickly dried off and threw the towel around his shoulders before turning to help her out of the water. As she stepped out, goosebumps erupted over her whole body and he quickly wrapped her towel around her. She started to dry off and he turned to empty the tub, giving her privacy and also so he didn’t get another vision of her in that suit. He’d gotten himself under control and the last thing they needed was another awkward moment after the tenderness they’d shared.

She pulled her robe back on and took Chakotay’s hand and together they walked back into the house. She changed into a pair of grey flannel pajamas and he replicated a bowl of soup for both of them. They sat in bed eating, talking of tomorrow’s plans, and then about nothing in particular as they shared their meal. Kathryn was going to cook the fish tomorrow, and Chakotay was going to finish the chimney. Kathryn could start breaking up their brush pile into easier to handle kindling wood so that when they needed a fire in the hearth, they would have plenty of wood.

Once their bowls were empty, Chakotay took the dishes to the recycler and came back to bed. Kathryn already lay on her side facing him and her eyes were shut, but they opened when he climbed in to lay next to her. “I don’t know how you do it, Chakotay.”

“Do what?” He could barely see her face in the light of the moon through the window, but her eyes were filled with wonder.

“Always give me exactly what I need exactly when I need it.” She brushed her fingers over his tattoo and down the side of his face.

“Well, it was my job on Voyager, and my privilege. It still is. I know you are more than capable of taking care of yourself, Kathryn, and I would never presume to think that you can’t do anything that you put your stubborn mind to. But it’s my honor and my duty to take care of you in any way that I can, and in any way that you’ll let me. I love you, and I love our baby, and it’s my job to make sure that nothing happens to either of you, and that is a privilege as well. Everything I give you is just a thank you for everything that you’ve given me.” He took hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Thank you so much.” It didn’t seem like enough to say, but it seemed to be enough for Chakotay. He smiled and brushed his thumb over her cheek.

“I love you, Kathryn. Now stop trying to over analyze it and get some sleep. It’s late.”

“I know, I just want you to know how much everything you’ve done for me means to me…how much you mean to me.”

He smiled. “I know, and I do.” She could hear fatigue in his voice that matched her own, and she smiled to herself as she let out a sigh and closed her eyes. 

=/\=

Kathryn woke early and knew immediately that she barely had time to get to the bathroom before last night’s dinner made its reappearance. She scrambled to get out of bed, and her quick movements woke Chakotay; though he was confused at the sudden jolt from sleep to waking, he seemed to know that something was wrong with Kathryn and stumbled out of bed, following her towards the bathroom, coming awake fully as he realized her destination.

She barely reached the toilet in time before violent spasms wracked her stomach as she dropped to her knees and vomited. She felt Chakotay pulling her hair back and though she was embarrassed again at him witnessing her being sick, she was glad for the comfort he provided. He whispered soothing words to her and rubbed her back gently as she heaved. He let out a sigh, knowing this was one burden he couldn’t take away from her. All he could do was be there to comfort her while she bore it herself.

Once her stomach was empty, she quickly put the lid down on the toilet and flushed the contents away, slouching to fully sit on the floor. Chakotay knelt behind her, his hand still rubbing her back. “You okay? Do you want some water?” Kathryn smiled at the compassion in his voice.

“I’m fine, Chakotay. Maybe just a wet rag?” In the darkness she felt him get up and go into the kitchen area. While he was gone, she rose up to sit on the closed lid of the toilet, groaning lightly at the uncomfortable pull of her stomach muscles. She rubbed her belly gently, thinking of the tiny human growing there. “I’m sorry for the late dinner, little one. You didn’t have to protest quite so violently though.” 

Chakotay smiled to himself as he heard her whispering to the baby when he came back to the bathroom. “I guess we’ll have to make sure we eat earlier in the evenings.” He handed her the rag and she wiped her mouth and face. She nodded, looking up at him in the light of the night light.

“Thank you. I hate that you see me like this.” She set the rag down on the small counter, her elbows coming to rest on her knees as she dropped her head into her hands.

“Hey, don’t worry about this at all. I wish I could take this burden from you. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing morning sickness.” He used his pointer finger to lift her chin so she would meet his gaze. She saw such love and compassion in his brown eyes that she couldn’t help but feel a bit better. “Hopefully it won’t last much longer, and I bet if you don’t eat so late at night, it won’t be as much of an issue going forward anyways.”

“I’m sure you’re right. It usually isn’t this bad. Just a bit of nausea most mornings. I guess the little one doesn’t like late night snacks.” She chuckled, her hand coming to rest on the swell of her stomach again.

“I guess not.” He took her hands and helped her to her feet. “It’s still early. Think you can go back to sleep?”

“Probably not, but I wouldn’t mind laying back down for a while. Do you have those PADDs handy that you brought about pregnancy? I think I’d like to read them over.” Chakotay grinned, kissing the top of her head.

“Of course. Go back and lay down and I’ll get some of them.” She nodded, moving slowly back towards their bedroom. Chakotay went to his old sleeping area where several Starfleet cases rested under his old bed. Opening the first one, he took out four PADD’s he’d downloaded from the medical database. One covered pregnancy week by week from implantation to birth; covering major maternal side effects, information on mother and baby and what to expect. Two of them included information about labor and delivery, and the fourth details about what a new baby might need in its first few days outside of its mother’s womb. On his way back to Kathryn he replicated her a peppermint tea and made his way back to the bedroom.

=/\=

“Did you know the baby is roughly the size of a lime now?” Kathryn sat propped up in bed thumbing through the PADD describing pregnancy week by week. Chakotay was re-reading the labor and delivery information; now that he knew he would be taking a much more active role in the birth of their child, he wanted to make sure he knew all there was to know about delivering a baby, but he wished they had the EMH with them. He knew he would do everything in his power to help Kathryn through this pregnancy and the delivery of their child; he just hoped it would be enough, though he would never voice any of his concerns to her. He knew she would be worried enough as the birth drew nearer, and he needed to be calm and rational for her. “It says here that at week twelve the baby’s fingers and toes can move and that its reflexes are starting to develop.” He could hear the wonder in her voice.

“Can you believe you’re already a third of the way through the pregnancy?”

“It’s amazing, seeing as how we didn’t even know I was pregnant until a few weeks ago.” She lay a hand on her belly. “If the baby is only the size of a lime, why is my stomach growing so fast? Should I really be showing this much already?” The swell of her belly was larger than she expected so early on, and very obvious the last few days considering her thin frame.

“Your body is just making room for the baby. You don’t have a lot of extra room to begin with, so I would think it’s natural that you would show sooner rather than later. And if you think about it, we only notice it because we know you’re pregnant, and because we’re looking for it. Once you put on your sweaters and sweatshirts, it’s not noticeable at all.”

She nodded, absently running her hand back and forth over the swell of her stomach. Chakotay loved watching her do that, as she did quite frequently throughout the day. She was caressing the baby and comforting it without even realizing she was doing it. It was endearing.

“What does it say about week thirteen?” Chakotay had read it all before, but it had been so much information to take in that he couldn’t remember the specifics of each week. 

Kathryn thumbed down to the next section and began reading, “Oh, the baby’s fingerprints will be formed by then, and it will be able to suck its thumb.” Chakotay’s arm was over Kathryn’s shoulders and he gave her a squeeze.

“It’s amazing to think about. What does it say about the mother to be?” He could have easily read it over her shoulder, but she was feeling better and enjoying learning about being pregnant and he was enjoying her sharing it with him.

“It says here that I should be losing the morning sickness soon,” she patted her belly gently, “You hear that little one? No more making mommy sick in the morning, alright?” They both chuckled, “It says that dizziness is a possibility from decreased blood pressure and low blood sugar, and that the first comprehensive ultrasound is possible around week thirteen.” She looked up at Chakotay, sorrow in her eyes, “I wish we could see the baby. I’d love to hear its heartbeat.”

“I know, but before you know it the baby will be here, and you’ll be able to see it and hear it.” She smiled up at him before looking down at her reading again. “What else does it say?” 

She didn’t answer, and after a few seconds he looked over at her to see her cheeks had turned a violent shade of pink and her lips were pressed together.

“Kathryn?” She glanced at him but couldn’t answer. She just handed the PADD over to him to read for himself. Seeing what had gotten her so embarrassed, he couldn’t help but chuckle. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about Kathryn. This is all very natural, and normal.”

“I know, but it feels so awkward to talk to you about my sex drive and my…breast milk.” She could barely say the words and felt her cheeks darken even further. Chakotay put the PADD down and turned gently to face her. 

“Kathryn, there is nothing awkward about it. You are growing our child, and your body is preparing for it in every way that it needs to. You have increased levels of hormones and that’s totally normal…nothing to be embarrassed about. But,” he winked at her, “I’ll watch my back in case you decide to jump me when I’m not paying attention.” She laughed at that, but her cheeks were still pink from her embarrassment. Chakotay touched her chin to get her to meet his gaze, his tone still light but serious. “And the baby will need something to eat once it’s born and your body is preparing for that too. Remember on Voyager, when we talked about how parts of this experience might be awkward or uncomfortable?” She nodded gently, “Well, this is just one of those times, but it really doesn’t have to be.” He gestured to the PADDs laying on the blanket. “I’ve read over all of this and have a pretty good idea of what is coming over the next six months. I watched several birth and instructional videos to prepare for this while we were still on Voyager. You’re reading over all of it now and being the one that’s pregnant gives you an even better feel for what is happening. I can guarantee that nothing that is going to happen is going to make me squeamish, or embarrassed, alright?”

Kathryn chuckled nervously and nodded, “I’m so lucky to have you here through all of this. I’m supposed to be the level-headed one and you’re supposed to be the typical man that loses his mind over every little thing.” He huffed out a gentle laugh, his dimples on full display.

“I’m sorry I’ve let you down in that regard, Kathryn.” She knew he was joking, and she grinned, leaning in to give him a hug.

“No, I quite prefer you this way. I’ll be needing your wisdom and practicality when I’m in labor and thinking the world is going to end.” He squeezed her to him.

“You’re going to be just fine when the time comes, Kathryn. You’re the strongest person I know, and always know what to do when the going gets tough. You will be just fine.”

She sighed, “Thank you. I know I can get through it with you by my side.”

“Good, because I’m not going anywhere.”

=/\=

Kathryn felt pretty wrung out the rest of the day but tried to not let it stop her from contributing to the work that needed to be done. After a light breakfast Chakotay went to work hauling more rocks from the river to work on the chimney, since they would soon be needing fires for heat in the cabin. Though the days were warm enough, the nights were getting colder. Kathryn enjoyed the changing season but knew that before long the cool air would go from exhilarating to uncomfortable. She went out to their brush pile and began snapping branches into smaller pieces to use for kindling wood for the fire.

She worked slowly and methodically, trying not to overdo anything, but she was still frustrated that she couldn’t do more of the heavy work. She was used to working hard and pulling her own weight and being pregnant made that nearly impossible. Whenever she felt her frustration grow, she would stop and lay a hand on her growing belly; speaking softly to the little one growing there, reminding herself that it was more than worth it. More than anything, she just wished that Chakotay didn’t have to work so hard, though she knew he didn’t mind in the slightest, she still wished it.

Once all the brush was broken up into kindling, she brought some of it in the house where Chakotay had built a container for it and stacked the rest under the small overhand of the roof that Chakotay had built for cover from the elements. He already had a lot of firewood stacked there as well, and several more cord behind the house. They easily had enough for the entire winter, but he wanted to make sure that they had more than enough.

Once that task was complete, she decided to head back into the woods where she’d found a stand of almond trees a few weeks ago. They weren’t really almonds, but for all intents and purposes they were. A scan with the tricorder showed them to be safe to eat, so she decided to harvest all she could, taking her tricorder with her to see if she could find any other edibles while she was out. 

She felt better as she worked, pulling the small nuts from the trees. The branches were mostly low, and she was able to easily reach two thirds of the almonds. Being in the woods, she kept an ear out for her primate friend, but in vain. There was no sign of him, though many chipmunks and squirrels chattered happily about. The squirrels were plucking the nuts from the tops of the trees, and Kathryn spoke to them every time one of them barked angrily at her.

“You’re going to have to share with me. There’s plenty for all of us,” she quipped as one of the animals scolded her for getting to close to its supposed almond tree. She laughed to herself as the trees were alive with the small animals.

Once her basket was full she meandered back towards the cabin, taking her time, scanning many of the trees and underbrush with her tricorder. She found many trees that resembled maple trees and found that they should be able to tap them in the early spring for syrup. They could easily use Chakotay’s firepit to boil down the sap and she thrilled at the idea of fresh, homemade maple syrup.

When she got back to the cabin, she felt good about her day’s work, but was still exhausted. Chakotay was up on the roof with a pile of rocks and a bucket of mud and had made enormous progress on the chimney. Kathryn didn’t know how tall he’d planned to build it, but from her estimation, it was nearly finished.

“It looks great,” she called up to him as she approached. He grinned down at her, his hands and shirt covered in wet and dried clay.

“Thank you. It doesn’t look as good as the part that you did, but it’ll do.” He climbed down off the roof, coming to stand in front of her. She chuckled as she spotted a smear of dried clay on his jaw and, dipping her thumb into her vessel of water, she wiped it away, using her palm to brush the moisture off. “Thank you again.” He smiled. “It looks like you found a treasure trove.” He reached into her gathering basket and took an almond, popping it into his mouth, “Wow, these are way better than Earth almonds.” Kathryn nodded in agreement. She didn’t want to tell him that she’d spent nearly as much time eating them as she did picking them. When the baby wasn’t making her sick, it was making her hungry, and she felt like she could eat another meal now.

“Oh, and I found trees that we might be able to tap for syrup in the spring.” 

“That’s great. I haven’t had maple syrup…real maple syrup in years. Is it far?”

Kathryn shook her head, “No, just a half kilometer maybe. After I put this away, I could show you if you want.” Chakotay nodded.

“That sounds great. I’d love to take a walk.” He followed Kathryn inside and got himself a glass of water while she went to work putting the almonds and things away.

“To be honest, I’m surprised you haven’t found them yourself, for all the time you’ve spent in the woods.” Kathryn grinned over at him as he sat down at the table, taking an apple to eat as a snack.

“Well, I mostly spent time in the woods between here and the river and up the hill where the pine trees grow. I haven’t explored to the east much. I knew another kilometer or so was the bog, so I didn’t want to tempt fate, but now it seems as though I’ve missed a lot.” Kathryn put away her gathering basket away and sat down with a sigh. “Kathryn, are you alright?”

She smiled at him across the table, “I’m fine, just tired. I guess I didn’t sleep well last night…and I suppose growing a human being is just taking it out of me today.” He chuckled, reaching across the table to take her hand, which she gladly offered.

“Why don’t you lie down for a while? I don’t have a lot of work left to do on the chimney. I can finish it while you take a nap, and then we can take a walk this evening…maybe pack a meal and have a picnic in the woods.”

Kathryn smiled gladly at him, giving his hand a squeeze. “That sounds nice. I think I will lay down for a bit.” She squeezed his hand one more time, getting up from the table, coming around to his side. She leaned down, pressing her lips to his and he gave a soft moan as the heat of her breath played across his skin. She pulled back after only a moment, “I love you.” He absolutely beamed at her.

“I love you too, Kathryn.” His dimples pressed into his cheeks as he smiled up at her before she turned to go and lay down.

=/\=

Chakotay shivered as the air cooled significantly while he worked at finishing the chimney. It was as tall as he’d planned on building it, but he wanted to build a chimney cap to affix on the top. He had already fashioned one and was currently working to solder it in place.

He looked up at the sound of thunder rumbling in the distance. The sky was a dark grey, but at least not the angry green it had turned during their plasma storm. The wind began to pick up as a front move overhead and raindrops began to fall. He shivered again but was determined to finish the chimney now.

The air temperature continued to drop as the rainstorm moved in closer. A finished chimney meant that he could build a fire when he was done here, and the cabin would be nice and warm when Kathryn woke up from her nap. Though they wouldn’t be able to go for a walk this evening, they could still have a picnic supper in front of the fireplace. He smiled to himself at the thought, moving to the other side of the chimney to solder the cap in place there.

A loud thunderbolt cracked directly overhead, and lightning flashed violently. Chakotay started at the loud noise, taking a step back from the metal atop the chimney. Deciding that it was good enough for now; he’d affix it more thoroughly after the rainstorm, he headed back towards the ladder.

Sleet mixed with the rain as it beat down on him and he felt his whole-body shutter at the cold. This planet really didn’t mess around with its weather. 

Just as he slid his foot down to the first rung of the ladder another thunderclap erupted overhead, taking him by surprise again. His foot slipped off the roof, and he reached out to try to find purchase against the stones of the chimney, but the rain and sleet had made the stones too slippery and his fingers slid off them as his body tumbled backwards.

His ankle slipped between two of the ladder rungs as he fell, and he cried out in pain as he felt the bone there crack. The momentum of his body changed as his ankle locked between the wooden rungs and try though he might, he couldn’t stop his body’s decent. He hit the ground hard, the back of his skull meeting with the base of the chimney in a sickening crack that rendered him unconscious. The ladder twisted and fell on top of him, but he remained still, the rain and sleet falling on his unconscious body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the cliffhanger! (well not TOO sorry) but I PROMISE to make up for it in the next chapter!!!!! Please let me know what you think! Love you guys to the moon and back again!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I felt kinda bad for leaving the last chapter hanging like that, and decided to make it up to you with TWO more chapters tonight...hopefully you love me again :) I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all the love this story has garnered...I had no idea so many people would care about my little story idea. I appreciate you all more than I can say. My heart flutters whenever I get notification of a comment or kudos. Thank you so so so much!
> 
> It also dawned on me that KJ and Chakotay's Starflee Issue shelter would probably have some type of refrigerator and oven of some kind...so I've had them living a bit more primitively than they probably needed to be...but anyways, from here on out if you see me refer to one of those items...let's just pretend they had them the whole time :)
> 
> ALSO, one last note...part of this chapter is NSFW...you have been warned :) - Enjoy!

Kathryn awoke to the sound of thunder overhead and rain beating down on the roof of the cabin. She grinned to herself under the blankets, not wanting to open her eyes and leave the comfort that the warmth of the blankets and the rain provided. Her nose and cheeks were cold, and she could tell that the room had cooled considerably since she had laid down. Finally, with a groan, she opened her eyes and looked around the room. 

She was alone but figured that Chakotay was probably in the kitchen getting dinner. The sky looked darker than it should for the time of day, but she knew it was because of the rainstorm. She hadn’t heard rain in years, and a quick look out the window showed that there was some sleet mixed in as well. She shivered as she pulled her shawl around her shoulders, moving to the kitchen to find Chakotay.

She was surprised when he wasn’t there. He couldn’t still be working on the chimney in this weather, but maybe he was just finishing up. She moved to the front door, pulling it open just as a gust of frigid air whipped in at her, making her teeth chatter as the wind blew across her skin.

Concern started to claw at her chest as she looked around outside from the doorway but saw no sign of Chakotay. Pulling her shawl over her head to protect her from the weather, she stepped out in the sleet and the cold and turned towards the chimney.

She spotted him instantly.

Fear overtook her as she ran to him as quickly as she could, dropping to the ground by his prone form. The ladder lay atop his body and she lifted it off, tossing it aside, pressing her fingers into the skin of his neck, searching for a pulse. It was there; slow and steady under the cold skin of his neck. She shivered as she took in his form. His face was pale, icy sleet beginning to accumulate in his hair, and his clothes were saturated. Her jaw dropped open in horror at the site of his ankle, bent at an odd angle and swollen. She felt sick at the thought of him unconscious and hurt, but she knew she had to get him inside and warmed up. She had no idea how long he’d been out here.

Taking hold of him around his wrists, she pulled with all her might, moving him slowly towards the door of the cabin. It was a struggle; the weight of him plus his wet clothes made the task a challenge, and her fingers were icy and didn’t want to find purchase. She growled in frustration as she willed her hands to work, pulling him closer and closer to the shelter of the cabin.

Finally, after much struggle she had him inside and she shut and latched the door, keeping the weather if not the cold air outside. She ran for the medical tricorder and their first aid kit that until now, thankfully, they had had no use for.

She scanned him from head to toe and felt tears prick in her eyes as the results came up on the screen. His ankle was fractured, he was pre-hypothermic, and he had a concussion as well as a nasty gash at the back of his head. She quickly used the osteonic regenerator to heal the fractured bone, though she knew it would do little for the swelling there. She pressed a pain relieving hypospray to his neck and used the dermal regenerator on his head to stop the bleeding that she’d noticed as she ran her fingers through his hair to search for other injuries.

Another sweep of the medical tricorder showed slight cranial swelling, so she switched the dermal regenerator to cortical stimulation and suppression, running the sensor back and forth over his head until it beeped gently at her.

Once the bleeding was stopped and his injuries were as healed as she could make them, she began unlacing his boots. His body temperature was still drastically low, and not knowing how long he had lay out there unconscious, she knew she had to get him warm. His ankle was swollen, and she was as gentle as she could be while still trying to get his boots and socks off. She unbuckled his pants and did her best to pull them off his comatose body. She moved to sit behind him, lifting his dead weight up so she could tug his jacket and shirt off. She grunted in her exertions as the weight of him rested against her, making it next to impossible to divest him of his cold and wet clothing.

Finally, after she had him down to his boxer shorts, she hooked her arms under his, pulling with all her might to get him up and onto the bed. He groaned lightly as she dropped him onto the pillows, and she felt tears escape down her cheeks at the sound. 

She moved quickly to the fireplace, tossing in a generous handful of kindling before placing several larger pieces in a crisscross pattern on top. She took the phaser down off the mantle and gave the small twigs a quick burst and flames crackled instantly to life, consuming the sticks and licking up towards the larger pieces. Once she knew it would take off, she tossed several more larger pieces on top. They had no grate or doors yet for the fireplace, but the fire was situated far enough back that she wasn’t worried about it leaving the confines of the stone fireplace.

She shivered as she went back to the bed. She pulled her own drenched sweater and tank top off, kicked off her pants and socks and lastly removed her bra and panties. The air in the cabin was still frigid and she felt her teeth chattering as she took hold of Chakotay’s underwear, pulling them down and tossing them on the floor. She got in bed with him and quickly pulled the covers up and over them.

She pressed her body against his, hissing as his icy flesh touched her, feeling her teeth chatter almost instantly at the cold. “Chakotay, can you hear me?”

He moaned gently and when she took his hand in hers, she felt his fingers flutter. “That’s it, I’m right here. Can you talk to me?” She let go of his hand and reached around him, pulling herself as close to him as she could, wrapping her leg around his. “Talk to me, Chakotay, let me know you can hear me.”

“Kathryn,” he whispered out hoarsely, wetting his lips, his eyes not opening but she watched his throat work as he tried to swallow. 

“Yes, I’m here. We need to warm you up.” She pulled him closer, knowing that he probably wasn’t with it enough to realize that they were both naked, but not caring in the slightest at the moment if he did. She knew that this was the best way to warm his body; slowly and steadily. She could already feel the heat from the fire that roared in the fireplace, but that would only take the edge off for the time being. Once the fire died back down, it would be up to Kathryn and her own body heat to keep Chakotay’s body temperature climbing steadily. A rise too quickly could lead to heart failure, so all she could do was hold him as tight as she could and share her body heat with him.

“So cold.” He whispered out, as he began shivering violently under the covers, still not moving to open his eyes.

“I know, I know.” She whispered, pressing her lips to his cheek, then her own cheek to his, trying to touch him as much as she could to share her warmth, “Just hold on. We’ll get you warm.” She was desperate to massage his cold skin but knew that would only do more harm than good. She didn’t want to circulate the cold blood back to his heart too quickly but rather let it warm gradually with the rest of his body, so she just held him, pressing her ear to his chest to listen to his heart beating. It was slow but steady, and she felt tears slip out onto his chest as she held him. “I love you,” she whispered.

She felt his arms slowly come around her under the blankets and laughed out a sob, pulling him even closer to her own body. She was still shivering from the cold leaching out of his body into hers but feeling him moving and respond to her was her everything in that moment.

“I love you too.” She felt his fingers slide gently over her back before coming to a stop. It was all the energy he had in the moment, and he gave it to her. She felt fresh tears at the thought.

“Rest Chakotay; rest and get warm. I’ll stay right here until you warm up.” He groaned out a response, but she felt him pull her just a bit tighter before he dropped off to sleep. She let out another soft sob of relief at knowing that he was responding to her. Though not out of the woods, she felt her heart start to slow down at knowing that he was at least getting warm and healing.

She hoped that letting him sleep wouldn’t hurt anything, but a final check with the medical tricorder showed no more sign of concussion, and no brain injury. He was just cold, so she let him sleep.

She didn’t know how long she lay there holding him, but when his heart started beating a bit stronger, she let out a deep shuddering breath and closed her eyes, thanking the spirits for keeping him breathing after his ordeal. She wasn’t sure how much more time passed, but she felt herself drifting between sleeping and waking.

It was evening when she woke up, feeling warm in the cocoon of the blankets. The rain had stopped, and she could see a golden light coming through the window as the sun moved to set behind the mountains. 

Her cheek still rested on Chakotay’s chest…his warm chest. She heaved out a sigh of relief, lifting her head to look up at him. His eyes were open, and he was watching her while she slept. “You’re awake.” She breathed out, watching his face as he smiled gently. Emotions flooded her and she felt fresh tears as she leaned up to press her lips to his. “I thought I might lose you.” She tasted her own tears as she kissed him again, and he brought his arms up and around her, his fingers playing up and down her spine. “How do you feel?”

“I’m still here.” He spoke softly after she broke the kiss. “My ankle is sore, but other than that and a bit of a headache I think I’ll live.” He grinned down at her. She moved closer to him, hitching her leg over his under the blankets. He groaned when her thigh came in contact with his erection. He tried to move away from her, but she pulled him tighter. Confusion painted his features. “Kathryn?”

“No, don’t you dare move. I need to feel you here with me. I need to feel you warm and alive and breathing.” She took a deep breath, conviction written plainly on her face as she raised up on her knees, letting the blankets slide down until her upper body was exposed. Chakotay sucked in a breath, his eyes traveling from her face down across her chest and to her belly. She let him look at her for a moment before leaning forward pressing her lips to his again, her desire for him obvious in her kiss. Chakotay let out a sigh as her chest pressed heavily into his. His hands moved up and down the expanse of her back as she kissed him. She moaned into his mouth as she moved again, this time to straddle him, his want for her evident against her thigh.

The sensations were too much and Chakotay pulled back, “Kathryn, wait. I can’t…I need…” he was panting, desperate to regain his breathing. He didn’t understand what she was after until his gaze met hers; Kathryn’s eyes shone with longing.

“Chakotay please, I was so afraid of losing you. I need to feel you. Please.” Desperation and desire played in her voice, but what Chakotay saw most was the love that was evident in her eyes. Complete and utter adoration in the depths of those blue eyes that he’d stared into for months…hell, for over a year. “Is this alright?” She asked as she sat on his thighs, her arms braced on his shoulders as her gaze met the warmth of his brown eyes, nearly turning black with desire for her. He smiled, leaning up to kiss her again.

“Yes,” he breathed out, his hands coming up to frame her face. “Are you sure you’re ready?” She smiled, closing her eyes as another tear slid down her cheek. Chakotay brushed it away. Even in this moment he would stop if she changed her mind, but she had no intention of changing her mind.

“I love you, Chakotay.” She pressed her lips to his again, moaning softly as he pulled her bottom lip gently into his mouth. She pulled back and her eyes were clear as she smiled down at him.

“Make love to me.” She breathed out as she leaned down and kissed him again.

The sound of those words coming out of her mouth set Chakotay’s heartbeat on fire. Warmth that had nothing to do with the fire in the fireplace overtook him and he couldn’t help the smile that graced his lips, forcing their mouths apart. “I love you Kathryn. So much more than you’ll ever know.” He kissed her again. “Lay back.”

She lifted off of him and slid over to lay on her back beneath him as he moved, hovering over her, holding his weight off of her. She knew this might not be the best time, since he was obviously still recovering, but he seemed to crave this closeness just as much as she did, and she was desperate for the feel of him. Allowing him to set the pace for whatever he could manage, she lay back under him. The blankets slid further down the bed at their joined movements and in the evening light of the sun, Chakotay got his first look at her entire body. She lay back, arms above her head, eyes heavily lidded as his gaze dragged slowly up and down her body. “Spirits Kathryn, you’re so beautiful.” His voice was thick with emotion and Kathryn reached up, cupping his cheek as he leaned down to capture her lips again. “I love you so much.”

Kathryn watched Chakotay as he gazed down at her body. She never felt more beautiful in her life as she did in that moment. “Show me.” Her voice was gravely in her need for him, and he moved, careful not to put weight on her stomach.

“Let me know if I’m hurting you.” She nodded, closing her eyes in anticipation, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth.

He entered her slowly, letting out a throaty moan as her heat enveloped him. He could stay like this forever, he thought to himself as he stilled, eyes closed, reveling in the feeling of her surrounding him. She let out a sigh and he opened his eyes, taking in the sight of the woman he adored beneath him, giving herself to him with such love and compassion, it nearly took his breath away. His chest ached at the rightness he felt. He closed his eyes again, laying his forehead against hers, “You bring me such peace, Kathryn, I wish I could explain it.”

“I know.” She opened her eyes, “You feel like coming home.” She tipped her head and their lips met, her tongue seeking entry and he granted it willingly. As gently as he could he slid out of her and back in again. She tipped her head back, a moan escaping her open lips this time. A surge of arousal flooded Chakotay at the sight of her beneath him as he sped up his strokes slightly.

He still felt exhausted, but in this moment, he would give Kathryn everything he had to give. She deserved nothing less. The pain faded into the background as pleasure built up in its place; and the sight of Kathryn beneath him was everything to him.

He moaned in appreciation when he felt her legs come around his waist and lock behind him, using the leverage it gained her to pull him closer; deeper. Each stroke pressed into her bundle of nerves and her moans grew louder and breathier as pleasure started to coil in her belly.

Kathryn closed her eyes, focusing on the desire building within her, but Chakotay kept his eyes open. The sight of her was nearly his undoing as he watched her move wantonly and with abandon beneath him. Her hands found purchase on the pillows beneath her head as she fisted the material there. She dragged her lower lip between her teeth as a long keening moan sounded in her throat. He could tell she was close, which was a good thing because he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. He let the fingers of one hand trail gently down her chest; his palm brushing gently over her breast as he caressed her skin. The movements of his hips sped up and he felt her respond, using her locked ankles to press him, faster and harder, into her body. Just as he worried that he wouldn’t be able to hold out for her he felt her inner walls constrict around him as her orgasm washed over her. Her chest rose up off the bed as the power of it coursed through her body.

With one last thrust into her he was lost, spilling himself inside her, her name a strangled moan on his lips. His chest heaved as pleasure exploded through him, his love for her tightening his chest at the fact that he finally was able to make love to Kathryn as he’d wanted to do for as long as he could remember. He hoped that this was the first of many, many times. He wanted to spend every day showing her just how cherished and loved she was by him. He was so proud of her for reaching this level of comfort with him, and only wished that it hadn’t taken his brush with death to bring them to this moment.

He felt her legs slide down and off his back as they came to rest of either side of his hips. She still lay with her eyes shut, but a soft smile graced her lips as she struggled to catch her breath. Finally, her eyes opened and the look of contentment and happiness that shone there nearly brought Chakotay to tears. “I love you so much, Kathryn.” He pressed a quick kiss to her lips before pulling back to take a breath, his heart still pounding hard in his chest.

“I know. I love you too.” She reached up and pulled him closer to her, crushing him to her as much as her growing belly would allow. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” His brow furrowed at the sadness that had taken over in her voice.

He leaned back gently, and she cringed as he slid out of her, completely spent. He gently nudged her to lay on her side and she complied, turning to face Chakotay, pulling the covers back up and over them. He took her hand under the blanket and brought it up to lips, brushing a kiss across her knuckles. “I’m so sorry, Kathryn. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

“I know, and I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but I was so scared.” She closed her eyes as another tear escaped. Chakotay brushed it away. “I thought I was going to lose you.” She let out her breath slowly. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” A wicked smile broke out on his tired face, “Though, if I’d known that falling off the roof would allow me to wake up with you naked in my arms, I might have tried it sooner.” Kathryn couldn’t help but laugh, though she swatted his arm exasperatedly. His features were still light, but his tone was serious, “Kathryn, you’re exquisite; the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. I have to admit I was shocked to wake up and realize that we were both naked, but when I remembered what had happened I knew why you’d done it.” He pulled their twined fingers to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. “You saved my life.”

“I just knew I had to get you warm.”

Chakotay grinned, “Mission accomplished, Captain.” He winked at her and she laughed again. “But I really am sorry I made you worry. I would never do that to you if I could help it.”

Kathryn’s brow furrowed as more thoughts came to her, and before Chakotay could question her on them, as he always had a knack to do, she continued on her own, “We made love today.”

He would have chuckled at the obviousness of her statement, but the seriousness and the wonder in her tone kept his levity easily at bay. He knew the weight that the statement held for her, and his chest tightened at the completeness he felt with her. Chakotay ran his fingers across her shoulders and down her arm, enjoying the feeling of her warm skin beneath his hand. He could already feel his arousal begin to stir. He wasn’t sure if she’d be ready again so quickly, so he tried to regain control. “We did.” He smiled sweetly at her.

“Was it…I mean…was it worth the wait?” Trepidation took over her features, and it boggled Chakotay’s mind that Kathryn could even wonder that.

“Kathryn, it was perfect. You are perfect. I’m just sorry that it took my concussion and nearly freezing to death for us to reach this point. I’d imagined something a bit more romantic, but, if you’ll give me the chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” 

Emboldened by his admission she let her hand run down his chest, across the strong plane of his stomach until it reached his growing erection. He closed his eyes in concentration as she took it in her hand, fisting him gently as she slid her fingers up and down. She let out a moan of her own and his eyes came open to see the look of appreciation on her face as her eyebrows raised. “You’re beautiful, Chakotay, and quite impressive.” Chakotay let out a soft laugh that turned into a moan as her fingers worked over him slowly.

“Kathryn, if you don’t stop, this will be over before it’s begun.” She grinned squeezing him gently. “Roll over.”

Regretfully she let him go and turned to face away from him, lying down on her left side.

He lifted her right leg gently and entered her from behind. The different angle didn’t allow for her to move much, but as she rested her leg over his, she realized she didn’t care in the slightest. This position instantly relieved the pressure on her backbone and bladder from their growing child and feeling Chakotay begin to move inside her once again relaxed yet excited her in ways she’d never felt before.

Chakotay rocked his hips gently against her with every stroke, he pressed his lips into the skin between her shoulder blades.

Kathryn ached to be touched. She found and covered his right hand with hers, lacing her fingers through his, bringing his hand down to her breast and pressing his palm gently against her flesh. Chakotay moaned.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” His gravelly voice sent a shiver down her spine.

“You won’t,” she answered back, using her own hand to show him the pressure she desired. His hand cupped her breast, squeezing it gently and she sighed out in pleasure, her desire building quickly. His hand traveled down her stomach until his fingers slid down to the apex of her thighs. She let out a moan, her inner walls clenching around him as she quickly headed towards her peak.

Chakotay felt like the luckiest man alive as he worked his fingers over her slick flesh, quickly bringing her to her second orgasm. She shuttered out his name as he felt her clamp down on him harder as he quickened his pace. She was heaving to catch her breath as shockwaves of pleasures burst throughout her entire body. She turned her head to catch his lips in a kiss, swallowing his moan as he thrust into her one more time, his own orgasm pulling him deeper inside her as he spilled his seed within her a second time. He sighed out a deep breath at the feeling of finally being able to claim her for his own; body and soul.

His hand slid up from the sensitive flesh of her sex to rest on her stomach, pulling her closer to him, not ready to leave her body just yet.

They lay in companionable silence for several moments; Chakotay reveling in the feel of Kathryn in his arms and Kathryn still relieved that he was on the mend. Finally, the need to see his face won out and she turned in his arms, feeling him slip out of her once again. She lay on her side, enjoying the look of pure contentment on his face as she traced his skin with her fingertips. She moved over his tattoo, down his cheek and across his lips. He let out a soft sound as his eyes drifted shut at her ministrations. She leaned up and pressed a kiss over his pulse. He wrapped both arms around her and rolled over onto his back, pulling her along so she rested, half against him and half on top of him. The feeling of his warm skin against hers was such a comfort and she reveled in the newness of this part of their relationship.

“How are you feeling?” She whispered out, laying her hands on his chest and her chin on her hands, watching his face.

“I feel wonderful,” his dimples flashed at her as he let his hands drift up and down her back, his fingertips playing over the swell of her ass every now and again. He gave her a cocky grin and winked. She sighed out a chuckle, but her eyes stayed serious.

“You know what I mean.” He nodded, leaning down to kiss her again.

“I know. I feel okay. I have a headache and my ankle is sore, but other than that, I can’t complain.” Kathryn kissed him one more time before moving to get up, walking towards the foot of the bed where her bathrobe lay. Chakotay watched, enraptured, as she turned to face him as she pulled the sleeves of the robe on and tied it shut. “You are breathtaking.”

Kathryn smiled and he noticed a bit of color pink her cheeks. “Thank you.” She leaned down, pressing the back of her hand against his forehead, thankful when it felt normal. He moved to sit up, but she leaned over him, pressing him back down. “No way. Unless you have to go to the bathroom, you are not moving from that bed.”

“Kathryn, I feel alright. I can hobble around in here okay.”

“I’m sure you can, but I want you to rest, and now I can finally take care of you for a change.” She smiled when he seemed to acquiesce, laying back down on the pillows beneath him. “Are you hungry?”

He thought for a moment, “I could eat something small, I think. I’m mostly just tired.” Kathryn nodded, moving about the room to pick up their clothes strewn about the floor. “Let me clean up in here and build up the fire a bit and I’ll fix something for dinner.” She knew it was still early enough that she could eat and probably not be sick in the morning.

Kathryn heated up some of the potato and bean stew that he’d made the other day; vegetable for him and with rabbit meat for her. While she waited for it to cook, she took stock of her own body. Her skin tingled from where he’d touched her, and though her nether regions were sore, it was a wonderful feeling. She hadn’t felt this in a long time, and never as satisfied as she was now. She let her hands travel gently over her breasts, remembering how it felt to have his hands on her. She closed her eyes and smiled, remembering the love and complete adoration in his eyes as he lay above her. She was just so contented and thrilled that they’d finally made it to this point, and a thrill of pleasure coursed through her that she had finally made love to him. They had made love and could make love now anytime they wanted to. She would be lying if she said that she hadn’t been thinking about it for some time, but she just didn’t feel ready until now. She had belonged to Mark for so long, and Starfleet for longer than that, and even though both of those were no longer a part of her life anymore, it was hard to completely put the Starfleet Officer away and let the woman out. Now that she finally had, she mentally kicked herself for letting it take so long.

But then she realized, it wouldn’t have been right if it had happened before now. She truly hadn’t been ready, and though she knew Chakotay had been comfortable with his feelings for her for longer than she realized, he wouldn’t have been ready to be with her until she had fully come to terms with her own feelings. She smiled, realizing how much she loved him, and their life together here.

Once the stew was heated, she brought the two bowls back into the bedroom, along with a t-shirt and pajama pants for him in case he wanted to dress. She wouldn’t mind if he slept in the nude, she thought to herself wickedly, but she knew that the temperature might continue to drop overnight, and extra layers of clothing might be necessary.

He had propped himself up in bed and accepted his bowl of stew with a smile and a kiss to her wrist. She set her bowl down on the nightstand and went back to her own bureau of clothes to find pajamas for herself. Thinking instead that she wanted to surprise Chakotay with something fun, she went to his dresser and searched through it. Finding an old t-shirt there, she chuckled lightly as she pulled it on. It was a grey Starfleet Academy t-shirt, and though it was well worn and threadbare in places, that only made it more comfortable. It fell nearly to her knees, but she knew it would be very comfortable to sleep in. She pulled on a fresh pair of panties and moved back to join Chakotay for dinner.

When she came around the corner she heard him let out a groan at the sight of her in his t-shirt. “I hope you don’t mind my borrowing this. It looked comfortable.” She winked at him as she moved to sit down next to him in bed, pulling her own bowl of stew into her lap.

“You look incredibly sexy, and if I wasn’t so tired, I would show you exactly how much I think so.” She grinned, leaning against him as they both ate.

“We have plenty of time,” she leaned over and pressed her lips to his gently. “The rest of our lives if I remember correctly.” He chuckled as he kissed here again before going back to his own meal.

They ate mostly in silence, both exhausted after the events of the day. When they were finished Kathryn took their dishes back into the kitchen and brought two glasses of water back and handed one to Chakotay. He took a sip but then put it down on his own nightstand. Kathryn took a few extra pillows and put them under Chakotay’s ankle under the blankets, keeping it elevated while he slept. “Do you need anything else for the pain? I can get the hypospray.” They had limited cartridges for it, but she would gladly sacrifice as many of them as he needed to feel better.

“No, I’m fine. I’d rather save them for you when it’s time for our little one to make its grand appearance.” She smiled and nodded, moving to slide under the covers next to him. 

“Do you need anything else? Can I get you anything?” He had already dressed in the pajamas that she’d brought out and he shook his head.

“I just need you beside me.” 

“I can do that,” she slid easily into his arms, resting her cheek on his shoulder as his arms came around her. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Kathryn. Always.” He squeezed her gently, closing his eyes in utter exhaustion, but feeling completely contented. “Sweet dreams.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much love to all of you! I hope you are as elated to read this chapter as I was to write it :) Please let me know what you think <3

Several days after Chakotay’s ordeal, Kathryn woke up feeling better than she had in weeks. She had absolutely no nausea and was in fact quite hungry. Chakotay was still sleeping, and after gently moving his hand from its customary place on her stomach she slid out of bed and got ready for her day. The morning air was warmer than it had been in days and she figured this might be their last hurrah with warm weather before cold conditions set in permanently. Deciding to dress in one of her flowy linen dresses, she chose the blue one she’d worn many times while gardening. Pulling it on now, she realized it was also the most forgiving for her growing figure. Her chest had some room, though not much, and as she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she smiled at the growing swell of her belly. She was still shocked that she was showing so much so quickly but figured Chakotay was right in that there wasn’t much room for the baby to grow but out. She pulled her hair into a low ponytail and went back to the replicator for something to eat.

She was sitting at the table, eating some yogurt with a peach sliced up in it and reading one of Chakotay’s PADD’s on labor and delivery when he hobbled into the kitchen. She had fashioned him a cane that he used for moving about the house, and he had commented several times that it was actually quite helpful. She had been adamant that he take a few days off to rest his ankle. He grinned at the sight of her in her dress. “How are you both this morning?” He smiled as he ordered a cup of tea.

Kathryn beamed, “We are doing quite well this morning. No morning sickness.” Chakotay leaned down and gently kissed first her forehead, and then her lips.

“I’m glad to hear it. Hopefully it is finally and fully behind you.” He sat down across from her, taking a sip of his tea.

“That would be wonderful.” She rested a hand on her stomach as she slowly ate her breakfast. “What are you going to do today, Chakotay?”

“I think I’ll bring some more clay from the river. Now that the chimney is done I want to fill in any holes in between the rocks and anywhere that the logs don’t press firmly together. If we get anymore wind and rain like we did last week, I want the cabin to be as airtight as possible. We don’t need the wind and rain and eventually snow making its way inside.”

“Can I help with that? Do you really think you can carry that heavy of a burden with your ankle?” 

Chakotay gave her a grin, “Sure you can help. And I won’t be carrying too much. Maybe one bucketful, if that. It shouldn’t take that much. But I thought you were going to work in the garden today.”

It was true, she had planned on pulling up some of the old, dead plants and turning them under the soil to fertilize for next spring. “I mean when I’m done with the garden. I’m feeling really good today and want to make the most of it.” Chakotay opened his mouth but Kathryn beat him to it. “But I won’t overdo it, I promise.”

Chakotay chuckled, knowing that she knew what his retort would be. “Alright, as long as you take it easy and listen to your body. If you feel tired, I want you to take a break, okay?”

“I promise, as long as you do the same.” He grinned and nodded.

She finished her yogurt and as she stood up to put her bowl back, but she felt dizzy, having to rest her hand on the edge of the table to catch her balance. It did not go unnoticed. Chakotay was on his feet in a moment, coming to stand next to her, an arm going around her protectively.

“What’s wrong?” She could hear fear creeping into his voice.

“Nothing, I just stood up too fast. Remember, dizziness is something I should be expecting more and more now.” She turned to face Chakotay, “Please don’t worry over me like an old woman. I’m fine.” She saw hurt cross his features and wished she could take the words back. She meant it jokingly but should have known better. “I’m sorry, Chakotay. I love that you’re concerned about me. I only meant that there’s nothing to be worried about.”

Chakotay sat down and pulled her gently into his lap. He rested a hand on her stomach, the other on her back. “I am concerned about you. I love you. I love the baby. And I trust you to take care of yourself, but the protector in me can’t help it. I would worry about you even if you weren’t pregnant…but now I have two of you to worry about.” He cradled the swell of their baby in his hand, moving his fingers gently over her stomach. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

“I know, and I love that about you.” She pulled back and met his gaze. “I love you, so much, and I can’t tell you how much your love means to me. I just want you to know that I will do everything I can to take care of myself. You don’t have to worry about that. I know that I am the baby’s first line of defense, and I take that job very seriously.”

“I know you do. How about this? I promise to not fall all over you with worry if you promise to keep doing everything you can to stay safe and healthy? Sound good?”

Kathryn smiled, “Yes, that sounds good. Thank you.” She leaned down and pressed her lips to his, and he reciprocated gladly. He was enjoying the newness of her offering up her kisses freely and relished in each and every one.

This time she ran her tongue lightly along his bottom lip and he moaned softly, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. His fingers came up to weave into her hair and his nails on her scalp sent tingles down to her toes. His other hand still rested on her belly and he felt her lips turn up in a smile, breaking the kiss to take a deep breath. His cheeks were pink, and she was sure they matched hers as she let out a chuckle. “Sorry, pregnancy hormones I guess.”

Chakotay smiled his hand sliding down to rest on her cheek, “It’s alright. Whenever you have a rush of hormones, I’m here to help you through them.” He winked at her and she slapped his chest playfully. “But now I’m going to eat breakfast and you should start work in your garden.” 

Kathryn got up, sans dizziness this time, and after filling her pockets with raspberries and almonds that she’d want for a snack later, she went outside to get her shovel and head to her garden patch. Most of the plants were spent, having given all they had to give for the season, and Kathryn looked forward to starting a garden earlier next year and how much more food she could produce with it. Though next spring she’d also have a brand-new baby with her. She smiled as she pictured it; a small cradle of some kind sitting in the shade next to her garden, their baby lying there contentedly as Kathryn worked in her garden. She looked forward to sharing her knowledge of growing things with their little one.

Kathryn began turning dirt over in the garden, working slowly so as not to fatigue herself. She began chopping plants with the shovel blade, working them into small pieces that would easily be buried in the soil. The garlic and carrots she would leave and harvest in the spring and summer next year, but all of the above ground plants were done for the season and she worked the bury them, turning them into fertilizer for next year’s garden.

She worked for probably two hours, taking several breaks for water and to sit down. She was still feeling wonderful and smiled to herself at the respite the baby was finally giving her from her morning sickness. She patted her growing belly, speaking softly to the child nestled there. “I hope you like gardening, little one. The garden will be bigger next year, and I will need your help with it. I hope you like gardening like your mama, and being outside like your papa.” She grinned, an image of Chakotay playing outside with their child bringing tears to the corners of her eyes. “You are so lucky to have Chakotay as a father; he will teach you so many things.” She lay her hand on her belly for a moment and just sat, relishing in the thought of all that was to come for herself, Chakotay and the baby. A chirp off to her right brought her out of her thoughts, but her smile widened as she opened her eyes.

The primate stood on the ground several meters away, watching her. “Hello there my friend.” She reached in her pocket and pulled out a raspberry, tossing it to the small animal. He didn’t even flinch but picked it up and ate it quickly. Kathryn smiled at the progress she’d made with the tiny primate. “Now that you’re here, I can tell you that pretty soon you’re going to have another little someone around to feed you treats,” she lay her hand on her stomach again, “I’m going to have a baby in the spring. But don’t worry, I’ll teach it all about you and I’m sure the little one will feed you so many treats you’ll never want to leave.” Kathryn took another raspberry out of her pocket, holding it out to the small creature.

Very slowly he came over to her and pulled the fruit from her fingers and stayed nearby as he ate it. Kathryn saw movement off hear the cabin and watched as Chakotay came around the corner, freezing in place at the sight before him. His dimples pressed into his cheeks as he watched Kathryn commune with her tiny friend.

Kathryn had to stifle a gasp as the primate jumped closer, using its little fingers to pull her pocket open, looking for another snack. Chakotay’s mouth dropped open as he watched, a chuckle forming and quickly dying in his throat as he tried to stay as quiet and still as possible.

Kathryn watched at the primate pulled an almond from her pocket and studied it with those small brown eyes. He tested it with his tongue before taking the nut into his mouth, eating it quickly. Once that was gone he began pawing through her pocket again looking for more.

Kathryn was desperate to reach out and touch the fur of the monkey but didn’t want to do anything to upset this perfect moment. The primate moved to sit in her lap for better access as it pulled another raspberry out and ate it. Kathryn turned slowly and locked eyes with Chakotay, the joy evident on her smiling face. Chakotay gave her a slow thumbs up.

Once her pocket was empty the monkey moved across her lap to search her other pocket, but in vain; it was empty. Giving another chirp the small animal bounded off her lap and into the woods and out of sight.

Exhilaration flooded Kathryn as she jumped to her feet. “Did you see that?” She thrilled, clasping her hands together.

Chakotay nodded, moving towards her when he saw her sway on the spot. 

Kathryn felt a light burst behind her eyes as a wave of dizziness overtook her and just as her mind formed the thought of falling, she crumped to the ground.

“Kathryn!” Chakotay was at her side in a moment, but she didn’t respond to his call. Her face was devoid of color and her hands trembled slightly. “Kathryn!” Chakotay pressed his fingers into the pulse of her neck and felt it beating strong and steady. He scooped her up easily in his arms and headed back to the cabin as quickly as his ankle would allow.

Just as he reached the door her eyes fluttered open, a soft groan escaping her lips, “Chak-“ her eyes opened wider at the feeling of being carried, “What happened?”

He sighed at the sound of her voice, “You passed out,” He set her down gently on the bed and went to get the medical tricorder. “I think it was because you stood up too quickly.”

She leaned up on her elbows, still feeling lightheaded, however the rest of her body felt oddly leaden. Chakotay came back and sat next to her on the edge of the bed, “Lie back; I want to scan you, and the baby to make sure everything’s alright.” Kathryn could hear concern in his voice and did as he asked, concerned for the precious life growing inside her. She desperately wanted to rest her hands on her stomach to protect the child there, but kept them at her sides, giving him access to scan her.

“I’m fine, scan the baby.” Her eyes shone with concern. 

“I want to make sure you aren’t in immediate danger, then I’ll check the baby, I promise.” She nodded, closing her eyes, trying to take slow, deep breaths. Chakotay sighed in relief as results came up on the screen. “Low blood pressure and elevated adrenaline levels, but everything is still in normal range.”

Kathryn sighed, feeling a tear escape down her cheek, but she was focused on her belly as Chakotay punched in a different set of commands into the tricorder and began to move the attachment over her abdomen. Kathryn searched his face for answers as he watched the results come up. After a moment of scanning he stopped, pressing several more commands into the tricorder. “Chakotay, what is it?”

His brow furrowed as he scanned her again, not understanding the results. Kathryn felt her heart beating faster and faster as she watched him. 

“Chakotay, is the baby alright!?” Her panic pulled him out of his confusion and his eyes met hers.

“I’m not ready anything wrong, but I’m not actually getting an accurate reading. The tricorder can’t seem to differentiate between your life signs and the baby’s.” He thought for a moment, “Let me try something else.” He pressed a different combination of commands into the device and scanned her again.

She watched as his features softened, his jaw dropping open as his eyes finally met hers. “Chakotay my heart is about to stop.” She leaned up to see the tricorder, but he couldn’t seem to pull his eyes from the readings. 

“Kathryn, the tricorder is reading three life signs.” His eyes were wide as he turned it to show her.

Kathryn looked at it, not understanding his confusion, “Yes; you, me and the baby.” She pulled the tricorder to her and looked at the readings, then handed it back to him.

Chakotay shook his head, not able to form words as he looked at the readings again, then pressed a button to show his previous scan. “No Kathryn, the tricorder is reading a total of FOUR life signs in this room. When I scan just you, it’s reading three life signs…” his voice trailed off, his lips turning up into the brightest smile she’d ever seen on his face. As realization dawned on her she felt her heart fluttering in her chest and began to feel lightheaded again, but for a completely different reason this time. 

“Chakotay…” her eyes were as wide as his, and she couldn’t bring herself to say it. She needed him to say it first, and he seemed to instinctively know it as he set the tricorder down and took her hands in his, a tear slipping down his own cheek.

“Twins, Kathryn.” He laughed out a soft sob as he squeezed her hands tighter. “It’s twins.”

Kathryn lost her breath as she took in his words and the absolute wonder and joy on his face. She felt her breathing become shallow and quick and knew she would be in a full-on panic attack if she were on her own, but the joy she felt at sharing this with Chakotay kept her calm enough to even out her own breathing. 

“Twins…” she whispered out as she sat up, looking down at her stomach and resting her hand there. Chakotay let his own hand cradle the other side of her belly. She felt tears of her own slide down her cheeks and watched as they landed on their joined hands. “I can’t believe it.” She looked back up at him, just in time for him to pull her into an embrace.

“I love you so much, Kathryn. You are absolutely incredible.” She could feel the wetness of the tears that tracked down his own cheek as it pressed against hers. 

She laughed, the joy in her heart making her tremble as she pulled him closer. In a matter of minutes, she had gone from worrying about the health and safety of one baby to finding out that there were two all along. She pulled Chakotay tighter, enjoying the feeling of him pressed against her.

After a moment he pulled back, picking up the tricorder again, the smile seemingly stuck on his face. “I just want to scan them again. I just…I want to see the readings again.” She nodded, propping several pillows behind her and lying back to give him access to her stomach. He moved to lay beside her, letting her hold the tricorder as he moved the sensor back and forth over her stomach.

After several seconds two distinct life sign readings displayed on the screen; two babies. They were situated side by side, vertically in her womb, and Kathryn marveled at the thought. The tricorder read Baby A on Kathryn’s right side as slightly larger, and Baby B on her left just a fraction smaller. Both had strong vital signs and all scans showed normal growth for roughly thirteen weeks gestation. According to the readings each baby had its own amniotic sac, so they were fraternal twins; two separate embryos had implanted as opposed to one embryo splitting during development. Kathryn let her finger slide gently over the readings on the screen as if caressing the actual babies and Chakotay felt another tear slide down his cheek at her gentle movement.

After they had both read the information at least a dozen times Chakotay finally put the sensor back in the tricorder and closed it. Kathryn’s eyes met his and he couldn’t stop his smile from growing even wider. “Kathryn, you’ve just made me the happiest man in the galaxy today. You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever known, and nothing I can say can measure up to the gratitude I feel for the gift you’ve given me.” He leaned over, cradling her cheek in his palm, his lips coming down to rest on hers. She gladly reciprocated.

Finally pulling away for breath, she sighed out a laugh, “I guess that’s why I’m showing as much as I am. Here I thought something was wrong…there’s just twice as many babies in there as we thought.” Chakotay laughed, placing his hand back on her stomach, willing all the love he felt in that moment to be experienced by their unborn children. He felt doubly protective over her now, knowing in that moment he would gladly give his life for the safety of his children and their mother. The ease with which the feeling came to him nearly took his breath away. Kathryn heard the air hitch in his lungs and placed her hand over his, “Chakotay, what’s wrong?”

He smiled, his eyes not leaving her stomach. “Absolutely nothing. I just realized in this moment that I would sacrifice everything to keep you and the babies safe and happy. I would give my life to protect you, and…” he laughed again, “It’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. I love you so much, and I love them so much, and it’s such a powerful love that I can’t even describe it, but you’ve given me this feeling, and I’ve never experienced anything like it.” His eyes met hers and he pressed another kiss to her lips, “I never imagined I could be as happy and content as I am in this moment.”

Kathryn’s chest swelled with love at his words, but she chuckled lightly, “Well you better not plan on going anywhere anytime soon. I can NOT give birth to and raise two babies on my own.” He chuckled, lying down next to her again, his head propped in his hand as they both contemplated all of the information they’d just received in a short amount of time.

“You couldn’t get me to leave if you tried.” He kissed her cheekbone, “I just can’t believe this is real.”

Kathryn pictured her belly growing and growing, “How am I going to be pregnant with twins?” Chakotay laughed.

“We will just take it one day at a time. Remember, nothing is really different. They have both been there all along…we just didn’t know it until now.” Kathryn nodded, taking in his words.

“I’m glad in a way that there are two. They will instantly have a companion growing up.” Kathryn pictured two children playing together, learning together, being friends. Chakotay nodded, and then a chuckled bubbled out of him.

“Your poor primate friend doesn’t know what kind of trouble he’s in for. He’ll have two little ones chasing after him. Get him friendly now, Kathryn because soon enough two screaming toddlers will chase him away for good.” Kathryn laughed as she pictured it.

“I wish the tricorder could tell us if they are boys or girls.” Kathryn glanced over at the device on the nightstand.

“Or maybe one of each?” Chakotay had no idea what they were in for, but he was elated. “Would you really want to know if we could find out?” He knew it was wishful thinking. That tricorder could determine nearly everything about the babies; but they would need an ultrasound or a blood test to confirm sex…both of which they did not have on New Earth.

“Yes, I think so. It would be nice to prepare clothing, bedding…names!” Her eyes flashed to his, “We haven’t even discussed names yet.” She looked suddenly frantic and Chakotay had to stifle his smirk.

“We have plenty of time to talk about it, Kathryn.”

“I want to talk about it now. I mean, we don’t need to decide anything today, but you must have given it some thought.” It was a statement and a question and Kathryn was suddenly at a loss. She honestly hadn’t thought at all about what to name their child, now children, when they were born.

“I have some, but nothing seriously. I am happy with whatever you decide, Kathryn.” Her brow furrowed.

“I’ve read about Native American naming ceremonies. Do your people have similar practices?” Chakotay felt his heart pick up; knowing that she cared about his traditions made his heart soar.

“We do, but I don’t know how much you’d like it. I know you like to plan things out, and it is our tradition to choose a name for the baby after he or she is born. We let their personality dictate their name. That’s how my sister and I received our names.”

Kathryn nodded, then her mouth dropped open, “I just realized that I’ve never asked you what your name means, and I feel awful about it.” She felt her cheeks pink at her admission. She knew his name was tribal, but beyond that, she had always been more curious about his tattoo, though she’d never asked him that either.

He grinned, “It’s alright, you don’t need to feel bad. It’s not something I usually discuss, but I’d be happy to tell you, Kathryn. Chakotay means ‘man who walks the Earth but who only sees the sky’.” 

“That’s beautiful, and so fitting,” she grinned at him. “How did your parents choose it?” Chakotay’s dimples flashed as he remembered the story his mother told him when he was young.

“When I was first born, I tended to sleep during the day and stay awake at night. Dorvan V has two moons and many star systems visible in the night sky. Apparently, I’d stare at them, contented to watch the moons and constellations for hours. They gave me my name after my fourth night of the same behavior.”

Kathryn loved the idea of naming their babies in a similar fashion; letting the babies choose their own name in a way. “That’s what I want.”

“What?” Chakotay was confused.

“I want you to name the babies. I want them to have names to honor your traditions…their traditions.” Chakotay gasped in a breath. That was a very heavy request and he wanted to make sure she understood that.

“Kathryn, I’m honored, but are you sure you’d be okay with that? I want you to have some say in our children’s names as well.”

Kathryn pondered that for a moment before an easy solution came to her. “Well, if you’re alright with it, they could both take my last name, and I would like for them to have familiar middle names…would that be an alright compromise?”

Chakotay nodded, “That sounds perfect. The universe needs more Janeways, and I’m honored to have a hand in making that happen.” Kathryn laughed, shoving him gently in the shoulder. He chuckled. “What middle names are you contemplating?”

“Well, if we have a boy, I’d like his middle name to be Edward, after my father.” Chakotay nodded, giving her hand a squeeze. He wished in that moment that he could have met her father. He said a silent prayer that the elder Janeway was looking down on his daughter and her little family now, keeping an eye on them as Chakotay knew his own father was as well.

“And if we have a girl?” The thought of a daughter made Chakotay’s heart melt, reminding him of the dream he’d had of his daughter those months ago. He’d never told Kathryn about that dream and wasn’t sure if he ever would. 

“I’d like her middle name to be Gretchen, after my mother…or Sekaya for your sister.” She didn’t know how Chakotay would feel about that, but as she watched his eyes somber at the thought of his sister, she knew he would be happy with that choice.

“Thank you, Kathryn. I would be honored, and I know Sekaya would be too.” She felt her chest tighten at the sorrow that flashed across his face. His sister was the only family he had left, and he knew that he’d never see her again. Maybe in this small way his sister could be with them here on New Earth.

“Well, I feel much better knowing at least we have a plan for them.”

“Them…” Chakotay felt thrilled at the thought, yet again, of two babies. “I’m just so ecstatic I can’t believe it. We are going to have twins.”

“I know.” She shook her head, “You were worried on Voyager about me carrying four of your children to term. I guess we’re just splitting the difference.” She looked up and down his large frame. “I hope they tend to lean towards my build, or in another few months things are going to be very crowded in there,” she drummed her fingers on her stomach for emphasis. Chakotay barked out a laugh as he imagined her towards the end of her pregnancy.

“If anyone can handle it, it’s you Kathryn.” She smiled.

They both lay silently together, lost in their own thoughts of what was to come. Finally, she turned and looked at Chakotay, “You’re happy?”

“I’m ecstatic.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is kind of a 'filler' chapter, since there will be moments in between milestones with the growing babies and things on the planet. I hope it's not too boring. Many of the events will come back around from this chapter, so it's not a total throw away. Please let me know what you think. Lots of love and Voyager hugs!

Since her fainting spell and learning about the twins, Kathryn made a conscious effort to move slowly from lying down to sitting to standing. Most every morning when she woke up, simply sitting up in bed made her feel lightheaded. She had to sit still at the edge of the bed and regain her equilibrium before feeling able to get up. Chakotay asked permission to scan her each morning to check her blood pressure, and heart rate, and though she knew he was being overly cautious, she allowed it because she knew it made him feel better and more involved. It was also a fun excuse to scan the babies most every morning as well. Now, nearing week fourteen, Kathryn read that the babies were roughly the size of nectarines, and as Kathryn held a peach in her hand one morning, she felt tears track down her cheeks as she pictured their tiny babies growing, strong and healthy in her womb.

Kathryn was eating lunch several days later, reading over another of the PADDs Chakotay had brought when he came inside with his medicine bundle. He had been gone for several hours, and he seemed very contented and at peace when he entered the kitchen and dropped a gentle kiss on her lips. He asked Kathryn about what she was reading, and she asked him if he had a successful visit with his animal guide.

After making himself a sandwich he sat down across from Kathryn as she set down the PADD, a far off look in her eyes. “What are you thinking, Kathryn?” She started, being caught in her thoughts.

“I was just wondering; I think I’d like to make my own medicine bundle. Is that something I can do? Is that something you can help me with?” Chakotay smiled at her, feeling pride at her request.

“Of course, you can, and of course I will. But a medicine bundle can be a very private thing. Are you sure you want to share that with me?” Kathryn nearly scoffed at the absurdity of the question but knew that he asked in earnest.

“Chakotay, you allowed me see and use your medicine bundle, and helped me first contact my animal guide. I think it would feel strange if I didn’t share the process with you. If you’re willing to help me assemble it, I would be very grateful.”

“Absolutely. Firstly, you need to think of items you want it to include; things that mean something to you on a personal level, or items that are very important to who you are and what you believe in. The more powerful the items are to you, the easier it is to use them to contact your animal guide.”

Kathryn thought about that for a moment, thinking about what she had with her that was important to her. “Hm, I think I’ll have to spend some time thinking about that.” He nodded.

“It’s definitely not something you want to rush to put together. Mine took nearly a year to complete; before I was truly happy with everything in it. And as you’ve seen, I only have a few items in mine.”

Kathryn nodded blankly, her mind already thinking about what she might want to include. “In the meantime, I’ll tan a hide from one of the deer for you to keep everything in as you collect it.” Chakotay had already shot one deer for meat for Kathryn. She had told him again and again that he didn’t need to do it on her account, but the first night that she’d had venison stew, the look of pure satisfaction on her face made it completely worth it, and she vehemently confirmed that it was wonderful.

The animal had provided a lot of meat for her, and Chakotay had found many ways to prepare it; stews, venison steak, burger, chili and he had even turned some into jerky. Now that Kathryn was eating for three, he wanted to make sure that her protein intake remained high.

“That would be wonderful, Chakotay. Thank you.” He nodded as he took a bite of his sandwich, gesturing towards her reading.

“What have you learned about the little ones today?” He grinned, noticing four more PADDs on the table than there had been when he went outside that morning. She was enjoying reading over everything he had with them on pregnancy, labor and delivery. 

Kathryn grinned, her eyes brightening; talking about the babies was quickly becoming one of her favorite topics of conversation, and he was elated at seeing her so happy. “The babies move or change position nearly every five minutes,” She placed her hand on her belly as she spoke of them, “I wish I could feel it.” She quirked her lip, “But that probably won’t happen for another four or five weeks.” He could hear the sadness in her voice. He knew that she would be able to feel them moving long before he would.

“Just remember, pretty soon they’ll be moving so much you’ll wish for a respite, especially when you’re trying to sleep or have a full bladder.” She chuckled, a smirk on her face.

“I pretty much always feel like I have a full bladder. In another month or two I won’t be able to leave the house for fear of being too far away from the bathroom.” Chakotay barked out a laugh.

“I’m sure it won’t be as bad as all that, but if you ever need me to dig you a latrine, I’d be happy to.” He laughed as Kathryn scrunched up her nose, setting the PADD down that she had been perusing.

“Un…likely.” She let each syllable fall separately for emphasis but they both laughed when Chakotay’s dimples pressed into his cheeks. Shaking her head at his antics, she got up and got herself a serving of the squash casserole that Chakotay has made the day before and heated it in the convection oven. “Let’s go for a walk this afternoon. It’s warmed up a bit and I’d like to see if I can harvest some more almonds before those blasted squirrels eat them all.”

“Alright. And you never did show me where those maple trees are. I’d like to see those too.” Kathryn nodded as she brought her plate over to the table and sat down.

“No, I didn’t show them to you, if I recall, you nearly froze to death outside that day.”

“Yes, but then you found a very effective way of warming me up,” He winked at her and she felt her cheeks get hot at the thought. Though they’d made love over a dozen times in the week or so since his near brush with death, it still felt so new and exciting that Kathryn couldn’t help her heart picking up at the thought.

“Well, at least we know of a sure-fire way to stay warm when winter comes.” Chakotay grinned at her response, nodding appreciatively in agreement. “Alright, stop trying to distract me and let me eat lunch. The babies are hungry.”

“Okay,” he chuckled, “I have a little work to do outside, but when you’re finished here, we’ll go for a walk.” He got up and after cleaning up he dropped a kiss into her hair and went back outside.

=/\=

They walked, hand in hand, through the stand of almond trees to where Kathryn had found the maple trees she’d told him about. Chakotay scanned them with his tricorder while Kathryn moved off to start collecting more almonds. She snacked on some as she went, enjoying for the umpteenth time that her nausea was gone, and her appetite fully returned. There weren’t many more almonds to pick since her last visit; the squirrels had collected a lot of their own, but when she had reached all she could, she moved back to where Chakotay was leaning on a tree, staring off to his right, an odd look of concentration furrowed his brow.

“Penny for your thoughts, Commander.” Kathryn’s joking tone pulled him from his concentration as he looked back towards her. His brow was still furrowed.

“How many times have you been out to this area, Kathryn?” 

“Only three. Once when I found the almond trees, then the other day when I harvested all there was and spotted the maple trees, and then today. Why?” She felt trepidation at his question and the look of concern on his face.

“Well, just past the maple trees there’s a path that leads off towards the mountains.”

Kathryn chuckled lightly, “I’m not sure what you’re…” realization dawned on her and her own anxiety picked up. She took a step closer to Chakotay instinctively, suddenly feeling quite exposed. “A path created by what?”

“Well, that’s what I’m not sure about. It cuts through the tall grass, but it’s too wide for a deer run. I’d have to guess it was made by some type of humanoids.” Kathryn’s eyes went wide.

“But we scanned the entire planet from Voyager. There were no humanoid or any other life signs.” She felt fear grip her as she looked around quickly, wishing at the moment that she had a phaser with her.

“I know, and I did a wide band scan of the path and surrounding areas. There’s no recent sign of any humanoid activity other than our own. I was just curious if you’d noticed anything out of the ordinary when you’d been out here.” Chakotay snaked his arm around her, pulling her a bit closer, his heart calming at the feeling of her near.

“I haven’t, but I’d be curious to see what you’re talking about. Should we follow it?” Chakotay frowned.

“I’ll show you, but I don’t think we should follow it on foot. I think it best that we should take the shuttle craft and see if we can follow the pathway from the air. I’d feel a lot better about the added protection and sensors.”

“That’s a good idea, but I’d still be curious to see what you’re talking about.” Chakotay nodded and took her hand, leading her away from the cover of the trees and towards the taller grass.

It was as plain as day, and Kathryn felt a nervous shiver go down her spine at the sight of the trampled grass. It was roughly two meters wide, and obviously a footpath for some unknown creature or creatures. Chakotay watched Kathryn as she took in the sight.

The grass was beaten down by whatever had passed by here, and the path moved from where they now stood, through the tall grass and beyond the meadow towards the foothills of the mountains. “Weren’t there caves at the base of the mountain range?”

“I remember Harry making note of that when we first landed here. Perhaps something is living in those caves.”

“Unlikely. Our sensors would have detected life signs. Let’s get back to the shuttle and check it out.” Her tone left no room for debate and Chakotay chuckled at her words.

“What’s so funny, Commander,” she put emphasis on his command title jokingly as he moved to stand in front of her.

“I just haven’t seen or heard from Captain Janeway in a while. I’ve gotten used to Kathryn being around, but if I’d had my eyes closed just now, I’d have sworn I’d open them to see you wearing your uniform and Captain’s pips, a tricorder in hand and curiosity in those blue eyes.” Kathryn blushed lightly.

“Captain Janeway has been here all along, Chakotay, she’s just taken a backseat to Kathryn is all.” She wrapped her arms around his middle for emphasis.

“Well I enjoy both of you very much.” He grinned, leaning down to capture her lips in a tender kiss. His arms came around her shoulders and he held her in place as his mouth gently explored hers. Before they could get too carried away, she pulled back.

“Time enough for that later, Commander. There’s exploring to be done.” He chuckled as he took her hand, feeling more relaxed as they made their way back towards their home.

=/\=

Sliding into the Pilot’s seat on the shuttlecraft felt almost foreign to Chakotay as she activated the computers and navigational systems. Kathryn took the seat next to him and began bringing sensors and the tactical console online. They worked silently together as they brought life to the long-neglected shuttle. The hum of the engines sent a thrill through Kathryn as they got everything ready to take off. 

“I’m going to be flying at low altitude, Kathryn. I don’t want us anywhere near the lower atmosphere. We don’t know how high we can go before the effects of the virus may begin to show themselves. I should probably be doing this alone.” He glanced over at her, concerned for her wellbeing.

“Nonsense. We know from the Doctor’s analysis that it’s the makeup of the upper atmosphere that is keeping the effects of the virus at bay. If we keep to a few dozen meters above the tree line, we should be completely safe.”

“Alright,” Chakotay spoke to her while working the navigational sensors, bringing thrusters online, “But promise me if you feel any ill effects from this, even nothing to do with the virus, please let me know. I don’t care if it’s heartburn or a headache. We’ll land immediately.” He turned then to make sure she saw the concern and seriousness in his eyes. She reached over and took his hand.

“I promise.” He smiled, nodding gently to her.

“Alright, then here we go.” His fingers played over the console as he brought maneuvering thrusters online. “Thrusters on.”

The shuttle rose gently off the ground as the thrusters lifted them up above trees.

Kathryn watched as the ground slipped farther away from them, thrilling at the feeling of being in the air. She didn’t realize how desperately she missed it until her wings had been effectively clipped by the virus and the plasma storm. Although she couldn’t change their current circumstances, she was excited at the prospect of soaring through the air in the shuttle, even if they remained well inside the atmosphere of the planet. “Long range sensors functioning within normal parameters.”

They both marveled at how easily they fall back into the functions of the task at hand. Though it felt odd to be piloting and operating the shuttle in their civilian clothing, they handled the task as they had countless time before. They made a wonderful piloting team; keying up displays and readings without having to ask the other. They worked together as Chakotay navigated the shuttle to where they had been walking earlier. The almond and maple trees came into view and beyond that they fell in line with the path that worked its way towards the mountains. “Computer,” Kathryn spoke, and the console chirped to life, “scan for any humanoid life signs, both current or residual, eliminating readings of myself or Commander Chakotay.”

“Sensors are reading two humanoid life signs.” The familiar computer voice spoke, and Kathryn’s eyes grew wide before a knowing smile graced her lips, her cheeks pinking at her error. Chakotay chuckled, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Computer, repeat scan, ignoring all life signs in this shuttle. Concentrate sensor sweep of the terrain below and the base of the mountains.

“Scanning.” The computer worked and both Kathryn and Chakotay watched the readings that flashed across their consoles. “Scan complete. No life signs found within the specified parameters.”

“Computer,” Chakotay spoke this time, “Transfer all scanning power to long range sensors. Repeat scan over every part of the planet in sensor range; above or below ground or under water.”

“Scan complete. No life signs found in the specified parameters.”

Kathryn’s brow furrowed and Chakotay let out a sigh. “Well, at least we know that whatever cut through the grass is long gone. Sensors would have picked up even residual signs of life if there had been anyone or anything here in the last few months.” They hovered low, moving very slowly forward towards the mountains.

Kathryn swiveled her chair to face the science console behind her, bringing medical and atmospheric sensors online. Chakotay watched as she scanned the area below and around them for any food sources. “Chakotay, head towards the river. I’m picking up heavy vegetation and a waterfall several kilometers from where we had our picnic before.”

Chakotay made the necessary adjustments and before long they were coming in for landing on a large rock surface where a sizeable waterfall thundered above them a about forty meters away. Once thrusters were powered down and the shuttle at a standstill, Chakotay engaged docking clamps into the terrain below and stood up, pressing the door lock. The back of the shuttle gave a hiss as the door opened, letting the cool autumn air into the shuttle. Kathryn shivered lightly at the breeze against her skin, wrapping her arms around herself for a moment, before moving to exit the craft.

They both looked up at the water that roared over the rock outcropping, coming to land in a frothy pool before flowing away as the river that Kathryn and Chakotay had spent time in during the warmer summer months. “It’s beautiful,” she exclaimed, watching the white water pour over the cliff. The roar of the falling water exhilarated her and the feel of the mist that the breeze carried off the falls made her smile. “It reminds me of Niagara Falls, although much smaller.”

“I’ve never been there, but I’ve seen pictures.” Chakotay came up to stand behind Kathryn, wrapping his arms around her to trap extra warmth to her body.

Their previous concern for other life on the planet was temporarily quelled by the beauty of the scene before them. They were closer to the base of the mountains now, where Kathryn knew the source of the falls must come from. Taking out her tricorder she began scanning the falls and surrounding vegetations. Chakotay headed in the opposite directions along the shoreline, his own tricorder in hand, though he made sure to stay in visual range of Kathryn.

He was glad that she was getting this chance to explore. Though they had been cut off from Voyager and her life as a Starfleet Captain, that would do nothing to allay the need in her for exploring and discovering new things. Perhaps now that the nausea of the first trimester had left her, they could go on more of these excursions, exploring the planet and all it had to offer. 

He worked his way back towards her, where she was exploring rocks along the shore of the river. Her hair was quite wet from the mist coming off the falls, though she seemed to be oblivious. She was turning a stone over and over in her hands. Chakotay came up behind her to see what had her so enraptured.

The stone was nearly the size of her entire palm and slightly oblong. It was an ivory grey with shimmers of a pale blue throughout. He watched as she let one finger caress the surface from end to end. “It reminds me of Voyager,” she whispered.

It did indeed as he looked at the smooth surface of the stone. The color was almost identical to the Intrepid class ship’s hull plating. The blue veins of mineral that traversed over and through it were the same color of the glow of Voyager’s warp nacelles and deflector dish. It made something clench in his chest as he thought of their crew, their friends and family, their comrades in arms…never to be seen again. He missed them terribly.

“I wonder where Voyager is now.” Kathryn’s voice came out as a whisper and Chakotay saw the moisture gather in her eyes. “I hope they’re safe.”

Chakotay had no good way to answer that, but he tried anyways. “I’m sure they are perfectly safe. Tuvok is an extraordinary leader, and the crew is well seasoned in the rockier parts of the Delta quadrant. And Voyager is an amazing ship.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Don’t worry, Kathryn, she’ll get them home.”

She turned in his arms then as emotion flooded her, pressing her cheek into his chest as she let the tears come. “I miss them all so much.” Her sorrow rent through his heart as he allowed several of his own tears of loss slip down his cheeks where they disappeared into her hair.

“I know. I do too. But they will all one day see Earth again, and they have you to thank for it.” She squeezed him as tightly as her belly would allow as they both conceded a few moments to remember their crew and the journey that they faced now, without each other. Voyager, its travels back to Earth without their Captain, and Kathryn and Chakotay faced the rest of their lives alone. Though it was a daunting prospect all around, Chakotay knew that everyone was exactly where they needed to be in that moment.

“I hope you’re right.” She pulled back, looking down at the stone still held reverently in her hands. “I think I’d like to add this to my medicine bundle. A reminder of both sorrow and hope.” Her eyes met his, and when she saw the tear tracks on his cheeks, she gave him a knowing smile, wiping them away with her thumb before pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “Would that be alright”

“I think it would be a perfect first addition to your medicine bundle. If you like, I can etch some symbols of protection and safety into the surface. In that small way, Voyager and her crew will always have someone watching over them.” Kathryn smiled lovingly up at Chakotay as fresh tears fell.

“I think that would be perfect.”

=/\=

They lay in the bathtub together that evening as they had before, though, as Chakotay sighed in satisfaction, there was nothing separating the warm skin of her back from the skin of his chest. They both lay with their eyes shut, his arms around her. One hand cupped her breast gently while the other rested in its customary place over the swell of their growing children. She gave a contented sigh as the tingly pleasure of aftershocks sparked in her arms and legs. It had been tricky, but they had made love in the small confines of the bathtub, Chakotay commenting that he would build a bigger one. One that they could both rest more comfortably in and one that made what they had just done much easier. He chuckled when she blushed, but pulled her tightly to him, allowing her to rest against him in the warm water. She craved a hotter temperature, but knew that until the babies were born, she’d have to content herself with this.

Her hand came to rest over his on her stomach, and he shifted, allowing their fingers to lace together. “How are you feeling, mama?” He enjoyed experiencing as much of the pregnancy as he could through her, was wasn’t afraid to admit that he was a bit jealous at the closeness that she already had with their children, though she hadn’t even felt them move yet. She had an intimate knowledge and relationship with them that he would never know. He loved to hear Kathryn talk about the babies and how she was feeling.

She sighed, closing her eyes, “I feel wonderful; contented and happy. I’m not hungry, which is amazing, and my bladder isn’t angry at me. I’d say, given the circumstances, I’m as close to perfect as possible.”

Chakotay let his hand on her stomach drift up and down, then back and forth, moving to cradle the space where one baby grew, and then the other. “What do you think they are doing right now?”

“Hm?” She questioned drowsily, “the babies?”

Chakotay smiled, “No, the crew. If we were on Voyager right now, what do you think the crew would be doing this evening?”

Kathryn smiled, closing her eyes for a moment and picturing her friends. “Alpha shift is at Sandrine’s. Tom has a bet of some kind going; waging five to one odds for replicator rations. Harry is playing pool with Tom and probably losing. Tuvok is there but not talking to anyone, and B’Elanna is there pretending not to watch Tom.” Chakotay chuckled.

“That all sounds about right.” He squeezed her gently. He knew she was sad about being away from the crew and missed them just as much as he did, and he figured talking about their friends might help. He knew he didn’t want her keeping her emotions locked up as she was wont to do. “I’m sure Kes is even more proficient in her education in sickbay, and has probably branched out in other areas.”

“And I’m sure Neelix’s Leola root is just as awful as it always is.” She chuckled low in her throat. “That is one thing I do not miss, though I would gladly eat a bowl of it now to see the crew again.”

“I know you would. I would too. But it’s no use thinking about things that we know can’t happen.”

“I know. And I’m not sad about it like I was earlier…just thinking out loud. I’m glad they are on their way home, and closer to it than they were when they left us. Who knows, maybe they’ve found some way to get there sooner.” She gave a contented sigh, “Maybe they’re home already.”

“Maybe they are. That’s a very nice thought.”

“It is.” Kathryn leaned against Chakotay and stretched, letting her arms and legs move out in front of her.

“You ready to get out?” The sun was low in the sky, but it wasn’t full on evening yet. Plus, they had already eaten supper so as not to temp fate with a bought of nausea for Kathryn in the morning.

“I think so.” She leaned forward so Chakotay could get out. The cool evening air to him was invigorating so he didn’t work to dry off, just tied his towel around his hips, but held open Kathryn’s towel so she could step right into its warmth. He’s placed it on the insulated rocks around the tub, so it was toasty warm as he wrapped it around her. “Thank you.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Of course. Let’s go inside and you can read me more about the babies.”

Kathryn smiled, taking his hand as they walked back towards the cabin. “You got it, daddy.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some fun fluffy J/C goodness for you all. Happy weekend my friends!

Chakotay rose earlier than normal that morning and got dressed as quickly and quietly as he could. He’d been working on a surprise for Kathryn for nearly two weeks, and wanted to finish it that morning, hopefully before she got her day started and came looking for him.

Ever since they had grown closer and finally allowed their relationship to become intimate, he hadn’t had as much alone time as he had before, and though he wouldn’t trade what they shared for the world, it made sneaking off to work on her surprise harder and harder. The few times she’d taken a nap in the afternoon had been the best time for him. He also took to getting up early whenever possible, and on several occasions when the sky was clear and the moon was bright, he’d wait until Kathryn fell asleep and spend an hour or so in the dead of night working on it.

Now her rocking chair was nearly complete.

He moved into the woods where he had created a little workshop for himself. It was out of sight from the cabin and built out of one of the old Starfleet storage bins that he’d camouflaged with tree branches and shrubbery. He kept a handful of tools there and currently the pieces of the chair that he now had to fasten together.

It was still mostly dark out; the sun just barely hinting at touching the horizon, so Chakotay used his flashlight to see in his workshop. Nearly everything was fastened together except for the rockers and the back. He’d been soaking and bending several pieces of wood to form the back and the rockers for the chair, and today they were finally the shape that he wanted them to be. He worked, putting everything together as the sun crept over the edge of the earth and bathed his workspace in an early morning orange glow. It was still chilly outside but the sky was clear and Chakotay hoped that the day would warm up a bit. They’d had a cooler snap of weather the last few days since their shuttle excursion, and Chakotay was hoping that maybe they could spend the day outside exploring some more.

He still felt a bit uneasy about the seeming evidence of other lifeforms on the planet, but the sensors and their tricorders both gave the same readings again and again…which were none. No sign of humanoid life other than the two of them and their growing babies.

Chakotay finished putting the chair together and, taking a deep breath, he timidly sat down in it. He braced himself for the worst; the chair would shatter beneath him and he would crash to the ground, but it remained solid beneath him. He rocked gently back and forth; pressing a bit harder than necessary. He wanted to make sure it was sound. If it would hold his weight he knew that Kathryn’s small frame, even with her pregnancy weight, would be safe.

He rocked a bit harder but the chair remained beneath him. Satisfied that it was ready to go in the cabin, he quickly put his tools away and carried the chair towards their home.

He left it outside to see where Kathryn was. He was sure that she was awake by now as the sun had moved to fully illuminate the sky, and was a bit sad that he wasn’t there when she woke up. He always made sure that she wasn’t feeling too dizzy first thing, and they enjoyed scanning the babies vital signs each morning. He was hoping that she wasn’t mad at his absence this morning. He’d thought about leaving a note, but didn’t want curiosity getting the best of her and have her come looking for him.

He poked his head in and noticed that she was in fact not in bed anymore. He listened and heard silverware on the table. Knowing that she was most likely in the middle of breakfast he brought the chair in as quietly as he could and set in in their living area near the fireplace and the large window. He smiled to himself, hoping that she would like it. He had plans to make some type of wooden bench for sitting as well, but wanted Kathryn to have something more comfortable first. 

Once the chair was just where he wanted it, he called to her, “Kathryn, are you in the kitchen?"

“Yes,” she answered. He couldn’t read the emotion in her voice, but she didn’t sound happy.

“I have a surprise for you.” Maybe she was upset that he wasn’t there when she woke up, but he doubted it. They’d spent plenty of mornings apart since their exile here and she’d never been mad about it before. “It’s in the living room.” He heard her get up from the table and make her way into the other room. The look on her face was unreadable and he stood in her line of sight so she couldn’t see the rocking chair behind him. “Close your eyes, Kathryn.” She obliged him, letting her eyes slip shut. He moved to stand next to her. “Okay, you can open them.”

She did.

And immediately burst into tears.

Chakotay’s shoulders slumped not knowing what had made Kathryn so sad. He wished now more than anything that he’d been there when she’d woken up. He knew that wasn’t the reason for her sorrow, but there was obviously something upsetting her.

“Kathryn, please tell me what’s wrong.” He stepped towards her and she fell into his open arms, suddenly sobbing into his shirt front. He pulled her towards the bed and sat down, pulling her down to sit in his lap. She pressed her forehead into the crook of his neck as she cried; he felt her tears land and slide down his skin to soak into his shirt. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m okay.” She choked out as she pulled him tighter.

He pressed kisses into her hair, whispering soothing words as his hand rubbed up and down her arm. She seemed to be physically alright, so he let her cry it out.

When her breathing started to even out and he felt her tremors subside he finally pulled back to see her face. Even in her sorrow she was beautiful. “Kathryn, please tell me what’s the matter.”

She sniffed, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. Her eyes finally met Chakotay’s and though fresh tears brimmed and spilled, she kept her breathing even. “Today is my mom’s birthday. I just…” she took a deep shuddering breath, “I just really miss her. I know I’m just hormonal, but I just wish I could wish her a happy birthday. I wish I could see her again. I wish she could meet you, and her grandbabies when they are born,” she choked out her last few words as fresh tears emerged and she leaned back into Chakotay’s embrace.

He didn’t know what to say. Her anguish clenched at his heart and he wished desperately to take the hurt away, but knew better. This would be another wound that only time would heal, and each year on this date, for the rest of her life, it would be hard for Kathryn. Probably on her sister’s birthday, the anniversary of the death of her father. There were many days that would hold sorrow for her, but knowing that she couldn’t grieve or celebrate with her family would make them doubly tough.

“Tell me about her.” Kathryn sniffed but pulled back to study his face. She pressed her palm against his cheek and gave him a knowing smile. She knew what he was trying to do, and she loved him for it. “Tell me about your mom.”

Kathryn laughed gently to herself as she thought of the elder Janeway. “She would think I’m ridiculous for being so upset about missing her birthday. She never enjoyed celebrating it, but would always go all out for mine and Phoebe’s. She has red hair like mine, but a bit darker, though it’s mostly grey now. We have the same eyes and same smile, but she’s much more of a homemaker.”

“You mean she can cook?” Kathryn laughed out a sob.

“Yes, she’s an amazing cook.” Kathryn remembered that they would always get together for her mother’s birthday, but it was always Gretchen that would do the cooking. Kathryn chuckled at the memory. “She tried so hard to teach me to cook. And I failed every time.” She laughed again and Chakotay gave her a squeeze.

“If you were at home, what would you do to celebrate her birthday?” His hand came down from her arm to rest on her stomach. She smiled, as she always did when he unconsciously caressed the babies there.

“My sister and I would transport home in the early afternoon. We’d take mom shopping and out to lunch. Before my dad passed, he would grill steaks for dinner. When it was just the three of us mom would make something when we got home. Phoebe and I would usually spend the night. Sometimes we’d take mom to a movie or stay in and watch something. We’d all cuddle up on the couch under a blanket. Just spend time together.”

“That sounds nice.”

“It was.” She sniffed but he was glad to see a smile on her face. “There’s just so much that I’ll miss now. So much we’ll both miss; an entire future.”

Chakotay pulled back to look her in the eye. “That may be true, but at the same time we are creating a future here, for you and for me, and for our children. And when they’re old enough you can tell them about their grandmother. Tell them about making her cook her own birthday dinner because you couldn’t.” She sniffed out a laugh at that. “You can tell them about your family camping trips and learning to garden.” He thought a moment, “Didn’t you have family photos on Voyager?”

“Yes, I have them here.”

“Why didn’t you put any of them up?”

“Well,” she sniffed again, “when we first got here, I didn’t think it would be for very long, so I didn’t bother. You remember how I never liked it when you added a personal touch to the shelter. And then after the plasma storm and realizing this was now permanent, I just got busy with everything. And I didn’t know if you’d appreciate me cluttering up our living space.”

Chakotay sighed at her words, “Kathryn,” he tilted her face to his, giving her a gentle kiss, “Did you mind when I started putting up some of my things? Did you mind when I made etchings for the walls of the cabin?”

“No, of course not.”

“Why would you think I would mind if you put up personal items too?” Kathryn grinned and shrugged guiltily. “Kathryn, this is our home; yours and mine. If we are going to create a future here, we have to do it together.” He kissed her forehead. “Why don’t you unpack some of your pictures and things. I’d like to see them if you’re willing to share.”

Kathryn gave him her first truly genuine smile of the day. “I’d like that.” She stood up slowly, feeling only the slightest fog of dizziness. She turned to leave the room but the sight near the fireplace caught her eye, “Oh, Chakotay, the rocking chair! I completely forgot about it.” She moved over to look at it. Chakotay came up behind her and watched for her reaction. “Chakotay, it’s beautiful!”

“I’m glad you like it. I figure it would be more comfortable than the chairs in the kitchen, and closer to the fire when it’s cold out. I have plans to make some kind of bench seat to act as a sofa, but I wanted to get this done first.”

“It’s wonderful. Can I try it out?” Chakotay chuckled.

“Of course you can.” Kathryn turned and sat down in the chair, using the balls of her feet to push herself backwards; the opposite momentum letting her rock back forwards. She was amazed at how smooth the rockers were. The curve of the back was just right, and she sank into it, rocking gently back and forth. “I pictured you rocking the babies to sleep there.”

“Oh, Chakotay, it’s perfect. Thank you so much.” She reached for his hand and he helped her up slowly. “I love you.” She tipped her head up and he brought his lips to hers, kissing away the rest of her sorrow.

“I love you, too.” He pulled her into a hug that she gladly reciprocated. “Now, go unpack your photos. Are there any from when you were a child?” His grin turned comical. “I’d like to see baby Captain Janeway.”

=/\=

“Chakotay can you help me with this?” He could hear the excitement in her voice from her old sleeping area. He had been looking at a Janeway family portrait that Kathryn had put on her nightstand next to a picture of herself and her dog Molly. He set the frame down gently, moving into the older shelter and finding Kathryn with an open crate. Inside rested her phonograph. “I had no idea Tuvok packed this for me. I told him essentials only, aside from my photos and a few personal items. I figured he would pack clothes, toiletries, and my computer. I didn’t realize he included so many of my personal items.” A frown brought her lips down and furrowed her brow. “He must have realized that my research would have been in vain and he knew I’d want more of my belongings here.” Chakotay could see the hurt in her eyes just as he heard it in her voice.

“Hm, I don’t think so, Kathryn. I believe that Tuvok would have wanted you to be comfortable here so that you could work on a cure for the virus. He knows you well and would have known that your music would have relaxed you. I believe that is why he packed your turntable and records. My question is why did you have Tuvok pack for you?”

Kathryn chuckled, “Well, because I didn’t trust anyone else to go through any of my personal things…and you were already here with me. Otherwise I would have asked you.” He grinned, placing his finger under her chin.

“Thank you, Kathryn. That means a lot to me to know that.”

“You know I trust you. That shouldn’t come as a surprise.”

“Yes, I know that now, but that was before New Earth and everything that’s happened here. I know what a private person you are, and I appreciate that you trust me enough that you would have asked it of me.” She smiled.

“Well I did, and I do. Now haul that record player out. Let’s listen to some music.”

He rearranged a few things in the living room and moved his own night stand into the main living area, placing the phonograph gently atop it. He moved back to see what records she had with her. She was holding a record in each hand, looking down at several more. “Tuvok packed them all. I don’t normally bring my entire collection on short missions, but they were all packed together from when I moved to my new apartment, so I brought them all with me on Voyager. I’m glad now that I did.

Chakotay perused the albums that were visible; Frank Sinatra, Etta James, Chopin, and several operas. She had a large box full of records on the floor but he couldn’t read the faded labels from where he stood. “You have quite a collection of music here, Kathryn. I’m impressed.”

Chakotay lifted up the box and brought it out into the living room, Kathryn right behind him. He took the first record, Frank Sinatra, and placed it on the turntable, letting the needle come down on the surface of the vinyl. Someone to Watch Over Me began playing gently and Chakotay turned to face Kathryn, a soft smile playing on his lips.

“Dance with me?” Kathryn smiled at the tenderness that he offered her and of course took his hand, allowing him to bring her body in close to his, his right hand coming around her waist to hold her against him. She wrapped her left arm around his neck, laying his cheek against his chest as their joined hands came to rest next to his heart. Once he had her securely in his embrace, he began to sway them gently to the music.

He hummed along with the words, and Kathryn couldn’t keep the contented smile from her lips. She had woken up this morning with such despair and homesickness that it physically hurt. Though she still missed her mother terribly, as she always would, Chakotay had done for her what he’d done now countless times over. He’d taken her pain away and replaced it with love and happiness. She pulled him tighter as they made slow circles around the living room. She closed her eyes, completely losing herself in the feel of dancing with Chakotay. He was a good dancer; but that really didn’t surprise her in the slightest. Though their steps were not strenuous or extravagant, he moved them with elegance and ease as she allowed him to lead her gently about the room.

When the song came to an end and Summer Wind began to play they continued to sway together until Kathryn finally pulled away enough to see Chakotay’s face. “Thank you.”

“Anytime Kathryn.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “It’ll be nice to have music to listen to.” He leaned down and turned the volume down slightly, creating a nice atmosphere of background music. “And I hope your mother has a wonderful birthday.”

Kathryn gave him a sad but optimistic smile. “I think she will. I hope somehow, deep in her heart she knows that I’m safe. And I hope that brings her some happiness.” She glanced at a photo of herself and her mother that she had placed on the mantle over the fireplace. It had been taken not long after her promotion to Captain and her assignment to Voyager. She smiled, remembering the day and how proud her mother had been. “I’m glad to have her here with us.”

“She always was, Kathryn. And she always will be.”

After another comforting hug and a quick kiss, Kathryn knelt down and began sifting through the rest of her records and Chakotay sat next to her to see what else she had with her. As she moved a Mozart album out of the way her cheeks turned crimson just as Chakotay gasped, letting out an amused laugh as he saw the next record. “What is that?”

She squeaked out an embarrassed sound as she pressed her face into her hands.

“Kathryn, who are the Beastie Boys?” Chakotay looked at the record sleeve, the tail section of a jet engine displayed prominently with an American flag and the Beastie Boys painted as a logo on the tail itself. “Dare I ask?”

“Phoebe got it for me for my birthday in high school. They are musical group from the late twentieth century. It’s what you would call punk rock…you’ve never heard of them?” He shook his head, but snatched the record from her hands and replaced Sinatra with the new selection. “Oh, Chakotay, don’t play it…it’s embarrassing.”

Fight for Your Right to Party came booming out of the phonograph and Chakotay lifted Kathryn gently to her feet. Once she was solid he-

“Kick it!” He shouted along with song, and Kathryn’s mouth dropped open as Chakotay did something she never in her entire life thought she would see him do; he started dancing, playing air guitar along with the music as the first verse began.

Not knowing at ALL where the impulse came from, Kathryn began to play the air drums, turning the volume up on the song and dancing along with Chakotay.

They both sang/shouted along with the music, laughing each time they caught sight of the other’s antics. By the time the third verse started they were both wiping tears from their faces and Chakotay turned the record player off for a moment.

“Kathryn Janeway! I never would have pegged you for a Beastie Boys fan.” His smile pressed deeply in his face, his eyes twinkling with pleasure. Kathryn laughed out loud again, picturing him strutting around their living room playing his air guitar.

“And you were teasing me the whole time, pretending to not know who they were.” She couldn’t stop laughing as she wiped her own eyes again. “Phoebe did give me that record for my birthday. We both went through a bit of a grunge phase in our early adolescence. I may or may not have dyed my hair black when I was fourteen.”

Chakotay’s jaw dropped at the thought, “Oh Kathryn, what did your parents have to say about that?”

“They were not at all thrilled. It was black for a total of about four hours before my father made me change it back,” she smirked at him, “But I felt very rebellious for those four hours.”

They both dissolved into laughter again.

=/\=

Several days later Chakotay came in from outside in the early afternoon. He’d told Kathryn that he was working on another surprise for her, and actually told her where his little makeshift workshop was, but asked her to stay inside so his work could remain a secret. She had smiled mischievously, but agreed to let him have his fun.

He was shocked when he opened the door to find Kathryn sitting cross legged on the floor on a folded up blanket. She wore a pale blue tank top that hugged her baby bump adorably, black leggings and her feet were bare. Her hair was twisted up into a knot on the crown of her head and her cheeks were flushed from sitting near the small fire that burned in the fireplace. Her hands rested on her bent knees and her eyes were shut. She opened them when she heard Chakotay open the door. “Kathryn, what are you doing?” He eyed her beautiful form appreciatively as she slowly stood up.

“I know that exercise is important during pregnancy, especially low impact stretching, so I thought I’d try a little yoga. I had downloaded several yoga programs to my computer ages ago, before Voyager even, with good intentions of trying them, but they sat dormant until now. I finally queued up the program and went over it this morning. I’ve modified some of the poses to adapt to my pregnancy, but so far I’m actually really enjoying it.”

“That’s a great idea.” He let his hands slide up along the slippery fabric of her shirt. “And I very much appreciate your choice of work out wear. Please feel free to wear such items any time you want to.” He winked at her.

She felt a thrill run through her at the look of hunger in Chakotay’s eyes. She loved the power she held over him in that respect. She didn’t love it because she could hold it over him, but rather because of knowing how much he loved her. She was comfortable with her looks, and she knew she had striking features, but she always had to hide that behind the Captain’s mask. It was nice to be appreciated for her features and looks as much as she adored the way Chakotay loved her for who she was; as a woman and as a Captain.

She raised her own eyebrows at his statement. “I’m afraid, Commander that you wouldn’t let me get any exercise if I wore something like this too often.”

“But you forget, Captain that there are plenty of different kinds of exercise…some of which require a partner, and some of which I’d be more than happy to participate in with you.” His voice dropped in timbre as he leaned close to her ear to speak the words. She felt a shiver run through her body as the tingle of desire began to settle low in her belly.

“Hm, perhaps this evening you could teach me some of those forms of exercise.” Chakotay barked out a husky laugh.

“Oh, you are an expert in those forms of exercise, but in my estimation, it’s always good to practice.”

Kathryn blushed as they both dissolved into laughter, making their way into the kitchen for lunch.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dialogue you recognize here is from the amazing Margaret Wise Brown...not me. No infringement intended. Enjoy!

It was well after midnight and though Chakotay slept peacefully, heartburn had woken Kathryn several hours after falling asleep. She tucked an extra pillow behind her head, but to no avail. The pressure in her chest bubbled up in her throat, and after gently tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable, she finally got up and out of bed, careful not to get dizzy and careful not to wake Chakotay.

Asking the replicator for a glass of milk with honey, she sipped on it as she went back to sit in her new rocking chair. She’d used it several times in the week since Chakotay had surprised her with it, but now as she sank into it, rocking gently as she sipped her drink, she sighed contentedly as she felt her eyes droop almost instantly. 

She finished her drink and set the glass down on the floor next to her chair, sinking into the rocking motion as exhaustion took over. Sitting up alleviated her heartburn and she quickly dropped off to sleep, her feet rocking her gently into unconsciousness.

=/\=

“And two little kittens, and a pair of mittens, and a little toy house, and a young mouse,”

Kathryn came awake to Chakotay’s voice, but in her haze of sleep she didn’t understand his words, or why he was whispering.

“Goodnight room, goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon.”

She cracked her eyes open, trying to keep the fact that she was awake a secret as she watched Chakotay.

He knelt on the floor in only his pajama pants, a PADD in one hand and his other resting on her belly.

He was reading.

He was reading to the babies.

“Goodnight light, and the red balloon. Goodnight bears, goodnight chairs.”

Her heart clenched and she marveled at the fact that Chakotay, the former angry warrior and Maquis Captain was on his knees, whispering a bedtime story to his unborn children. The love and tenderness in his voice as he spoke to the babies filler her with such emotion that she finally moved her hand to rest over his on her belly. His voice stopped as he looked up and met her eyes in the moonlight. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” He whispered out, leaning in to kiss the back of her hand.

“It’s alright,” she yawned gently behind her other hand. “What are you reading?” Chakotay set the PADD down, smiling sheepishly at being caught.

“Goodnight Moon. You know how you told me that this week the babies are beginning to hear noises from outside?” Kathryn nodded. “Well, I figured it wasn’t too early to start reading them bedtime stories.” he tugged his ear, “This is just the first time you woke up while I was reading.”

Kathryn grinned down at him, leaning forward to capture his lips. “Why did you wait until I was asleep?” She ran her fingers through his sleep mussed hair.

“Well,” he leaned back on his heels, “I didn’t want to bother you with it when you were busy during the day. I just want to make sure the babies recognize my voice. You get to spend all day with them and...I just...felt like this was our special time together. If you’re not okay with it I’ll stop.”

Kathryn cupped his cheek, smiling when he leaned into her touch. “Chakotay, you are never a bother, and you don’t have to worry about the babies not recognizing your voice. They hear it every time you talk to me, every time you talk to them.” He smiled knowingly. “But anytime you want to talk to them or read to them, just tell me.” He nodded, his face going from content to concern at remembering finding her asleep in the rocking chair when he woke up.

“Why are you sleeping here?”

“Heartburn. I couldn’t get comfortable no matter how many pillows I tried to lay on.” She pressed her hand to her chest, realizing that her heartburn had in fact dissipated while she slept in the rocking chair, though she didn’t know what time it was, she still felt exhausted.

“How do you feel now? Want to try coming back to bed?”

“I feel better.” She stood up slowly, Chakotay already on his feet prepared to steady her in case she felt dizzy. She took his hand as he led her back to bed. He set the PADD he had been reading down on her nightstand. She sat down and leaned against the headboard, propping her pillows up behind her since she was afraid to lay all the way down. Chakotay took her empty glass of milk back to the recycler and replicated several more pillows for her. Tucking them behind her back when he returned she sank down into them; half laying down and half sitting up. “Mm, that’s better.”

Chakotay was unsure how to situate himself next to her. He couldn’t spoon her the way she lay on her back, nor could he tuck her up against himself. He just sat next to her under the covers as she got comfortable. She noticed his awkwardness and smiled, “Come here.” She pulled one of his pillows up next to her, under her arm. Chakotay drew up beside her, draping one arm around her waist, under the swell of her stomach.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes.” She smiled down at him. He let out a contented sigh, sliding his other arm behind her under her mountain of pillows. Kathryn grinned to herself as he got as close to her as was comfortable. She had realized over their weeks of sharing a bed that he enjoyed the physical contact as much as she did. He held her while they slept to comfort her, but she also quickly came to realize that he wanted and needed the closeness as well.

She began running her fingers through his hair gently as he let out another sigh, settling into the pillows and quickly dropping off to sleep. Once his breathing evened out she watched him sleep for a moment; her warrior and her love. She let her other hand travel to her own belly, speaking softly so as not to wake Chakotay. “I have a feeling your daddy will read you every book in our library before you’re even born.” She smiled again, looking over at Chakotay once more before settling back herself and finally falling asleep.

=/\=

Chakotay woke to the smell of bacon frying and a sweetness in the air. Confused and amused he got up, pulling on a sweatshirt to stave off the cool morning air. Kathryn was absent from the bed when he woke, and he was absolutely dumbfounded at the smells coming from their small kitchen.

He rounded the corner and his mouth dropped open at the sight before him. Kathryn stood in front of their small stove in one of his t-shirts that had become another one of her sleep shirts, using a spatula to push bacon around in a frying pan on the burner. Next to that another skillet sat with pancake batter dropped sloppily on it, pancakes in several stages of darkness cooked there. Kathryn glanced back and forth from one pan to the other, a spoonful of peanut butter in her other hand. Chakotay clapped his hand over his mouth to keep the laugh from bubbling out. She wore a pair of slippers and her hair was still in the bun she normally twisted it into for sleep, but several strands hung out around her face. She swayed back and forth to some song playing in her mind and it took every ounce of his willpower to not walk up behind her and slide his arms around her.

She was a vision and a surprise; he learned something new about her or saw a new side of her nearly every day, and he loved it. Although what possessed her to try her hand at cooking this particular morning, he had no idea.

“Kathryn, what are you doing?” He finally couldn’t help himself. She turned, right as she put the spoon in her mouth to lick some of the peanut butter off. A guilty but happy grin played on her lips.

“I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed this morning, but as you can see, the pancakes are a bit harder to cook than I originally figured.” She flipped one over awkwardly and Chakotay stifled a laugh as the now upturned side was angrily burnt nearly black. She cringed as the smell of burnt pancake batter wafted through the room. Chakotay came up to Kathryn, pressing an appreciative kiss to her mouth, tasting peanut butter and raspberries on her lips.

“I love it. Thank you. Why don’t you replicate us drinks and get some more fruit out and plates and I’ll finish this.” She grinned, knowing he appreciated the gesture, though he had to rescue the meal himself. 

Chakotay used the spatula to scrape the burnt remnants of her pancakes off the griddle before pouring more batter there. She hadn’t done a bad job with the bacon, and it was almost done. Though he didn’t eat meat, he enjoyed the smell of cooking bacon. He knew she would have loved to have a steaming mug of coffee with this breakfast, but he could smell the peppermint in the tea she drank every morning as she replicated their drinks. He could also smell the cranberry from his mug; the blend she knew he liked for breakfast.

Once the first few pancakes were done he flipped them expertly onto a plate that Kathryn had already set out and sat them on the table before pouring batter to make a few more. “Don’t wait for me. Feed those babies.” Kathryn grinned up at him before pulling a pancake onto her own plate, dousing it with replicated syrup and some of the berries she’d taken out of the fridge. Soon enough the rest of the pancakes were cooked, as well as the bacon, and Chakotay put the rest of the food on the table, sitting down across from her to load up his own plate. “Thank you for breakfast, Kathryn.” She nearly choked on the raspberry she’d just put in her mouth.

“What are you talking about? I ruined breakfast. You fixed it.”

“It’s the thought that counts, and I didn’t really have to fix anything. Pancakes aren’t tricky. You’d have gotten them. And the bacon was nearly done when I got up. You would have had that done too.” He watched her across the table as she took another bite. “Do you want to learn how to cook? I know your mom tried to teach you, but I have a feeling you didn’t want to learn...which is why you never did. I could teach you a thing or two, if you want.”

Kathryn swallowed before taking a sip of tea, “I’m not sure. Maybe next time you cook I could watch; take notes.”

“Whatever you want, Kathryn,” he grinned, taking another bite of his own breakfast.

=/\=

Kathryn watched Chakotay as he headed towards the woods and his secret workshop. Once he was out of sight she hurried back into the house and to the storage bin behind her privacy screen. Taking out the knitting needles and yarn she’d replicated a few days before, she moved back to her rocking chair, sitting down to work on the blanket that was now three days in the making.

She hadn’t had any reason to pick up her knitting needles since Samantha Wildman announced she was pregnant over a year ago. Now Naomi was several months old. Kathryn pictured the baby in her mind’s eye, glad that her own babies wouldn’t be born with cranial ridges. Kathryn chuckled to herself, glad that she’d fallen in love with a plain old human. She carried her knitting over to the record player, choosing a selection of Chopin Nocturnes, then sat down and began working on the grey baby blanket.

She’d replicated a soft heather grey baby yarn to make two baby blankets. Not knowing the sex of the babies, she figured she could add a colored border to each after they were born. Now that most of the work she had to do or could do outside was finished, namely her garden, she had been spending more time inside. With Chakotay spending most afternoons in the woods doing his ‘sneaking around’ as she always called it, she had several hours every day to work on the blankets. She’d hoped to finish them before Chakotay knew she was working on them, since she also had plans to work on several items for his upcoming birthday, but the spirits were against her when at that very moment Chakotay came back inside. His eyes went wide when he saw the knitting needles moving in her hands.

“Kathryn Janeway! I didn’t know you could knit.” The amusement on Chakotay’s face lessened the burden of the fact that she had been caught trying to keep a secret.

“My grandmother taught me when I was very young. It’s one of the only creative things I’m good at.” She pulled some yarn free from the ball she’d wound it into and began a new row of stitches. Chakotay watched, wordlessly for a moment before coming to kneel in front of her.

“What are you making?” The curiosity on his face was endearing and she put her work down in her lap.

“I’m making blankets for the babies. I know I could just replicate them, but I want to make as much as I can for them. It gives me something to do, and I haven’t had a chance to do any knitting since I finished Naomi Wildman’s blanket.”

“You made that blanket for Naomi?” Chakotay had seen the blanket that Kathryn had given to Samantha, but just assumed she’d replicated it.

“I did.” She smiled at the dumbfounded look on Chakotay’s face, “You needn’t look quite so shocked, Commander.”

“No, I’m sorry,” he laughed lightly, “I’m just surprised is all. I’ve never seen you knit or heard you talk about it.” He placed his hand on her knee, “I think it’s wonderful.” He picked up the blanket, careful not to let the needles fall out, “What other secret talents do you have?” She chuckled.

“All in good time, Chakotay. I can’t reveal all my secrets. The magic will be gone and you’ll grow tired of me,” she quipped at him and he laughed.

“Not possible, Kathryn, I guarantee it.” He placed her work genly back in her lap.

“What are you doing back so soon?” Kathryn began her work again, familiar enough with the pattern that she could knit and still carry on their conversation.

“I need some of my etching tools that I have in the house, but I also wanted to bring you this,” he reached into his pocket and took out a stone.

Her stone...the one that reminded her of Voyager. She set her work down again, taking his offering into her hands gently. It was even more beautiful since Chakotay had etched it. She turned it over in her hands. One side had a spiral etched in the surface, starting in the middle and opening outwards to the very edges of the stone. The other side comprised of several star shapes, a triangle and several small wavy lines. She had no idea of the exact meaning of the symbols, but knew that they offered protection of some kind. She clutched the stone to her heart, closing her eyes and saying her own silent prayer that her former crew might stay safe on their long voyage home.

Chakotay had also polished the stone a bit; smoothed out several rough spots and scrubbed it until it gleamed. The grey was nearly opalescent and the blue veins that ran through the stone seemed to glow, as if illuminated from within. It reminded her of Voyager now more than ever. “Chakotay,” she felt suddenly choked up, “I don’t know what to say. It’s beautiful.”

He rested his hands on her knees, “I’m glad you like it. I want it to offer protection to our friends, and comfort to you.” She brushed the backs of her fingers against his cheek.

“It’s perfect.” She leaned forwards and he gladly pressed his lips to hers again, “thank you.”

“Of course, Kathryn. The deerhide should be done in a few days and then you’ll have a place to keep your prayer items.”

She smiled at him again, nodding her approval. She moved her knitting back to the basket next to her chair and stood up slowly. Until her medicine bundle was complete, she wanted to keep the stone on her night stand. Then she could look at it every night and every morning and be reminded of her friends, her family, that were on their journey home.

She set it down on the nightstand, admiring it next to her family photo. She wished now that she had a photo of her Voyager family. Not that she would ever forget them, but it would be a nice keepsake. She felt Chakotay come up behind her, his arms sliding around her middle as he was wont to do when he stood behind her. He rested his chin on her shoulder and looked down at her little collection of keepsakes. “It looks nice there.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

A sudden sensation beneath his hands caused Kathryn to flinch. “Oh.”

Chakotay pulled away, afraid he’d hurt her, “Kathryn, what is it?” Her hands came to rest on her stomach. She turned slowly, a look of pure awe on her face. Her mouth dropped open but she remained silent. “Kathryn, talk to me. What is it?”

Her eyes slowly raised to meet his, “I can feel them.” Her eyes dropped down to where her hand rested, then back to Chakotay’s face. “I can feel the babies moving.”

The awe in her voice nearly brought Chakotay to his knees. “You can?” He put his own hands on her stomach, knowing full well that he wouldn’t be able to feel their movements yet, but in absolute wonder at the fact that Kathryn now could. “What does it feel like?”

Kathryn sat down on the edge of the bed, a faraway look in her eyes as she tried to focus on the sensation. “It’s so light, like butterfly wings. It’s not constant, but I feel it. Here!” She slid her hand over to the right side of her stomach where the larger of the two babies dwelled. Their daily scans showed that both babies were developing on schedule and showed healthy and strong vital signs, but the baby on the right was always a fraction larger than the baby on Kathryn’s left.

Chakotay sat down next to her, absolutely in love with the look on her face. Her brow furrowed as she finally looked over at Chakotay. “Isn’t this too soon? All of the reading I’ve done said that I shouldn’t be feeling them until week eighteen to twenty. I’m only at week sixteen.”

“But that reading is all based on one baby. You have twice that many, so the space is going to fill up faster.” He let his fingers glide over the fabric of her sweater, imagining feeling butterfly wings beneath his hand.

“I wish you could feel this. It’s so strange.” She moved his hand to where she felt the movement. “It’s like bubbles now.” Chakotay kissed her temple.

“I’ll be able to feel them soon enough. This is just for you right now.” 

They both fell silent for a moment, waiting for another flutter, but the babies remained still.

“Can you still feel them?” As soon as Chakotay spoke, she felt a flutter on her right side.

A smile graced her lips, “They stopped moving...until you just spoke, then I felt them again.”

The look of pride on Chakotay’s face at her words caused her chest to fill with such love it nearly took her breath away. “Do you think they can really hear me?” His voice was full of wonder, and Kathryn knew that even if it was just a coincidence that they moved when he spoke, she would never tell him that.

“Of course they can. And since you’ve been reading to them, they are looking forward to their daily storytime with daddy. You should read to them now.” She then remembered why he’d come back inside the house, “Unless you have to go back to whatever you were doing outside.”

Chakotay chuckled, “No, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” He leaned over and picked up the PADD on his nightstand and thumbed through it. “How about The Very Hungry Caterpillar?”

Kathryn grinned, turning and situating herself into a seated position against the headboard. Chakotay lying next to her, with his face near her stomach, began reading.

She felt the fluttering again and knew that the babies were enjoying the sound of their father’s voice as he read to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first it seemed far fetched that Kathryn would know how to knit, but when she told Sam Wildman that she had made her a baby blanket I figured why not :) So I'm sticking with it...plus she can make things for Chakotay for his birthday :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a time jump of a few weeks from the last chapter. KJ is roughly twenty weeks pregnant in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> The second half of the chapter is VERY NSFW :) You have been warned...smutty fun times ahead :D

Kathryn woke early the morning of Chakotay’s birthday. She had been planning it for nearly a week and wanted everything to go just perfectly. She snuck into the kitchen and turned on their small oven, mixing up the batter for the coffee cake that she had planned to bake.

She had woken up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and took extra time to wrap his presents, setting them on the middle of the kitchen table. 

Now she poured the batter into the pan, placed it quietly in the oven and closed the door. Now all she had to do was wait. She pulled a chair up to the small oven, watching the cake through the window as it baked. She would not let it burn...she would not ruin breakfast on his birthday.

While she sat waiting for the coffee cake to bake she thought back on their months on New Earth. Falling in love with Chakotay had been so easy. He’d made it so easy for her to drop the Captain’s mask and let Kathryn come out fully, she nearly laughed at the simplicity of it. He had told her that he’d had feelings for her since the moment she’d asked him to be her first officer. When had she realized that she’d loved him? Probably long after she actually had fallen in love with him. Thinking back on it now, she couldn’t remember a time, since she’d known him, that she didn’t have some type of feelings for him. It had begun with complete and utter admiration. Upon realizing why he’d resigned his Starfleet commission to join the Maquis, she’d gained a lot of respect for the man, and respect for the Maquis. Then as they spent more time together as a command team, she realized that she depended on him more than she had ever depended on anyone...Mark included. There was something about her relationship with Chakotay that was all encompassing. She needed every part of him all the time, and normally that would make her feel weak, but with Chakotay, it made her feel whole. She needed his courage and his wisdom, his humor and energy, his love and his passion, his patience and strength. He was everything to her, and was so grateful that fate had brought them together.

She was pulled from her thoughts when the oven timer dinged quietly. She quickly turned it off and pulled the coffee cake out of the oven. It certainly looked done, without being burnt, and she felt pride swell in her chest at this small accomplishment. Placing it on the table to cool, she pulled out a skillet and began slicing potatoes to fry. She knew that once she added oil for them to cook in it would get loud, and probably wake Chakotay, so she set the table and got everything ready before turning on the burner.

She hadn’t yet dressed, deciding that she enjoyed the look of longing on Chakotay’s face when he saw her wearing one of his old t-shirts. This morning had dawned a bit warmer than the last few, so she decided to skip a sweatshirt or pants, wearing only his t-shirt and a pair of panties. The shirt pulled slightly across her growing belly and she let her left hand slide gently up and down the swell of her stomach while she tended the food with her right.

Five minutes had yet to pass after she started cooking than she heard Chakotay shuffling towards the kitchen. With one last scrape of the spatula flipping the potato slices over, she turned around.

“Kathryn, what..” The amused look on his face made her chuckle as she set the spatula down and came up to him.

“Happy birthday.” She pressed a soft kiss to his lips, thrilling when she felt his arms come around her and pull her against him. He groaned low in his throat in appreciation, but pulled back before things could get too heated.

“Thank you, Kathryn.” His dimpled pressed into his cheeks as he smiled down at her, his eyes sliding over her face and then to the table. “You cooked?” His eyebrows rose as his eyes met hers again. “You cooked for me?”

She nodded triumphantly, “I guess all this time I just needed the right reason to learn. Now sit down and drink you tea. Breakfast will be ready shortly.”

Chakotay chuckled as he sat down. “Well, I’m flattered, and it smells wonderful. Can I do anything to help you?” She grinned over at him, coming up to peck his lips quickly before turning back to the potatoes, determined not to let them burn.

“Absolutely not. Just sit there and don’t distract me. I haven’t had a chance to practice this before this morning.” Chakotay chuckled, enjoying watching the view that was Kathryn Janeway making him breakfast.

Breakfast turned out perfectly and Chakotay commented multiple times how delicious it was. Kathryn knew after the first time or two it was just to bolster her confidence, but she genuinely appreciated his gratitude. She had never successfully baked a meal from scratch before, and was extremely proud of her achievement. As they finished the meal, she was eager for him to open his presents. After she cleared the dishes and put the leftovers away, she sat back down, pushing his gifts gently towards him.

“Kathryn, you didn’t have to go to all this trouble.” He took the first gift in hand, grinning at the blue wrapping paper she had replicated.

“Yes, I did. The day of your birth is special because without it, I wouldn’t have you here with me. I never would have met you, never been tasked with taking Voyager to find you and your Maquis crew. You never would have been my first officer, and,” as if on cue, she felt soft bumps from the babies dwelling beneath where her hands rested, “without you I wouldn’t have these two precious gifts that you have given me.” She beamed at him, “So I would say your birthday is definitely something to celebrate.”

Chakotay felt her words as much as heard them. He knew they were all true, and he thanked the spirits that his life’s path had crossed hers. Sitting across from him was his entire world; the woman he loved and his unborn children. He never tired of marveling at how his life had changed over the last year. If someone had told him a year ago that he would be living in a veritable paradise with the woman that he adored and in several more months would be holding his twin babies in his arms, he never would have believed it.

And over a year ago he had been a Maquis captain; an angry warrior. He figured that his life at that time was what it would be until the end. When he joined the Maquis to fight the Cardassians, he knew that the rest of his life would be violent, and more likely than not, cut short, and he had accepted that. He had friends at his side and a purpose, and that had been all that mattered.

Now he realized how short sighted that had been. At the time it had been important, he would never disagree with that. But the true meaning of life was now sitting in his faded, worn out t-shirt at the table across from him, her hair messy from sleep and her hand absently rubbing her stomach as he was sure she could feel the babies moving there.

He felt like the luckiest man alive. “Thank you, Kathryn.”

He grinned at her across the table, pulling the wrapping away from his first gift. It weighed next to nothing, so he had an inkling of what it might be. Inside the wrapping was a burgundy wool scarf.

He let the softness of it play along his fingers. It was knit tightly, but it had give at the same time. He had no idea of the pattern or what it took to make it, but he knew that it would keep him warm, and he knew that it was special, because Kathryn had made it. She didn’t replicate it, she made it. “Kathryn,” he sighed out as he looked up at her expectant face, “it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

She beamed at him across the table, “You’re welcome. It sort of goes with the other present.” She nudged the second wrapped package towards him. He chuckled, pulling the wrapping off of that one as well.

The second gift was a pair of knitted mittens, but upon further inspection he realized that the ends of the mittens folded back, revealing fingerless gloves underneath. They were made of the same maroon colored wool yarn, and he carefully pulled them on. They fit perfectly. He looked up at Kathryn, speechless.

“I know you would rather be outside in the woods when you talk to your animal guide, and when you pray to your father. I figured this way you could stay warm, and still be able to make contact with the akoonah.”

“Oh, Kathryn,” He sighed out; he got up and came to kneel before her, “this is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me.” He felt tears in his eyes, but didn’t bother trying to subdue or stop them, “thank you so much.”

Kathryn felt her own emotions come over her; she didn’t realize that a simple pair of mittens and a scarf would mean so much to him, but the love in his eyes was evident even without his words. “You’re welcome. I know it’s not much, but I hope they are very useful for you.”

He leaned up and pressed his lips to hers, taking her face gently in his hands, his thumbs caressing her cheekbones. “They are wonderful, and I love that you made them,” he spoke when he finally pulled away. “When did you do this, and without my knowing about it?” His dimples played in his cheek as humor found his face. Kathryn grinned triumphantly down at him.

“You do your sneaking, and I do mine.” She winked at him and he chuckled.

“Well, you are good at it. Here I thought you were working on baby blankets this whole time.”

“I have been, but whenever you go outside, or I can’t sleep at night, I was working on things for you.”

“Well, I love them. Thank you.” He kissed her again, already knowing this was the best birthday he’d had in a long time...maybe ever.

“I have one more present for you, but you have to wait until later for it.” He looked at her questioningly, but she wouldn’t give him any more than that. “What would you like to do for your birthday? I’m afraid this meal was the extent of my cooking, at least for now. We will have to replicate something for dinner, or you’ll have to make something.”

“That’s absolutely fine. I think I’d like to spend some time with my father today. I haven’t spoken to him in a few weeks.” He stood up, collecting the wrapping and recycling it. “Unless you’d rather I stay in the house?”

Kathryn grinned knowingly, standing up slowly from the table. “I want you to do whatever makes you happy, whether your birthday or not. If you want to spend all day in the woods praying, then that’s what I want you to do. If you want to spend all day in the woods, just being in the woods, then I want you to do that.”

“Well, I definitely want to spend the day with you too,” he pulled her into a hug that she always melted into, “but I think I’ll spend the morning in the woods.” He pressed a kiss to her lips, then leaned down and pressed two kisses to her belly, one on each side. “But I’ll be back around lunch, okay?”

“Of course, take your time. It’s a beautiful day. Probably one of the last nice ones we’ll have. Enjoy it.”

He grinned at her, thanked her again for his gifts and the wonderful breakfast, before getting dressed and heading outside with his medicine bundle.

=/\=

They spent most of the afternoon in companionable silence. Kathryn had a Bach concerto playing on the record player when he came back inside. She was putting the last few rows of stitches on the first baby blanket and humming to the music when Chakotay entered. He grinned to himself, knowing yet again how lucky he was to be able to come home to this every day. Whether he was outside for an hour or most of the day, knowing that Kathryn was waiting for him was the only gift he could ever really ask for, and he vowed to never take it for granted.

After putting his medicine bundle away he began whitling. He had been working on a piece of wood for the last few days, and every time Kathryn asked him about it, he always just grinned and told her that she’d know what it was when it was done. He worked slowly, and after a while she stopped asking about it, because she knew that for one, he would never tell her until it was finished, and for two, he enjoyed his little secrets and surprises, and if it made him happy, then it made her happy.

She had been anticipating her last surprise for him all day, and after another hour of knitting, she finally couldn’t take the suspense anymore. Rising slowly from her rocking chair, she put her work down and came over to where Chakotay now lounged on the bed, reading. He looked up at her approach.

“I’m going to prepare your last gift now. Stay in here, and no peeking. I’ll be back out shortly.” He eyed her questioningly, but she just winked at him and went back towards her old sleeping area.

=/\=

Kathryn put the finishing touches on her makeup about thirty minutes later. She smiled at herself in the mirror as she checked her appearance. She hadn’t worn makeup much at all since they’d been on New Earth, and never quite like this. She wore the faintest shimmer of icy grey eyeshadow; just enough to make her eyes sparkle; and mascara just slightly thicker than she ever had on Voyager, and now just a touch of blush, though she smiled at the fact that it was unnecessary. She really didn’t need it. Her cheeks had been pink with anticipation ever since she’d told Chakotay to wait for her in the bedroom, and maybe even before that. She had one last birthday present for him, and she was looking forward to giving it to him. 

They hadn’t made love in nearly a week, and though Chakotay never pressed the issue, she could tell that he craved her, and she knew how he felt. She was desperate for his touch, but she had waited, wanting to make this evening truly special and memorable for him.

Now, as she took in her appearance in the mirror, she hoped it would be worth the wait for him. Moving back behind her privacy screen, she pulled off her bathrobe and began to put on the rather skimpy outfit she had decided on for this evening.

She had replicated a pair of white panties; though they more closely resembled two small triangles of white fabric held together by thin straps wrapped low on her hips. They barely covered her ass, and she shivered at the thought that it wouldn’t matter, because she would hopefully not be wearing them for long.

Next came the negligee she had replicated. It was beautiful and she felt beautiful in it. It was an almost see through white, sheer fabric. The material of the bust was held up by thin white straps over her shoulders. Her pregnancy had added weight and size to her chest and the top swell of her breasts pressed over and up against the fabric, her nipples barely visible through the sheer layers of material.

The rest of the fabric of the negligee was completely translucent, loose, and came to rest just above her feet. There were tiny flowers and leaves embroidered in the fabric to add a bit of an extra feminine touch. She normally wouldn’t go for such things, but Chakotay already made her feel more feminine than she ever had in her life, and she hoped he would appreciate the delicate design. Nothing was left to the imagination in this negligee, save for what was covered by the flimsy fabric of her panties, and she thrilled at the thought of showing herself to Chakotay.

She had decided to forego lipstick or any other heavier makeup, as it would just be ruined from what was about to happen. 

Taking a deep breath, she untied her hair from the braid she had worn it in all day. It now tumbled in soft waves over her shoulders. With one last look at her reflection in the mirror, she deemed herself ready, and turned to make her way back to Chakotay.

Just before she came around the corner, she called out to him. “Close your eyes.” Her tone was husky, and she could already feel anticipation course through her entire body.

“Kathryn, what are you up to?” Chakotay’s voice held amusement and curiosity, and Kathryn smiled to herself at what she was about to spring on him.

“Just close your eyes, Commander.” She heard him chuckle, but knew that he would do as she asked. She waited just a moment before entering the bedroom. She stood in the light of the setting sun, a golden hue casting over her body. She leaned against the doorway, allowing her hip to sway to the side, accentuating her hips as much as she could with her pregnancy. She adored the way the filmy fabric slipped across her overly sensitive skin. She ached to be touched, and with one more breath, she spoke. “Happy birthday.”

She kept her gaze on his face, watching him as he opened his eyes.

The look on his face morphed from one of utter shock to one of absolute hunger, nearly taking her breath away. Her heart began hammering in her chest in anticipation as she took a step away from the doorway.

“No,” his voice came out gruff, “Don’t you dare move.” 

He had been lying in bed, propped up with Kathryn’s mountain of pillows, but came to his feet quickly to round the bed and approach her. His desire for her was evident in the bulge in his pants and the darkness of his eyes as he came to stand before her. His eyes raked up and down her frame, his hands coming up to frame her face. “You...are...exquisite.” He let every word fall separately to allow her to feel the gravity of each. “What did I possibly do to deserve you?” He let his fingers brush up and down her arm, eliciting goosebumps in his wake. She let out a hum, closing her eyes at his touch. “I have loved all of my birthday presents, but this is the one I will enjoy unwrapping the most.” The hunger in his voice caused Kathryn to open her eyes, and not a moment too soon before his lips came crashing down on hers. He swallowed another moan from her throat before it sounded. She felt his hardness pressing against her belly, setting her very soul on fire with need. Five days was too long to go without making love to Chakotay, and though she was glad that she had made them wait, she was even happier that she didn’t have to wait any longer.

Chakotay ran his fingers over the flimsy straps of her nighty; his tongue following the course of his hands. He came to stand behind her, brushing her hair gently over one shoulder so he could place open mouth kisses across the skin of the other.

His hands slid down her arms, lacing his fingers with hers for a moment before running his fingers across her belly gently, then up to cup the weight of her breasts. She moaned low in her throat, leaning back into the strength of his chest; she could feel his harness pressing into her backside and she rubbed against it, causing Chakotay to growl in approval. “Spirits, Kathryn, are you trying to kill me on my birthday?”

She grinned, turning in his arms to face him. “No, I just wanted the day to be special.”

“Kathryn, every day with you is special. Knowing that you love me and give yourself to me out of love means the world to me. I adore you.”

She grinned, pressing her lips to his, opening her mouth eagerly when his tongue slid lightly across her bottom lip. She would never tire of the taste of him as his tongue slid hungrily against hers. Her hands came up to his chest, working at the buttons of his shirt as his fingers tangled in her hair.

She made quick work of his shirt and pants; they fell to the floor at his feet. He kicked off his socks and dropped his underwear next, standing gloriously naked before her. She hummed low in her throat at the sight of him; solid, hot and hard in front of her. He walked a slow circle around her again, taking in her skin visible beneath the flimsy fabric of her negligee. “Beautiful,” he whispered in her ear and he came to stand before her again. She shivered as his voice traveled straight down to her groin.

He slid the straps of the gown over her shoulders, marveling that the swell of her breasts kept the outfit from slipping down and off her body, “Mmm,” he hummed in his throat, “pregnancy suits you, Kathryn.” She grinned seductively at him as he pulled gently at the fabric, finally releasing her from it. He watched as it pooled in a satiny pile at her feet.

He pressed a trail of kisses across her collarbone and down her sternum, between her breasts, purposely avoiding where he knew she wanted his mouth to travel. His kissed over the swell of her belly and down to the white panties that she wore. He hooked his fingers into the straps and pulled them down as well, revealing nothing but her smooth, bare, wet flesh beneath. He groaned as he saw her, feeling himself grow even harder at the sight before him. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in through his nose, taking in the scent of her arousal. Letting his breath out through his mouth, he blew air against the bare flesh at the apex of her thighs and felt her tremble before him.

As he stood up he hooked his arms under her knees, taking her off her feet as he stood up. He bore her weight easily, smiling at the noise of surprise she made at being lifted off the ground. She wrapped her legs around his waist, bringing the heat of her arousal against his hard flesh. Pressing his lips to hers, he backed up towards the bed, sitting down gently when the backs of his legs made contact with the mattress.

Kathryn let out little mewling noises through the kiss as she slid her center against him again and again. Chakotay finally pulled back, gasping in a breath, light bursting behind his eyes as he felt light headed. “Kathryn, please.” he groaned out. She grinned against his mouth.

“Lay back.” she spoke against his lips before pecking them once more.

He easily maneuvered himself on the bed with her still straddling his lap. He lay back against the pillows, looking at the vision of her above him. Never had anyone so incredibly beautiful given herself to him so freely and so fully as Kathryn had on New Earth. Each time with her felt new and oh so special, and he knew it was because she was the only woman he had truly and completely loved, body and soul. His other lovers had been exciting, or good in bed, but none of them had loved him...not really. And he had never loved them. He had appreciated them, and gotten what he’d needed from them as they had from him. But Kathryn was so much more than that. And knowing that she loved him as he loved her made their intimacy that much more intense. He realized, with Kathryn sitting wantonly above him, that he’d never made love to anyone before her. He’d had sex with women, and he’d fucked women...but not until Kathryn did he realize how intense and all powerful making love could be. He let his hands slide up her back, pulling her down to kiss him; his erection pressed against her heat. “You are my everything.” He spoke against her lips. She pulled back to see the expression in his eyes, “I just need you to know that, Kathryn.” His hands framed her face, brushing his thumbs against her cheeks as he so often did. “You are my everything. You’ve given me everything I could possibly need or want, and I need you to know how much I cherish you.”

Kathryn smiled, pressing her lips against his. “I know.” she breathed out. “You are my everything as well. You have been since the day I met you. You will be for the rest of my life.”

Kathryn kissed him once more before leaning back to give him the view of her as she took his hands and pressed them to her hips. Slowly, with a predatory look in her blue eyes, she raised her hips, slid forward gently until she felt the tip of his erection nudge her entrance. As slowly as she could, she sheathed him within her heat as she lowered herself onto him.

A groan sounded in Chakotay’s throat as he watched his erection disappear inside her. “Spirits, Kathryn.” He ground out through clenched teeth. He watched as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, leaning back and closing her eyes as she began to ride him. She felt his fingers press into the flesh of her hips as he worked to guide her movements. “Just...just like that.” He still spoke through clenched teeth, finally allowing himself to fall back, closing his eyes to focus his senses on the feel of her moving above him.

“Mmmm,” she let out a hum as he leaned back, slightly changing the angle of his penetration. She was able to slide back and forth as well as up and down, gyrating her hips over him, gleaning her own pleasure as much as she drove him towards his own.

She pressed one hand into his chest for support, able to rock her hips slightly faster. Her other hand came to the juncture of her thighs as she began to play with herself. She let out a whimper, feeling a surge of pleasure shoot from her core out through her arms and legs. Chakotay opened his eyes to see her fingers working at her sensitive flesh. That was the image that brought him over the edge. 

With no warning he shot upright, crushing her body to his in a hug as he moaned out, emptying himself within her as his orgasm exploded through him.

She felt him spasm again and again as he pressed his forehead into her neck, his arms wrapped around her in a bear hug, trapping her own arms between them. She was still painfully aroused, but knew that she would soon find her completion. Chakotay would make sure of it.

She kissed his ear, his temple, his hair; any part of him that she could reach while enveloped in his embrace. She could feel him panting against her skin. “I’m sorry.”

She furrowed her brow, “For what?”

He finally leaned back, “I’m sorry I couldn’t wait for you. I just,” he took a deep breath, looking down at where her hand was still trapped between her thighs, “seeing you touch yourself,” he grinned up at her, his cheeks pinking in embarrassment. “That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t stop myself.”

She chuckled deep in her throat, “That’s alright. Makes a girl feel good to have that kind of power.” She nipped at his bottom lip, pulling it gently between her teeth.

He hummed in appreciation but pulled back. “Well I have powers of my own.” He grinned devilishly at her, his dimples pressing into his cheeks. “Lay back.”

They moved together on the bed until she was lying on her back against the pillows, hissing slightly at the feeling of him sliding out of her.

He pressed open mouthed kisses across her shoulder and down the swell of one breast, squeezing the other one gently with his hand. She squirmed beneath him and his mouth moved lower and lower. She inhaled sharply when she felt his breath over her center.

He had never done this before. Over the last month, each time they’d made love, that’s exactly what they’d done; using their bodies, and occasionally his fingers would slip into her moist heat and bring her to completion.

He had never used his mouth on her before, and she suddenly ached for his lips on her.

And then he was there, his tongue slipping between her folds to taste her. She let out a keening moan as her waining arousal suddenly came back full force. His tongue was everywhere that she needed it and she pressed her eyes shut to focus on the weight of the arousal building where his mouth moved over her.

His arms slid under her thighs and she lifted them over his shoulders, hearing and feeling him hum his approval as his mouth continued to move.

She took a deep breath, hissing it out as his lips latched onto her bundle of nerves, sucking gently. She felt her whole body tense as pleasure burst through her without warning. She pressed her lips together as the shockwave of pleasure exploded from where his mouth was pressed into her, flowing through her entire body like molten lava.

She felt the pressure of his tongue lessen as she gulped air into her heaving lungs. Her legs were dead weight over his shoulders, falling away as he gently pulled back from her. He wiped his mouth on the blanket beneath him then leaned up slightly to look at her.

She was a vision.

She lay prone, eyes shut as she worked to bring her heart rate back to normal, her fingers still fisted in the blanket beneath her, her cheeks pink and her hair splayed out over the pillow. He crawled up her body until he looked down at her flushed face.

Feeling his breath on her face and smelling herself there, her eyes fluttered open. Blue eyes shone as she looked up at him.

“I wish I had done that a long time ago.” He leaned down to whisper in her ear, “You taste incredible.”

She chuckled lightly, “That was...” She sighed out a hum, smiling up at him. He grinned down at her, pressing a kiss gently to her lips.

She moved her lips against his, leaning up towards him, but groaned into his mouth as a twinge of pain pulse in her lower back. He pulled back instantly. “What’s wrong?”

She felt bad for ruining the moment, but the weight of the babies was pressing on her tailbone, causing small spasms of pain there. “Nothing, my back is just sore. There’s a bit more weight pressing there than normal.” Chakotay grinned knowingly

“Roll over on your left side.” He nudged her gently, pressing a kiss into her shoulder as she rolled over. “I read that lying on your left side eases nerve pain and relieves the pressure on your back from the weight of the babies.” He spooned up behind her and she grinned at the feel of him, hard again, pressed against her backside.

“Mm,” she moaned as she felt the pain ease, “what would I do without you?” He chuckled lightly, pressing a kiss between her shoulder blades.

“If I have anything to do with it, you’ll never have to find out.” He let his fingers trail up and down her arm, occasionally running over her belly and up to her breasts. Her soft sighs slowly turned into moans as she felt desire begin to pool in her belly once again. His fingers slid over her hip and down to the bare flesh of her center, sliding his fingers down to find her wet once again. “This,” he brushed his thumb over the smooth skin at the apex of her thighs, “was a very nice surprise.” He cupped her gently, reveling in the feeling of nothing but her naked, heated flesh beneath his palm.

She sighed as his fingers slipped farther down, pressing gently into her, “I just wanted today to be memorable...special, for your birthday.”

“Mission accomplished.” He removed his fingers to raise her leg up and over his, pressing his erection gently against her heat, “Is this alright?”

“Yes,” she breathed out as he pressed further, sheathing himself inside her heat once again. “Mm, you feel incredible.”

“So do you. Oh, don’t stop.” She moaned as he began thrusting into her, his fingers coming back to play with her bundle of nerves. 

She had no idea she’d be so close to another orgasm until it quickly built up beneath his fingers. The feel of him filling her, plus his dexterous fingers working over her quickly brought her to her peak. “Oh, I’m...” was all she could get out before the wave of pleasure crashed over her. She took hold of his arm, her fingers clenching down as her orgasm washed through her. He felt her inner walls clench around his length and he pressed into her once more before losing himself in her body, spilling himself again into her heat.

They lay there together in silence for several moments, Chakotay pressing gentle kisses into the skin of her back.

His hand slid up from the apex of her thighs to rest on her stomach, pulling her closer to him, not ready to leave her body just yet.

He let his hand slide up and down her belly as they both caught their breath. His hand finally stilled as he pressed a kiss against her shoulder, but he pulled back when he felt the softest bump against his palm. “What-“ His eyes grew wide and he leaned up to look at Kathryn, his spent erection sliding out of her with his quick movements, “Was that…” Kathryn grinned up at him and nodded, rolling over on her back for a moment, bringing his hand back to where it had rested a moment ago.

“It seems that you’ve woken up your babies with your harassment of their mother,” Kathryn chuckled, pressing his fingers with a bit more pressure to where she’d been feeling the bumps since they’d begun to make love a second time. “And they are not thrilled about it.”

Kathryn lay still and in just a few seconds there was a second jab that Chakotay felt, his eyes going wide in amazement as he willed the baby to kick again. “That’s amazing.” He felt the bump on the right side of Kathryn’s stomach, knowing that the larger of the two babies resided there. “My baby...” He spoke in a whisper, to no one in particular, the reverence in his voice making Kathryn’s throat feel tight. Chakotay felt emotions sting the corners of his eyes as he felt the baby kick a third time. “Is this what it always feels like?”

Kathryn nodded, “Most of the time. Sometimes it feels like swirling; if they are just turning over, but when they punch or kick it feels like that.” She smiled at the look of wonder on Chakotay’s face as he finally got to experience feeling the babies kick. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to where he’d just rested his hand.

“I’m sorry I woke you up peanut. Go back to sleep now. I promise I won’t harass your mother anymore for the time being.” He winked at her, placing a kiss between her breasts as he leaned up and pressed a kiss to her lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Happy birthday.”

“Thank you. Thank you for the best birthday a man could ask for.”

He pulled the blankets up and over their bodies, pressing himself against her in the near darkness, resting his hand again against her stomach. Chakotay fell asleep with a smile on his lips and his heart overflowing with love as he felt his baby kick again.


	23. Chapter 23

December hit New Earth with a vengeance; Kathryn and Chakotay woke to nearly a foot of snow outside the morning of December first. Chakotay woke before Kathryn, building up the fire in the cabin before going outside to get more firewood. The sight that met him outside left him speechless. He immediately went back inside to wake Kathryn.

He felt bad for a moment as he looked down at her sleeping form. She lay on her left side, as she often did now to relieve the pressure of the weight of the babies on her spine and internal organs. She was cocooned in the blankets, tucked in to garner whatever heat was still trapped there. She looked so peaceful; younger than she’d ever looked on Voyager; a look that Chakotay was getting used to seeing on her here.

Life on New Earth was much easier than Voyager. Sure they had their struggles, and it was challenging in its own way, but life here was simple. Get up and survive; live each day for the simple pleasures that it held...and create a future together, for themselves and their impending arrivals. And they both looked forward to each new day.

That’s why Chakotay knew that Kathryn would want to see this. Sitting down on the bed next to her, he gently touched her shoulder, “Kathryn.”

“Hmm?” She uncurled herself from the fetal position that she had been sleeping in, but didn’t open her eyes or speak.

“Kathryn, wake up. You have to see the snow outside.”

“Snow?” Her voice was thick from sleep, but she cracked her eyes open to see Chakotay’s expectant face, drawing her own lips up into a smile at the look of wonder on his face. “I’ve seen snow before, Chakotay.” She closed her eyes again, snuggling back down into the blankets.

“Not like this, you haven’t.” She cracked one eye open again, looking up at him with more focus, her inner explorer suddenly intrigued at his statement.

“What do you mean?” He held up the sweater that she had lain on the foot of the bed the night before, silently telling her that she should get up and put it on. She sat up, yawning behind her hand.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. You might want to grab a tricorder.”

She was fully awake now, and Chakotay bit his tongue to keep from laughing out loud at the sudden determination on her face as she sat up, pulling on her sweater and flinging the covers off her body. She shivered in the cool morning air as the fire hadn’t warmed that side of the cabin up yet. Chakotay brought her boots over and helped her slowly to her feet. Once they were both sure that she wouldn’t become dizzy, he went for the tricoder while Kathryn slipped her boots on. She took the tricorder from him, making her way quickly to the front door.

Her jaw dropped when she pushed the door open. “Oh, it’s beautiful.”

It was indeed beautiful, and nothing like Kathryn had ever seen in her life. The snow was still falling, and the early morning sun set it twinkling like diamonds...lavender colored diamonds. The snow had the faintest tint of the palest purple, and each flake falling sparkled like a gemstone in the air. The ground glittered as each facet of each flake reflected the sunlight.

Kathryn stepped away from the door, holding her hands out to catch several of the falling flakes. As each one hit her skin, she felt a tingle that had nothing to do with the cold. Activating her tricorder she knelt to scan the snow already accumulating on the ground. Chakotay crouched next to her to see the readings.

“This is fascinating. The snow itself is comprised of water molecules, but each molecule seems to have some type of regenerative properties.”

“Maybe it has something to do with the atmosphere keeping the virus at bay. Whatever is in the atmosphere keeping us healthy must be in the snow as well.” Kathryn nodded, her nose buried in the tricorder readings. She’d have to download the information into her computer for further analysis.

“Regardless,” she stood up slowly, bracing her hand on Chakotay’s shoulder to make sure she had her balance, “It’s beautiful.”

“Yes, it is.” Chakotay stood up beside her. “I’m sorry I woke you up early, but I figured you’d want to see it.”

“You figured correctly.” She smiled, leaning her shoulder into him. “But now that I’m up, I’d better feed these babies.” Chakotay instinctively reached for her belly, letting Kathryn guide his hand to where she felt movement. It wasn’t long until he felt a soft knock against his fingertips. He smiled giddily, as he always did when he felt the babies move. This time the baby on the left was causing a stir; the baby on the right remained asleep.

“Alright, breakfast for three, coming up. Why don’t you get back in bed and warm up, and I’ll fix you something. Breakfast in bed sound okay?”

“Sounds wonderful.”

=/\=

Kathryn sat in bed after breakfast, looking over the molecular structures of the snow she had scanned, comparing it mentally with the Doctor’s analysis of the planet’s atmosphere. It was an interesting theory; the snow having regenerative properties. It would be something to investigate further, but right now she was enjoying the warmth of the fire and the warmth of the man who sat beside her.

“Oh, I just realized we haven’t seen the primate in a while.” Kathryn’s heart sank at the thought of her missing friend.

“I’m betting he migrated south along with the other animals that aren’t cold weather tolerant. There are very few monkey species on Earth or any other M class planet that live in cold temperatures. I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t see him again until spring.”

“I hope he’s alright.” Kathryn pictured him, sitting in her lap, pulling snacks out of her pocket. She chuckled at the thought. “I hope we see him again.”

“I don’t doubt that we will. All of the animals and birds will come back once warmer weather is back...just like they do on Earth, I’d imagine.” Kathryn nodded absently, and Chakotay knew she was thinking of and missing her small friend.

“We’ve been through a lot with that little animal. He warned me about the plasma storm. He came to visit us afterwards. He’s watched me garden. I told him about the babies.”

“He’s practically part of our family.” Chakotay said it in earnest, knowing that in a way it was true. There were no other humanoids on this planet, but that little primate had experienced every milestone that Kathryn and Chakotay had been through so far on the planet. “Maybe when he comes back, you can introduce him to the babies.”

“He’ll run away shrieking if he knows what’s good for him,” she chuckled. “But I hope you’re right. I hope he comes back.”

“Well, we could always take the shuttle; try to find where his species migrated.”

Kathryn’s brow furrowed as she thought about that. “We could, but I wouldn’t want to scare him or them. I wouldn’t want him to be frightened of me and not come back.”

“Well, I’m sure he’ll be fine until spring. He’s lived here longer than we have.” She nodded wistfully, missing her little friend and hoping that wherever he was, he didn’t forget her.

=/\=

Kathryn woke early several days later, pulling on her slippers and the woolen shawl that she’d knit for herself. It had been snowing on and off for the last three days and there was nearly two feet of snow on the ground. Chakotay had shoveled paths to the woodpile and her bathtub, though she hadn’t had any desire to use it in these frigid temperatures. 

Kathryn moved to the fireplace, rubbing her hands together to fend off the cold. She and Chakotay had both been plenty warm last night after making love, and neither had wanted to leave the other’s arms to build up the fire. She shivered now, grinning to herself as she broke up some kindling to put in the fireplace; she’d have to make him get up next time to stoke the fire before they went to sleep. The air inside the cabin now was uncomfortably cold.

After arranging the kindling as she’d done many times now, she placed larger pieces on top and gave it a quick zap with the phaser. The fire crackled to life instantly, and Kathryn stood next to it, groaning softly as she heat slowly warmed her skin.

After several minutes she added more logs, smiling as the fire roared to life fully. The woodpile in the cabin was running low, and Kathryn decided to surprise Chakotay and restock it. She glanced at Chakotay sleeping as she traded her slippers for her boots, pulling on her own mittens and bundling up to go outside. The sun was up enough to see and the woodpile was only around the side of the house. It would take several trips, since she couldn’t carry more than a few pieces at a time, but she hoped she could complete her task before he woke up. It was a rare occasion that she got to do manual labor before Chakotay himself finished a task, so she enjoyed it whenever she had the opportunity to lighten his load.

She pulled the door open quietly and stepped out into the early morning air, turning towards the side of the cabin…

...and came face to face with nearly four dozen people.

Well, they weren’t humans, but definitely humanoid. They were all shorter than Kathryn, perhaps four and a half to five feet tall. They had pale white, nearly opalescent skin, and large violet eyes. Their noses and mouths were similar to a human’s, though they all had very thin lips. They all seemed to have some type of hair to speak of, it was as white as their bodies, but not shimmery like their skin. Their small bodies were covered with layers of thin, greyish-white fabric, and their hands and feet were bare. Kathryn’s heart pounded in her chest as dozens and dozens of violet eyes watched her curiously. Many of them carried packs on their backs or in their arms, but none of them made a move towards here. A few of them looked at each other, speaking in their native tongue; to Kathryn it sounded like soft, whispery music. 

Slowly, one of them moved towards her, and though its face held calm curiosity, Kathryn wasn’t taking any chances. She moved backwards slowly, holding up her hands in a ‘back off’ stance. As she reached the cabin door she called in, “Chakotay.”

She heard his muffled reply, knowing he was still half asleep. “Chakotay!” Several of the people before her backed up at her call, but they all hovered nearby, standing about ten feet from her.

“Kathryn?” He sounded a bit more awake, but confusion clouded his voice.

“Chakotay, could you come outside please, and bring the comm badges?” He could hear the trepidation in her voice, shooting out of bed instantly, stumbling to pull his boots and a sweatshirt on, moving quickly to the cupboard in the old living space where their comm badges lay, unused for months. He also grabbed a phaser, tucking it into the waistband of his pants as he hurried outside. He skidded to a stop next to Kathryn, realizing they were surrounded by strangers.

Kathryn had no idea if the comm badges would pick up these alien’s language, let alone be able to translate their own speech for the creatures, but it was their best shot at communication. They both quickly activated the badges, clipping them onto their clothing.

“Hello. Can you understand me?” Kathryn spoke first, immediately taking on the Captain’s role, Chakotay at her left shoulder. He watched as their faces turned back and forth in astonishment. The first one that had approached Kathryn before took a step forward.

“Yes, we can. May we ask you who you are, and what you are doing here?” This one’s voice sounded slightly lower, and if they had genders, Kathryn would have guessed this to be a male speaking.

“Of course.” She tried to keep her voice low and calm to show that she and Chakotay meant no harm. “My name is Kathryn Janeway. This is Chakotay. I was the Captain of a Starship until several months ago, and Chakotay was my First Officer,” She struggled to find words to explain this to their visitors. “We are members of the United Federation of Planets, founded in the Alpha Quadrant. Our ship, Voyager, was stranded in this region of space just over one year ago. We found this planet several months ago and had intended for my crew to have shore leave here. However, Chakotay and I were bitten by an insect and infected with a virus that affects our nervous systems. We tried to leave the planet to seek treatment, but the virus’ effects were quite debilitating and detrimental. We would have died if we hadn't come back to the planet. We only remain healthy if we stay on the planet.

“So I sent our crew away to continue their voyage home, and Chakotay and I remained here.” All of those lavender eyes were quite disconcerting, but no one seemed to be acting aggressively or with suspicion, so Kathryn took that as a good sign.

The first creature that had stepped forward to speak nodded slowly. “I understand. We are the Phreezah. This is our planet. We have never had visitors before, in all the history of my people.” He took a step forward, towards Kathryn. Chakotay mirrored his actions, his shoulder moving slightly in front of Kathryn, easily being interpreted as a protective move. The Phreezah man understood. “We mean you no harm.” He spoke to Kathryn. He held his hand towards her slowly. “May I have your thoughts?”

His fingers were long and thin, similar to the rest of him, and he only had three; two fingers and a thumb on his narrow hand. His eyes were kind, but Kathryn and Chakotay were still leary.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Kathryn spoke.

“We have the ability to read thoughts, but it requires touch.” Kathryn nodded, prepared to move forwards to acquiesce to the Phreezah’s wishes. Chakotay held her back by her shoulder, stepping forward in her stead.

“May I offer you my thoughts instead? This woman is with child, and I don’t know what affect your telepathic abilities may have on the babies.” Kathryn appreciated his gesture, feeling slightly awkward that she hadn’t thought of that herself. She smiled warmly at the pale man before her, resting her hands on her belly to emphasize Chakotay’s point. Several of the Phreezah looked at her curiously, but the man that stood in front nodded his assent.

Chakotay took another step forward, crouching slightly so the short man had easy access to his face. The Phreezah before him pressed his thumb against Chakotay’s temple, his other two fingers sliding into his hair. Chakotay’s mouth dropped open as his eyes slid shut. Kathryn watched silently for any sign that Chakotay wasn’t safe, but nothing unfavorable happened. After several moments, the small man stepped back, and Chakotay stood up, opening his eyes. “I could see you ‘seeing’ my thoughts. I saw them as you did. That was amazing.”

“I see that your companion speaks the truth. I see also that you care about her very much. You ‘love’ her. And you love the humans that dwell inside her.” Chakotay smiled, taking a step back to stand beside Kathryn, placing an arm around her shoulders.

“I do. I love her very much.” Chakotay eyed all of the people before him. “May I ask where you came from? We’ve been here for several months, and have never seen you before. And do you have a name?”

“I am Ono. I am the first. We dwell in the caves during the hot, and on the planet’s surface during the cold.”

“We have technology that scanned the planet, but we found no lifesigns other than ours.” Kathryn spoke, trying to figure out the disconnect.

“We do not have lifesigns as you put it. We do not breathe as you do. We do not eat as you do. I can see from Chakotay’s thoughts all there is to know about your kind.” Ono spoke at the questioning look on Kathryn’s face. 

Kathryn nodded, “I hope that our living here will not impede your living here. Is our home in any way going to be a burden on your people?”

Ono shook his head, “No. We use the snow to build small dwellings; similar to the igloos that you are familiar with. We take in the snow as a type of nutrition. It has regenerative properties that sustain us during the cold. During the hot we take in the liquid form that flows through the caves in which we dwell.”

Kathryn bubbled with curiosity that threatened to brim over and escape her in the form of dozens and dozens of questions. She calmed herself though, in the knowledge that the Phreezah would be on the planet’s surface all during the winter and she would have plenty of time to communicate with them and learn all she could about their species. “Well, I think for now we will leave you to begin setting up your shelters. Perhaps after we eat breakfast I may speak with you some more?” Kathryn asked, hopeful.

“Of course,” Ono said, “It will be a pleasure to share our planet with you both. We are eager to learn all there is to know about you as well.” Ono nodded and turned, motioning for his people to retreat. They moved off slowly, still looking around at everything that Kathryn and Chakotay had built. Several of the Phreezah were walking slowly around the bathtub, eyeing it curiously. Several of them were inspecting the woodpile, and one or two of them were touching the rocks that comprised the chimney. Kathryn watched in wonder as they slowly dispersed; some of them meandering their way into the woods, some towards the river, and more towards the meadow.

“I guess we know where the trampled path came from,” Chakotay spoke as the Phreezah moved farther away to set up their winter homes. “Years and years of walking back and forth from the caves.”

“And with no lifesigns to speak of, no wonder the sensors didn’t detect them.” Kathryn added, rubbing her belly to sooth the baby that was currently getting agitated at the lack of food in Kathryn’s stomach. “It’ll be wonderful to get to know them.”

“Getting tired of my company already, Kathryn?” Chakotay feigned indignation and Kathryn grinned, swatting his arm as they went back inside.

“Of course not. It’ll just be interesting to do some ‘exploring’,” she used air quotes to emphasize her point.

“I know, and I agree. We’ll have to do some research on their telepathic abilities, to see if it’s safe for them to use on you. You’d be fascinated at the sensation.” He closed his eyes, trying to figure out how to put it into words, “It was like I was learning about myself, learning about them learning about me.” He shook his head with a chuckle, “It’s much more complicated than that.”

“Well, we’ll ask one of them to do it again, and we’ll use the tricorder to see what the effects are. In the meantime, I need to feed your children. They won’t give me a moment’s peace if I don’t.” she rubbed her belly gently where the baby on the left was now beginning to protest. 

Chakotay knelt in front of her and pressed a kiss to her belly, “Be nice to your mama, little one. She’s getting food right now.” He lay his cheek against her stomach and grinned when he felt a jab against his skin. He stood up, pressing a kiss to her lips. “You’d better hurry and get some food in you, Kathryn, before the twins stage a mutiny in there.” She laughed and his dimples pressed into his cheeks at her happiness. He took her hand and they went into the kitchen for something to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed update. If you didn't see my new story, The Half Life of Kathryn Janeway (and you should) I was in NYC last weekend to see Kate's play, and it was PHENOMENAL! Kate is amazing, and we got to meet her after. She was so gracious and took pictures with us, and signed our playbills. It was a magical experience, and I got to meet some amazing fellow J/Cers that I know will be friends for life now ( you ladies know who you are ). It was such fun, and if you have audible, I HIGHLY advise you download the play and listen to it...it's amazing!!!!!


	24. Chapter 24

A soft tapping on the front door caught Kathryn off guard while she and Chakotay finished their breakfast. It was the first time anyone had ever knocked on their door, and Kathryn secretly thrilled at the notion of a visitor. She adored Chakotay and the life they shared here, but knowing that there was a new, unknown, seemingly docile species sharing the planet with them excited Kathryn in ways she hadn’t been excited in a long time...probably since Voyager. Chakotay looked at her across the table, a knowing smile on his face. “Do you want to get it, or shall I?”

Kathryn chuckled, standing up slowly and moving through their home to the front door. She opened the door to their cabin and was greeted by one of the Phreezah; a slightly smaller being than Ono, and from what Kathryn could guess, a female. She had a brilliant smile and curious eyes. “Good morning.” Her voice had a higher quality than Ono’s, but still that same singsong lilt. Kathryn would have to remember to wear her comm badge every day while the Phreezah were here.

“Good morning,” Kathryn answered with a smile, moving aside to let their visitor enter, “Please, come in if you’d like.” The small being nodded her head, smiling sweetly as she crossed the threshold. As she entered she pulled her hood down, her white hair long and straight and pulled back and held with a scrap of the same fabric that she wore.

Her large violet eyes moved about the room as she turned slowly, taking in the fireplace, the bed, the wooden rocking chair, and the bench chair against the opposite wall; the phonograph and shelf of records and the bookshelf that Chakotay built, full of books and sculptures and photos. Kathryn watched as her visitor moved slowly about the room, looking at every single thing there was to look at. When she finally turned back to Kathryn, she smiled and moved back towards her. “My name is Oona. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am that we have visitors after all these years.” She held her hand out. Kathryn reached for it, then hesitated. “It’s just a hand shake, I assure you. Ono told us what he saw of your customs. I will not have your thoughts unless you are willing to give them.”

Kathryn felt at ease as she took Oona’s hand and shook it gently, “And I am thrilled to meet you, Oona. My name is Kathryn.” She held Oona’s hand, laying her other hand on top. “Chakotay and I thought we would be alone here for the rest of our lives. Knowing that we have the potential for so many new friends is an exciting prospect.” At that moment, Chakotay came through the doorway from the kitchen and into the cabin. Oona’s eyes traveled over to his face, more curiosity painted there. 

Chakotay’s dimples played on his face, “Well, Kathryn, are you going to introduce me to your new friend?” Oona’s face changed at the word ‘friend’, a curiosity showing there, not knowing the meaning of the word as first Kathryn, and now Chakotay both used it.

“Chakotay, this is Oona.” Kathryn took Chakotay’s hand in hers, “Oona, this is my...this is Chakotay.” She chuckled at her loss for what to call him. She never introduced him to anyone when he wasn’t acting as her first officer, and it was a strange feeling. “We served on the Starship Voyager together until we were infected by the virus that stranded us here.” Oona nodded, reaching over to take Chakotay’s offered hand, shaking it as she had Kathryn’s.

“It is thrilling to have visitors on our planet, and I was hoping, if you don’t mind,” she turned to direct her words to Chakotay, “that I might have your thoughts.” If the Phreezah could blush, Oona would have as she dropped her gaze momentarily before looking back up at Chakotay, and then to Kathryn. “I know I can be overly curious, and I apologize if it’s off-putting, but I would so much like to know about you.”

Chakotay nodded in understanding, “I understand completely. Kathryn and I are explorers as well, and curious by nature. We are eager to learn all there is to learn about you and your people. You may certainly have my thoughts. He motioned for her to follow him back towards the kitchen. All three of them made their way through the doorway and back into their original shelter.

“Oona, we have a device that can monitor what happens to Chakotay when you use your telepathic abilities on him. I wonder if you mind if I use it to see the exact effect it has on him. We know that it’s safe for him, but if we knew it would be safe for me and our children as well, I’d be very curious to experience it as well.” Kathryn looked down at the small woman expectantly.

“I have no objections.” Kathryn grinned, pressing her hand gently to Oona’s shoulder before moving off to the cupboard that held their medical and technical equipment. Pulling down a medical tricorder, she came back to the table where Chakotay had cleared away their breakfast and now sat down. From where he sat he was nearly eye to eye with Oona. Kathryn grinned at the sight. She pulled the other chair around next to Chakotay’s, sitting down and opening the tricorder. Oona watched with curiosity, her violet eyes widening at the lights that came on when Kathryn activated the device. “What does that device do, exactly?”

Kathryn held it up so Oona could see the screen and detached the sensor. “It reads all of Chakotay’s lifesigns, his body’s functions and everything that happens to him. It will tell us how your abilities affect him.” Oona reached out gently and touched the screen of the tricorder, jerking her hand back when it chirped at her. “It’s harmless, I assure you.” Kathryn smiled, motioning for Oona to carry on.

Oona placed her hand on Chakotay’s face in a similar display as Ono, pressing her thumb into his temple and splaying her fingers into his hair. He closed his eyes as he felt Oona’s presence in his mind. Kathryn moved the sensor of the tricorder back and forth slowly in front of Chakotay’s face. Her eyes darted from his features to the screen of the tricorder, marveling at the readings.

Oona’s abilities seemed to be beneficial in every way to Chakotay. His pulse and blood pressure were in optimal ranges. His endorphin levels were increasing and his norepinephrine levels were stable. The telepathic abilities of the Phreezah seemed to regenerate every cell in his body, in a similar fashion that the snow on her bare skin did. Oona’s smile grew as she finally closed her eyes for a moment, taking in Chakotay’s thoughts and memories. After several more seconds, she opened her eyes, retracting her hand from Chakotay’s face.

Kathryn watched as Chakotay slowly opened his eyes. “What an amazing way to communicate. It’s fascinating.” He turned to Kathryn, glancing at the tricorder in her hand. “What about the readings?”

Kathryn handed over the tricorder, allowing Chakotay to see the data for himself. He pressed in several commands, watching as the results of his query came up. Oona watched silently as he and Kathryn interpreted the results. They both came to the same conclusion. “Kathryn, it looks to be completely safe for Oona to use her abilities on you.” Hearing the encouragement in his voice calmed Kathryn as she nodded in agreement. Oona’s expectant smile grew.

Kathryn handed the tricorder sensor to Chakotay and then turned to face Oona, “Chakotay will still monitor me, but I’d be happy for you to have my thoughts, Oona.”

Kathryn took a deep breath as Oona nodded, her smile lighting up her pale face. She pressed her thumb against Kathryn’s temple, and Kathryn felt that tingling sensation; the same one she’d felt in the snow. Oona’s two fingers slid gently up into Kathryn’s hair, leaving little electric sparks in their wake. She desperately wanted to keep her eyes open to watch Oona, and to watch Chakotay as he monitored her, but as soon as Oona began her quest through Kathryn’s mind, the sensation forced her to shut her eyes, reveling only in the memories that came flooding past her mind’s eye. Flashes of her childhood mingled with her memories of breakfast mere moments ago washed over her as Oona sifted through everything that made up Kathryn’s entire existence. She saw flashes of Voyager; Tom’s mischievous eyes, Harry’s eager face and Kes’ smile. She saw her mother and her sister and her father. She saw memories that had lain dormant and nearly forgotten in the recesses of her mind, mixed with things that just happened in the last few days. She saw herself and Chakotay making love, she saw sickbay as she and Chakotay waited for the Doctor to perform the implantation procedure. She saw Molly the last time she’d seen her on Earth. She saw Mark. She saw Starfleet Academy and Admiral Paris. She saw Tuvok and Neelix and her fourth grade teacher. It was overwhelming, but she craved more.

Before she was ready, she felt Oona’s fingers slide away from her face, and all that was left were little tingles of electricity on her skin and even in her brain. It was invigorating. She left her eyes closed for a moment to try to savor the sensation.

“Kathryn, are you alright?” Chakotay’s voice was gentle beside her and she opened her eyes, seeking his as she pressed a hand to his cheek.

“That was remarkable.” He smiled at her answer, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. She turned back to Oona. “That was remarkable.” Oona grinned, taking Kathyn’s hand.

“For me as well. Your species is fascinating, and your capacity for emotions is something I’ve never experienced before. The two of you, for instance. I can see how much you love each other, and it’s a strong love that has been building for months and months. And the love and protection you both feel for your children is miraculous.” Oona rested her hand gently on Kathryn’s stomach. “May I?”

Kathryn’s eyes went wide at the implication, “You mean to tell me you can see the thoughts of the babies?” Chakotay was out of his chair and kneeling in front of Kathryn and next to Oona in a flash, just as curious as Kathryn was.

“I am not sure, but I would be eager to try, with your permission of course.” Kathryn looked down at Chakotay, looking for reassurance. His dimpled smile met her. He nodded eagerly.

Kathryn nodded at Oona and the small woman pressed her thumb and fingers against Kathryn’s belly. After a moment her other hand joined on the other side. Oona’s head cocked sideways in concentration as she watched her own hands move. Finally they came to rest on the outer sides of the swell of Kathryn’s pregnancy. She held still for a moment, closing her own lavender eyes as she focused. “I can see them both.”

Kathryn took Chakotay’s hand as they both focused on Oona’s face, willing her to see everything that she could. “They are just like you.” Oona opened her eyes, pulling her hands away.

“Well, I hope so,” Chakotay said with a chuckle, “Since they are our children.” Kathryn gave his hand a squeeze. Oona smiled.

“No, I believe I misspoke, or didn’t explain correctly.” Oona pressed her hand on the right side of Kathryn’s stomach. “This child is like you, Kathryn.” Oona spoke so plainly and matter-of-factly that Kathryn didn’t realize what the implications were. “And this one,” she slid her slender fingers to the other side of Kathryn’s stomach, “This one is like you, Chakotay.”

Realization hit Chakotay like a ton of bricks, “You mean their sexes?” Oona nodded. His mouth dropped open, “You can see that?” He was dumbfounded, “How is that possible?”

Oona didn’t realize the importance of the information she had just provided them, “I see it just as I can see it in you. Everything in you that makes you male and Kathryn female. I can see it in the children. A female and a male.”

Kathryn felt tears well up immediately and spill out down her cheeks as she covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes wide as she searched Oona’s face. “A boy and a girl?” She spoke softly from behind her fingers.

Oona looked at her confused, but nodded. “Yes. I don’t understand, why are you sad? Should I not have said anything?”

Kathryn smiled, taking Oona’s hand and giving it a squeeze, “No, it’s not that. It’s just quite a surprise. If we were still on Voyager, we would already know the sex of the babies. But here on New Earth, we would have had to wait until their delivery to know. It’s just monumental news, and makes it even more real.” She turned to look at Chakotay, who she could tell was fighting back his own emotions for the benefit of their visitor.

Turning back to Oona, she smiled again, “Can you see anything else about them?” Emotion roughened her voice, but she too tried to keep her emotions in check until she and Chakotay were alone.

“They are...content. They both appreciate the presence of the other. I’m afraid that’s all I can see at this stage of their development.” She looked back at Kathryn’s belly, “When will they be born?”

“In about four months. In the spring.” Chakotay spoke, his hand coming to rest on Kathryn’s stomach, her own hand pressing into his. She knew he could feel the gentle bumps beneath his hand as both the babies were awake and moving.

“We will already be gone below ground again.” Oona spoke, a sadness in the soft quality of her voice, “I’ll have to wait until the next cold to meet them.”

Kathryn smiled at their new friends, “Well, we will be here. We aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.” Chakotay chuckled, nodding in agreement.

“Well, if you’ll excuse me. It’s getting a bit warm in here for me.” Oona backed up a bit. “I’m afraid we Phreezah prefer it a bit colder.” Kathryn and Chakotay stood and walked behind Oona as she made her way towards the front door. She turned back to face them before leaving. “I very much appreciate you inviting me into your home, and for sharing your thoughts with me.”

“Thank you, Oona. Thank you for everything,” Kathryn slid her hands over her belly for emphasis of her point. “You are welcome to visit any time. That goes for any of your people.” Oona nodded.

“May I build my shelter nearby?”

Kathryn realized that the Phreezah were all about outside in the snow, building their small igloos to live in during the winter.

“Of course you can,” Chakotay spoke. “If any of you need help, please let me know. I’d be happy to lend a hand.”

“I appreciate that, Chakotay.” Oona’s slender fingers slid around the door latch and pulled the front door open. “I will see you soon.”

As soon as the door closed behind Oona, Kathryn spun into Chakotay’s embrace, feeling his arms come around her as they both finally let the emotions of their recent revelation consume them. Kathryn felt tears squeeze out of her closed eyes and land in the material of Chakotay’s shirt. Chakotay pulled Kathryn slowly towards their bed until the mattress bumped the side of her calf. She pulled away from Chakotay to sit down on the edge of the bed, her eyes landing and staying on her pregnant belly. Chakotay knelt before her, a look of utter wonder on his face as he pressed his palm to the left side of her stomach. He immediately felt a soft kick there. “My son.” The words came out on a whisper, and Kathryn felt fresh tears well up at the look of wonder in his eyes. She felt immeasurable honor that she could give him this gift; the gift of a son. It had been her initial idea to have a child to be sure, but seeing the absolute awe on his face at the realization that he was going to be the father of a son made her heart fill up even more.

Chakotay pressed a kiss where his hand had rested before sliding over to the right side of her belly, pressing another kiss on that side. “My baby girl.” He spoke with the same reverence about his daughter, and Kathryn couldn’t stay silent any longer as a soft sob escaped her lips as she reached for and took his hand, lacing her fingers with his. Images of Chakotay walking to the river, a laughing little girl on his shoulders made Kathryn’s heart nearly burst from her chest. She had never known she could feel so much love as she felt in this moment for Chakotay and their son and daughter.

Chakotay finally looked up at Kathryn, “My love.” He moved up, pressing his lips to hers in a kiss so full of love and devotion that Kathryn had to pull back to take a breath as her heart thudded in her chest. Quickly regaining herself, she leaned forward to capture his lips again. His hands came up to frame her face, his fingers moving gently as if she were the most delicate thing he’d ever touched. Her hands came up to hold his wrists as she deepened the kiss, her tongue sweeping gently across his full bottom lip. He moaned softly as one hand slid up into her hair and the other down her arm, his knuckles brushing her breast gently as his hand moved lower. Just as his hand found the hem of her shirt, there was another knock on the door.

Chakotay’s groan of frustration matched Kathryn’s as her eyes came open, darkened with desire but glittering with the news of their babies and of the new visitor on the other side of the door. She pressed her lips together to stifle her laugher. “I guess we’ll have to set visiting hours for our new neighbors.”

Chakotay chuckled and nodded, standing up and helping Kathryn to her feet. “I love you, Kathryn. Words cannot tell you how much I love you, and the amazing gift of our son and our daughter.” Kathryn felt her eyes burn as he spoke the words. It still felt surreal that they now knew what the babies were, and her mind had been reeling since the moment Oona had told them. Images of babies with dimples and dark hair and blue eyes had been common in her dreams, but now she could picture a little girl and boy playing together, helping her in the garden, and listening to Chakotay teach them about their native ancestors. She pressed her hand to her chest at the thought.

“I love you, too. I can’t believe we are going to have a son and a daughter.” She pressed another quick kiss to his lips as another knock sounded at the door. She chuckled as she pulled away, “We’ll talk more about it later. Right now we have more neighbors to meet.”

“I never thought we’d get to say that on New Earth.” Chakotay grinned, taking Kathryn’s hand as they moved back towards the front door to greet their newest visitor.

=/\=

Kathryn sank into bed that night completely exhausted, but more contented and overall thrilled than she had been in weeks. Chakotay was completing his evening ablutions and Kathryn enjoyed listening to him move quietly about the home. She heard the water turn on and shut off in their small bathroom, and then she heard him move closer, turning lights off as he made his way to the main cabin.

They had had visits from six more members of the Phreezah, and each had been eager to learn all they could about Kathryn, Chakotay, and their impending arrivals. Omar and Ona had visited first, followed by Odar and Otin, Olin, Ootar and Olina. All of them had been eager to meet their new human neighbors and get to understand their lives here. Kathryn and Chakotay enjoyed meeting everyone, but Chakotay could tell as the day wore on that Kathryn was exhausted. She had been trained for ‘First Contact’ scenarios at the Academy, but it had been months since Captain Janeway had been put to work, and that combined with her pregnancy wore her out, both physically and mentally. After Omar and Ona both ‘listened’ to the babies (both confirming that it was a boy and a girl), Chakotay didn’t let any of their other visitors use their abilities on Kathryn or the babies. He didn’t want to risk long term exposure to their telepathic abilities, and mostly he knew that Kathryn was getting tired of being poked and prodded. The Phreezah were gracious about it, more than happy to look into Chakotay’s mind. By the time their last visitor left, the sun was nearly gone in the western sky, and Kathryn was exhausted. Chakotay made them a quick and light dinner before they both got ready for bed.

The fire burned low in the fireplace, and Chakotay moved now to stoke it back to life, adding logs that would fuel it for the rest of the night. Kathryn watched the firelight dance over Chakotay’s naked chest, his skin glowing a deep copper in the orange light. He wore flannel pajama pants and his feet were bare. Kathryn marveled at his seemingly above average body temperature. It had come in handy on several occasions in the morning when the air was cool around her, but his warmth trapped under the blankets kept her quite comfortable.

He padded quietly over to the bed, picking up the PADD that lay on the nightstand. It had become an evening ritual, ever since Kathryn had awoken in her rocking chair to him reading to the babies, for Chakotay to read something out loud before they went to sleep. He’d exhausted their computer supply of children’s stories. He’d made up stories, and told Kathryn and the babies several stories about the legends of his people. Kathryn enjoyed these moments just as much as Chakotay. His voice was soothing, and she loved this side of him. She also enjoyed the stories he fabricated, always curious how they would end. He told stories of the hawks that roamed the skies, and the deer that traversed the earth, and of the air spirits that whispered on the wind and moved through the trees. He even told the babies the story of an angry warrior who finally found his peace.

Chakotay turned to face Kathryn under the covers, setting the PADD down momentarily so they could talk. Kathryn grinned before Chakotay even said anything. “How are our daughter and son doing tonight?” Kathryn beamed at him as his hand found her belly under the blankets.

“They are tired too; exhausted from so many visitors.” She let her hand sweep over her stomach gently before letting it rest on top of Chakotay’s. “I think they are both asleep. I haven’t felt them in about an hour.” He nodded.

“We can skip reading tonight if you want.” He picked up the PADD and moved to set it back on the nightstand. Kathryn stopped him.

“No, if you’re up for it, I’m ready for story time.” She winked at him. “They might be asleep, but I like listening to you read too.”

Chakotay grinned, propping himself up so he could hold the PADD in one hand and rest his other on the swell of her stomach. Kathryn turned a bit as well so she could better watch Chakotay as he read.

They had been reading ‘Anne of Green Gables’, one of Kathryn’s favorite novel series from when she was a child. As Chakotay began, Kathryn felt herself instantly begin to nod off, but she tried desperately to stay awake and listen to Chakotay read. She enjoyed these quiet moments with him and their children, and she enjoyed how much he seemed to enjoy it.

Exhaustion quickly won out though, and before Chakotay got to the end of the chapter, Kathryn was fast asleep. Chakotay noticed almost immediately, his voice growing softer and softer until he whispered the last few lines of the chapter. Turning the screen of the PADD off he set it down gently on the nightstand.

Hoping he wouldn’t wake Kathryn, he slid down so he could easily reach her stomach. He pressed a tender kiss to the left side of her belly, “Goodnight, little warrior.” With a soft smile to himself he moved to mimic his motions on the other side, where his daughter now slumbered. “Goodnight, sweet pea. I love you both very much.”

With a contented sigh, Chakotay lay back and quickly joined Kathryn in slumber.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An exact quote from Laney: "Super fluffy with a hit of sadness and lots of Chakotay being fucking adorable and wonderful and amazing and hot." - there you go LOL

Kathryn sat down in her rocking chair with a contented sigh. Dean Martin played low over the phonograph, and the flames from the fireplace licked heat into the room, warming her skin. She hummed along with the music as she worked on the borders of the baby blankets she had finished several weeks ago. Now that she knew they were having a boy and a girl, Kathryn was even more eager to make some things for them, including adding pink edging to one blanket and blue to the other. She knew it would be impossible to make everything the babies would need in time, and some things would have to be replicated, but she enjoyed using her nearly forgotten knitting skills for some of the smaller things.

Chakotay had gone outside right after breakfast, as he did most mornings, to visit with the Phreezah. The Phreezah had been around for a few weeks now, and Chakotay said that he liked to move about their camp, making sure they didn’t need any help building their igloo homes or with anything else...but Kathryn knew better. She knew the archaeologist in him was fascinated by this new species just as the scientist in her craved more information about them. Chakotay spent hours every day chatting with the different members of the population, learning about their history, their customs, and their lives. Kathryn had done the same, though most of her visits were with Oona, who was quickly becoming a close friend. Now though, all she craved was peace and quiet and solitude.

Kathryn had been in low spirits over the last few days. With Christmas approaching, she was feeling a bit more homesick than usual. She tried to keep her emotions in check around Chakotay, but this time of year now was hard, where it used to be very special. Christmas had always been spent with family...even on Voyager. Being in the Delta quadrant, she had over 150 family members to celebrate with. Her first Christmas on Voyager had been hard, but knowing she was on her way home made it tolerable...even enjoyable to spend the holiday season with her crew. She was absolutely looking forward to spending this Christmas with Chakotay, but the season was turning out to be a bit more bittersweet than she’d expected. She knew Chakotay noticed her mood fluctuations, but he thankfully left it alone.

Kathryn’s peaceful, quiet morning was soon interrupted when the front door opened, and Chakotay came inside, followed by Oona. They both had soft smiles playing on their lips, and Chakotay’s eyes gleamed as though he were up to something, but he remained silent. His smile grew when his eyes landed on Kathryn in her rocking chair. The domesticity of the scene before him never failed to warm his heart. Even all these months later, seeing Captain Janeway become permanently Kathryn, the expectant mother, was a wonder to him, and he enjoyed every little moment. 

Kathryn set down her knitting and stood up slowly, “Good morning, Oona.”

“Kathryn,” came the small woman’s sing-song voice, “Would you like to go for a walk? The snow has stopped, and the sun is out. I’d like to show you some of my favorite places in this area, and I want to hear more about your time in space.”

Kathryn sighed inwardly. She really didn’t feel like trudging through the snow and cold. She hadn’t slept well that night and was really looking forward to a quiet day inside, but the expectant look on Oona’s face crumbled her resolve. Chakotay grinned knowingly at her.

“Of course. Give me a few minutes to change clothes and put this away. I’ll be out shortly.” Oona’s smile widened as she nodded, bidding Chakotay goodbye and going back out into the cold. Once they were alone, Kathryn let out the sigh she’d hidden from her friend. Chakotay eyed her with concern.

“What’s wrong, Kathryn?” She tossed the blanket back into the basket that Chakotay had fashioned for her. She moved into his arms, humming softly as his warmth enveloped her.

“Nothing, I just don’t really feel like taking a walk. I didn’t get much sleep last night, and was just looking forward to relaxing and working on some things for the babies.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “But how can I say no to her? Did you see that expectant look on her face? Oona reminds me of Kes so much; always happy, and full of expectations for the best in everything and everyone.”

Chakotay chuckled at the memory of the young Ocampan. “She is like Kes, isn’t she?” He gave her a squeeze before backing out of her embrace, “How about you just make it a short walk then. I’m sure the fresh air will feel wonderful, and you know Oona will do most of the talking.” They both laughed, knowing how much Oona liked to talk about the ‘thoughts’ she’d seen in both of their minds over the last few weeks. 

“Why don’t you come with us?” Kathryn asked as she moved over to the bureau, pulling on a warmer sweater before taking her jacket off the hook near the door. “I’m sure Oona wouldn’t mind.” She pinned her comm badge on the outside of the fabric of her coat, pulling her knit hat down over her ears.

Chakotay grinned but shook his head. “No, you two go ahead. I have a few things to work on here, but I’ll have lunch ready when you get back.”

“Alright, but it had better be a big lunch. I’m already hungry.” She gave him that lopsided grin and pressed a kiss to his lips before heading outside to meet Oona.

Kathryn’s chagrin quickly dissipated as she and Oona walked towards the meadow and over past the stand of almond trees. The fresh air was invigorating and did wake her up, and visiting with Oona was lovely as always. Kathryn told Oona about Kes and their likeness. Oona spoke of her life on New Earth with the Phreezah, and Kathryn showed Oona the path that she and Chakotay had found, and how nervous they had been about what might have made it. Oona explained that that was the path that led to the deep caves that the Phreezah occupied during the summer. Their conversation slowly turned from New Earth to the old one.

“You must miss your home very much,” Oona spoke bluntly, and Kathryn felt emotion burn in her eyes. She had been talking of Starfleet and her academy days, carefully avoiding the subject of her sister, mother, or father. The word ‘home’ brought all of that to the surface.

“Yes, I do, very much,” it came out on a whisper, and Oona could tell that she’d hit a nerve.

“I’m sorry, Kathryn. My curiosity always gets the best of me, and I don’t think before I speak.” The stopped walking at the edge of the treeline, and Kathryn leaned against one of the large maple trees there, wiping a tear from her eye.

“No, it’s fine. I just try not to think of my family, and of home, because it does hurt, knowing that I’ll never see them again.” She could see her mother’s warm blue eyes and her sister’s smile, and though it did hurt to know she’d only ever see them again in her mind’s eye, she smiled now as she remembered her family. “But I do enjoy thinking about them.” She pressed her hand into her stomach, feeling her baby girl doing somersaults, “I wish my babies could meet the rest of their family. They have a grandmother and two aunts that they’ll never know. Not to mention the entire crew of Voyager.” She frowned, but then smiled at the thought of her crew, getting closer and closer to home with each passing day.

“I can tell you miss your crew. They are also like family, yes?”

“Yes, most definitely. Making them leave us behind is the hardest order I’ve ever had to give. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of at least one of them. But knowing that they are on their way home and will see their families again...that makes it worth it.” Kathryn smiled at Oona, the small woman glad that she hadn’t upset her friend. “Well,” Kathryn wiped one last tear from her eye, “We should probably be getting back. These babies are going to stage a mutiny if I don’t feed them soon.”

“Oh,” Oona looked suddenly concerned, “Have we been gone an hour yet?”

Kathryn gave her friend a puzzled look, “I have no idea. Probably. Why do you ask?” Oona smiled up at Kathryn.

“Chakotay told me I had to keep you out of the house for at least an hour.”

Kathryn’s jaw dropped, “He asked you to take me for a walk? Chakotay wanted me out of the house? Why?”

Oona opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again, trepidation flashing in her lavender eyes, “I’m not sure...and I don’t think I was supposed to say anything.” She grinned guiltily at Kathryn, “Maybe we could walk back slowly? Oh Kathryn, please don’t tell him I mentioned it.”

“Don’t worry, Oona, I won’t give you away. I could tell earlier that Chakotay was up to something, and I’m going to find out what...but yes, we can walk back slowly.”

Without a watch or any indication of the passage of time, the two of them strolled through the snow. Kathryn continued chatting about this and that with Oona, hoping an hour had passed since they’d left. Guessing that it had probably been longer than that, Kathryn bid Oona farewell when they reached a group of Phreezah at the edge of the meadow. She made the rest of the short walk on her own. Nothing seemed amiss outside the cabin, but she wasn’t sure if she should knock or not. Remembering that she wasn’t supposed to know anything about what Chakotay was up to, she decided to just enter.

Chakotay was one step ahead of her, though, and just as she was approaching the front door, he came around the side of the house. “Hey you,” his smile was wide, and he pressed his lips to hers in a kiss a bit more ardent than she was expecting. Just as the butterflies began to flutter low in her belly, however, he pulled back. “I have a surprise for you.” His grin told her he was quite satisfied with himself, but he looked expectant, hoping that she liked whatever he had in store. “Close your eyes.”

She gave a huff of mock frustration but closed her eyes with a smile, allowing Chakotay to put his hand over them for good measure. He led her slowly towards the door, pausing to push it open with his other hand before leading her inside.

The heat of the fire in the hearth warmed her cheeks instantly, and she couldn’t help but smile as he turned her towards the fireplace. “Okay, keep your eyes closed.” Chakotay moved his hand to push the door shut. She heard him moving and felt him come to stand beside her. “Okay, open them.”

Kathryn took a second, pulling a slow breath in through her nose before opening her eyes. “Oh,” it came out as a gasp at the sight before her.

Chakotay had moved her rocking chair a bit away from the hearth...to make room for the Christmas tree that now stood near the far wall. A fully decorated Christmas tree.

Kathryn’s jaw dropped as she moved closer to inspect all of the work that he’d done. All of the metallic pieces of her broken traps were hung around the tree, casting flickering reflections of firelight against the floor, ceiling, and walls. There were nearly two dozen wooden, hand-carved ornaments, and he’d even replicated a string of silvery twinkling lights to wrap through the pine boughs, and a silver star for the top. Any little shiny or reflective bit or bob he could find was now an ornament on the tree. She felt fresh tears form and slip down her cheeks as she took in the sight before her.

“How did you...when…” she marveled at their Christmas tree, pressing her finger gently against a multi-pointed star that he’d carved. 

“I’ve been working on bits and pieces here and there. I cut down the tree yesterday, and Odar and Ono helped me decorate it once I had it in the house. They were fascinated with the idea of Christmas and were all too happy to help.” Chakotay looked expectantly at Kathryn, “I’m sorry there aren’t many real ornaments. I will keep working on whittling more until we have enough to replace the broken traps and things. I just thought they looked nice, reflecting the light,” he was rambling now, slightly nervous that she didn’t like the tree or its decorations. “Do you like it?”

She turned to face him, unable to keep the beaming smile from her lips as she melted into his embrace, “Like it? It’s beautiful.” Her words were broken by the sob she tried to keep contained.

“I know you have been feeling down lately, and I know you can’t be with your family and friends this holiday, so I wanted to make our first Christmas together something special for you.”

Kathryn laughed through her tears, “You never cease to amaze me. This is perfect.” She moved slowly around the tree, admiring everything he’d created and all the effort he’d put in.

“Well, it’s not quite Christmas yet, but if you turn around, I have an early present for you.” Kathryn turned to face their bed, and her mouth fell open once again.

On the floor by the foot of the bed were two wooden cradles. Both were built with rockers so the babies could easily be lulled to sleep without disturbing them. The bodies of the cradles were similar to miniature sleighs; they both had a high back and sides that would keep the babies safe for many months until they outgrew them. The wood was a dark honey color, different than the pine logs he’d used for the cabin. They were identical in nearly every way, except for the etchings he’d done along the sidewalls of both beds. Some of them she recognized from his other artwork or her Voyager stone, but some she’d never seen him use before.

“Chakotay,” she whispered.

“Well, technically, they aren’t for you, but the babies will be here before we know it, and they’ll have to have somewhere to sleep besides in our arms. These are symbols of protection, love, and family on both sides, and if you want, I can add more personalized symbols once we get to know their personalities.”

Kathryn knelt before one of the small beds, rocking it gently with her hand as she imagined a sleeping baby resting comfortably inside. The rockers were incredibly smooth, and she knew Chakotay had made every effort to make them as comfortable as they were beautiful. “I don’t know what to say. They’re wonderful.” She stood up slowly, “You’re wonderful.” Chakotay grinned, sliding his thumb across Kathryn’s cheek.

“I’m glad you like them. I was going to put them under the tree, but they are a bit too tall. I can store them until we actually need them, but I figured you’d like to have them done now; at least be able to know that we’ll be as ready for the babies as we can be.”

“What would I do without you?” She beamed at him, lifting her mouth up in offering. He gladly obliged, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips and then to her forehead.

“You’d have to cook for yourself. Come on, lunch is waiting for us.”

“You did all this and made lunch?” She quirked an eyebrow.

“I made you a promise, didn’t I?”

=/\=

“I am going to take the shuttlecraft out and about this afternoon,” Chakotay spoke as he cleared away their dishes. “Odar asked me about the shuttle when he was in here helping me earlier, and I told him what it was, and what it can do. None of the Phreezah have ever flown before, or seen any other parts of the planet. They were pretty keen on the idea.”

Kathryn thought about that as she got up from the table to replicate some more yarn for the baby blankets, “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Do you want me to come with you?”

Chakotay shook his head, “No,” he spoke gently, “I mean if you really want to, you can, but I thought this way you could have the house to yourself for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Put on some Christmas music, work on your knitting, take a nap...whatever you want to do.”

“Alright, I’m sure they will enjoy going on a flight. Just promise you’ll be careful, and not fly too far or at too high of an altitude.”

Chakotay nodded, pulling on his jacket and boots, “I promise. I’ll fly even lower than we did before, and I won’t take them any farther than the waterfall. I’m sure they would all enjoy seeing that.” Kathryn smiled, knowing that would most definitely be the case.

“Good. Well, have fun, and I’ll see you whenever you get back.” Chakotay kissed her forehead before heading outside to see which of the Phreezah wanted to go for a shuttle ride. Kathryn stood in the open doorway and watched as several of their neighbors looked excitedly at Chakotay as he described taking them on a flight. Before long, he had nearly ten of them following him, and what appeared to be more that wanted to. It looked as though he were explaining that he couldn’t take them all at once, but that he would make more than one flight so that everyone who wanted a chance to go up would have one. Chakotay, as if knowing Kathryn was watching, turned and waved at her before heading out of sight to where the shuttlecraft sat tucked under the trees.

=/\=

Chakotay was gone nearly five hours before finally coming back into the house, looking tired but pleased with himself. He hung his coat up next to Kathryn’s and toed off his boots. “Eight flights and they all want to go again.” He grinned at Kathryn as he came to kneel before her in her rocking chair, pressing a kiss to her lips and another to her stomach. “I told them I’d take them again tomorrow.” He laughed out a sigh. “They had fun. I even let Oona and Ono operate some of the controls.”

Kathryn chuckled as she pictured it, “I can only imagine how much Oona loved that. I’m sure I’ll hear all about it later this evening.” Chakotay grinned but shook his head.

“Nope, I told them that we were both exhausted and going to have an early dinner and go to bed.” He stood up and pulled off his sweater; now that he was inside and near the fire that Kathryn had kept stoked all day, he no longer needed it.

“Oh, I knew there was a reason I loved you.” She chuckled gently, so glad that they would be alone for the rest of the day, “I feel bad for not wanting Oona and the rest of them around all the time, especially when it’s fascinating getting to know them. I just really enjoy the peace and quiet when it’s just you and me.”

“It’s understandable. Even on earth, you wouldn’t want your neighbors around all day, every day.” Kathryn nodded in agreement. Chakotay turned to add another log to the fire when he stopped short, “Kathryn, when did…” he paused, looking at the four stockings that hung from the mantle.

“I’ve been working on them for a while, but I had quite a bit of time to myself today to finish them and put them up.” She came to stand next to Chakotay.

They were all hung in a row; the first one a deep hunter green, one of Chakotay’s favorite colors, a fierce blue stocking that reminded him of Kathryn’s eyes, and two smaller grey stockings, one trimmed in purple and the other in light green. “These are wonderful, Kathryn. It really is feeling like Christmas in here.”

“I know I’ve been a bit down lately, but I too want our first Christmas together to be special, one filled with happy memories, not sadness.” Chakotay pulled her into an embrace, pressing a gentle kiss into her hair, allowing her scent to engulf him.

“Our first Christmas together will be filled with happiness, but it probably will be bittersweet as well. All we can do is lean on each other and know, deep down, that we are right where we are meant to be, and so are our family and friends.” Kathryn felt tears brim in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Nodding, she pressed a kiss to Chakotay’s jaw.

“You’re right, as always.” She took his hand, pulling him towards the kitchen, “Come one, let’s get something to eat, and then we can discuss that very nice idea you had of going to bed early,” she arched an eyebrow wickedly at him, “Unless you really are too tired…”

Chakotay’s dimples played into his cheeks, thoughts of what Kathryn had planned causing his heart to quicken, “For you...I’m never too tired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question, for this and all my stories: would you rather have longer less frequent updates, or shorter chapters go up faster? Do you care one way or another? Let me know. Love you all!


	26. Chapter 26

Christmas dawned cold and bright on New Earth. Kathryn was buried in the blankets to stave off the early morning cold, but a thrill of anticipation shivered through her. Chakotay was still asleep beside her, and she pulled the covers down just enough so she could peek over them to look at the Christmas tree. She felt completely childish, but noticing that there were more presents there than there had been the night before nearly made her shriek with excitement. Some of them she’d put there after Chakotay had fallen asleep, but he must have gotten up in the night and added some of his own.

The small pile of presents under the tree was meager, but for the two of them, it was perfect. Several items were wrapped while some were just placed under the tree. Excitement coursed through her as it used to when she was a small child; she remembered sneaking downstairs with Phoebe to snoop through the presents before her mother and father got up. She was very excited to give Chakotay his gifts and to meet with Oona later that day to give her a gift as well.

The room was cold, and Kathryn didn’t want to get out of bed, but she was desperate for a peek under the tree. Just as she was about to slip from Chakotay’s arms, she felt them tighten around her.

“Merry Christmas,” his sleep roughened voice spoke behind her. She felt him press a kiss into her hair.

“Merry Christmas,” she was nearly embarrassed at the giddiness in her voice as she spoke. She had almost gotten to the point of dreading this day over the last weeks, worrying about how much she would miss her family and crew on this holiday that had always meant so much to her. However, this morning, at the moment, all the felt was grateful. Grateful that she was here with Chakotay and that they and the babies were healthy. She was grateful for the Phreezah; the friends they hadn’t known existed until a month ago. Grateful that her family was back on Earth, coming together to celebrate the holiday together. Grateful that her crew was nearly six months closer to home than they had been when they left their commanding officers behind. She had so much to be grateful for, that even though she was missing her friends and family, all she could feel in this moment was happy.

“Stay in bed and stay warm. I’ll get the fire going.” He nuzzled her for a moment before he slid out of bed, not lifting the covers, trying to trap what heat he could, but Kathryn wouldn’t have it. She got out of bed too, pulling on her slippers and wrapping her shawl around her shoulders.

“It’s Christmas! Get the fire built up and then we can open presents.” Chakotay smiled at her as he pulled on his sweatshirt and a thick pair of wool socks. He’d brought in a healthy pile of firewood the day before so they wouldn’t have to leave the cabin until they wanted to. He’d also hinted to Oona that they would want to spend the morning and afternoon alone, but that they would definitely come out for a visit later in the day.

“Kathryn Janeway, you’re as excited as I’ve ever seen you. I knew you enjoyed Christmas, but you’re absolutely giddy,” he chuckled, coming up to give her a hug and a good morning kiss, “I don’t remember you being this excited last year on Voyager.” He’d hoped that mentioning the ship wouldn’t bring her spirits down, but he needn’t have worried.

“I love Christmas, it’s true. But this year it seems so much more special. I’m spending the day with the man I love, and we’ve completely created the holiday from scratch. Between you bringing in and decorating the Christmas tree, the ornaments that we both made, and the pine boughs you’ve decorated the entire room with...it just feels more magical this year.”

Chakotay watched her as she flitted to the replicator for two mugs of tea. She seemed so much lighter in spirit than she had been for the last few weeks, and he was so grateful. He’d been worried that this holiday season had really gotten her down and that she wouldn’t be able to properly enjoy it. He had a very special gift to give her, and he had hoped against hope that she’d be in a happy enough mood for him to give it to her…

...and it seemed as though she was. 

She brought him his normal morning blend of tea with another kiss as she made her way over to examine the tree and the contents beneath it. He chuckled as he tossed more wood on the fire and soon had it roaring in the hearth. Kathryn hummed out a sigh as Chakotay came up behind her to wrap his arms around her. “I believe it’s customary to start with the stockings, yes?”

In her zeal to sneak a peek under the tree, she’d completely forgotten that the stockings were still hung on the mantle. She was shocked to see all four of them bulging with the contents inside. She turned to look at him, cocking an eyebrow in her surprise. She’d put something small in his stocking, but was shocked to see something in hers, as well as something for the babies.

Chakotay carefully took down all four stockings, bringing them to Kathryn as she’d sat down in her rocking chair. He pulled another chair beside her and handed her the blue stocking. “Merry Christmas.” She couldn’t keep the toothy grin from her face as she reached inside. She pulled out a long leather bundle. Eyeing him suspiciously, she unwrapped and unrolled whatever was inside. “Oh,”

She uncovered several pairs of hand-carved knitting needles. There were four different sized pairs, and each made of a different kind of wood. Kathryn ran her fingers over them in awe. Chakotay had sanded them smoother than she would have thought possible and polished them until the wood absolutely gleamed. She let her fingers slide over each pair several times. “Chakotay, these are beautiful. How did you even make them? They are perfect.”

He grinned at her, “I measured yours when you were out with Oona. I have an engineering tool gauge from Voyager and used it to figure out the gauge of each pair of needles that you have. I know you said you don’t care for aluminum needles, but that’s all the replicator is programmed for. Then I picked out different kinds of wood to make them. I’m not sure how to denote the size in a reference that makes sense to you, but if you show me, I can carve it into each needle so you won’t have to guess. And if you need other sizes in the future, just let me know, and I can make them.”

Kathryn looked from his face back to her gift, and then back to him again, “I love them. Thank you.” He nodded, watching as she carefully bundled them back up in the leather wrap he’d made for them, placing them in her knitting basket. ‘Open yours.”

Chakotay grinned, looking down at his own stocking. Reaching his hand in, he also pulled out something wrapped in leather, though the bundle was much smaller than the gift he’d given Kathryn. His eyes went wide as he unwrapped it, “Kathryn, how did you...where…”

He held a carving knife in his hand. The blade looked old, having seen much use and better days, though it had been recently sharpened. The blade was curved and he recognized it as a whittling knife. He could tell by the shape of the blade that the handle it now had was not the original. The handle was now made from an antler; he recognized it from one of the deer he had killed several months ago. He had cleaned and dried the antlers, not having an immediate use for them. He’d stored them in one of their old storage containers until he could find some need for them. “How did you do this?”

She grinned slyly at him, “I have my ways,” she turned the knife over so he could see a marking in the blade. EEJ was etched into the steel just above the handle. “It was my grandfather’s knife. He gave it to me years ago. I never had any use for it, but I have always kept it with me. The handle was wooden and starting to fall apart, so I figured out how to attach the blade to the deer antler. Feel free to sand the antler down until it fits your hand. I just know you’ve been doing a lot of whittling, and the Starfleet issue knife isn’t really great for detail work. I thought this might be a little better for you.” She handed him the knife back. “Do you like it?”

Emotion burned in Chakotay’s eyes as he let his fingers turn the knife in his hand, testing the sharpness of the blade with the brush of his thumb. The balance was perfect and the handle felt comfortable in his hand the way it was. Kathryn had picked the right size antler and attached it in just the right way that the curve of the horn fit perfectly in his hand. “I love it. Thank you. I am honored that you’ve given it to me.” An image popped into his head that made him smile, “And when our son is older, I’ll pass it along to him.” 

Kathryn beamed at him, “My granddad would love that, and so would I.” She leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

He handed her the two small stockings. “It’s nothing much, but I wanted them to have Christmas presents too.”

Kathryn reached into the first one and pulled out a small wooden rattle. It was only about three or four inches long and also sanded smooth so as not to throw any splinters. The handle was narrow; perfect fora toddler to hold. He’d also polished it until it gleamed. She shook it gently. “How in the world did you make this?”

He pulled its twin from the other stocking, “It wasn’t that hard. I used some of the dried cucumber seeds that we had leftover. The handle of each rattle can twist off to add or take away seeds.”

“They are adorable, Chakotay. Thank you.” She kissed him again. “This would have been a wonderful Christmas just with these gifts,” she winked at him, “but I have more for you.” She stood up and moved back to the tree, sitting cross-legged beside it, patting the space next to her. With a chuckle, he got up from the chair and came to kneel beside her. She reached for the next gift, then stopped, “I forgot,” she got back up to her feet, moving to the phonograph and switching it on. Instrumental Christmas music began playing, and with a satisfied smile, she sat back down. “Much better.”

She reached again under the tree and pulled out a present that she’d wrapped in the dark green paper that she’d replicated. She felt silly using replicator energy on something so frivolous but wanted at least some of the presents to be wrapped festively.

Chakotay felt his anticipation growing, not only for his last gift for Kathryn but also for the day itself. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he’d never enjoyed Christmas until he’d met Kathryn. As a child, it wasn’t a holiday that his people celebrated, and during his early Starfleet career and then in the Maquis, it was a day usually ignored. Kathryn had changed all that. Last Christmas, the entire senior staff had done a secret Santa gift exchange and celebrated Christmas with a huge feast in the mess hall. It had been one of the happiest nights of his life; spending time with friends who had all become family.

And now he was spending the day with the woman he adored above all else, and knowing that she cared enough to _make_ presents for him warmed his heart, just as having someone to make presents _for_ warmed his. Eager to know what she’d made, he pulled the wrapping apart.

Inside was a knitted sweater in a dark green yarn, so dark it was almost black. It was soft but thick and he knew it would be warm. Quickly discarding his sweatshirt, he pulled the sweater on in its place. The sleeves were long enough and the bottom hem came just below his waist. “It’s a perfect fit.”

“I know the sweatshirt you have is old and doesn’t fit really well anymore, so I thought you could use something else. She grinned, leaning back so she could see how it fit across his shoulders and back, “I may or may not have held it up against you while you slept, but I hoped it would fit alright.”

She dropped her shawl and quickly pulled on the sweatshirt he’d just taken off. She wore it often when he wasn’t. Though it was small on him, it was more than big enough for her, even leaving room for her growing belly. Snuggling into the warmth and smell of him, she grinned, “Now I can wear this more often.”

“Ah, your real motivations for making it. I see...” He laughed, leaning over to kiss her again, “Thank you, I love it.”

“You’re welcome.”

They opened the rest of their gifts slowly, savoring each one. Kathryn gave Chakotay a blend of tea that she’d created for him using plants she’d found on New Earth; several types of mints, flowers, and fruits. She dried them all and mixed them in different quantities until she found a blend that she thought he’d like. If he didn’t go through it too quickly, it would easily last until she could make more.

Chakotay gave Kathryn a small wooden box with a hinge and a latch. She’d mentioned several months back that she wanted to keep her Captain’s pips in her medicine bundle, but had no way to secure them and was afraid they would get lost for being so small. Now she could keep them all together, and in her bundle with her Voyager stone.

Kathryn had knitted hats for the babies to wear after they were born, and Chakotay had also made a wooden changing table for the babies that would sit atop their dresser. It was large enough to easily accommodate a newborn all the way up to a small toddler. They would be able to use it until the babies were out of diapers. Chakotay easily hooked it up to their dresser, having made the dresser with this in mind.

Kathryn stood looking at the fixture, imagining laying a small bundle of a baby there to change a diaper or an outfit. She smiled as she let her fingers slide over the wooden edges. He’d carved it with just the faintest notion of a bowl shape, making it harder for a baby roll or wiggle its way to the edge, and of course, it was sanded just as smooth as everything else he’d made. “Chakotay, this is just,” she turned, freezing in place when she saw him.

He was down on one knee before her, holding up an open ring box. The box was another that he’d made, and though there was no velvet inside, he’d lined it with fur. Lying in the center of the box was a ring. It was made of a mahogany-colored wood. Though the band was wider than a traditional woman’s ring, it looked delicate but sturdy. As she looked closer she noticed that the inside was wood, but the outside was stone. The same type of stone as her Voyager stone, but the part that he’d used was made nearly entirely of the blue crystal that veined through the stone in her medicine bundle. He’d polished the wood and the stone until they’d completely gleamed. She knew her mouth had dropped open, and her entire analysis of the box in his hand and its contents had only taken several seconds, but the moment stretched on in her mind as she tried to wrap her brain around what was happening before her. Her eyes quickly traveled from the ring to his expectant face.

“Be mine.” He said simply as his eyes held hers, “I know that’s a sentiment more appropriate for Valentine’s day, but Kathryn, I love you. Whether we were here on New Earth or on Voyager, I’d want to spend the rest of my life with you. Only you. I know we can’t have a ceremony to officially be declared husband and wife, and our friends and family aren’t here, but I love you, and I want you to know that I choose you.” He smiled a smile so full of love that the tears Kathryn had felt forming fell easily down her cheeks, “Will you be mine?”

Kathryn dropped to her knees before him, taking his face in her hands, “Chakotay,” she didn’t know what to say. Every word she could think of was completely lacking what she was feeling at that moment. So she kissed him. She kissed him with trembling lips trying to hold back the emotion that burned in her eyes and her throat. She kissed him as her lips turned up in a smile, and she finally had to break away to let out a sob and a laugh at the same time. “I love you so much. Of course, I will.”

Chakotay’s smile lit up his face; his dimples never leaving his cheeks as he lifted the ring from the box and held it up. She held out her left hand, laughing again as she saw she was trembling. Chakotay took her hand in his, steadying it as he slipped the ring on her finger. Once it was in place, he let his thumb brush across her knuckles before placing a kiss there.

They both looked at the ring, a perfect fit on her finger, but she’d expected nothing less, knowing he probably measured her finger at night while she slept. She held her hand up to admire his craftmanship, amazed that he could do all of it with only rudimentary tools. She thought briefly of asking him how he’d accomplished it but decided against it. The ring was perfect just as it was, and knowing how he’d crafted it wouldn’t change the fact. “I just want it to be official that I choose you. No matter what the rest of our life brings us, I choose you, and I will always choose you.”

“Well, then you’re going to need to make a ring for yourself, because I certainly can’t do it, and I also want it to be official that _I_ choose _you_.” She pressed another kiss to his lips, holding his hands in hers. They were both still on their knees on the floor, but neither seemed to care. “From the first moment I met you, I knew you would be an important part of my life, Chakotay. I was honored when you agreed to be my first officer and blessed when I could count you as a friend. Falling in love with you was so easy and natural, I nearly didn’t realize it was happening, but knowing that that love will last a lifetime was even easier. I choose you as well, Chakotay, no matter what happens.”

She watched as a tear slid down his own cheek, “Well, it just so happens...” he let go of one of her hands and reached into his pocket, pulling out another ring similar to the one he’d given her, though his was crafted from a darker wood, and the stone held less blue than hers. He held his palm open so she could take the ring from him, and he watched as she held it up and looked at it in the light. It gleamed just as hers did. “I was hoping that you’d say yes and that you’d want me to have one as well.” She smiled as she took his left hand, placing the ring on his finger.

“As if I’d have said no.” She laughed as she wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

He grinned sheepishly as she laced their fingers together, simply enjoying being together. For several moments, they just looked at one another. Kathryn saw the man she loved; his strength and bravery, but his kind and gentle heart as well. Chakotay saw a woman that could look a Viidian in the eye and not back down; a force to be reckoned with that never ceased to amaze him. But he loved the woman beneath the Captain’s uniform just as much; the woman that knit hats and booties, the woman that gardened and enjoyed spending time with her primate friend. The woman who had soothed Kes’ fears about motherhood and listened to Harry when he was homesick for his mom and dad. Kathryn was the most remarkable woman he’d ever met, and he felt his smile grow almost to the point of pain as he realized that she was indeed his, now and forever.

“I love you, Kathryn Janeway, and I’m honored that you chose me.”

“I love you too. Thank you for never giving up on me, from the moment we met.”

“Merry Christmas, my love.” He pressed his lips to hers, sealing their ‘vows’ with a kiss that she gladly returned. When he pulled away he leaned down and pressed a kiss to each side of her stomach. “Merry Christmas, little ones.”

Kathryn let her fingers slide through his hair as he spoke to the babies, both of them chuckling as they felt movement from each one.

“I think they’ve enjoyed their first Christmas.”

Chakotay nodded, “Can you believe, next Christmas they will be here? The time is going by so quickly.”

“I know. Less than three months to go.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “Thinking of it like that makes me nervous.” She paused, “But I know that when the time comes, my...husband...will be here to help me.” She enjoyed the word as she spoke it

A fresh smile bloomed on his face, pride filling his heart at the sentiment. “Always.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously, in case you forgot, Christmas hit New Earth. Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged gifts, and Chakotay gave Kathryn a ring. They exchanged 'vows' and are now bonded together.
> 
> This chapter goes into what that means for them both.

Kathryn lay on her side, eyes closed, as Chakotay’s fingers traced gently over her features. Her body still hummed with her waning orgasm as his pointer finger traced over the arch of her eyebrow, down the bridge of her nose, across her delicate cupid’s bow. She hummed lightly as the back of his knuckles grazed across her cheekbone, finally opening her eyes to look at him. He looked just as content as she felt.

After they had exchanged gifts earlier that day, Chakotay had made them breakfast. While he cooked, Kathryn worked on a baby sweater, moving it onto the new needles Chakotay had made for her. She marveled again at the feel of the wooden needles sliding effortlessly against one another. He was a true craftsman, but she wasn’t surprised.

After breakfast, they spent a bit of time admiring their gifts again. Chakotay did a bit of rudimentary whittling with his new knife, and Kathryn spent more time knitting, but often caught herself pausing to gaze at the ring that Chakotay had made for her.

She couldn’t believe that, in their own primitive way here on New Earth, they were now married. Their union was so lacking in pomp and circumstance, but so perfect in its simplicity that Kathryn felt her heart catch each time she thought about it.

She was Chakotay’s wife. Chakotay was her husband, now and forever.

And yet somehow, those terms seemed to cheapen their bond somehow. But thinking of it as anything other than wonderful left a sour taste in her mouth, so she focused on the fact that, though it was just two of them...for now, from here on out, they would face the here on out together...always.

They’d spent the afternoon outside with the Phreezah, discussing Christmas and other human holidays and traditions. Several of their neighbors ‘listened’ to Kathryn and Chakotay’s thoughts on the holidays, and Oona even had presents for them. Kathryn had been gifted a large swatch of fabric that Oona had made during the Phreezah’s time spent below ground. She had tried to explain the process, but there were no English words that the universal translator could pick up to make Kathryn understand it. From what she could tell, there was a type of spider-like creature that lived below ground that produced the silks, but that was all that Kathryn understood of the process.

The fabric was beautiful; a silky, creamy white that kept Kathryn warm when she was outside, though it was very thin, even when layered. The Phreezah’s clothing was made from it, and it held the same regenerative properties as the snow. Kathryn had thought to scan it with the tricorder, but decided against it; she was coming to learn that the mystery of things sometimes made them even more special.

Oona had also given Chakotay a large bundle full of a type of mushrooms that grow in the caves in which the Phreezah dwell. Though the Phreezah did not eat them, or have any use for them, they grew in abundance and were more of a nuisance than anything. The Phreezah harvest them all during the warm weather and clear them out of the caves when they come out for the winter. Oona had seen in Chakotay’s thoughts his love of mushroom soup and hoped that these would be safe and edible for him. A quick scan with the tricorder told him they were, and he was thrilled at the prospect of making soup with them.

Kathryn had shown Oona her ring from Chakotay and explained what a wedding was. The young Phreezah was enthralled at the idea of two people belonging to one another, but could see the bond between Kathryn and Chakotay, both in their thoughts and in person as well. She congratulated them on this momentous event in their lives before they finally returned home for the day.

And now Kathryn lay in the blissful comfort of afterglow as Chakotay continued his ministrations, running the tips of his fingers over the flesh of her cheek and down to her neck. 

“Kathryn, what’s going on in that mind of yours? I keep seeing flashes of sadness in your eyes.” He kissed the tip of her nose, “Will you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Kathryn sighed out a soft chuckle; of course he would have noticed her downturn of emotions now and throughout the day.

She leaned forward, pressing a sincere kiss to his lips, her silent way of letting him know that she was okay. His hand slid around her to pull closer, pouring his own emotion into the kiss. He didn’t take this as her answer, however, and pulled away after several seconds. She smiled at him.

“There’s nothing wrong, I promise, it’s just...when I think of us as husband and wife...it sounds so lovely, but so lacking somehow.” She wasn’t sure how much of this he would want to hear but decided that full disclosure was her only option. Chakotay silently agreed, his eyes telling her he was ready to listen. “When I think of a husband and wife, I think of Mark.” She cringed at how came out, “I just...I _did_ care for him greatly. I still do. But I’ve had plenty of time to think about it since we ended up in the Delta quadrant and even more time since we ended up here.

“I agreed to marry him because it felt safe and right. He was a good match for me; smart, eloquent, and completely supportive of my career in Starfleet.” She could tell that Chakotay had no idea where this was going, but was blessedly silent, allowing her to get her thoughts out.

“But he never challenged me, never really questioned me or let me know when he disagreed with me. He was one hundred percent supportive...always.”

“But that’s not what you always wanted.” Chakotay offered. Kathryn nodded.

“It would have been the perfect marriage on paper, and I _was_ lucky to have him in my life when I did...but thinking of _him_ as my husband, versus what you and I have. It doesn’t compare.” She furrowed her brow, “I don’t mean to speak ill of Mark. I cared for him dearly, and I know he’ll make someone very happy someday. But when I think of you as my husband...the sentiment just seems so inadequate to describe what we have together.”

Chakotay was silent for a moment, letting her thoughts settle in his mind, also giving her a few moments in case she wanted to say more. She remained quiet, however, her eyes expectant. He let his fingers play over her shoulder, his touch trailing over her collarbone and up her neck until his fingers slid into her hair, his thumb brushing across her cheek. “My people have some ideas about marriage and weddings that you might like. Do you want to hear them?”

Her lips curled up, “Is this another one of your ‘ancient legends’?” Chakotay chuckled, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead.

“Not exactly. Though I think you appreciated the last legend very much. This is more an idea of marriage; a bond forged between two people.” Kathryn nodded for him to continue.

“My people believe that when love is experienced between two people, it is like the flame of a candle. When two people share that love, the light is increased; two candles burning where before there was only one. Only the flame of one candle can light the other; it cannot burn on its own.” He continued to let his fingers whisper over her skin as he spoke, watching as the tension left her face.

“There is a blessing spoken at many Indian weddings. ‘Above you are the stars, below you are the stones. As time does pass, remember: Like a star should your love be constant. Like a stone should your love be firm. Be close, yet not too close. Possess one another, yet be understanding. Have patience with each other; for storms will come, but they will go quickly. Be free in giving of affection and warmth. Make love often, and be sensuous to one another. Have no fear, and let not the ways of words of the unenlightened give you unease. For the Great Spirit is with you, now and always.” Her mouth dropped open as he spoke the words; she felt all of them deeply.

“Kathryn, I’ve heard that spoken dozens of times, but never truly believed the sentiment until I met you.” He pressed another kiss to her forehead, “You complete me in a way that I never knew was possible. When I told you months ago that I find my peace in you, that was the truth. But it’s more true today than ever before. Every day, that peace grows stronger, and I hope it grows stronger in you as well.” He let his eyes play over her face for a moment, “Kathryn, my love for you goes beyond anything I can elaborate with words.” He smiled, “I have no past loves to compare it to like you do, but I know that my soul has found its other half in you.”

“And my soul has found its other half in you, Chakotay.” His smile pulled his dimples into his cheeks as he chuckled out a sigh.

“Wife, soulmate, lover, mother of my children, my other half, my love, my life. They all mean the same thing. I love you, for this life and all the lives our spirits have left to live.”

She smiled, “I like the sound of that.” She let her thumb brush over his tattoo. “You do bring me peace, in ways that I never even knew I needed.” Her brow still furrowed, “I don’t mean to speak ill of Mark, but I could never feel for him what I feel for you. I couldn’t with anyone else. Even if we were on Voyager or back on Earth, I know that I could never love another as I love you.”

“Good, though you don’t have many options anymore.” She swatted him gently on the arm, “But I know how you feel because I feel the same way.” He pressed one last kiss to her lips before pulling the covers more snugly around them, “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“Thank you for listening.” She pressed herself against him under the covers, sighing as his warmth enveloped her. “Thank you for a wonderful Christmas.”

“Our first of many, and our last as a family of two.” Kathryn smiled at the thought of their next Christmas; celebrating with their son and daughter.

What a future it would be…


	28. Chapter 28

Before they knew it, Chakotay and Kathryn were celebrating the arrival of the new year and noticed near the middle of January that the weather was turning warmer. Though the nights were bitter cold and they experienced several heavy snowstorms, the sun was out nearly every day, bringing afternoon temperatures well above freezing. Kathryn loved spending time outside to feel the warmth of the sun on her face, but the warmer days meant that the Phreezah would soon be leaving to head back below ground. Kathryn didn’t know when that would be but tried to spend as much time outdoors with their alien visitors as possible before they left for the year.

A few days later, just as Kathryn was getting ready for bed, there was a knock at the door. Chakotay’s heart clenched at the look of sadness that swam across Kathryn’s face as she glanced at him before going to the door.

Oona stood there, with Ono and several others. Chakotay knew before any of them spoke.

They’d come to say goodbye.

Hugs were spread around and everyone wished Kathryn a safe and speedy delivery of the babies. Oona listened to them one last time, telling Kathryn that they were well and happy, and everyone was eager to meet them when the cold weather came back again. Chakotay was amazed that Kathryn held her emotions in check as they bid their neighbors farewell. They stood in the doorway and watched as the Phreezah gathered and began their walk back towards the caves. The night was clear and cold and the mass of silvery bodies could easily be seen under the light of the moon as it grew smaller until they were out of sight.

Kathryn didn’t speak as Chakotay slowly pulled her away from the door and shut it. She didn’t speak as he guided her gently towards the bed, and didn’t speak as he lay her down and covered them up. He knew she would have to process the temporary loss of their friends in her own way and time. They both knew that the Phreezah would have to leave, but neither had been prepared for it. They both knew it was only until next winter, and then they would be back, but it didn’t stop Chakotay’s heart breaking for Kathryn as he felt her crying silently in his arms. He knew nothing he could say would bury the ache inside her at the loss of her friends, so he simply held her, pressing kisses into her hair until she fell asleep.

=/\=

Kathryn hated to admit it to herself, but she was tired. She was tired physically. She was tired mentally and she was tired emotionally.

She was tired of being pregnant. She hated that the thought even occurred to her, but as January became February, and she closed in on and surpassed week thirty, she was fairly miserable.

Sleeping lying down was a fifty-fifty crapshoot on whether or not she could get comfortable, even with her body surrounded with pillows. Many nights she would fall asleep in her rocking chair, but couldn’t stay in that position for more than a few hours because of the pressure that it put on her pelvis. She would usually try to nap during the day but had the same problem of being unable to get or stay comfortable.

And because she was tired, she was irritable. 

Kathryn Janeway had always been a woman that could do anything she wanted to by herself. She was a Captain in Starfleet for goodness sake. She had conquered the Kazon on numerous occasions and faced off with the Vidiians. And now she couldn’t always stand up without Chakotay’s help.

Chakotay…

He was nothing but loving and kind and considerate, always stopping whatever he was doing to help her. He constantly checked in to see how she was feeling. He rubbed her shoulders and back every day, cooked or replicated whatever she was in the mood for, ran her a bath whenever she needed a good soak, and always seemed to be around when she needed him. It was absolutely endearing…

...and absolutely annoying. With the Phreezah being gone now, Chakotay was her only source of companionship. That in and of itself was not at all a problem. Kathryn adored Chakotay in a way she’d never adored or appreciated another human being. She loved that he was overly protective of her and the babies, their impending arrival playing in both of their minds daily. She was glad that he was around to do the things she was no longer able to do.

And it frustrated her to no end.

After breakfast, on one of the first warm mornings they’d had since the snow had melted, Kathryn was in her rocking chair, putting the finishing touches on another baby sweater. She enjoyed knitting, but it seemed that lately, that was all she had the energy to do, and between their visitors being gone and the weather, it was pretty much all she _could_ do. Tossing her work back into the yarn basket, she decided she had to get out of the house for a bit.

Using the momentum of the rocker, she pushed herself forward to stand up, nearly overcompensating her forward momentum. She lost her balance for a moment, catching herself on the small table beside her chair. Chakotay was by her side in an instant, his arm coming around her to help her catch her balance. Instantly frustrated with his hovering, she shrugged out from under his arm. “Chakotay, stop. I’m fine.”

She saw the hurt flash across his face and felt bad for snapping, but she needed him to understand. “I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“I know that.” Her tone was still laced with more bitterness than she’d meant, but she knew she could attribute it to her hormones and her exhaustion. “I just...I can still do some things on my own. I know you mean well, and I really do appreciate it, but I need you to wait until I ask for help.”

Chakotay backed up away from Kathryn, giving her space. She could still see the hurt that lived on his face, and though she felt awful for being the one to put it there, she was frustrated beyond measure at the way he constantly hovered over her. “I just...I need some time alone. I just need some time to remember that just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I’m an invalid.”

“Kathryn, you’re not an invalid,” Chakotay retorted, watching as she moved towards the door to slip on her shoes and pull on her shawl.

“I _know_ that. Do you?” she sighed in frustration, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so short. I just need some time alone. I need to go for a walk.” She pulled open the door, watching Chakotay out of the corner of her eye as he moved to pull his own sweatshirt from the hook by the door. “No, please. I just need some time alone.”

“Kathryn, what if something happens?”

“Chakotay, if we were still on Voyager, I’d still be Captain, pregnant with twins, and dealing with who knows what on our journey home. You wouldn’t be able to follow me everywhere and keep me from doing my job.”

“Kathryn, that’s not fair, and you know it.” His tone was turning darker, and Kathryn sighed as she stepped outside.

“I know that! I’m sure the Doctor would be annoying me just like you with shortened duty shifts and increased bedrest.” She noted her error immediately when Chakotay flinched, “Chakotay, I’m sorry,” she sighed, “You’re not annoying.” She leaned against the doorframe, “I’m annoyed at myself, and I’m frustrated that I have no control over my body anymore, and I’m sad that Oona is gone, and I wish my mom was here to help me through the birth of our children, and I love you, but I’m just so frustrated with everything right now.”

This time when Chakotay approached her, she accepted his nearness, leaning into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her, “I’m sorry.” He breathed into her hair, “I’m sorry about all of it.”

Kathryn gave him a squeeze before pulling back, feeling slightly more in control of her emotions, “I don’t need you to be sorry, I just want you to know how I’m feeling. I love you so much, but I need you to know that I can ask for help when I need it. I know you’re worried about me and the babies, and I love you for it, but I can handle being pregnant. I’m not the first woman to do it. I just need to know that you’ll be there for me when I need it, but give me space when I need it too.”

Chakotay grinned sadly at her, “I do, and I’m sorry,” her eyebrows went up, “I _am_ sorry that I’ve been making you feel that way. It wasn’t my intention. I do know that you can handle being pregnant. You can handle anything. I’ve witnessed it many times over the last few years. I guess I’ve just never been in the position of being a soon to be father before, and without anyone else or any help, I just want to make sure I can do all I can to make all of this easier for you.” He tugged on his earlobe, “I guess with all of that I forgot that you are more than capable of asking for help when you need it.”

Kathryn nodded, “I appreciate that,” she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “Now, I’m going to go for a walk. I won’t be gone long, and maybe you can have lunch ready when I get back,” she smiled gently at him, “I love you, you know.”

Chakotay smiled back at her, “I know, and I love you too.”

Once out of the house, Kathryn couldn’t help the smile that lifted her lips; it felt amazing to be outside and in the fresh air. Though it was still chilly, she could feel the warmth of the sun on her face.

She meandered through the trees and towards the river, following the path through the woods that they had worn down from months and months of walking the same trail.

The tree branches were still bare, but she knew it wouldn’t be long before buds would form, turning into leaves and blossoms. They had arrived on New Earth in the heat of the summer. She was eager to see what it would look like in the various stages of spring.

The last big snow storm they had had taken a lot of smaller branches and some big ones down, littering the path. Kathryn wanted to pick them up, clear them out of the way, but she knew her center of gravity would not allow it, not to mention the fact that she shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy anyways. With a sigh she kept walking, stepping over the debris in her way.

She took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh air in her lungs. She had enjoyed the winter and all of their time with the Phreezah, but she had spent the majority of her days inside, and hadn’t really realized how much she was suffering from cabin fever until she was outside, literally able to stretch her legs.

In less than two months the babies would be here, and she and Chakotay could walk their trails together, only this time carrying their son and daughter. She smiled at the thought. As much as she had loved feeling the babies growing inside her, she was ready for this to be done. She was uncomfortable so much of the time, she knew that her small frame was not meant to carry twins, and she hoped to never do it again.

She smiled at that thought too. Though they hadn’t ever really talked about it, she imagined being pregnant in the future; adding to their growing family here on New Earth. When she’d imagined having a child on Voyager, she had imagined just one or two. At the time, she and Chakotay had been merely friends and co-workers, and though having children together would certainly link them in a more intimate bond for the rest of their lives, they hadn't had a romantic attachment at the time, and she was sure (though Chakotay would probably disagree) that she wouldn’t have let one form...

...at least not right away.

When they were on Voyager, she had had a job and a goal and a purpose. Her job was to get her crew home. Now she had a different purpose, no less important, and one she was looking forward to just as much.

She walked on, deeper into the woods, feeling a chill as an increase in tree branches blocked out much of the sun’s warmth. There was a bit of a breeze, and she figured she’d walked far enough, turning to head back down the hill she had just climbed. Though the incline wasn’t steep, she felt slightly out of breath. As she picked her way back down the hill, she thought she heard movement in the trees. Just when she had almost reached the bottom a loud chirp caught her attention.

Spinning to find the source, eager to potentially see her primate friend, back after the winter was over, she lost her balance. Her momentum pushed her backward and as she reached for the tree beside her, her right ankle hooked in the low crotch of a tree, changing her momentum as she went down.

All Kathryn could do was reach behind her to try to stop her fall. She’d rather break her wrist than fall and hit her head. She felt her ankle pull and crack, still stuck in the tree as she landed hard on her back. She cried out through gritted teeth as the pain shot up her leg.

She lay prone on her back, and having spun as she fell, she now lay at a downhill angle from the tree where her ankle was stuck. The weight of her stomach pressed down on her hips, keeping her from being able to sit up to dislodge her foot. She tried to sit up, but her abdominal muscles were a thing of the past, and gravity was working against her. She tried to push herself into a seated position, but her pregnancy wouldn’t allow it. Pain pulsed with her heartbeat as she moved, reaching into her pocket for her comm badge to call for Chakotay.

She squeezed her eyes shut to the pain as she felt around in her pocket.

It was empty.

In her earlier anger she had forgotten to grab her communicator.

And she had told Chakotay she needed time alone.

She knew she was too far from the house to yell for help, so she simply lay there, cringing as her ankle pulsed with pain. The babies moved as much as they were able in the small space, the adrenaline coursing through Kathryn’s body alerting them that something was wrong. “Don’t worry babies,” she whispered through gritted teeth, “Daddy will come find us soon. I hope.”


	29. Chapter 29

After Kathryn left Chakotay went and sat down in the kitchen. He knew that Kathryn was only snipping at him the way she was due to the hormones of pregnancy, because any other time she would have calmly told him how she felt but as he tried to see the situation from her perspective, the more he thought about it, the worse he felt. 

He _had_ been treating Kathryn as though she were an invalid. Of course his intentions were sincere, but he had failed to realize just how smothering his actions had been. Even before the Phreezah left he had been trying to do all he could to make Kathryn comfortable and her life easier, completely forgetting, or at least not remembering what an independent person Kathryn Janeway was, pregnant or not.

He’d forgotten that her being pregnant wasn’t a debilitation; it was simply a state of being, and though it may debilitate her in some ways, she was completely capable of figuring her way through it. She was an extraordinary woman, capable of extraordinary things. He’d witnessed it again and again over the years he’d known her…

...and he had been treating her like a needy child.

He understood completely now why she needed some time to herself. As much as he wanted to go to her now and explain his level of understanding, he remained seated at the table. Picking up a PADD he’d been reading over breakfast, he began, once again, to read over the information he’d downloaded from Voyager on labor and delivery; detailed step by step descriptions of the processes of labor, and how to deliver a baby, step by step.

He’d read this particular information at least five times already, but he planned on reading it again and again until he had it completely memorized. It wouldn’t do to have PADDs scattered about the bed while Kathryn was trying to deliver their children. She had just hit week thirty two, and though she wanted to carry the babies as close to forty weeks as possible, he knew twins could be born much sooner...as soon as now, so he wanted to be ready.

He’d learned the process for when Kathryn would go into labor, symptoms of false labor, back labor, how the babies should be positioned, and every other little detail. Though he did wish they had the EMH here, he thanked the spirits that they had two working medical tricorders, a dermal regenerator, and several pain relieving hyposprays. Though Kathryn was adamant that she wanted no pain medication during the process, he would still have everything ready for her...just in case.

They had both prepared a list over the last few weeks of everything they would want and need when the time came. Chakotay had all of the supplies he thought he’d need, and had replicated several receiving blankets. Although he didn’t always feel like it, they were as ready as they possibly could be.

And now he’d gone and mucked it up by smothering her with attention that she did not want. He knew though, that she would forgive him, and when she came back from her walk they would talk about it, and everything would be alright. She just needed some time to herself to work through her own feelings on everything.

The part of her admission that had left a pain in his heart was her wishing that her mother was there. He wished more than anything that the Janeway matriarch could be part of this process. He knew how close Kathryn was to her mother, and it pained him to know that Gretchen Janeway would never know that she was about to be a grandmother twice over. She would never meet their little family and see them grow up. She’d never get to see her daughter become a mother.

He often thought of Sekaya, knowing that she would only be a part of his life as a memory from here on out, but he had made his peace with it. His relationship with his sister was very different from the relationship Kathryn had with her family. He and Sekaya were close, naturally, but they had grown up in a world where loved ones could be lost at a moment’s notice, and often were. It had taught them early on to always carry the thought in the back of your mind that anything might happen. Even before he joined the Maquis...probably when he joined Starfleet, he had always pictured what his life might look like without his mother, his father or sister. He knew that was part of the risk, and after being hurtled into the Delta quadrant nearly two years ago, he’d realized that his future would be one in which his sister would no longer be a part.

He’d never been able to wrap his mind around a future without Kathryn. From the moment he’d met her, he’d known their futures would be twined in some way, from that first day onwards. Of course he had no idea it would turn out quite like this, but he had no regrets. The closer he’d gotten to Kathryn, the more he depended on her, and the more he ached for a long and happy future with her.

With a sigh, hoping that she’d be back soon, he got up and began preparing lunch for the two of them. Kathryn hadn’t really had any cravings during her pregnancy, just aversions to specific foods and drinks...namely coffee. But in the last few weeks she’d been very interested in chicken salad, so he replicated some for her, along with potato chips and fresh bread. Once he’d made her a sandwich, he placed it along with a bowl of fruit and a large glass of lemonade on the table. He made a veggie sandwich for himself and then headed outside. He had collected a lot of branches that had fallen after their last big snow storm, and figured he could work to stack and organize that while Kathryn was gone; and be better able to keep an eye out for her when she came back.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it had to have been over an hour. He tried not to worry, but he also knew that she’d said she’d be back soon. He chewed on the inside of his lip as he continued to work, glancing with increased frequency towards the woods where he’d known she would go.

After another ten or fifteen minutes he decided to go and look for her, hoping against hope that she wouldn’t be mad for his meddling.

There was no sign of her near the river, so he continued on to where the trees began to grow closer together as the forest grew dense farther inland.

“Kathryn?” He called, not too loudly, since he didn’t want to startle her.

“Chakotay!” He heard her call, farther in the woods where the terrain rose uphill. He moved off in that direction, and as the path turned and she came into view, he exploded into a sprint.

She lay on her back, her ankle hooked in the ‘v’ of a tree, perhaps two feet off the ground. It was bent at an angle that made him want to be sick, and her face was pale. He was at her side in an instant, “Kathryn, talk to me. What hurts? Are you alright?” He checked her for any bleeding, cautiously laying a hand on her stomach, sighing when he felt movement.

She groaned, taking his hand, “I lost my balance and fell,” her brow was furrowed and she was sweating, “I thought I heard the primate, and I spun to look for him, and I fell. I’m positive my ankle is broken, but I think the babies are okay.”

Chakotay nodded, sliding his arms behind her shoulders and under her knees, lifting her gently. Even with the weight of both babies, he easily picked her up, careful to dislodge her ankle. She hissed in pain as it came free and blood rushed to it. She remained quiet, pressing her forehead into his neck as he moved them quickly back towards the house.

“If you say ‘I told you so’ I’ll bust you down to crewman,” she finally spoke softly, eliciting a quiet chuckle from Chakotay. He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze as they emerged from the trees. Kathryn sighed as the cabin came into view. “I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier.”

“Kathryn, you don’t have anything to apologize for. It was my fault, but we don't have to talk about it now. Let’s get you inside and fixed up, alright? I love you so much.” He turned and pressed a kiss into her hair.

His voice was a soothing balm and although her ankle was screaming at her, she could feel her heart rate normalizing and her adrenaline waning, leaving a heavy fatigue in its place.

He pushed the door open with his foot and turned carefully to enter the house sideways to avoid bumping Kathryn’s ankle. He moved to the bed and set her down gently. She felt pressure in her back from the weight of the babies on it for so long, but knew that until her ankle was mended, she’d have to deal with the added discomfort.

Chakotay worked quickly and efficiently, using the osteogenic stimulator, carefully mending her fractured bones back together. Once the device beeped, indicating the task was complete, Chakotay moved to the replicator, asking for an elastic bandage and clips. He wrapped her ankle tightly, securing the band before stacking several pillows to lay her ankle on. It was still quite swollen, but time and keeping it elevated would help the dermal regenerator in its work.

Kathryn sighed as she sank into the pillows and blankets of the bed, relief flooding through her body as Chakotay pressed a pain relieving hypospray to her neck. She was about to argue that she’d rather save it, since they had limited cartridges, but as the pain washed away, she didn’t have it in her to complain.

Chakotay scanned her with the tricorder, relieved when it determined that both babies were still healthy and uninjured; it had been very lucky that she’d fallen on her back. “Do you think you can sit up? I can give you a backrub.”

Kathryn sighed, pushing herself up, “I’m okay now.” She looked up at him, feeling tears of frustration and relief threaten to spill over. Chakotay saw her bottom lip quiver and knew she was lost. Kneeling beside her on the bed, he pulled her into his arms, sighing himself at the feel of her arms wrapping around him.

“Shhh, it’s okay. You’re okay. The babies are okay.” he rocked her gently, his movements limited by their position and the way they were seated. “It’s okay, Kathryn.”

She cried quietly into his shirt, taking great comfort in the fact that he was there for her, like he always was. He was there for her because she _needed_ him. This whole process of being stranded here and being pregnant was humbling, making Kathryn realize that she _couldn’t_ do everything she wanted to, when she wanted to. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly, chuckling as the last bit of air escaped. “Thank you.”

Chakotay pulled her tighter, “I love you Kathryn. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you can’t do things.”

“But that’s just it,” she sniffled, pulling back to see his face, “I _can’t_ do everything. Right now I can’t even stand up without your help. I was resentful of that fact and I took it out on you.” She pressed her palm against his cheek, “I’m sorry for that, and I wouldn’t be able to do this without you. I do know that, and as much as I hate some of it, I accept it.”

Chakotay leaned in to press his forehead against hers, “I know how much you hate not being able to do things when and how you want to, even if it’s tying your shoes or standing up when you want to.” He rested his hand gently on her stomach, “But before you know it the babies will be here, and it will all be worth it. And I promise that I won’t hover so much, if _you_ promise to ask for help when you need it.”

“Aye, aye Commander.”

=/\=

Once the majority of her pain was gone, Chakotay brought out a tray with their lunch and he sat in bed with her while they ate. Kathryn still felt pressure in her back, but it wasn’t unbearable, so she denied another hypospray when Chakotay offered it. She was sure her tailbone would be sore for a few days. She had fallen hard. Just knowing the babies were alright was consolation enough and she could deal with a little discomfort.

Chakotay kept to his word, and over the next few days, he allowed her to struggle to do things on her own, though he did make her a walking stick of sorts that would help her push or pull herself into a standing position from wherever she happened to be sitting. He was always near, in case she needed help, but as hard as it was for him, he waited for her to ask for help.

Over the next week, Kathryn spent the majority of her time in bed or her rocking chair. The ache in her back didn’t go away, but was greatly lessened by the twice and sometimes thrice daily back massages that Chakotay insisted upon.

Sleeping was a little easier, though she woke up more than she would have cared to to change positions, it was easier for her to fall back asleep. If her fidgeting woke Chakotay during the night, he never said anything, and she was grateful for that. She had a feeling that he’d slept through it, because his concerned nature would have caused him to ask her about it, and she hoped at least one of them was getting solid sleep before the babies came.

And so their lives went on for another week. The weather turned a bit warmer, and on a few occasions they opened the windows to let the spring breeze into the house. Chakotay brought his wood working inside so he could be available if Kathryn needed him, but she mostly stayed in bed working on her knitting or reading. 

Part of her felt lazy, but the pain in her lower back hadn’t subsided, and for the last few mornings she had felt crampy and listless. Scans with the medical tricorder said everything was fine, so she carried on, knowing that she could put up with a few more weeks in bed if it meant the babies would be born healthy.


	30. Chapter 30

Kathryn woke up to her back still hurting; a heavy leaden pressure on her tailbone that had been there for the last three days, seeming to only grow in intensity and pressure. She shifted from one side to the other, but to no avail. The pain was constant and steady, and stronger than it had been for the past week.

It was still dark outside, so she knew it was well into the middle of the night. Not wanting to bother Chakotay when she still felt fine, just a bit crampy and sore, she lay there quietly, her hands moving over the large swell of her very pregnant stomach.

She didn’t know how long she lay there, but after at least an hour, her body told her that she had to get up and move. As gently as she could, she eased herself out of bed and began moving in slow circles around the living room. Her ankle had healed enough over the last few weeks that walking wasn’t a problem anymore. The pressure lessened on her tailbone, but settled into her pelvis instead; it was just a different kind of uncomfortable.

She’d read about false labor and refused to be the expectant mother who worried about every ache and pain until it was warranted. She’d been uncomfortable for the last week or so, but never like this before. The babies; she could tell over the last few days, had dropped considerably. But she was only at thirty five weeks and though both babies registered on the tricorder as completely healthy and in position for birth, she refused to have them this early. Pacing slowly around the living room to try to alleviate the pain in her lower back, she willed the babies to remain where they were for a little bit longer.

After a few more minutes of pacing, Kathryn decided to go outside for a longer walk. She pulled on her shawl and pinned on her comm badge, leaving Chakotay’s beside him on his night stand, just in case.

March had brought warmer weather, and now that the snow was gone it was comfortable to walk outside barefoot, which Kathryn did now.

The sun was just hinting at surpassing the horizon, casting a pale pink glow across the sky and meadow before her. 

Kathryn felt wistful as she walked past the area where Oona’s igloo had been. She missed her friend terribly, though it had only been several weeks since the Phreezah had left for the caves. She wished that she could have shared the babies with her. By the time Oona and her people came back, the babies would be nearly nine months old. It was hard for Kathryn to fathom as she walked.

She walked towards the meadow where soon the wildflowers would be blooming. New green shoots were already starting to sprout out of the earth. She smiled, remembering the flowers that Chakotay had gifted her with every day during the beginning of their stay here, and every day after. Her heart swelled with love whenever she thought of him, and everything he’d done since day one to make their lives here better. And now she was weeks away from delivering his children, and he seemed to be more prepared than she was. He was calm and collected and had a plan for every eventuality during the labor and delivery of their babies.

She smiled as she walked around the meadow, the feel of the new grass soft beneath her bare feet. At the edge of the open space she stopped to take a deep breath of the cool morning air.

As she slowly let it escape back out through pursed lips she felt an odd popping sensation and a sudden flood of liquid down her thighs.

Kathryn took a step back and looked down to see a wet spot on the earth where she had just stood. Panic took her as almost immediately she felt a pressure in her abdomen as every muscle there seemed to contract at once. She hunched over slightly, breathing slowly as she had read to do, until the pain lessened and her muscles relaxed.

She knew she had to get back to the cabin, back to Chakotay. 

She walked as quickly as she dared, nervous that another cramp would overtake her before she got back. However the closer she got to the cabin, the better she felt. By the time she opened the door and entered, even the dull ache in her back had subsided a bit.

Chakotay still slept peacefully, and she didn’t want to wake him and have him worry for nothing. She pulled her shawl off and decided to take a quick sonic shower before getting something for breakfast. Just as she dropped the shawl on the edge of the bed, another cramp overtook her, causing her to hunch over, sitting down quickly on the bed as her knees threatened to buckle. The movement caused Chakotay to stir. “Kathryn?” He could tell by her hunched posture that something was wrong.

“I’m…” she blew out a breath, “I’m fine.” Her voice was strained and Chakotay was at her side in an instant.

“No, you’re not.” He knelt on the bed beside her. “Are you in pain?” He felt his own heart rate pick up.

“Ye...yes.” She let out a long slow breath as the pain in her back lessened. “I woke up a few hours ago. I couldn’t get comfortable.” She stared at the floor, attempting to take stock of her entire body. “It felt better to be moving, so I went outside for a walk.” She felt a smile pull at her lips even as trepidation settled in her chest. “My water broke while I was outside.”

The moment they had been planning for for months was finally here, and though they had prepared as best they could, hearing Kathryn speak those words made Chakotay’s heart skip a beat as he was immediately awake and on his feet, “Kathryn, why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Because it was the middle of the night, and I didn’t want to bother you with false labor. But then when I was outside, and...I’m only thirty five weeks. It’s too early.” She felt emotions tighten her chest. 

“Plenty of twins are born at thirty five weeks, and even sooner.” He felt elated and nervous and calm and terrified all at once, “Kathryn, we’re going to meet our children today.” He knelt in front of her to try to gauge her expression.

“I’m so nervous that something is going to go wrong. I’m not ready. I know we’ve read everything, but we are all alone here. I just wish we were on Voyager or had the Doctor here.” He could see the fear clearly in her eyes and pressed his palm against her cheek.

“You have nothing to worry about. Both babies are in the correct position, both umbilical cords are healthy and right where they should be, and we’ve both read over everything having to do with labor and delivery at least ten times.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, “We are ready. You can do this.”

She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as a soft cramp pulled at her stomach. “Uh, I’m probably going to need you to tell me that about thirty more times before this is over.” She felt tears form and slip down her cheeks, “We’re going to have our babies today. I just can’t believe it.”

He nodded, feeling his emotions well up, but he kept them under control. He couldn’t let himself be anything other than calming and soothing for her. She would need that, and he would give it to her. “Okay, so how long have you been having contractions?”

She pressed her hand into her belly, “I’ve only had two, but I’ve had back pain for the last three or so days.” He nodded, sitting down beside her, letting his hand drift up and down her back.

“Okay, tell me what you need.” He knew what to do to help her during active labor and actually delivering the babies, but he had no idea what she was feeling in this moment, right now.

“I was going to use the sonic shower,” she chuckled lightly, “Since I’m still wet.” She felt the moisture between her thighs and realized that she was probably leaving a wet spot on the blanket beneath her. Chakotay smiled, his dimples flashing excitedly at her.

“Alright, do you think you can manage on your own?” Kathryn nodded, lifting herself to her feet. Chakotay stayed by her side as she moved towards her dresser. She pulled out a loose fitting, soft medical gown that she’d replicated for this very moment. Just as she reached their small bathroom another contraction forced her to stop in her tracks. The pain wasn’t as intense, but it was more encompassing than the last two. Chakotay took her arm, giving her support in case she needed it. She breathed in and out slowly, willing the muscles in her abdomen to relax.

“I’m okay. It’s not too bad. It just takes my breath away for an instant.” He didn’t release her elbow until he could see her visibly relax before him.

“Okay, go ahead and take a shower, but call me if you need anything. I’ll get the bed ready and make something for breakfast. Does anything in particular sound good?”

Kathryn grinned at him, knowing that he would do anything for her in this moment if she asked. She pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “Whatever sounds good to you. I’ll save my requests for my first meal after the babies are born.”

“Deal.” 

=/\=

Kathryn only had one more contraction while she showered, and though she felt pressure in her abdomen, she was still hungry. Both babies were moving in the very limited space that they had, and weren’t making things any more comfortable for Kathryn. As if they knew what was coming, both seemed to give their final protests to their soon to be change of address.

Chakotay had made peanut butter toast and oatmeal for the both of them and they ate together in mostly silence. Kathryn took her time, feeling another contraction halfway through her meal. Chakotay ate his breakfast, but didn’t taste a bite of it. All of his senses were focused on Kathryn; he watched her for any sign of discomfort and waited quietly in case she needed anything. “Chakotay,” Kathryn finally chuckled, pulling him out of his concentration, “Are you alright?”

Chakotay grinned at being caught in his focus, “Yes, I just want to make sure that you are. I want you to tell me if and when you need something. I know you want to do this completely without pain medication, but I don’t want you to push yourself too hard.”

“When have I ever done that?” She grinned gently at him.

He chuckled, glad that her nerves weren’t overtaking her for the moment. “Just remember that you’ll be working twice as hard, bringing two babies into the world. Please tell me if it gets to be too much.”

Kathryn reached across the table and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. “I promise.” She grinned, “I love you.”

“I love you too, so much.”

Kathryn finished her breakfast slowly and then stood up from the table. Chakotay practically jumped out of his seat to come to stand beside her. As soon as she was upright she hunched over as another contraction pulled at her stomach. This one was more intense than the last few and while she felt the burning pain in her abdomen, she felt the ache in her whole body. Chakotay took that moment to put his arm around her, and she couldn’t help but flinch, “Don’t touch me.”

He pulled his hand away, knowing well enough not to argue. Instead he stood silently beside her, ready to lend strength or comfort should she need it. After another ten seconds or so, he saw her visibly relax as she stood upright. She looked up at him, a soft smile tugging her lips, “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, Kathryn. You are running this show. You just tell me what you need, and what you don’t need. I promise I will not be offended by anything you do or say.” Kathryn breathed out a laugh through her nose. “Do you want to lay down, or stay standing up? We could keep walking.”

Kathryn looked about the house as if weighing her options. If she was honest with herself, she didn’t really know what she wanted. She furrowed her brow, “I think I’d like to sit in bed, maybe read a bit.” She headed back towards the bed, and allowed Chakotay to create a nest of pillows for her to lean against. Once she was settled, he stood beside the bed, not sure what to do now. Kathryn chuckled at him. “I’m fine, Chakotay.” He smiled sheepishly.

“I know that, Kathryn,” he moved to retrieve the tricorder from the shelf, “Let me just do a quick scan to make sure everything is still looking okay.” She sat silently while he scanned her, watching his face as he watched the machine. “You’re already dilated to three centimeters,” she smiled at the excitement in his voice. “Your back pain for the last few days must have been labor pains.”

Kathryn nodded, grimacing as another contraction, much gentler this time, pulled at her abdominal muscles.

“What can I do?” He knelt on the bed beside her, gently resting his palm on her knee.

“Can you put on some music? Classical maybe? Just something low.” Chakotay nodded, moving to the phonograph and putting on her favorite Chopin album. Once that was done he picked up the PADD that he’d been using over the last few weeks, making a list of everything they would need when it was time to deliver the babies.

Kathryn watched as he moved about their living space, collecting blankets, hyposprays, more blankets and their backup medical tricorder.

Once he’d crossed everything off his list, he pulled his medicine bundle out from under the bed. “Do you mind if I go outside for a few minutes?” Kathryn smiled knowingly at him, “I’ll take my comm badge and you can call me if you need anything.”

“Of course. Take your time. I think we have plenty of time to wait.” She picked up her copy of Little Women, intent on reading where she’d left off, but another contraction pulled at her stomach. Chakotay noticed instantly and stopped before he went outside. Kathryn’s brow was furrowed as she breathed through the uncomfortable pressure. “I’m fine,” she panted out, “Go...ahead…” she panted again as the pain subsided, smiling as best as she could at him. “This may very well be the last time you get to spend outside by yourself for a while,”

Chakotay spent nearly an hour out in the woods. He’d been jittery and nervous and found it very hard to concentrate on his goal until finally the akunah worked its magic and pulled him in to the spirit realm. He had his communicator with him, but Kathryn never called.

When he got back to the cabin, satisfied that his ancestors had heard his prayers for a safe delivery, he found Kathryn on her hands and knees on the bed, her eyes pressed shut in absolute pain. “Kathryn, what is it?”

She grimaced, not answering him as she breathed through the pain, “I’m in labor, Chakotay, that’s what’s wrong.” She huffed out the words, irritated at his interruption of her concentration.

He stood silently, watching as she worked through the pain, wishing again that he could spare her her discomfort.

With a sigh she leaned back on her haunches, “I’m sorry, Chakotay, I just can’t get comfortable, and I’m tired. I’m sorry.” Chakotay put his medicine bundle away, sitting on the edge of the bed, nearly elated when she leaned into his arms for a hug. 

“I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable. You can use an analgesic hypospray you know…” She grinned that lopsided grin at him.

“I know, but I don’t want to. I _want_ to feel this. I mean I don’t want to feel this, but I want to hold off.” Chakotay nodded.

“Can I at least scan you to make sure everything is progressing safely?” He picked up one of the tricorders.

“I just did five minutes ago. Nothing has changed.” It was Chakotay’s turn to smile.

“Can I scan you anyways?” Kathryn nodded. Chakotay used the tricorder, checking Kathryn’s vitals, and the vitals of both babies. “It looks like little girl is still positioned to be delivered first. They are both in the perfect position for delivery.”

Kathryn sighed, “It feels like a photon torpedo trying to force its way out.”

“Would walking help?” Chakotay had no idea what Kathryn needed, or what would benefit her the most.

“I don’t know,” she sighed again, “It couldn’t hurt I suppose.” She let Chakotay help her to her feet and handed her her shawl.

“It’s fairly warm, but there’s a breeze.”

Kathryn draped the garment over her shoulders, “Did everything go well for you?” She nodded at his medicine bundle under the bed.

“Yes,” he winked at her, taking her hand as they walked slowly out the door.

=/\=

Chakotay was worried. He would not voice that concern, but with each passing moment he felt his anxiety increase. After their fairly lengthy walk; they stopped periodically when Kathryn had to work through another contraction, things had progressed more quickly. By late afternoon, she was nearly completely dilated, and had mentioned that the contractions felt different; lower in her belly and much more intense. As the pain progressed, Kathryn had slipped slowly away from him, into her own body and experience as mother nature took over, preparing her for what was about to happen.

Chakotay watched Kathryn as she silently worked through another painful contraction. She barely had any respite between them now, and as she forced air in and out of her lungs at metered intervals, his concern grew.

Kathryn was quiet. Too quiet in his estimation. It’s not that he had expected her to scream and wail and carry on, but he had _not_ expected silence. During each contraction the only sound in the room was her labored breathing and the thundering of his own heart in his chest.

When each contraction released her she let out a soft groaning sigh, but that was it. She did not speak, she did not smile, she did not seek out Chakotay for comfort in any way. Her eyes were shut and she was focused on her breathing.

It really was a miraculous thing to behold, watching Kathryn slip away from him into her own mind and body as she prepared to bring forth life. As much as he wished he could spare her the pain, he was in awe of her for what her body was doing in this very moment. Watching birthing videos to prepare for this moment had nothing on the moment itself; watching the woman he loved prepare to give birth to his children.

With barely a minute between contractions, Chakotay knew their daughter would be born soon. Scanning quickly with the tricorder told him his suspicions were accurate. He watched as Kathryn began to push, knowing it was time without being told. He whispered words of encouragement through her struggles, not knowing if she was hearing a word he was saying.

This pattern continued until Chakotay nearly had tunnel vision. He was no longer aware of the time of day; he may have been hungry or thirsty, he did not know...so focused he was on everything going on before him.

Looking back, Chakotay would never remember what he was wearing that day, or what they’d eaten for breakfast. He didn’t remember how long Kathryn was in labor, or half of the things he’d said to her. The entirety of it was a blur, but when the small body of his daughter slipped into his hands, time stopped.

He turned her over gently, marveling at how small she was. Though she was light as a feather, he was terrified of dropping her. Cradling her in his hands, the wave of love that exploded in him would have taken him off his feet had he not already been kneeling on the bed.

“Nayeli,” Chakotay breathed out as he looked at the small, distorted face of his baby girl.

As if knowing she was being spoken to, she let out a soft mewling cry as her lungs finally drew in her first breath. Chakotay sobbed out a laugh as her tiny sound brought him back to himself. He turned her gently, lifting her to hand her to her mother, who he was ashamed to admit he’d completely forgotten about for a moment. Kathryn reached for her, pulling her into her arms as best she could while still lying down. The baby let out another cry, louder this time, and Kathryn laughed out a relieved sob as she listened to her daughter’s sounds, living on her own outside of Kathryn’s body.

Chakotay lay one of the receiving blankets over the bundle as Kathryn pulled her closer, pressing her lips to the smattering of wet dark hair atop the little girl’s head. “Scan her,”

Chakotay was already reaching for the medical tricorder, though he knew he didn’t need it. He could easily hear that his daughter had a healthy set of lungs as her fluttery cries grew louder with each exhalation of breath. Her tiny hands were fisted as she squirmed under the blanket. Turning the device on, he ran the diagnostic sensor slowly over his daughter’s small body. He grinned through the tears streaming down his cheeks, “She’s perfect.”

Kathryn let out a wavering sigh as she fought to catch her breath. Hearing those two words helped to calm her racing heart. The tiny bundle of her daughter squirming in her arms was the most precious gift she’d ever received, and her love for her growing family and for Chakotay exploded exponentially in her very soul. She could see Chakotay moving in her periphery, but she couldn’t take her eyes off the little one in her arms.

Chakotay skillfully clamped the umbilical cord as he had read to do before snipping it, severing the connection to Kathryn’s body. He wanted nothing more than to lay beside Kathryn and just stare at his daughter, but there was more work to do, and he had to be ready to help Kathryn deliver their son.

Once he knew the baby was situated in Kathryn’s arms, he took a moment to scan Kathryn with the medical tricorder as well, seeing that their little boy was quickly dropping into place, “How are you feeling, Kathryn?”

She let out a soft laugh, a dreamy look on her face as she watched her daughter’s expressions change as she whimpered. Kathryn smiled, “I feel wonderful.”

“We have a bit more work to do. Are you ready to meet our son?” Kathryn frowned, and Chakotay knew what she was thinking; he was thinking the same thing. He wished there was someone else there with them to hold their little girl while he and Kathryn worked to deliver her brother. “I’m going to take her, but only for a few minutes. Once her brother is born you can have her back.”

Kathryn’s brow furrowed, but she relinquished the little bundle back to Chakotay, watching as he carefully swaddled her and put a soft hat on her head before placing her in the nest of blankets in her cradle. She whimpered softly but seemed, thankfully, content for the moment.

“This will probably happen quickly, Kathryn,” he reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together, “I love you."

Kathryn smiled, pulling herself back into position, “I love you too.”

Chakotay knelt before her, alert to each small sound his daughter made, every movement that Kathryn made, and the feel of his heart pounding. They were halfway there. Kathryn had done beautifully delivering their daughter. He’d never seen anything so amazing in his entire life. Adrenaline began to course through his body once again as another shock of dark hair came into view. “I can see him, Kathryn.”

Kathryn needed no coaching; so attuned to her body that she knew exactly what to do. He would never look at her the same way again as he realized how phenomenal she truly was. It took three more pushes and a screaming baby boy was delivered into his waiting hands. Slightly smaller than his sister, he made up for it in volume, letting the world know that he had arrived. Chakotay laughed as the small boy flailed in his hands, his face clearly letting them know he did not appreciate what he had just been through. Kathryn was silently crying as Chakotay handed her the baby, placing a blanket over his small body.

Kathryn pulled down the material of her gown, allowing the baby to rest on the bare skin of her chest. That seemed to placate him enough that his wails decreased in volume to soft, angry whimpers. Chakotay glanced quickly down at his little girl, but she was still content, so he continued with what he was doing, severing the second umbilical cord and scanning their son with the tricorder.

“He’s perfect, Kathryn. Our son is perfect.” He stopped what he was doing for a moment to lean forward, pressing a kiss to her lips. After he pulled back, he picked his daughter up gently and helped Kathryn maneuver her under the blanket as well until both babies lay side by side on her chest. As if sensing his sister was beside him once again, their little boy’s crying lessened into soft whining sounds. Kathryn laughed, kissing his scrunched up forehead.

He wished they had a holo-imager in that moment, because the exhausted but contented look on Kathryn’s face as she cradled her son and daughter to her was one of the most beautiful things Chakotay had ever seen. Giving her a moment, he scanned Kathryn again with the tricorder, checking to make sure that both placentas were ready to be delivered.

Kathryn could feel Chakotay moving about her. She could hear him gently giving her instructions. She was pretty sure she listened to him and did as he asked, but all she could focus on were the brand new lives in her arms. She had done it. With Chakotay’s help, guidance and strength, she had birthed their son and daughter into the world.

Chakotay finished with the delivery, happy that Kathryn barely noticed what he was doing as he gently but firmly manhandled her body. He scanned her again with the tricorder before using the dermal regenerator to aid in her healing. They both knew that it would take some time for her body to recover from carrying and delivering twins, but he would do all he could to speed up the process. He maneuvered her slightly to pull the soiled bedding out from under her.

“Chakotay, don’t fiddle with that now,” she breathed out, not taking her eyes off the babies.

“I want you to be comfortable.” He spoke softly.

“I’m perfect.” Her eyes finally lifted, finding his, “Come here, daddy.” He knew in that moment he would never deny her anything for the rest of his life.

As gently as he could he slid under the covers beside her, sitting against the pillows to watch the babies as they squirmed against Kathryn. She looked up, lifting her lips to Chakotay and he gladly bestowed another kiss. “I couldn’t have done this without you.” She sighed contentedly, “Thank you.”

He let out a deep breath, “Kathryn, I have never seen anything so amazing in my life. I have no words to describe how perfect you are. I...I should be thanking you. For asking me to be your first officer, for asking me to father your children, for agreeing to spend the rest of your life with me...for loving me...”

Kathryn beamed at him before looking back down at the babies, “They look just like you,” she cooed gently.

Both babies had dark brown hair and Chakotay’s complexion. Chakotay shook his head, “I can already see some of you in both of them. Little man has your brow and nose.” He reached over, letting his pointer finger whisper across his son’s forehead and down his nose.

“What about names? You said something when she was born,” Kathryn nodded at their daughter, who was content for the moment, her eyes shut as her tongue worked in and out of her mouth.

Chakotay watched his daughter for a moment, his heart filling with that same wave of love as it had when he’d first seen her face. “Nayeli,” he spoke it again, enjoying the sound of it, “It means ‘love of my life’.” Chakotay watched Kathryn for her reaction, “Do you like it?”

Kathryn let the name settle into her mind as she watched her daughter’s face, “It’s perfect.” She kissed the little girl’s forehead, “Nayeli Sekaya...Ellie,” she looked back up at Chakotay, “I love it.”

Chakotay’s heart skipped a beat at Kathryn’s gesture. “Are you sure?” Kathryn nodded. Chakotay kissed her again, “I’m honored, and I know Sekaya would be as well.”

“What about our little warrior?”

Chakotay watched the little one as he fidgeted under the blanket, “Not sure yet. He hasn’t decided,” he leaned forward to press a kiss to his son’s hair, letting out a sigh of contentment, as he tucked the blanket around him and pulled a second hat down over his small head. “He’ll let us know when he’s ready.” He watched Ellie as her mouth continued to work, her tongue coming out against Kathryn’s skin, “Speaking of being ready, do you want to try nursing her?”

Kathryn nodded, allowing Chakotay to take their son from her embrace so she could situate Ellie at her breast. Chakotay pulled off his own shirt to allow the little one the same skin to skin contact he'd just had with his mother.

Chakotay knew Kathryn had almost been more nervous about breastfeeding than she had been about giving birth. She had been worried that the babies wouldn’t know how, or that she wouldn’t know how, but now Chakotay could see that her worry was for naught. It only took a moment of coaxing before Ellie was contentedly feeding, her eyes drifting shut as her small cheeks worked.

Chakotay watched in awe as she nursed, cradling his son to his chest.

He was a father, and Kathryn was a mother, and they finally had their family that they had created so many months ago. When Kathryn had asked him if he would take this journey with her, he had no idea it would end like this; still tens of thousands of lightyears from home, alone on an alien planet. Their friends and crew were gone, and they would never see their families again. They had lost so much, but as he looked between his children and the woman he loved, he knew in that moment that what they had gained was even greater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG you guys! We finally made it here! I am giddy with excitement that the babies are HERE! Thank you so much for following along this journey with me! It has been a literal labor of love, and I have enjoyed every minute of creating this story for you!
> 
> As a side note. This is going to be the end of part one. If you are happy with this ending, please feel free to leave off here. However, there will be a part two, since I have lots more adventures for our little family going forward. Keep an eye out for "Creating A Future Part 2". I so very much appreciate everyone that has stuck by this story since it started last year. You guys have my heart and I so appreciate all the comments. You are WONDERFUL! xoxo


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